


On a Subway Platform

by JewishDavidJacobs



Series: On a Subway Platform [1]
Category: Newsies - All Media Types, Newsies!: the Musical - Fierstein/Menken
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Arguably too much, Davey is a single dad, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Jewish David Jacobs, M/M, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Shocking amounts of hurt/comfort and whump, The Jacobs siblings are the best siblings, Whump, background newsbians, background sprace, javid - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-03
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:47:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 104,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24526360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JewishDavidJacobs/pseuds/JewishDavidJacobs
Summary: David Jacobs is exhausted. He’s twenty-two, a single father, and his love life is nonexistent. Meeting a handsome stranger on a subway platform might just be the thing that turns his life around.
Relationships: David Jacobs/Jack Kelly
Series: On a Subway Platform [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1841677
Comments: 457
Kudos: 247





	1. Chapter One

“Sweetheart, I’m begging you to move a little bit faster. Just a little. Here, let me do that for you.”

“But, Daddy, I have to do it myself! I’m a big girl.” 

David sighed. Normally, he would find his daughter’s effort to do her own hair adorable and he would be very proud but right now they had to go. He could not afford to be late to work right now - not when his boss was already pissed at him. 

“Tell you what, this weekend we can practice and maybe you can do it next week. Please, Chava.” 

His daughter sighed - when did she start doing that? - and handed him the brush. He kissed the top of her head. 

“Thank you.”

“Why are you frustrated, Daddy?”

“I’m not frustrated with you, baby girl.”

“I know. I didn’t do anything.” 

David chuckled. His daughter was nothing if not sure of herself. 

“I’m not frustrated, I promise.”

“Are you worried?”

“Why would you think that?”

“Because you’re talking fast,” she said. 

“Quickly. And don’t worry, sweetheart.” He finished putting her hair up. “All done.”

“Can I have a flower?” 

“Sure.” 

Chava had a series of hair clips with flowers on them that Les had gotten her a few months ago and she rarely went a day without wearing at least one. David had always thought babies with big bows or flowers on their head looked ridiculous and he had expected to think his four year old would too but he should have known better - she was never not adorable. 

“Okay, checklist. Lunch?”

“It’s in my bag.”

“Folder? Work book?”

“Yep!”

“Pencil case?”

“Yes.”

“A hug for me?”

“Daddy…” 

“All right. Let’s go.” 

They rushed into the elevator, out the door, and down the block. David ended up picking Chava up (despite her vehement protesting) so they could go faster. It was already seven fifty-five and school started at eight. He had to be in Midtown in thirty-five minutes and there was no way he was going to make it. 

He arrived at Chava’s school at exactly seven fifty-eight and only by the grace of God was her teacher standing right at the door, ready to take her. 

“Thank you so much,” he said as soon as he saw her. 

“Not a problem at all. Good morning, Ava.” 

“Good morning, Ms. Rhodes.” 

David bent down and gave his daughter a kiss on the forehead. 

“Be good, okay? Aunt Sarah is going to pick you up and bring you to daycare. I’ll see you tonight. I love you.”

“I love you too, Daddy.”

“Thanks!” he called back one more time to Ms. Rhodes as he rushed out the door. 

David practically sprinted to get to the subway station and almost took out an elderly woman as he ran down the stairs. “Sorry!” he yelled back but didn’t stop. Most days, the F train departed any minute from now and he couldn’t risk missing it. He almost cried when his metrocard didn’t work on the first swipe but thankfully it worked after a couple more tries - hopefully it didn’t charge him all three times. 

Pushing through the turnstile, he ran to the platform. The train wasn’t there. “Fuck!” he yelled and had to apologize to the woman behind him holding a toddler. David got out his phone, ready to call the office and tell them he was going to be late when a man spoke to him. 

“Excuse me. Just wanted to make sure you knew the train didn’t leave, it just ain’t here yet.” 

David looked up. In front of him was one of the most attractive men he had ever laid eyes on. He was muscular, but not in a way that suggested he was a bodybuilder. His blue linen button down was flattering despite being loose and David had an urge to feel the material to see if it was as soft as it looked. Seriously, it should have been a crime for the man to have the sleeves rolled up to his forearms. His face wasn’t too bad either. 

He had a satchel bag across his shoulder but unlike his own, it wasn’t falling apart. It had little splatters of paint on it but somehow seemed clean. David couldn’t have said why, but even that bag made him look hot. He had trouble speaking for a moment. The man’s blue eyes did nothing to help him regain his composure.

“Shit, really? Thank you. Fuck.” 

“Rough morning?” the man asked. 

“Yeah. Yeah, it was…yeah.” 

“Want to tell me about it?” 

David looked up from where he had briefly buried his face in one of his hands. 

“Why?” 

The man looked embarrassed. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to-”

“No! No, don’t be sorry I just…well, we don’t know each other.”

“What, you can’t rely on the kindness of strangers?”

“You know that quote was meant to be tragic and ironic, right? The kindness of strangers didn’t exactly end up working out for Blanche. That’s basically what the play was about. Well, literally not in the sense of themes and meanings.”

The man shrugged. 

“Still, nothing wrong with being kind.”

“You’re clearly not from New York.” 

He laughed and extended his hand for David to shake. 

“Jack Kelly. And I am, in fact, from New York.” 

“David Jacobs.”

“Nice to meet you, Davey.”

“David.”

“Well, if I’m gonna try and woo you I can’t very well call you by just any name, can I? Gotta be flirty.”

David laughed and felt himself blush. 

“Woo?”

“Hey, you’re the one who was talking about the meaning of Streetcar, not me. Figured a little nerdy vocab would work.” 

“That’s…yeah, okay.” 

“What?” Jack frowned. “Oh, sorry, are you not-”

“No! I mean, yes. I am. Very.” 

Jack laughed at his phrasing. 

“Very what, Davey?” He didn’t get a response to that. 

“Sorry, I’m just not used to…this.”

“What, talking to people you just met?” 

“People flirting with me.” 

“Well, people are stupid. What can I say?”

“Oh. Thanks.” 

“You’re cute when you blush.”

David stared at him, confused. 

“You’re very forward.”

“Is that a good thing?”

“I haven’t decided yet but I certainly don’t think it’s a bad thing.

They heard the train arriving. 

“Oh thank god,” David said. 

“What? Sick of me already?” 

“No!” he rushed to say. “No, not at all, I just can’t afford to be late to work. Again.”

“What do you do?”

“I’m a PA. I’ve got to be in Midtown by eight thirty. What do you do?” 

“I’m a set designer.” 

“So you do this terrible commute every day too?” 

The train doors opened and they filed in after a few people got out. There wasn’t anywhere to sit so they stood next to each other, hanging onto one of the polls running across the top of the train. 

“Nah, I don’t actually live around here. I was just staying the night at a friend’s place. I live in Midtown.” 

“Oh.”

“What?”

“Nothing, it’s just. Sorry, it was stupid of me to assume.”

“Assume what?” Jack asked, a knowing grin on his face. “That I would be asking for your number at the end of this?” 

David blushed again and looked away. What was wrong with him? He had just met this guy three minutes ago and he already wanted to go on a date with him? He hadn’t been out on a date since high school and he’d never been on a date with a man. He came out as gay close to five years ago and he hadn’t even ever kissed a guy. 

“Please don’t mock me.”

“I wasn’t, I swear. You assumed right, Davey. Just ‘cause we don’t live in the same area don’t mean I don’t want to see you again.”

“Oh. Well, okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yeah.”

“So are you gonna give it to me?”

“Give you what?”

Jack looked at him blankly.

“Your number, Davey.”

“I know what you meant but you still haven’t asked.”

“Oh, so that’s how it’s gonna be. All right, I’ll bite. David Jacobs, would you do me the honor of giving me your cell phone number so that I can start making you blush digitally as well as in person?”

Unfortunately, that also made him blush and Jack laughed. David took the phone he offered and typed in his number. 

“There.”

“Great. What time do you work? I need to know when to bother you.”

“Don’t,” he said, rolling his eyes. “I won’t answer during work anyway. I get off anywhere between five and eight thirty.” 

“Shit, man, that’s a lot of working.”

“It is what it is. I think I’m going to be fired soon anyway.”

“What? Why?”

He shrugged. 

“My boss doesn’t like me. I kinda hate my job anyway so I wouldn’t really care except that I don’t have any other prospects right now and if I’m looking he’ll find out.” 

“I’m sorry. That sucks.”

“It’s fine. Sorry, I don’t mean to bore you with my problems.”

“You’re not boring me. Trust me, Davey, you’re not.”

They spent the next twenty minutes chatting. Jack flirted and David tried and failed to flirt back, which he was embarrassed by but Jack said was cute. When they parted ways David couldn’t help but feel sad, but he chided himself. He had known the guy for half an hour. 

Maybe he wouldn’t even bother texting David. Sarah would tell him he was overthinking things and letting his self doubt get in the way but he couldn’t risk getting his hopes up. It was entirely possible Jack was just being nice. He saw a stranger having a shitty day and tried to make him feel better about himself. 

“You’re late,” the doorman, Michael, said to him as he entered the building. 

“I know.”

“He’s going to kill you.”

“I know. Any chance you’re planning on quitting soon? I’m going to need a job,” he joked as he walked away, heading to the elevators. Michael laughed. 

“Yeah, like they’d hire you.” 

David hit the button for the thirty-fifth floor as quickly as possible. He pressed the close door button over and over even though he was sure it was a myth that it made it go faster. 

The bell dinged and he got out, rushing to his desk. Hannah, the secretary didn’t look up.

“You’re late.”

He checked his watch. 

“Only by two minutes.”

“You’re lucky he hasn’t come out here yet.”

“He’s still going to know. He’ll notice if I don’t bring him his coffee within the next three minutes.” 

Still not looking up, Hannah put their boss’ full mug on top of her layered desk. 

“You’re welcome.” 

“I love you.” 

“I know.”

He knocked on the door. 

“Come in!”

“Good morning, Mr. Pulitzer. I have your coffee for you.” 

“Don’t just stand there then, bring it to me.” 

David closed the door behind him before nervously approaching the desk on the other end of the unnecessarily large office and putting the mug down.

“I have a meeting with William Hearst this morning at ten.”

“Yes, sir, I know.” 

“Good. Make sure the paperwork I gave you is ready for my signature by then.”

Yeah, there was no way that was happening. 

“Yes, sir.”

“What are you standing here for? Go do it.” Pulitzer didn’t even look up at him. 

“Yes, sir.” 

“How was that?” Hannah asked as David shut the door behind him. He glared. 

“You could have told me he was in a bad mood.”

“He’s always in a bad mood.”

“Yeah, but not like this. He didn’t look up at me once.”

“He wasn’t that bad when he came in this morning.”

“Am I going to get fired?”

“We’ll see.”

“Thanks. Feeling the support.” He collapsed into his chair. Hannah looked at him sympathetically.

“David, you know I don’t want that. You’re the best assistant of his I’ve ever worked with.”

“Really? He must have had some terrible assistants then.”

“I didn’t mean best as in the job, I meant as a person. And don’t sell yourself short. If everyone here was as bad at their jobs as he tells them they are then nothing would ever get done.” 

“Yeah.” David sat up. “I suppose you’re right. Thanks.”

“Anytime. Now get started on that paperwork or we’ll both be in trouble.”

“Yeah. Sorry, I’m slow moving today.”

“Did you sleep well?”

“No,” he scoffed. “I was up until two working on a bunch of shit from home and then Chava had a nightmare at two thirty so I was up with her until four.” 

Hannah frowned. 

“You need a vacation.”

“Yeah right.” David laughed. “That’ll never happen.”

“You have vacation days.”

“Yeah, but I won’t get paid those days and I can’t afford that. Besides, even vacation days mean I would have stuff to do.”

“Yeah.”

“I love my daughter but if she could make less of a mess for me to clean up I’d appreciate it.”

“Welcome to parenthood, my friend. You think it’ll be easier after they’re out of diapers and don’t need feedings every night but then they start walking and talking.”

“Exactly.”

“When was the last time you got laid?”

“Hannah!” he exclaimed. Christ, this woman was ridiculous sometimes. He loved her. 

“I’m serious! Have one of your siblings watch Ava. Hell, I’ll watch Ava. Go out and be the twenty-two year old you are.”

“I appreciate that; really, I do, but…”

“But?” 

“Okay, look, if you promise never to tell anybody I’ll let you in on something.”

“Who would I tell?”

“You gossip all the time! Not that I don’t love it or anything.”

“Fine. I promise.”

“Okay so,” he began. Why was he even telling her this? They were friends, certainly, but they were also coworkers. Plus, it was just plain embarrassing. “I’ve never actually…you know…”

“What?”

“Hannah. I’ve never…”

“David, you have a child. Do I need to explain to you how that works?”

He rolled his eyes. 

“No, but since I’ve come out I haven’t even been on a date.”

“Wait, go back. You were never with a guy before you came out?”

“People don’t need to ‘try it out’ to know they’re gay, Hannah.”

She glared at him. 

“I’m not an idiot or a homophobe, I’m just surprised.”

“I was seventeen when I got Ava’s mom pregnant, eighteen when she was born. I’ve never had the time for anything like a relationship.”

“You don’t need a relationship to have sex.”

“I know but I don’t have time for hookups either. Even if I did it’s not something I’m interested in.”

“I was twenty-two once, you know. I know what it’s like to have sexual urges and-” 

David covered his face with his hands and groaned. 

“Please stop.”

“And it’s not like they completely go away when you’re older either.”

“Hannah, I’m begging you.”

“Oh, calm yourself. We’re both adults here. There’s no reason we can’t talk about this.”

“There definitely is.”

“What?”

“I don’t want to.”

Hannah rolled her eyes and went back to her computer. David tried to pay attention to his work and he got most of it done, if poorly, but he couldn’t stop thinking about Jack. No one had ever flirted with him before. Not even Chava’s mother had really flirted and if she had he wouldn’t have felt much about it anyway. 

But with Jack, he felt appreciated. Maybe it was unhealthy to be super into a guy he had met that morning and was the first person to ever make David feel like he was attractive or likable but he wasn’t sure he cared. It didn’t matter anyway. One of three things was going to happen: Jack wouldn’t contact him, Jack would contact him and find out he didn’t actually like David, Jack wouldn’t be interested once he found out that David was a father. 

And that was one of the major problems, wasn’t it? Even if he had all the time in the world, no one in their early twenties wanted a relationship with someone who already had a kid. Most of them wanted kids of their own - Chava was the greatest part of David’s life so he couldn’t exactly blame them - or they didn’t or they weren’t ready. Whatever the reason, David was destined to be alone for at least another five years. 

And when he was older who would be interested in him? People over a certain age wanted a partner with some form of experience. Hell, people his age wanted a partner with some form of experience. 

Most importantly, he imagined Chava wouldn’t want him dating. It wasn’t that she wanted him to be alone, it’s just that she probably didn’t understand how it worked yet. Her daddy was hers and she would be devastated if he spent a lot of time with another person. David knew this because Sarah had tried to take her for the weekend once, give her brother some time to relax, and Chava wasn’t having it. She loved her Aunt Sarah and ended up having a good time but she was still grumpy with David.

“You sent me away,” she had told him. He hadn’t taken anyone up on their offer to babysit overnight since then. As a result, David hadn’t had a night to himself in over a year. He loved Chava more than anything but sometimes he could feel himself crumbling.

Just last month, he had had to call Sarah and Les to get them to come over because he was too depressed to get up. Les was the one who actually ended up taking care of Chava because Sarah had a depressed twin brother crying into her shoulder for two hours about how he was a terrible father. 

So no, David couldn’t have a relationship. If Jack did call, maybe one night one of his family members would feed Chava dinner while he went out for coffee and he could tell Jack he wasn’t able to date him. 

Automatically, David felt bad for even creating the hypothetical in his mind. He wouldn’t accept Jack’s offer for a date just to tell him he couldn’t date him. 

“David.” 

“Yes?” He looked up at Hannah. 

“I’ve been calling your name for a while. Is everything okay?”

“Oh. Yeah, everything’s fine. Sorry, I was distracted. What do you need?”

She looked concerned but didn’t press. 

“You have a call. I put it through to line two.” 

“Thanks.” He picked up the phone and hit the button. “Joseph Pulitzer’s office, this is David Jacobs. How can I help you?”

“Mr. Jacobs? This is Margret Carter, I’m your daughter’s school nurse?” 

David sat up. 

“Is she okay? What happened?”

“She’s fine, sir, no need to worry. She has a little bit of a stomach bug, I think. Do you know if she ate anything different than she normally does this morning? She says she doesn’t think so.”

“No, she didn’t. Do I…” David looked at the clock. He had been at work for less than half an hour. “Do I need to come get her?”

“It’s what I would recommend, yes. I certainly can’t send her back to class. I think it’s just a twenty-four hour virus but it can’t say for sure that it isn’t contagious.”

“Does she have a fever?”

“No.”

“Okay. What are the chances I can send someone else?” he asked. He was so screwed if the answer was no. Of course, he would drop everything and get her no matter what but if he didn’t have to leave work then he couldn’t. 

“Are they on her emergency contact list and have permission to pick her up?” 

“Yes.”

“Okay. As long as they can provide identification. What’s the name?”

“Esther. Esther Jacobs. Ava will know her, she’s her grandmother. Is she there? Can I speak with her?”

“Sure. Ava? Your father wants to talk to you.”

“Hi Daddy.”

“Hey, flower. I heard you’re not feeling too good.”

“No. My stomach hurts.”

“I know. I’m going to call Savta and she’ll come and get you.”

“You aren’t coming?” She sounded close to tears and David felt a tug on his heart. 

“No, baby. I’m so sorry but I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“I have to work.”

“But I’m sick.” 

He pulled the phone away from his face for a moment, breathing deep to try and hold back his tears. Hannah looked even more worried than before.

“I know. I’m so sorry. If I could come get you I would but I can’t.”

“Okay, Daddy.” She sounded so sad. 

“Thank you, Chava. You’re my brave girl. Savta is going to be there soon, okay?”

“Okay. Bye, Daddy.”

“Bye, flower.” He hung up the phone and closed his eyes for a second, trying to regain his composure.

“Are you okay?” Hannah asked softly. 

He nodded and dialed his parents’ number without saying anything. 

“Hello?”

“Hi. It’s me.”

“David! How are you, boychik?”

“I’m okay, Ima. Listen, are you around?”

“Why? What’s wrong?”

“Chava is sick. The nurse thinks she has a stomach bug.”

“The poor thing! What did you give her?”

“Nothing, Ima, she’s at school; she felt fine this morning. I’m at work.”

“Oh. You need me to get her?” She sounded vaguely frustrated.

“If you don’t mind? I’m sorry, Ima. I know it’s a lot to ask on such short notice but-”

“Stop it, David. She’s my granddaughter and you’re my son. I’ll do whatever you need, always.”

“Thank you. I just thought…you sounded annoyed.”

“For you, kochanie, not at you,” she explained. 

“What? Why?” 

“I want life to be easier for you.”

“Oh. Well, it’s fine.”

“Of course it is,” she said in the voice she used when she was just placating him. He didn’t have time to deal with it at that moment. 

“Okay. Well, thanks again. Remember to bring an id of some sort.”

“Do you want me to bring her to walk in?” 

David was torn. Chava’s health came before all else but taking her to the clinic wasn’t covered under their insurance and it meant less grocery money that week which would also affect Chava. He sighed.

“Yeah, I suppose you should.” 

“All right. I’ll text you and let you know when I have her, okay?”

“Please. אני אוהב אותך.”

“אני אוהבת אותך.” 

He hung up. Sensing Hannah was still staring at him, he quickly went back to his paperwork. He should have known better than to think that would stop her. 

“Ava’s sick?”

“Yeah. My mom’s picking her up.”

“But you wish you could.” 

He slammed his palm onto the desk, startling her. The vibrations made the book that was on the edge of her desk fall off and slam onto the floor. 

“Of course I do!” 

She didn’t say anything. He was shocked at his own behavior and immediately felt guilty. 

“Fuck, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have-”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me. It won’t-”

“David, it’s okay.”

“Hannah-”

“Seriously, David,” she said genuinely, “please don't worry about it. You’ve got enough to worry about.”

The door swung open. 

“What the hell is going on out here?”

“Sir, I-”

“I dropped my book,” Hannah covered for him. “Sorry about that.” 

Pulitzer sighed and went back inside. 

“You didn’t need to-”

“Shut up, David. He hates you and likes me.”

“He likes you?”

“Hey!”

“No, I’m serious. I can’t ever tell how he feels about people which, come to think of it, really hinders my ability to do my job.”

“You think?” She smiled at him to let him know she wasn’t mad. “Do your paperwork. If you get it done I have an update for you on the eleventh floor love triangle.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

  
  


David got to his parents’ house around eight. He was beyond exhausted. Pulitzer had him running around Manhattan all day and kept him late. He didn’t even have his lunch hour. David really hoped there were leftovers of whatever his parents made for dinner because if not, he wasn’t eating until tomorrow. He wouldn’t have the energy to both give Chava her bath and make himself dinner. 

David felt a chill go up his back even though it wasn’t particularly cold out. He ran up the steps and rang the bell. Les opened the door. 

“You look like shit.”

“Don’t curse. Let me the fuck in.”

Les rolled his eyes but opened the door. David tried to walk down the hall but he felt Les grab at his bag. 

“What are you doing?”

“Taking your bag.”

“I can see that. Why?”

“Because you’re going to sit for five minutes before you have to walk for another thirty.” 

He groaned, thinking of how his feet felt and the walk home. 

“Okay. Here. Thanks.” 

“David? Is that you?”

“Yeah, Ima. Coming.” 

He only felt semi-aware and used muscle memory alone to make it down the hall and to the kitchen before collapsing at the table. “Hi, Ima.”

“Oh, David.” She came over to him and kissed his head before letting him lean into her as she held him close. He sighed. 

“Thanks for watching her. Is she okay?”

“She’s fine. It’s just a 24 hour stomach virus and Aba’s upstairs giving her a bath.”

“What? I was going to do that when we got home.”

“He figured he would help.” 

“Thanks,” he said, choked up. His family never failed to amaze him with their support. When he had sat them all down and told them he had gotten a girl pregnant and that she planned on keeping it, the first thing his father had asked wasn’t how could he have fucked up so bad, but how they could help. After she left him to raise Chava alone, his parents and siblings were the ones who helped him pick up the pieces of his life. 

“Of course, kochanie. Why don’t you go sit on the couch, take your shoes off, and let me bring you some dinner, okay?” she offered. 

“What happened to the no eating on the couch rule?” 

“I think we can make an exception. Les, help your brother to the den.”

“Ima, I’m fine; I can walk by myself.” 

“I don’t know that you can, bro,” Les said, helping him up. “Let’s go, invalid.”

“I hate you.”

“I could drop you if I wanted.”

“You’re the worst.” 

Les played more of a key role in getting him to the couch than David would have liked to admit. He pulled his shoes off and leaned back. Les was looking at him. 

“What?”

“Lie down, David.”

He shook his head.

“No. If I did I don’t think I’d be able to get back up.”

“Don’t be stupid.”

“Les…”

“Do you really think it’s a good idea to be walking Chava home in the dark when you can barely keep your eyes open?”

“What do you want me to do?”

“Just stay here for the night.”

“My stuff is at home.” 

“So? You have extra clothes here and you can borrow my shampoo or whatever it is you’re worried about.”

“I don’t want to change Chava’s environment on a school night.” 

“Is she going to school tomorrow?”

“Oh. Yeah, I guess not. It won’t have been a full day. Fuck!”

David scrubbed his hands over his face and tried not to cry. He was so tired. 

“David, it’s okay.”

“No! It’s not! I can’t stay home from work tomorrow, Les.”

“Ima and Aba will watch her in the morning and I’ll play with her when I get home from school.” 

“I can’t ask you guys to do that. You all have lives of your own, you have homework, and Ima and Aba have jobs.”

“Aba works from home more days than not and Ima makes her own hours.” 

“You can’t just volunteer our parents like that!”

“Volunteer us for what?” Ima asked, coming into the room with a bowl and a glass of water. 

“To watch Chava tomorrow. Also, he should stay here tonight,” Les explained. 

“Les! Stop.”

“Of course we will. Here, David.” She handed him a bowl. “Eat. It’s veggie stir fry.” 

“Thanks, Ima. I’m not asking you to take her tomorrow.”

“No, I’m volunteering.”

“But-”

“Eat.”

“Ima,” he tried.

“David,” she whispered, sitting down on the armchair next to the couch and taking one of his hands between hers, “your hands are shaking. Eat.” She gave it back to him and he nodded. 

“Your aba and I will always do what we can to help you and Chava. And you know you’re always welcome here. It’s your home just as much as it is ours, even if you don’t live here anymore. You’re such a good father, mój skarb. Let us help you.” 

He put down the bowl and nodded, too tired to argue. 

“Thank you.”

“Of course. Aren’t you going to eat more? Do you not like it?”

“It’s great, Ima, I just haven’t eaten all day so if I eat too fast I’ll make myself sick.” He took a sip of water. “I’ll have some more in a little while.” 

She kissed his temple and made him let her take his jacket. 

“Put your feet up, David. Don’t worry about the table.”

“Thanks.” 

“I’m going to go put sheets on your bed and get the cot out.”

“I can do it,” he offered, about to stand up. Les shoved him back down.

“Don’t be an idiot, you idiot.” 

“Listen to your brother,” Ima laughed as she walked away. 

“David, lie down.” 

“No. Leave me alone, I basically am. I’ll lie down in bed in a little while.” 

“That’s something to look forward to, right? Sleeping in a real bed for once?” 

At their apartment, there was only one bedroom and it was Chava’s. There was no way David would ever deprive his daughter of her own bedroom to play in and sleep in. And later, when she was a tween and teenager, she would want her privacy. 

The living room was too small for a pull out so David just slept on a plain old couch. Les called him an old man, saying he was going to develop back problems young, but Sarah would just slap him on the back of the head playfully before turning to David and giving him a look that said she agreed. 

Coincidentally, that was the moment Sarah came in the door. “I’m home! You can all be happy again!” 

David laughed. 

“I was happy but now not so much.” 

She flew around the corner and smiled wide when she saw him. 

“David?” She flew at him, jumped into his lap, and wrapped him in a tight hug that he returned. “I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too,” he replied, setting his feet back on the floor.

“Are you kidding me?” said Les, exasperated. “You haven’t seen each other in three days!”

“Four,” she turned around and hissed at him. Les rolled his eyes and left, muttering about idiot twin syndrome.

Eventually, Sarah released him from the hug. “What are you doing here? I knew Chava was sick but I figured you would be gone by now.” She frowned. “Did Pulitzer keep you that late?” 

“Yeah, but it’s fine. Although apparently our mother and brother decided I’m staying the night so you might have to deal with sharing a room with me again. Sorry.”

“Sorry? David, I miss sharing with you.”

He smiled, happy the feeling was mutual.

“I do too.”

“Well, I’m glad you’re here now even though I wish Chava felt better. I’m only here another month.”

“I know. Are you excited?” 

She nodded. 

“Yeah. I think it should be good. I mean, living together should be fine, right?”

“You’re asking the wrong person but I’d be surprised if it wasn’t. You guys have a great relationship and I’m sure you’ll be happy. Why, are you nervous?”

Sarah shrugged. 

“Maybe a little? I know logically it’ll be fine though.”

“Good. I’m glad that you’re-”

“Daddy!” Chava came bounding in the room towards him with only slightly less enthusiasm than usual. He pulled her into his lap and kissed her wet hair. 

“Hey, flower. How are you feeling?” 

She shrugged. 

“I missed you, Daddy.”

“I missed you too, moje szczęście. So Zayde gave you a bath?” 

“Yep! He told me stories while I played. Did you know Savta and Zadye have bath toys?”

“I’m pretty sure they’re for you, Chava,” he said, laughing. 

“Oh. That’s awesome!”

“Yeah, it is.” 

“Excuse me, David, they’re my bath toys.” 

He looked away from his daughter and at the entrance to the room. 

“Hi, Aba.”

Sarah moved so he could sit down between them. 

“I’m glad you’re here. It’s nice to have all my children in the house together.”

“I’m glad I’m here too.” David was having a very hard time not getting emotional. Christ, he needed sleep. “Thanks for letting us stay and for taking care of her.”

“Always, boychik. Ima’s almost done making the beds if it’s somebody’s bedtime.”

Chava crossed her arms and pouted.

“I know you’re talking about me,” she huffed. “I don’t want to go to bed. I haven’t even said hi to Aunt Sarah yet.”

“Well there she is,” said David. “Say hi.”

“Hi, Aunt Sarah.”

“Hi, Niece Chava.” 

Chava giggled.

“Great. Now you’ve said hi to her. Time for bed.”

“No! You just got here.”

“I know, but you’re sick. You need sleep.” 

“But Zayde said I might not go to school tomorrow.”

“Yeah, because you’re sick. That’s why you have to sleep: so you can get better.”

“No! If I don’t go to school tomorrow that means you’ll be gone when I wake up and I won’t get to see you all day!” 

David felt his heart break just a little. He held her close to his chest while his father and sister sat silently. 

“I’m sorry, Chava. I really am.”

“I missed you today, Daddy.”

“I missed you too. And I’ll miss you again tomorrow but you know what?”

“What?” 

“I’ll get to look forward to the best part of my day: coming home to you. And the day after tomorrow is Saturday, and we’ll spend the whole day together, I promise.”

“Really?”

“Yes. It might not all be fun because we have errands to run but we’ll be together. You have to go to bed now, though.”

“Will you read me a story?”

“Okay, baby. If you promise to go right to bed after one story, then I’ll read to you. Say goodnight to Zayde and Aunt Sarah.” 

“Goodnight, Zayde and Aunt Sarah. Love you.”

“Love you too, sweet pea.”

“I love you, króliczku.”

Once she fell asleep, David changed and made his way back downstairs. He still had some clothing there for emergencies so he found a pair of sweats and a long sleeve t-shirt. Everyone was in the den, and Sarah and Ima each had a glass of wine. When they saw him come in, Les gave up his seat so Aba could move down and David could sit in between him and Sarah. Les took the other armchair instead. 

“Thanks, Les,” he said, eyes half closed, leaning back against the couch. Sarah sat up, leaned forward and handed him a glass of white that had apparently been on the coffee table. “I shouldn’t.”

“Drink the damn wine, David.”

“Ima!” Sarah exclaimed, scandalized. Their mother almost never cursed. 

“What? I’m not allowed to say what I want in my house? He needs to relax.”

“Let the record reflect that you’re promoting alcohol use among your children,” Les commented. 

“I’ll let you have a glass of wine when you’re legal, too.”

“David?”

“Come to me when you’re eighteen and we’ll talk.”

Ima gasped and Sarah buried her head in David’s shoulder giggling. He smiled. It was nice to be around adults for once - it was nice to be around his family. True, Chava was his family, but it didn’t mean he didn’t need his parents and siblings. They were the other most important things in his life. 

“So, David,” Aba began, “how was work today?”

“It was fine. Boring.”

“That means it was awful,” his brother translated. 

“Thanks, Les.”

“Please,” Aba said, “we speak David fluently too; we would have known even without his help.”

David groaned and closed his eyes, leaning back into Sarah’s chest and letting her take most of his body weight now that she had situated herself in the corner of the couch. He pulled his feet up onto the cushions. 

“It really was pretty normal.”

“You didn’t get off until eight!”

“I got here at eight,” he pointed out. “I was done at seven thirty.”

“That’s not that much better, David,” his mother said. 

“It’s a half an hour better.”

“I don’t understand, why were you working so late?” Aba asked. 

“Aba,” he sighed, “I get off work anywhere between five and eight thirty on a normal day. You have to have known this by now.”

“What? That’s crazy! Normal work days are nine to five and I know you already go in at eight thirty. You can’t work twelve hours!”

“My boss disagrees. Look, it’s not that big a deal and it’s not like it’s going to change so just try not to be upset by it, okay? I’m fine.” 

“You’re not fine!” Aba barked, suddenly seeming angry at him. “You’re working twelve hours a day!”

David sat up and put his glass on the table. 

“I really am. I’ve been doing it for years now. And this job pays much better than my last ones did.” 

Sarah snorted into her glass and he glared at her. She wasn’t wrong though, it didn’t actually pay that much more. 

“You’re twenty-two! You should be out having fun!”

“I’m so sick of hearing that it’s ridiculous. Not everybody’s life looks the same and I like my life the way it is.”

“David,” Sarah said, “I don’t want to antagonize you and you know I’m usually on your side with this but you don’t.”

“Yes I do!”

“You like working late every night? You like sleeping on a couch? You like never going out and not having any friends?” 

Well that hurt just a little bit.

“Thanks, Sarah.”

“I didn’t mean it like that.” She put her glass down too.

“How did you mean it then?” She didn’t respond. “Right. I don’t like those things, no. But if those are the things that help me provide for my daughter and let her be happy? Then I love them.”

“David, there are other ways to-”

“Goddamn it, Sarah!” Their mother gasped at his outburst. “There aren’t! Not for me, not right now. But I so appreciate you listing some of the things you think make my life terrible. Does anybody else want to have a go?” He looked around. “No? That’s weird, because usually you all have so much to say about how I’m messing up my life. I get it, you think I’m sad and lonely, but I’m not! I have her! It’s not fair for you to support me one second and criticize me the next!”

His parents and Les didn’t say anything but Sarah had always called him out when she thought he was wrong. 

“Oh, please, David, stop the melodrama.”

“Hey-”

“You think we’re always criticizing you? Fine, whatever. I didn’t actually think you were stupid enough to come to that conclusion, but I’ll get used to it. We go out of our way to help you-”

“I know that!”

“And you think we don’t have the right to tell you we’re worried about you? Fuck you.”

“Sarah,” Ima tried. 

“No! He doesn’t get to sit here and yell at us for wanting to see him happy! You love Chava more than anything? Guess what? Most parents love their children more than anything but that doesn’t mean they’re all happy.”

“But I am!”

“You’re tearing at the seams, David! Do you think we don’t see it? You got stress ulcers last year!”

“There’s no such thing as stress ulcers.”

“Don’t be purposely obtuse, you dick. You know the doctor said you wouldn’t have gotten them if you weren’t stressed out your fucking mind twenty-four/seven. Do you know how scared I was when you called at three in the fucking morning because you needed me to take you to the hospital?”

“Well, sorry for inconveniencing you,” he retorted.

“Oh grow up! You know what I’m saying and you also know that I would have run to your apartment if I needed to. Everybody else in this room would have too.

“We’re happy to help you, David. We love you so much and I don’t want you to take this the wrong way and feel like you shouldn’t ask for help. Hell, we wish you’d ask more often. My point is we’re going to worry about you and it’s not fair for you to expect us not to. Neshama, all I want in this world is for you to be happy and I know you think you are but you’re just not right now.” 

No one said anything. David rubbed his eyes and tried not to think. He wanted to be mad at her but she was right about some of it. He definitely wasn’t completely happy all of the time, but like he had said, this was how he provided for his daughter and that made him happy. She made him happy. He could try and be less mad when they worried but it only added more stress to his life. 

“I’m not sure what I’m supposed to say,” he finally settled on. 

“You’re not supposed to say anything. Just let us care about you without you thinking it makes you weak or some toxic masculinity bullshit like that,” Les said and Ima didn’t even lecture him.

David laughed. 

“Okay. I’ll try. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Sarah said. “I’m sorry I snapped at you.”

“Don’t be. You were right about most of it. Most of it,” he emphasized when he saw her obnoxious smile.

“I’ll take it.”

“David,” Aba said.

“Yeah?”

“Please try and let us be your parents more.”

“Aba…”

“It’s so hard to take care of you when you don’t let us. Your sister is moving out in a month; she’s twenty-two and that makes sense. You moved out four years ago; I’m not sure how old you are anymore.” David looked at him. His eyes were brimming with tears. “We shouldn’t have let you move out.”

“I didn’t want you to have to deal with a baby.”

“We would have made it work. And she’s our granddaughter, David.”

“I know, I just…it was something I needed to do on my own.”

“We know, and that’s why we didn’t stop you. You were eighteen and a father; we figured you could make decisions for yourself.”

“I can.” 

“I know. You’ve always been so mature in a way that probably wasn’t fair to you.”

“What do you mean?” David asked, confused. 

“Your depression and anxiety and all of your struggles made you grow up so fast. Sometimes I wish for you that you would have been a carefree child longer and other times I know you never really were.”

“Aba, if this is about…I don’t…if you feel like you didn’t do enough for me or something then you have to realize that that’s bullshit. You’re an excellent father. Best one I have,” he tried to joke. Aba gave him a fond smile and put a hand on his shoulder.

“I know. I did my best and I always will. Ima too.” 

“Of course,” she agreed. 

“But that doesn’t mean we were perfect all the time.”

“Nobody is, Aba.” He covered his father's hand with both of his own. 

“I don't expect to be. I just want you to know that I know we’ve made mistakes but that we’re so proud of you. All the time.”

David found he couldn’t speak for fear he would sob. 

“Promise me something?” 

David nodded.

“If you ever need help, if you ever don’t know what to do or where to go - you’ll come to us.”

“I promise. I will always come to you. I won’t let anything happen to her.”

Aba smiled sadly and he heard Ima let out a whimper. 

“I know and that makes me happy. But I didn’t mean just for her.”

“Oh.”

Aba let go of his shoulder and pulled him into a hug. 

“I think somewhere along the way you forgot that you matter too. I’m sorry. I’ll never let you think that again.”

“I don’t think that’s true but even if it is, it isn’t your fault, Aba. Or Ima’s or Sarah’s or Les’ or Chava’s or anyone’s.” 

“I know. Stop trying to reassure me and just rest your head on my shoulder.”

“What? Aba-”

“Shh. Let me hug you and - just for a minute - we won’t be Zayde and Daddy, we’ll be Aba and David. Okay?” David nodded, trying not to cry. He choked on a sob. “Let go, serce.” 

And he did. 

  
  


When he finally stopped crying twenty minutes later, he was too tired to be embarrassed. His father had held onto him the whole time. It felt strange. It wasn’t that his aba wasn’t physically affectionate but it had been so long since anyone had held him like that and just let him cry with the exception of his depressive episode a few weeks earlier. He felt drained but in an almost relaxing way. 

“David?” Les asked. “Do you want to go to sleep?”

He nodded. Aba helped him up and Sarah took his hand. 

“Good night, Aba. Good night, Ima.”

His mother came over and kissed his forehead and then they wished him good night. Sarah led David up the stairs and Les trailed after them, as if nervous David was going to need someone to catch him. 

Chava was still fast asleep in David’s old bed and Sarah and Les both sighed. David gave them a questioning look. 

“She’s four and sleeps in her own bed every night,” she whispered. “You work more than sixty hours a week and sleep on a couch every night.”

“So?”

“She could have spent one night on a cot.”

“She could’ve but I’m her dad; she gets the bed.”

“You know, some parents would use the same logic to say they got the bed.”

“I’m not one of them.”

“I know.” She kissed his cheek. “That’s part of why I love you.”

“David, sleep in my bed,” Les offered.

“No thanks.”

“Seriously. I can take the cot for a night.”

“No. I want to stay with her.”

“Then take my bed,” Sarah said. 

“No. I don’t want to.”

“David, what’s the conversation we just-”

“Thank you though.” 

She sighed and moved past him into the room. Les hugged him. 

“Good night.”

“Good night, Les. I love you.”

“Yeah, yeah, love you too, whatever.”

He laughed quietly as his brother walked down the hall. He was such a teenager. 

David went to settle down on the cot when Sarah called his name. 

“Yeah?”

“Stay with me?” 

He looked at her, saw her pleading eyes and knew he couldn’t resist. She smiled and held open the sheets as he got in before tucking them around him just to be annoying. He rolled his eyes.

“I miss this,” he admitted. “Is it weird that at age twenty-two I still like sharing a bed with my sister?” 

“No. I like it too. We used to start out in our own beds and end up together anyway.”

“That’s because we were so used to it from when we were younger.”

“I don’t remember how but it came up with some of my friends recently that we used to share a bed and someone was like ‘wasn’t that awkward’ and I said ‘no, what’s weird to me is that couples share beds.’” David chuckled. “Seriously, the first few times I woke up next to Katherine I was super uncomfortable.” 

David smiled. 

“Can’t relate.”

“Yeah, you need to get laid.” 

“Hey!” he said as indignantly as he could while whispering. “It’s not like I’ve avoided it!” 

“Oh really?” she asked skeptically, one eyebrow raised. 

“Yes! Actually, I flirted with a guy today.”

“And?”

“And? That’s a huge deal for me.”

“Why? Flirt away.”

“You know how I am and no one’s ever initiated it with me before.”

“They haven’t?” She looked confused and sad. 

“It’s not a big deal, Saz.” He chuckled. “Seriously, it’s fine. I’m realistic.”

“What does that mean?”

“I mean, I don’t delude myself into thinking I’m particularly appealing. Besides, you remember the one time Chava stayed with you overnight? How she told me I was sending her away?”

“Okay, first of all, you’re appealing.” He scoffed. “You are! I had pictures of you up in my dorm and girls constantly asked if my brother was single.”

“No, they didn’t.”

“Hey, have I ever lied to you? Don’t answer that. Have I ever lied to you about something serious?”

“This isn’t serious.”

“It is to me,” she told him earnestly. 

“Why?”

“Because you’re my twin and my best friend in the world and it’s devastating to me how oblivious you are to the fact that you’re great. Seriously, David. You’re young, and handsome, and smart as a whip, and raising a child on your own, and always thoughtful and-”

“All right, I get it.”

“You don’t, otherwise we wouldn’t be having this conversation.”

“Sarah, I appreciate it, but you’re my sister - you’re going to be biased.”

“That’s why I told you about my friends, dipshit. No one’s ever flirted with you because you don’t go to places where people flirt, like bars and stuff.”

“It was on the subway platform.”

“That’s adorable.”

“I gave him my number.”

“Seriously? That’s awesome!”

“I don’t know what I was thinking. I haven’t been with anyone since…”

“Yeah.”

“And I’ve never been with a guy, but we talked for half an hour and by the end all I wanted to do was kiss him.” 

“There’s nothing wrong with that, David. Look, not to be weird or anything, but we’re young and you haven’t gotten any in five years.”

“Sarah!”

“I’m just saying! Anyway, anyone would be lucky to have you.” She took his hand. 

“Thank you. Katherine’s lucky to have you.”

“She knows,” Sarah joked but then turned sincere. “Thank you. So do you think you’ll go out with this guy? What’s his name?” 

“His name’s Jack. And I don’t know. He might not even text me and like I said, I can’t. I don’t have the time and if I did, it still wouldn't be okay with Chava.”

“David, she’s a year older now and she didn’t understand. I think if you made her understand then she would be happy for you.”

“I’m not going to do that to her.”

“Do what? Let her watch her father be happy in more aspects of his life?”

“You know what I mean.”

“I really don’t and I honestly don’t think you do either.” He didn’t respond. “Look, you like this guy, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Then promise me if he texts you then you’ll go out with him. You can lay all your cards on the table, tell him you have a daughter, that kinda thing.”

“I don’t know, Sarah.” 

“Please? Promise me? Do this if not for you then for me.”

“Okay. I promise.”

“Thank you, neshama.” She kissed his forehead. “Let’s sleep now.”

“Yeah.”

“What time do you want to wake up?”

“I guess six forty-five. Don’t worry, you know I wake up quickly so I’ll shut my alarm off right away and try not to wake you.”

“Why the hell do you need that long to get ready?”

“I only need half an hour to get ready, but I’ll have to make breakfast for Chava - if I do that will you put it in the microwave when she gets up, by the way? - and then I should make her a sandwich or something for lunch and put it in the fridge and the commute from here is a lot longer and I’ll have to walk most of it.”

“You’re an idiot.”

“Hey!”

“First of all, one of us will make Chava breakfast; second of all, one of us will make Chava lunch; and third of all, I’m going to call you a cab.”

“Sarah, no. I can’t let you do that.”

“Please? Consider it a thank you for agreeing to stay over tonight and letting us spend time with you and your daughter.” 

“Saz…fine. Thank you. I really appreciate it.”

“Always. Now what time do you have to get up?”

“Like…seven thirty. Holy shit.”

“What?”

“I get to sleep until seven thirty. That never happens.”

“Seriously? What about on the weekends?”

“Um, we have to watch Saturday morning cartoons, duh.” 

Sarah laughed. 

“You’re raising a nerd.”

“I know, isn’t it great?”

“All right, got to sleep. You desperately need it.” 

“Yeah. Good night.”

“Good night.” 

The silence only lasted about three minutes.

“Hey, Sarah?”

“Yeah?”

“What are the chances me having a kid will scare him off?”

“It might, but if it does he’s not the kind of person you want to date anyway, is he?”

“No, but I want him to be the kind of person I want to date.”

“Yeah. Try not to worry.”

This time, the silence only lasted about thirty seconds. 

“I’ve had a thought.” 

“And what’s that?” 

“If you want to decrease your chances of scaring him off, you’ll probably want to tell him about your daughter, Ava.”

“That was the plan, Saz.”

“No, I mean tell him about your daughter Ava not your daughter Chava.”

“They’re the same person.”

“Yeah, but nothing scares a goy off like a good old fashioned Hebrew ch.”

David had to bury his face in her shoulder to keep from laughing too loud.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:  
> Kochanie- sweetheart/honey  
> אני אוהבת אותך - I love you  
> אני אוהב אותך - I love you  
> Mój skarb- my treasure/darling  
> Moje szczęście- my happiness  
> Króliczku- bunny  
> Neshama- soul


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> David has another long day.

Despite sleeping in, David woke up feeling almost as tired as he had when he went to sleep. He got dressed quietly, woke his sister and kissed his daughter on the forehead before heading downstairs. His parents and Les were already up. 

“Good morning.” 

“Good morning, David,” his parents said together. He smiled. They were so in sync even after almost twenty-five years together.

It was also very nice to be able to speak in Polish. He could speak it with Chava too but he almost never had adult conversations in anything but English anymore. 

“Good morning, Les.” 

Les groaned. 

“Ignore him,” Ima said, focusing on the stove. “He’s been grumpy all morning.”

“Because I’m tired! School shouldn’t start until ten.”

“Oh stop complaining,” Aba told him. He was standing at the counter, occasionally passing his wife things, and reading the newspaper. 

“He’s not wrong, Aba. Studies show that teenagers' brains only start functioning at their full capacity around ten a.m.”

“David said I’m right and that means I’m right because he’s always right.”

“I think you’re going to regret saying that, boychik,” said Aba. “David, I’m making Les lunch. What do you want?”

“What? Oh, you don’t have to do that Aba.”

“What are you going to eat then?”

“I-”

“Exactly. I’ll make you a sandwich.”

David deflated and smiled. 

“Thanks.”

“Oh, Ima, before I forget-” David reached over to the chair Les had put his bag on and took out his wallet. Counting, he frowned. Apparently he didn’t have as much cash as he thought he did. There went taking the subway home. Oh well. “Here,” he stood and put forty dollars on the kitchen island.

Ima and Aba both looked at it, then at each other, then at him.

“David, kochanie, what’s that for?”

“For the clinic yesterday. Am I wrong? I know the price fluctuates a little bit. I don’t have it right now but I can bring more tonight when I pick Chava up, if that’s okay?”

“Son…”

“I’m sorry, Aba. I didn’t realize. I promise I’ll have it by tonight.” He should have thought about this before he came over last night. He could have stopped at an atm or something but no, he just had to get home because he was tired. 

He felt selfish. His parents were doing so much for him and he wasn’t even considerate enough to pay them back the right amount. Fuck.

He already felt like such a disappointment. Last night had helped with that a little but in the light of day he had to face facts: this was not the life his parents wanted for him but they still encouraged and supported him beyond what any parent was expected to do. He hoped he was half as good a parent as either of them were. 

He would make it up to them. He would make sure he got them the exact right amount of money by tonight and that he didn’t put that burden on them again. Should he start leaving emergency money in Chava’s backpack? No, it might get stolen. Whatever, he would figure it out. 

“David.”

“Seriously, how much was it?”

“David!” Aba snapped. “Stop it.”

“What did I do?” He looked to Les for help but he just rolled his eyes and left the room. “What?” 

“Kochanie,” Ima said, “we’re not taking your money.”

“But-”

“She’s our granddaughter and we’ll always take care of her. And not to put too fine a point on it, but…well, forty dollars to you and forty dollars to us are two very different things, sweetheart.” 

David blushed.

“What Ima is trying to say is that it’s our job to take care of you and not the other way around.”

“Why can’t we take care of each other?” David asked, feeling like a child as soon as he said it. His parents smiled. 

“We can. We do. But financially, we’re here to support you. We know you won’t take any money-” 

“Please don't.” David tensed. He didn’t want to have this conversation again.

“We won’t. I’m just saying we aren’t ever going to want your money, David, okay?” 

He nodded and shyly took the money off the counter to put back in his wallet. His face felt hot. 

“Don’t feel embarrassed,” his mother said, coming over to hug him. “You’re such a good boy.” 

“Thanks, Ima. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.”

“You were just trying to help, son. That’s more than okay.” 

He nodded and sat back down, hoping to end the conversation. Les came back in a few minutes later. 

“Are you done being stupid?”

“I really have no way of knowing that.”

Sarah came in next, still in her pajamas. She sat down next to David and put her forehead on his shoulder. He chuckled and she groaned. 

“Good morning to you too.”

“Fuck off.”

“Sarah!” 

“Sorry, Ima,” She sighed and lifted herself up. “Okay, I don’t know why I came in here first. I’m going to check and see if I’m needed today and then I’ll call you a cab.” 

“Thank you.”

Sarah had graduated in May and was temporarily substitute teaching. The idea was that she would take the semester off to save some money and start grad school in January. David was very proud of her and definitely not at all extremely jealous. 

He saw that his mother was putting food on plates.

“Hey, Ima?”

“Yes?”

“Do you think there’ll be enough breakfast for me to have some?” he asked. “I know Les is a growing boy and all,” he teased. Les shoved his arm. 

“David, I’m making this for you.”

“Oh. Sorry, I didn’t realize.” 

“That’s all right,” she said as she put a plate in front of him. She kissed the top of his head. “You’re just not used to anyone helping you in the mornings.” 

He pointedly looked away so as to stop that conversation before it started again and ate his eggs and toast. 

“Here,” his father said, putting a platter down. “Potatoes. You need to eat more.” 

“Yes, Aba.” 

He ate silently, content to listen to Les talk about school and his parents talk about work. Sarah eventually came back in, happy to say she didn’t have to go in today. David wished he could have that attitude towards losing an opportunity to make a day’s worth of money. He was happy for her though. Before Chava came along, David’s biggest concern was whether or not his siblings were happy and safe at all times; it was still a pretty close second. 

“The Uber should be here in five,” she eventually said, looking at an alert on her phone.

“Thanks, Saz. I’m gonna…”

“Go,” she said, shooing him up the stairs. “Codependent idiot.” 

All he wanted was to give his daughter one more kiss goodbye and he really didn’t want to wake her. Unfortunately, the combination of her stomach hurting and the light flooding into the room made her stir. She flipped over and looked up at him in confusion. 

“Daddy?” 

“Hi, baby,” he greeted, crouching down in front of her. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.” He kissed her forehead. “Go back to sleep.”

“Are you leaving?”

“Yeah, but I’ll be back before you know it. And you’ll have lots of fun with Ima and Zayde and Uncle Les and Aunt Sarah, okay?”

“But I want you. Why can’t we all play together?”

“Grownups have to work, baby. Your aunt and grandparents just happen to be available.”

“But I want you.” Her eyes flooded with tears. He scooped her up into a hug. 

“I know, flower, I know. I would stay with you if I could.”

“Can’t I come with you?” She sniffled. 

“I wish. You’re sick anyway.”

“Can I come with you when I’m not sick anymore?”

“Maybe one day,” he hedged. There was no way he would ever let Chava meet Pulitzer. “I’ve got to go now.”

“Okay, Daddy.” She gave him a kiss on the cheek. “I love you. Have a good day.”

“You too, kochanie. I love you.”

He reluctantly left and closed the door. Sarah was waiting for him at the bottom of the stairs with his bag. 

“Here. What took you so long?”

“Sorry, sorry. I accidentally woke her and then she was upset that I had to leave. She might fall back asleep and she might not. Sorry.”

“Don’t be. We’ll take care of her. Now go.” She hugged him quickly. 

“I love you, neshama,” he said. 

“I love you too.”

“You’re…early?” Hannah said to him as soon as the elevator doors opened. She was staring at her watch. 

“Do you sit there looking at the time every day before I come in?”

“No, I heard the elevator. Why are you early?”

“What, I can’t be?”

“Historically, no.”

He put his bag down and went to her desk to steal a mint.

“I’m not even early. I’m on time.”

“You’re two minutes early. How?”

“I took a cab.”

She looked surprised. David went over to the keurig to make his boss a cup of coffee. If there was one thing David liked about Pulitzer it was that he wasn’t a coffee snob. To him, coffee was coffee. 

“You - the person I’m talking to - took a cab? You spent money on a cab?”

He felt himself get a little tense. He always felt like he was back in middle school when someone made a comment like that. He knew, logically, that Hannah wasn’t calling him cheap and that she didn’t think he was, but he was naturally defensive about it. Being a poor Jew, he felt like he was under scrutiny every time he used a coupon. At the same time, if he had money or bought expensive things, people would still make comments. In fact, David was hard pressed to think of a financial situation he could be in that he wouldn’t be judged for. 

“Yes,” he told her. “I stayed at my family’s place last night and it’s a much longer commute so my sister called me a cab. Are there any more sugar packets?”

“In the cabinet. Why’d you stay with your family?”

“They were watching Ava yesterday and by the time I got there my father had already given her a bath and I was tired, so it just didn’t make sense to leave, especially because they’re watching her again today.”

“She’s still not feeling well?”

“Not really. She should be better this afternoon but I wasn’t going to send her to school like that. Remind me to pick up milk later,” he said, pouring the last of it into the mug. “All right, I’m going in. Wish me luck.”

“If you die do I get to keep the stuff in your desk?”

“Sure. There’s nothing good.”

“What about-”

“If I die,” he emphasized, knocking on the door. “Eat my Greek chocolates while I’m alive and I’ll never speak to you again.” 

“Come in!”

“Not so sure that’s a punishment,” she muttered, turning back to whatever she was doing before he came in. 

“Good morning, Mr. Pulitzer.”

The man looked at his watch. 

“On time today, are we?” he asked, taking the mug from David. 

“Yes, sir,” he replied nervously. “I sent you a copy of your schedule last night, but would you like me to get a paper copy for you?”

“I’m more than capable of using my email, Jacobs, thank you. I’m not as old as you seem to think.”

“No, sir, I-”

“I emailed you a list of things I need done today.”

“Yes, sir.” He made his escape. 

Luckily for Hannah, his chocolates hadn’t been messed with.

“Are you actually checking?”

“Yes! Besides my daughter, they’re the best gift I’ve ever received,” he stated firmly, only for Hannah to laugh at him.

“I have a hard time believing that anyone could savor something that good for that long. When do you eat them, once a week?”

“Yes. They don’t spoil, and they’re the only good part of being here on Tuesdays. Except you, of course.”

“Of course,” she said, taking a sip of her coffee. “What’s so bad about Tuesdays?”

“On Tuesdays, you’re already tired from working yesterday, you have to work today, you have to work tomorrow, you have to work the day after tomorrow, and you have to work the day after the day after tomorrow.”

“You’re bizarre.”

“I know. Anyway, if I only eat one once a week, it makes them: a, last longer and b, feel more rewarding.”

“I’d like to meet your parents. I have so many questions.”

“Join the club.” His computer was taking forever to start up, damn thing. He really didn’t want to have to call IT again. 

“Or at least see a birth certificate. There’s no way you’re not at least thirty-five.”

“Well, I think I’m starting to look like I am, at least.” 

“No, you still look like an infant, just with the dark circles of a Guantanamo Bay prisoner undergoing sleep deprivation torture.” Her phone rang.

“Thanks, Hannah,” he said sarcastically. 

“Anytime. Joseph Pulitzer’s office, this is Hannah Lang. How can I help you?” 

He had about thirty emails, which wasn’t abnormal. People seemed to think he could get them meetings with Pulitzer but they were barking up the wrong tree. One of the ones on top, the one from Pulitzer himself was marked urgent. David rolled his eyes; Pulitzer marked every email urgent. 

Reading it stressed him out. It looked like he would be losing his lunch hour again. 

“Just one second, ma’am, I’m going to put you on hold. Joseph Pulitzer’s office, this is Hannah Lang. How can I help you? I’ll check if he’s in. David?”

“Hmm?” 

“Your sister’s on line one.” That couldn’t be a good sign. 

“Put her through.” He picked up the phone. “Sarah? Is everything okay?”

“Oh, I understand if David’s not available. I know he’s very busy.”

“What? Sarah, it’s me.”

“Yes, I know. I’m sure he’ll be busy all day.”

“Sarah? What are you doing?”

“Well, I wouldn’t have called except it was very important. His daughter misses him very much.”

“Saz…what the hell?” What was happening? And why would she say that? It seemed almost cruel. 

“She does know how to dial the office number. She did it for me! Isn’t that great?” 

“Oh. Yeah, I should have told you that. Great improv, by the way, you should be a professional.”

Hannah looked at him like he was crazy. He waved her off and she rolled her eyes.

“Do you know when David’s lunch break is?”

“David doesn’t have a lunch break today. I might have five minutes to eat the sandwich Aba made me at my desk while I work but not a real one. I couldn’t come home anyway.”

“I see. Well, it makes sense that he couldn’t talk then.” 

“Sarah…is she okay?”

“Absolutely!”

“Is she crying?” 

“That did happen at one point and it might again, but I’m sure it will be fine.”

“You know you could have just hung up once she dialed and then pretended to have the phone call.”

“David would see right through that.”

“Is David my daughter now?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, well fair enough. She’s surprisingly precipent for a four year old.”

“I’m not surprised.”

“No,” he amended, “neither am I. Okay, well I really should go now if I want to make it home before eight tonight.”

“Tell David that I’ll bring her over to his if he texts me when he gets off.”

“I love you.”

“You have a good day too.” 

The phone clicked and the dial tone replaced his sister‘s voice.

“That was the weirdest side of a phone call I’ve ever heard.”

“You really don’t want to know,” he told her before turning back to his work. He had a long fucking day ahead of him. 

Hannah left at about five and left him her umbrella since the weather reports changed; it was supposed to start raining around six and she had an extra at home that she could use over the weekend. David appreciated that. Pulitzer left at six thirty and tore away David’s last sliver of hope when he gave him about a dozen more little things to do before he could leave himself. It was eight fifteen by the time he left, and it was absolutely pouring. The subway wasn’t going to be fun and he contemplated taking a cab but he couldn’t justify it. It would take him over an hour to walk and a gross, crowded, potentially delayed subway was preferable to an hour in the rain without any protective layers.

For some reason, while on the F train, he found himself looking for Jack. It was stupid, of course. Jack didn’t live on the Lower East Side and even if he did it would have been a huge coincidence for them to end up in the same car on the same train at the same time.

He had texted Sarah as soon as he got off work and apologized for being so late. He offered to come get Chava. She promised she wasn’t upset, preemptively stopping his panic. She knew him better than he knew himself sometimes.

Finally, after what felt like centuries, the elevator opened and he saw his door. Maybe it was that he hadn’t seen it in over thirty-six hours but he noticed that it was a really nice door. Yeah, okay, he was definitely overtired. He kissed his fingers and pressed them to the mezuzah. Then he turned the key in the lock and as soon as he pushed the door open he heard his daughter. 

“Daddy!” she screamed, jumping into his arms. He swung her around and made her squeal with delight. 

“Hello, my love. Did you have fun today?” She nodded. 

“We played play-dough and drew pictures. Uncle Les taught me how to use a yo-yo but I’m not very good at it.” 

“I’m so happy to hear that, flower. And I’m sure you’ll be great once you practice.” He kissed her head and put her down. Chava pouted. “Let me just put my stuff down and say hi to Aunt Sarah, okay?”

He turned to look at his sister, who was leaning against the kitchen counter, arms crossed. 

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

“Thank you for…well, everything. You basically did everything today.”

She sighed and crossed the room to hug him. He relaxed marginally. 

“Are you okay?” she whispered. 

“Of course. Just tired.”

“I’ll bet.” She pulled away. “Go shower and put on pajamas. I’ll stick around for a little while longer.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. Ima sent leftovers so I’ll heat some up for you.”

“You’re the best.”

Chava was sitting on the couch, coloring in her coloring book. His mother had been appalled when she first saw Chava use markers while she sat on the couch but David didn’t care; the state of the thing couldn’t get much worse and it’s not like they ever had any company except for his family. 

David bent down in front of her. “Hi.”

“Hi, Daddy. Do you want to color with me?” 

“I do but first I have to shower, okay? Then we’ll see what time it is.” She sighed but nodded. He kissed her forehead. “Thank you.”

David almost cried with relief when the warm water of the shower hit him, melting a little of the week’s tension away. He usually limited himself to five minutes in the shower since he paid utilities and Chava’s baths used a lot of water, but tonight he gave himself eight. He had never been happier that it was the weekend.

He was looking forward to falling asleep to the sound of rain and thunder and to not setting an alarm. He probably wouldn’t get to sleep much past seven fifteen anyway, but he didn’t have to actually worry about being late. That was always nice. 

He got dressed in the softest pajamas he owned and didn’t bother with refolding the clothes he had moved to find them, just closed the drawers. Chava was sitting at the table with her coloring book and in front of David’s seat there was a plateful of pasta and garlic bread. 

“You’re going to sit with me, aniołku?” 

“Mmhmm. I like sitting with you.” 

“I like sitting with you too.” 

Sarah sat down on his other side. “Thanks. This smells really good.” He stabbed some pasta with a fork and started eating. 

“It is but I didn’t make it. What are your plans this weekend?”

“Tomorrow I was going to run errands.”

“No shul?”

“I’d like to because I haven’t been able to go in a while but with her getting over her sickness and how exhausted I am I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“It always makes you feel better.”

“That’s true,” he conceded. “But I just can’t tomorrow. Does that make me a bad Jew?”

“No,” she assured him. “I was only asking because I thought it would make you feel better but don’t go if it’s going to make you feel worse. So errands then?”

“Yeah. Sunday I’ve got to do laundry and stuff and get some stuff ready for a meeting on Monday but otherwise…Why?”

“Les and I were talking about having a good old fashioned Jacobs kids pajamas and movie night.”

“Oh well, with her I’m not sure if I could.” Chava was focused on her coloring so he could talk openly. 

“She’s a Jacobs kid.”

“I just don’t want to change her environment that many times in a week. I don’t want her to get used to being there overnight. What if she starts getting upset when we go and she can’t stay the night?”

“Then let’s do it here.”

“You wouldn’t mind?”

“Of course not, David. I am volunteering up your place after all.” 

“You guys are always welcome. You’re not even really guests.”

“Good. So tomorrow then?”

“Yeah. Six thirty? I know it’s early, but…”

Sarah nodded. 

“That’s fine. We’ll watch some Disney and it will be awesome and then she’ll fall asleep and we’ll watch one of the period pieces we like that Les pretends to hate.”

David smiled. 

“Sounds perfect.”

As soon as he was done eating Sarah whisked his plate away and washed it despite him telling her several times that he would do it. She gave them each a kiss on the cheek and left. 

“All right, baby. It’s late.”

“But you just got home!”

“I know but we’re going to spend all day together tomorrow and you won’t be able to enjoy it if you’re too tired.” 

“Okay,” she sighed. “Will you read me a story?” 

“Sure. Go brush your teeth and I’ll wait for you in your room.”

David tried to leave after one book but Chava whined. 

“Please stay with me, Daddy.”

“Chava…”

“Please!” she cried. “I have a big girl bed now! We can both fit!” David looked at her and his heart broke a little. She clearly missed him so much - almost as much as he missed her - and just wanted her daddy to cuddle with her. It wasn’t good for children to become dependent on parents to fall asleep but one night wouldn’t do too much harm. He sighed. 

“Okay, baby. I’m going to go brush my teeth and if you promise me you’ll try and sleep, I’ll come stay with you.”

He made sure the door to the apartment was locked, then he brushed his teeth and turned off all the lights. When he lay down next to her it was obvious that Chava hadn’t tried at all to fall asleep but he didn’t care. David wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. 

“I love you, Chava. You’re my little aniołku.”

“I love you too, Daddy. Maybe when you wake up you won’t be so sad anymore!”

David almost choked on air. What?

“Baby, I’m not sad. What made you think that?”

He felt her shrug.

“I heard Savta and Zayde talking to Aunt Sarah this morning when I was coming downstairs and they were saying you were sad.”

“Chava Miriam! It’s not polite to eavesdrop.”

“I wasn’t, Daddy, I swear! I was just coming down the stairs! Please don’t be mad at me.”

“I’m not, baby. I’m sorry I snapped.”

“That’s okay, Daddy. You’re sad.”

“No, aniołku, I’m not. Do you know why?”

“Why?”

“Because you’re here.” 

“I’m not sad either. Do you know why?”

He chuckled. 

“Why?”

“Because you’re my daddy.” 

“Thank you,” he said, voice rough with unshed tears. 

“Sometimes the kids at school say I need to have a mommy too but I tell them that’s silly because I already have a daddy, and he’s the best daddy there is. And then Jasper said that his mommy and daddy said that my daddy is too young.” 

David held her tight and tears rolled down his face. 

“I’m sorry you had to hear that, Chava.”

“That’s okay. I told Jasper that his parents were too old and that my daddy is my best friend.”

He laughed.

“You’re my best friend too. Sleep, aniołku.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aniołku - angel 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> David spends a Saturday with his daughter.

David woke up to the sound of Chava singing to herself quietly. He recognized it as a lullaby his mother used to sing when he and Sarah couldn’t sleep. Slowly, he peeled open his eyes. She was making her teddy bear dance around and it was adorable. She was never this quiet in the mornings which meant she was trying not to wake up David. Chava was such a caring person even at age four.

“That’s a pretty song, aniołku. Where did you learn it?” he asked. Chava turned around in his arms and grinned. 

“Savta. Did I wake you up, Daddy? I’m sorry.”

“No, flower, I got up all on my own.” He kissed her forehead. “How long have you been awake?”

“I don’t know. Can I wear my green overalls today?”

“Sure,” he chuckled at her random change of subject. “Just give me two minutes and then I’ll get up and make you breakfast. Are you feeling better?”

“I’m all better!” she declared. “That means I can have candy today. Savta said I couldn’t have candy while my belly hurt.”

“Well, she was right. We’ll see about candy today.”

“Okay. I have to pee.”

“Do you need help?”

“Nope! I’ll do it all by myself.” She got up and tucked her bear into her father’s arms before giving him a kiss on the cheek like she was his parent and not the other way around. David loved her so much. “Be right back.”

“Wash your hands!” he called after her. David stretched and rolled over to grab his phone. He groaned when he saw he had texts from people he worked with. He would ignore those for now. It was seven in the morning on a Saturday; these people could wait for a few hours. 

**Ima**

**6:37 AM**

_ Good morning, David! Sarah told me she and Les are staying the night at your apartment. That sounds like fun! Do me a favor and make sure Les goes to bed by midnight, okay?  _

__ Yeah, no. It was a Jacobs kid movie night and and there was no way they would be going to bed that early. In the past, they hadn’t slept at all. He would text her later to say yes though.

He opened the texts from Hannah because she would never text him about work on a Saturday morning unless it was an emergency, so it was probably not work related at all. 

**Hannah**

**2:03 AM**

_ My husband and I had too much wine and now we’re shopping online _

_ I know you’re asleep so…if you don’t respond in two minutes I’m buying Ava this ladybug dress _

_ Bought _

_ Omg there’s a bumblebee one too _

_ David there’s a bumblebee dress _

_ When’s her birthday again? _

_ Doesn’t matter. I’m giving them to her as soon as they come _

_ She’s going to look so cute! _

_ She always does _

_ I’m showing Richard a picture of her _

_ He also thinks she’s adorable _

_ Oh apparently they’ve met _

_ I forgot _

_ Ugh my computer just pinged and I got an email from you know who _

_ You’re on it too _

_ Ignore it _

_ Nothing important _

_ Why is he awake? _

_ Maybe he’s drunk shopping too _

_ Got to go. Richard’s making cookies _

Christ, this woman was ridiculous. He couldn’t help but think of what Sarah had said about him not having any friends. Hannah was his friend. Did having only one friend mean Hannah was his best friend? He was surprised to find that he was okay with that. 

He had a few texts from an unknown number. 

**Unknown**

**11:07 PM**

_ Hey David, this is Jack Kelly from the F train. I know you’re supposed to wait three days to text or whatever but I didn’t want to. So…I’m texting to ask you out. Would you like to get coffee with me? I know that’s a cliche date but I figure that it’s shorter than dinner and therefore you could escape if you end up hating me.  _

_ Plus, it’s harder to throw a drink in someone’s face when there’s a cap on it. By the time you get it off I’ll be gone. I have cat-like reflexes.  _

Holy shit. Jack had actually texted him! David hadn’t let himself get his hopes up but now that he had received a text, he admitted to himself that he was relieved. 

_ My roommate just informed me that it’s impolite to text someone and ask them out at 11 PM but he’s single so what does he know? _

_ Okay, well he says his relationships have been successful in the past but they’ve all ended in break up so… _

If you think about it, all relationships end in breakup or death. 

Jesus. Why the fuck did he text that? He was an idiot. Surprisingly, the little typing bubble popped up almost immediately. 

_ You’re dark, Jacobs. I like that.  _

Sorry. Did I wake you?

_ No, I was up. I’m working on a piece for my job and woke up an hour ago with an idea. What are you doing up? _

__ He couldn’t exactly say his daughter woke him; he was waiting to tell him about Chava in person. 

I like to keep a schedule so I don’t oversleep on weekdays. 

Well, that wasn’t entirely a lie. Even the few times Chava had slept in he woke up naturally by eight. 

_ So… _

So?

_ Are you going to accept my very generous offer of a place where it will be difficult for you to throw a drink at me? _

__ David exhaled out of his nose, amused. He heard the sink running in the bathroom. 

I’d love to. When were you thinking?

_ Are you around today? _

_ Does that sound desperate? _

It doesn’t. Unfortunately, weekends aren’t great for me. 

_ What is? _

Lunch breaks.

On the rare day that I get one longer than fifteen minutes.

_ We work close by, don’t we? I’d be happy to do that. _

_ I understand if you can’t pin down a day. I’m usually around so just text me and I can be there within fifteen minutes.  _

This guy was so sweet. Sarah was going to freak.

What if it’s not during your lunch? Your boss won’t mind?

_ No, we’re a pretty tight knit family in our theater. _

_ I probably shouldn’t say this because it’s a little embarrassing but my boss is my mom. _

That’s not embarrassing. If I could work with my family I would.

_ So hopefully sometime next week then?  _

Yes. 

_ Fair warning, I’ll be texting you a lot until then. I really enjoyed talking to you the other day. _

I enjoyed talking to you too.

“Daddy?” He locked his phone and looked up. 

“What’s up, flower?”

“Can I have breakfast?”

“Sure,” he said, swinging his legs over the side of the bed and stretching again before standing up. “What do you want?”

She shrugged. 

“I don’t know.”

“Your options are cereal or cereal.” 

She giggled.

“Cereal.”

“Good choice.” David scooped her up and put her on his hip. Chava put her arms around his neck as they moved towards the kitchen/living space. The apartment was really just one main room with a bedroom and a bathroom. David didn’t mind; less to clean and less rent to pay. 

Chava put her head on his shoulder. This was, without a doubt, the best part of his life. Everything was put into perspective when he held his daughter and all the things that sucked about everyday life were suddenly not only worth it, but felt like privileges.

David certainly hadn’t planned on having a child so young, but he didn’t regret it for a second. Frankly, he was glad Chava’s mother decided to leave. He felt guilty about that because he was sure Chava would eventually be sad that she didn’t have a mother but life would have been miserable for her parents and, subsequently, her. 

He did wish she had kept in contact though. It would be nice for Chava to get to see her occasionally or at least meet her when she was older. Maybe, if Chava wanted, he would track her mother down when she was a teenager and ask if she was willing to meet her. 

For now though, David was the only parent she needed. He had people to help with the things that were hard and as his aba was fond of saying, there was no wrong way to make a family. 

He placed Chava down on the counter while he got two bowls and Cheerios down from the shelf.

“I’m having Cheerios; do you want them too? We also have your peanut butter cereal.”

“Cheerios please!”

“Coming right up. So, what do you want to do today?” he asked as he poured her a bowl. “We have some things we have to do but what do you  _ want  _ to do?”

“Hmmm,” Chava hummed. She put her fingers on her chin like she was thinking super hard. “Can we go to the park?”

“Sorry, flower, but it’s raining. We’ll see if everything is dry tomorrow.”

He lifted her and put her in her seat at the table, placing the bowl and spoon in front of her. 

“Apple juice?”

“Yes, please. Can we watch a movie?”

“Well, it was going to be a surprise but Aunt Sarah and Uncle Les are going to come over and watch movies with us tonight.”

“Really?” She sounded so excited.

“Yep! Here’s your juice.  _ And  _ they’re going to sleepover.”

“Thank you, Daddy!”

“Of course, flower.” He kissed the top of her head and set down with his own bowl and glass of juice. David went to get down his pillbox from the cabinet with the child lock and sat down next to her. 

“Can I draw pictures for them?”

“I think they’d love that.” He tossed his head back to swallow his pills and Chava giggled. 

“What?”

“That makes you look silly.”

“Eat your cereal, you little menace.”

  
  


“We still have apple juice at home.”

“Yeah, but not  _ enough  _ apple juice.” 

“Nope, sorry. Not today.”

They were at the grocery store and Chava was pointing things out that she wanted from her seat in the front of the cart. She pouted. 

“Fine. What  _ can  _ we get?”

“We’re getting bread and milk and eggs. What cold cuts do you want on your sandwiches this week?”

“Roast beef and chicken.”

“Roast beef and chicken it is.”

“Hey, Daddy, what’s ham? Some of the kids at school have it on their sandwiches.”

“We don’t eat ham, baby. It’s made of pork which is something we don’t eat.”

“Why?”

“It isn’t kosher.”

“Oh. Okay!” She moved on quickly and soon was babbling about something David didn’t quite understand but pretended to. She was always so amenable. 

He was comparing prices of bread when his phone rang.

“Uncle Les is calling. Do you want to answer it?” She made grabbing motions and he handed her the phone. 

“Hi Uncle Les! We’re shopping! No, I can help you!”

David chuckled. She didn’t speak for a moment. 

“I don’t know. I’ll give Daddy the phone. Bye, Uncle Les! Here, Daddy. Uncle Les needs your help.” 

“Thank you, sweetheart.” He took the phone from her outstretched hand. “Hey Les, what’s up?”

“I don’t understand bio! It doesn’t make any sense.”

“Which part?”

“Any of it, take your pick.”

“Okay. What are you working on now?”

“Stupid bonds and cellular resperation. The only thing I know is that the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell!” 

“Daddy, I want yogurt.” He nodded and got her favorite off the shelf as they passed.

“Okay, look. You don’t really need to understand it if you memorize it. Don’t tell Aba I said that. Do you want to go into biology?”

“No.”

“A science field of any kind?”

“No.”

“Then just pass the class. Just memorize the formula the teacher gave you and the structure and flow. Who cares if you understand it?”

“I  _ want  _ to though.”

“I know, boychik. Did you go to extra help?”

“Yeah but a lot of people do so he doesn’t have a lot of time to help me. I emailed him and he said there wasn’t another time I could meet with him and that if I had any questions when he wasn’t available I should ask my brother.”

“Seriously? I thought he hated me.”

“That’s only because you ignored his lessons about the reproductive system, but he thinks you’re smart.”

David laughed. 

“Fair enough. If he mentions it, tell him I didn’t ignore them and that they helped me a lot during the birth. That’ll make him super uncomfortable.”

“I would, except I might get written up.”

“When have you ever cared about that?”

“If it happens one more time Ima’s taking my Xbox for a week.”

“Do you want to bring your homework over tonight? We don’t have to do it but I can help in the morning if you’d like.” 

Chava started whining, getting impatient with the lack of attention she was getting from him.

“Thanks. I’ll see you tonight?”

“Yeah, text if you need anything.”

“Bye.”

“Bye.” He put the phone back in his pocket and looked at his daughter. “You’re impatient.”

“Did you help Uncle Les?”

“As best I could. Now what do you say we get some popcorn for the movie tonight?”

“Yeah!” 

He moved towards the snack aisle. 

“So tell me about what you’re learning in school?” he asked, trying to avoid bumping into the other carts. The stores were always crazy on Saturday. 

“We’re still talking about the letters but I know them already! In all my languages!”

“I know, baby, and I’m very proud of you but your classmates don’t all know it.”

“Ms. Rhodes keeps giving me seeing words-”

“Sight words.”

“- to work on with Mr. Richards but I want to do what my friends are doing. I wish they were doing what I was doing.”

“I’m sorry. Is Mr. Richards the new teacher’s assistant in your classroom?”

“Yes. He told me that he knows you.”

“He does?”

“Yes. He said you went to school together.” That was surprising. He didn’t remember anyone from school with the last name Richards.

“I don’t remember. I’ll have to meet him.”

“He said his name used to be different but now he’s married. Do people change their name when they get married?”

People from high school were married already? That seemed young. Then again, he was a father. 

“Some people. Do you like him?”

“Yeah, he’s nice and he gives me smelly stickers when I’m good.”

“You’re always good, flower.”

“I know. I get a lot of stickers.”

“Why do we have to?” 

“Because I have an appointment and you need to come with me.” 

David was trying to make his way to his psychiatrist’s office but Chava was moving really slowly. They had gone to drop off the groceries at home and then she said she didn’t want to go back out but David really had to. He hadn’t seen Dr. Conlon in a month and his insurance required him to go every so often. Besides, he definitely needed a change in his medication. 

“How long are we going to be there?”

“As long as it takes.” 

“Fine.”

“Don’t give me an attitude. If you’re going to be like that I’ll have to carry you.” 

She huffed but didn’t say anything else. She picked up her pace a little but she was still lagging behind and making him practically pull her by the hand. Luckily it had stopped raining a few hours ago otherwise it would have been even harder. 

After what felt like an eternity, they arrived at the office building and she trudged up the stairs after him. He didn’t recognize the receptionist and she frowned at him - probably for bringing a child. 

“Hi, David Jacobs here for Doctor Conlon. I have an appointment.” 

She stared at him for a second but then turned away and typed. 

“He’ll be out in a few minutes. Sir, you can’t just leave a child in the waiting room.”

“I know. Dr. Conlon lets me bring her in. She just wears headphones and watches something on my phone.” 

The woman didn’t look happy but she told him to take a seat. Chava wanted to sit in his lap and he was more than happy to oblige. 

“Daddy?”

“Yes, aniołku?”

“Is it Christmas soon?”

“Yeah, but we don’t celebrate Christmas.” 

“I know but Ms. Rhodes said we’re going to make projects for holidays.” 

“Don’t worry, I’m sure she’ll do Chanukah as well.” 

Chava shrugged. 

“She said that but all the other kids celebrate Christmas and they don’t get why I don’t.”

“Does it make you sad that you don’t celebrate Christmas?” he asked, pushing some fallen hair out of her face gently. She shook her head. 

“No. I like Chanukah but I wish my friends celebrated it too.” 

Their neighborhood had a surprisingly small number of Jews for their area and there were almost none at Chava’s school. It made David sad that she wasn’t growing up in that community but that was the way it worked out. Plus, it was a safe neighborhood and the schools were pretty good. 

“I wish that for you too. But guess what?”

“What?”

“We have better food.” 

She giggled and turned into his hold more. He rubbed her arm up and down, reveling in the fact that she was still young enough to want to be held by him. The door opened and he turned. 

“David? Come on back,” Dr. Conlon said. He picked Chava up and followed. “Hi Chava,” he greeted. 

“Hi.”

David really appreciated that Dr. Conlon made the effort to say her name right. He didn’t mind when people called her Ava. In fact, he was originally going to name her Chaya but he wanted her to at least have a nickname that was easy for most people to pronounce. He always told people her name was Chava (in the hopes that they would at least try) but that they could call her Ava. Dr. Conlon was one of the few people outside of his family or his synagogue that called her by her full name. 

David set her down on the chair in the corner of his office as the doctor closed the door and he set up headphones and an episode of Sesame Street for her. He sat down in front of the desk. 

“So, long time no see,” Dr. Conlon began the conversation. 

“Yeah, sorry about that.”

“Don’t worry. I’m not trying to make you feel guilty. You’re a busy guy.”

“Yeah,” he agreed.

“You don’t mind if I take notes, do you? I know you haven’t in the past but I like to ask just to be sure.”

“That’s fine, I don’t care.”

“How are you feeling?” David shrugged. “That’s not an answer.”

“Shitty.”

“I can tell,” Dr. Conlon said, frowning. 

“How?”

“The few times I’ve seen you and you haven’t been feeling exhausted or shitty you carry yourself differently.”

“Well, I’m both right now. It’s been a long week. Long month, actually.” 

“What’s been going on?” 

“Just the usual. Work and home and never having a moment to myself when I’m not sleeping. Even then, sometimes.”

“That  _ is _ shitty.” 

David really liked Dr. Conlon. He didn’t bullshit his patients and he never made them feel dumb. He was more comfortable with him than he had been with other psychiatrists in the past.

He was young, which helped to make David feel more at ease. When they met six months ago, Dr. Conlon had told David that he was twenty-four. He hadn’t ever actually met a doctor that young but apparently he started college at seventeen, graduated after three years, started his Masters/PhD program, and finished in three years - almost unheard of. David’s mother had expressed concern that his doctor had only been working for a year but he couldn’t bring himself to care. 

“How’s the depression?”

“It fluctuates.”

“Any really bad episodes?” 

“A few weeks ago I couldn’t get out of bed. Like, physically. I mean, I guess not physically but I wasn’t just an ‘ugh, I’m too depressed to get up today,’ you know? I literally couldn’t move. I had to call my siblings to come watch Chava and I just…lay there. I cried into my sister’s shoulders for a few hours but more because I felt like a terrible father than the actual depression.” 

The doctor scribbled something down. 

“David, your depression doesn’t make you a terrible father. You take care of her so well and all on your own.”

“My family helps.”

“You’re still a single parent. Even married couples struggle with raising children at some point or another so it makes sense that you would too.”

“I feel like I’m always struggling though.”

“Children are hard. It’s easy to think it will be simple after they can walk and talk and use the bathroom by themselves but it isn’t.”

David chuckled. 

“That’s what my coworker said the other day.”

“Hannah?”

“Yeah.” He had forgotten ever mentioning her.

“She was right. Tell me more about that day. Did anything specific bring it on, do you think?”

“I don’t think so. I was stressed but no more so than usual.”

“What did it feel like?” Dr. Conlon leaned back in his chair and bit the cap of his pen in a very stereotypical doctor-like fashion. 

“The same as it always does when it’s that bad. Like I can’t move or think or eat. The only thing that makes me feel any better is sleep.”

“Does  _ she _ make you feel any better?”

“In theory but when I’m like that seeing her makes me think that I’ve failed her.”

“Why? Because of the thing about struggling?”

“That and the fact that she has to see me like that. She came into the living room that morning and saw me and she just looked so scared. I didn’t even have the energy to comfort her. I could barely talk. Calling my sister was excruciating.” It hurt just to think about. 

“Why?” he asked. 

“I don’t know. I swear I’m trying, I just can’t describe it. It’s metaphysical and I absolutely  _ hate _ that word.”

“What’s wrong with that word?”

“Things are either physical or they’re not.”

“Obviously that’s not true. David, you’re not the only person to feel like depression is metaphysical. With depression as severe as yours gets, that’s how most people feel. I know you’re a man of science but this  _ is  _ science.”

“I’m not a man of anything. I mean, I believe in science and everything I was taught in school. I trust scientists and vaccines and evolution and shit but…I’m religious.”

“Yeah, but aren’t you the one always saying that science and religion don’t have to be mutually exclusive?”

“I guess.”

“David, I’ve met members of the Tea party. Trust me - you’re a man of science.” 

“Yeah.”

“So besides that, how has it been? Any other really bad days?”

“Nothing like that,” he told him, shaking his head. “That was the worst of it. In general it’s been…hard. I’m exhausted all the time which makes me more depressed which makes me more exhausted.”

Doctor Conlon chuckled. 

“Chicken or egg?”

“Exactly.”

“And the anxiety?”

“Not great but not nearly as bad as the depression.” Dr. Conlon made a note. 

“An anxiety or panic attacks?”

“A couple of anxiety attacks at like two in the morning when I was up working.”

“Didn’t we talk about making a better sleep schedule?”

“If I could I would, you know that. Trust me, there’s few things in this world I want more than sleep, but if my boss gives me something to do at seven o’clock at night that has to be done by the next day then I do it.”

“Have you considered talking with him like we discussed?”

“I told you, I don’t have a contract. He said when he hired me that he’d pay me by the day and if it went well we’d talk after a year about it.”

“How long has it been?”

“Eight months.”

“Do you like your job?”

“No,” David scoffed. “Not in the least.”

“Why?”

“It’s exhausting and my boss is mean and the hours are ridiculous.”

“You like Hannah.”

“I  _ love  _ Hannah, don't get me wrong, but it's otherwise a pretty terrible situation. I don’t even get overtime.”

“So it’s just regular rates for your extra hours?”

“No, I’m saying I don’t get paid for extra hours at all.”

Dr. Conlon frowned. 

“I’m not sure it’s legal for him to make you work late then.”

“Probably not but I’ll be fired if I point it out.”

“You-”

“I don’t have enough money to sue him and he knows that so it’s not like I can threaten to. He’s one of the richest men in New York and I couldn’t afford to sue anyone anyway.”

“Look, if you want suggestions I’ll give you some but I’m not going to force anything on you. Let’s move on. So your anxiety has been okay for the most part?”

“About average.”

“How has it been in social situations? Talking to strangers?”

“Have you met me? Social situations? Talking to strangers?”

Dr. Conlon chuckled and sat up, folding his hands on the desk. 

“You’re telling me you haven’t spoken to anybody except for your boss, Hannah, and your family since I last saw you?”

“Well, I mean, the cashier at the grocery store, my landlord, that sort of thing.”

“That counts.”

“It’s been okay. I’m honestly at a point where I’m too tired to be anxious about much.”

“Mm.” He wrote something down again.

“Oh! Actually, I flirted with a guy the other day.”

“You did?” Dr. Conlon looked surprised but David wasn’t insulted; it  _ was  _ pretty surprising. 

“More like he flirted with me but still. We were on a subway platform and I was upset because I thought I missed the train but he noticed and came over to tell me it hadn’t arrived yet. It sorta went from there.”

“How did you feel doing that?”

“Weirdly okay. I think I was too shocked to feel anything else but ‘holy fuck a cute guy is talking to me.’” 

“Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been there, but were you shocked because it was out of the blue or were you shocked because someone was interested?” 

“Both? Mostly the second.”

“Why do you think it’s abnormal that someone is interested in you?”

“Because it’s never happened before. Even Chava’s mom wasn’t interested in me.”

“She thought you were attractive.”

“She did  _ not _ think I was attractive.”

“True or false: she wanted to date you to make her ex-boyfriend jealous.”

“True.”

“True or false: her ex-boyfriend was a shallow dick who wouldn’t have been jealous had you not been attractive.”

“I honestly don’t think it was like that. Seriously, I think it upset him that she was happier - or he perceived her to be happier - dating someone who looked like me than when she was dating him.”

“I think you’ve overthought this.” 

“I think you’ve underthought this.”

“Regardless, this guy thinks you’re attractive. Were you attracted to him?”

“Yes. He looks…I don’t even know. Not to be weird but hot as fuck.” He looked over to make sure Chava hadn’t heard him. She was engrossed in her show. 

Dr. Conlon chuckled.

“Has it boosted your confidence? Do you think you’ll do something similar in the future?”

“What, you mean flirt?”

“Yes.”

“Actually I gave him my number and he texted me last night. I think we’re going out next week.”

“How do you feel about that?”

“Apprehensive. I mean, I’m excited and I feel like a teenager with a crush but I already know it’s not going to work out.”

“Why?”

“Because either he’s not going to be interested in me or he’s not going to be interested in the fact that I have a kid.”

“I don’t think that’s very fair to him or to you. Why wouldn’t he like you? How do you know you having a kid would bother him?”

“Because not once has a guy been interested enough in me to date me and very few people our age want kids yet and  _ really  _ don’t want to be with someone who has their own.”

“You don’t talk to that many guys. How do you know someone wouldn’t be interested in you? This guy is.” 

“Yeah. I guess.”

“You don’t seem to agree.”

“It doesn’t matter if I agree or not because Chava doesn’t want me to date.”

“Have you asked her?” 

“No, but the one time I ever had her stay somewhere else without me overnight she said I was sending her away. I’m not letting her think that again.” 

Dr. Conlon put down his notepad. 

“When was this?”

“A little over a year ago.”

“So she was a lot less mature then. A lot less understanding.”

“She’s pretty possessive even now.”

“So you what? You intend to never date? Not date until she goes to college?”

“No! I don’t know! Maybe?” He sighed and put his head in his hands for a moment. “I don’t want to make her feel like I don’t want to spend all my time with her.”

“Do you want to spend all your time with her?”

“Yes! Of course?”

“Really? There’s not one second of the day when you want to be alone? Not one minute when you think ‘I just want to close my eyes and be in silence?’”

David's eyes started watering. Dr. Conlon reached behind him to get a box of tissues. 

“Thanks. I don’t know anymore. Does it make me a bad parent if I want to spend time with people my age?”

“It makes you normal,” he assured in a soft tone. 

“Sometimes I just want to be lazy, you know? I want one moment when I can just sit on the couch and not worry about anything.”

“And you deserve that. You do, David,” he repeated when he got a skeptical look. “I know that you don’t believe this but you need to hear it: you deserve time off from work, you deserve time to yourself, you deserve to sleep in, you deserve to have your own bedroom and a real bed, you deserve to go on dates with cute guys and have sex, you deserve people taking care of you, and you deserve to have all of that without feeling any guilt.”

David grabbed another tissue. 

“You’re a  _ person _ , David. You shouldn’t constantly be going - it’s not good for you. You’re going to get sick.”

“I know. I had a fight with my family two nights ago about letting them help more.”

“You should.”

“I know, it’s just hard.”

“I can imagine. You’ve been taking care of yourself and your daughter for so long.”

“Can we not talk about this anymore? I feel like I’ve been discussing it this whole week.”

“That’s fine,” Dr. Conlon promised, nodding. “How do you feel about upping your dosage of Trintellix and Zoloft? The others can stay the same. I think we should try that before switching things out. Do you feel okay about that?”

“Definitely. I’m kinda desperate right now.” 

“All right, I’ll fill the prescription right after you leave and it should be ready to pick up tonight. Same pharmacy as usual?”

“Yeah. Thanks, Doctor.”

“That’s what I’m here for. And, David, if it gets like this again you have to call me, okay? If you have another episode like that have your sister call me. I’m assuming she’s the one you’d want to?” He nodded. “Okay. I’ll email you a form to fill out to give me permission to speak with her. Just fax it back or scan and email it to me when you get the chance.” 

“Thanks. Good to see you.” 

“You too. Call if you need someone to talk to.”

“Chava?” He went over and took the headphones off of her. “It’s time to go.”

“Oh. Why are you sad?”

“I’m not, baby.”

“But you look like you were crying.”

“I’m okay, aniołku. Let’s go, all right?” He took his phone and picked her up. “Say goodbye to Dr. Conlon.”

“Bye Dr. Conlon!”

“Bye, Chava. Take care of your dad for me.”

“Yep! I will.”

“She always does.”

“Daddy! They’re here!”

“I know, baby, I can hear them knocking too.” David opened the door to let his siblings in. They were both carrying overnight bags and sleeping bags. Les had two. 

“Seriously?”

“Excuse me, this is a sleepover. You need a sleeping bag.”

“Do you?” 

“Yes. Where’s my favorite niece?”

“Aunt Sarah,” Chava said, giggling, “I’m your only niece!”

“Well even if I had more, you’d be my favorite.” She put her stuff on the couch and hugged Chava. Les came in and David locked the door. 

“Hey, David. How’re you doing?”

“I’ve been worse. You?”

“Fine. Ima is driving me crazy but otherwise.” 

“Uncle Les!”

Les dumped his stuff into his brother’s arms and took Chava from Sarah. He whirled her around and she shrieked happily. 

“Please stop. I have a good relationship with my neighbors.” 

Les rolled his eyes and put her down. 

“Aunt Sarah,” Chava whined, pouting. “How come I don’t get a sleeping bag?”

“What makes you think you don’t, princess?” Les asked. He took his stuff from David, opened up his bag and took out a much smaller, red and pink sleeping bag. She squealed.

“Thank you!” 

Sarah came to stand next to David. 

“Seriously?” he whispered. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“Hey, don’t look at me! I just drove him to the store; Les bought it with his allowance.”

David felt his heart melt. 

“That’s…the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard.”

“I know. Don’t try and pay him back, okay? He’ll be upset.”

“Okay. Want to help me get snacks while they have some uncle-niece time?”

“Yeah.” 

Sarah was pouring m&ms into a bowl while David waited by the microwave for the popcorn. “Hey, doesn’t it feel kinda like our two kids are cuddling together?” David looked at the couch and saw Chava sitting in Les’ lap, his arms around her. 

“Yeah.” He smiled. 

“I know logically that Les isn’t our kid but…I don’t know, we kinda raised him for a while, didn’t we? During that period.”

“Yeah.”

“And I know Chava’s yours. I didn’t mean to imply-”

“Sarah,” he interrupted. “I don’t mind. I like that you feel that close to her. She feels the same way.” He kissed her forehead. 

“I’m glad.”

“So I saw my psychiatrist today.”

“Oh? How was that?”

“It was fine. He’s upping some of my medicine. I wanted to ask you if it would be okay with me giving him permission to talk to you? For the days when…well for the days like the one a few weeks ago.”

“Of course, boychik. Thank you for trusting me with that.”

He shrugged.

“Yeah. Get me a bowl? I think it’s probably best to have a backup just in case I can’t function.”

“Agreed. Here.”

“Also, that guy texted me.”

“That’s great! Did you say yes?”

“Yeah. We’re going to get coffee next week.”

“David, that’s great. I’m so proud of you.”

“Thanks. I’m going to go during my lunch break. I don’t want Chava to know.”

“She’ll have to know eventually,” Sarah pointed out.

“Yeah, but if it doesn’t work out then there’s no reason to.” 

They stood in a contemplative silence while David poured out the popcorn. 

“Do you want it to work out?”

“I…I don’t really know. I like him but I’m not sure how a relationship would even work. When would I have time? And don’t say I could make time because I can’t.”

“If it’s something you want I’m sure you could work it out. I’d be more than happy to watch Chava some evenings.”

“She-”

“It doesn’t have to be overnight. But by the way, it should be sometimes. She can’t become dependent on you to fall asleep.”

“I know but I’m…I’m dependent on her. If she’s not here I don’t know what I’d do.”

“You’d shtup and then fall asleep.”

“Sarah!”

“Oh, relax, we’re both adults.”

“But everybody keeps telling me that!”

“Yeah, you know why?”

“Don’t say it,” he pleaded. 

“Because you need to get laid.”

  
  


“Les, you can’t complain about the movie if you know all the songs by heart,” David argued. He sat in the middle of the couch with a sibling on either side and his daughter in his lap. 

“I watched it a thousand times when I was little. Now…”

“Please,” Sarah snorted. “Two days ago you were watching Mulan.”

“I like Mulan,” Chava said. 

“I know you do, flower. We watched it last weekend, remember?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, what’s next?” Sarah asked. “What do you want to watch, Chava? Any Disney movies you haven’t seen?”

Les snorted. 

“Doubtful.”

“Some of the kids in my class watch Pocahontas.”

“Sorry, aniołku, but no,” David told her.

No way would his daughter be watching one of the most racist Disney movies - and that was saying something. It was entirely historically inaccurate and totally diminished the role of Pocahontas in society and history. It was a mockery of her life. The music was good though.

“But why not?”

“Because I said so.” He always felt like his parents when he said that but he had to admit, despite how much it pissed him off as a child, it was a useful tool.

“What about Tangled? That’s a good one,” Sarah suggested. 

“Yeah!” 

“Put it in Les.”

“Why?”

“I don’t want to, it’s David’s house, and Chava can’t. Do it.”

Les rolled his eyes but got up. 

“I don’t understand why you still use dvds.”

“I don’t have Netflix or anything,” he explained. “Besides, there’s something nice about watching something on dvd. It makes me feel like a kid.”

“But you’re an adult, right, Daddy?”

“Right, baby.”

“Elizabeth’s mommy told her you were a kid and that kids shouldn’t be mommies and daddies, but she’s stupid,” Chava said. The siblings all looked at each other, unsure of what to do. 

“Well stupid isn’t a very nice word,” David decided on. 

“But she  _ is  _ stupid,” Les stage whispered to her conspiratorially. 

“Les!”

“What? I’m telling the truth.” 

“Chava, baby, you know that when people say that about me that it has nothing to do with you, right?” He really hoped she wasn’t hurt by those things. People were ignorant and she shouldn’t have to suffer because of that. This was the second time in as many days that he was hearing something like this and now it was from two different parents. If they kept doing this he might have to speak with Ms. Rhodes. 

“But you’re a daddy because of me. If I wasn’t around you wouldn’t be a daddy,” she said sadly. 

“Oh, baby. If I wasn’t your daddy I would be so so sad. I love you more than anything in this world and if you weren’t here I wouldn’t be able to cope. You’re the light of my life and I wouldn’t trade you or being your daddy for the world, okay?” She sniffled. “Okay?”

“Okay, Daddy. I love you.”

“I love you too.” He held her close and pressed a kiss to the top of her head, not wanting to let go, and not planning to. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please let me know what you think!


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> David's phone call goes differently than he expected it to, he and Jack get coffee, and then he's a badass.

**Jack**

**11:32 AM**

_ So? How’s it looking?  _

It’s looking good. I’m going to sneak out in half an hour. My coworker will cover for me. 

_ You sure? _

Yes. 

Do you not want to?

_ No, of course I do! _

_ I’m really excited _

_ But, you know… _

_ In a cool way _

I’ll see you soon. 

“Will you stop giggling like a schoolgirl? It’s annoying,” Hannah said. 

“You’re annoying. Are you still okay to cover for me if he gets mad that I took a break?”

“Yeah, but he technically has to give you one, so he can’t be mad.” 

“And yet he always is.”

“Are you going to tell me where you’re going?”

“Definitely not.” David tried to focus on his work for the next few minutes, but it was hard when he was so excited. The only bad part was that he had something to do before he left that he was absolutely dreading. 

David made phone calls for his boss every day, but there was none he hated more than the ones to his family. It was awkward and they were always pissed that he hadn’t bothered to call them himself. 

“Hey, Hannah?”

“What do you want?”

“Want to make a phone call for me?”

“Sure,” she said. “Who?” He hesitated. “Who, David?”

“Mrs. Pulitzer,” he mumbled. Hannah snorted. 

“Absolutely not. Have fun with that though.” He groaned and dropped his head onto his desk. “Look on the bright side.”

“Which is?” he said, face still down. She didn’t answer so he sat up and repeated himself, thinking she hadn’t heard him. “Which is?”

“Oh, I don’t know, I was hoping you did.” 

“Okay, well, I’m going to dial now, and then when I get off the phone, I’m pouring my coffee over your computer.”

David scanned the list of family contacts he had at his desk. Pulitzer had a ridiculous amount of children and David couldn’t keep track. He suspected Pulitzer couldn’t either. 

Signing dramatically, he picked up the phone and dialed the house. 

“Hello?”

“Mrs. Pulitzer? This is David.”

“I’m sorry?”

“David, ma’am? I’m your husband’s assistant.” The voice on the other end of the line laughed and he got nervous that he had said something wrong. “Um…I’m sorry. Is this not a good time?”

“No, no, it’s fine, David. I’m just not my mother.”

“Oh. Oh! I’m so sorry, Ms. Pulitzer.” This must be the daughter he had never spoken to before because her voice didn’t sound like any of them. 

“Don’t be. You’re looking for her?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Oh god, don’t call me ma’am. Or Ms. Pulitzer, for that matter,” she added. “I’m Katherine.”

“David.”

“Yes, I know.”

“Right. Sorry.”

“She isn’t around right now but I can take a message?”

“Um…I’m not really sure if I’m allowed to-”

“No worries. Do you want me to have her call back?”

“Is there a time I should try?” 

“She should be back around noon. You just called twenty minutes too early.”

Shit. God, why did this always happen? Every time something was going right something else went wrong. He would have to text Jack and just hope he would be willing to reschedule.

“Oh. Okay. I’ll call back then.”

There must have been something in his voice because Katherine asked, “David? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, Ms. Pulitzer.”

“Katherine.”

“Sorry. Nothing, Katherine.”

“Seriously, you sound like something is wrong? Is it an emergency? I can call my mother if you’d like.”

“No, that’s okay. I’m completely fine.” He looked to Hannah for some sort of help but apparently she had left the room when he wasn’t paying attention. 

“Okay…I’m going to call my father; something’s obviously-”

“No! No, please don’t.  _ Please _ don’t tell him,” he begged. 

“Okay, I won’t. David, it’s fine, relax,” she soothed. “You didn’t even do anything wrong.”

“He’d be mad.”

“That my mother isn’t here?”

“That I bothered you enough that you felt the need to call him,” he explained. 

“You’re not bothering me. What’s wrong? Seriously, I promise I won’t say anything to my father.” He didn’t answer. David heard her sigh. “David, I know my father’s kinda a dick sometimes and probably not a great guy to work for. Please? I just want to help you.”

He was glad, if surprised, to hear how she felt about her father's attitude because that meant she probably wouldn’t mention this conversation to him. Still, it felt weird to talk to his boss’ daughter who he had never met. 

“I promise I’m fine. I just had a lunch date and now I’m going to have to cancel.” 

“Oh. Can’t you call when you get back?”

“No. Your father won’t like that.”

“I’m sorry. Do you think you could reschedule if you can’t make it? I’m sure your date would understand.”

“Maybe, but I don’t get a lunch break most days so…”

“You don’t?”

“It’s not a big deal. I just came in early today so I could. My sister, Sarah, took my daughter to school and…I don’t know why I’m telling you this-”

“Wait. David?”

“Yes?” he replied, confused.

“It’s Katherine.”

“Um…”

“David Jacobs?”

“Yes.”

“Yeah, this is Katherine Plumber, dumbass.”

“What? Kath?” What the hell was going on? “I’m so confused right now.”

“Pulitzer’s my father.”

“But-”

“I changed my last name so I could try to make it without his help.”

“Oh.”

“Sarah never said you were  _ his _ assistant!”

“Does Sarah even know you’re-”

“Of course she does, asshat.”

He chuckled. 

“You guys are perfect for each other. I don’t know why Sarah never said anything to either of us.”

“She probably didn’t want to make you hate me because I’m your terrible boss’ daughter.”

“Maybe. But she should know better than to think I would judge you for your father.”

“Your approval means more to her than anyone else’s, David. Also…”

“Yes?”

“You have a date? Oh my god! That’s so amazing!”

“I’m surprised she didn’t tell you.”

“Would you have wanted her to?”

“Probably not. The only people who know are you, her, the guy, and my psychiatrist.”

She laughed. 

“That’s really great, David. I’m proud of you.”

“Thanks, Kath.”

“Go on your date, give me the message and I’ll tell my mother to say it was you who spoke to her if he asks.”

“Seriously? And she’ll do it?”

“Yeah. Why wouldn’t she?”

“Because he’s her husband and I’m pretty sure she hates me.”

“I doubt it. I’ve gotten earfuls in the past about other assistants she hates, but I haven’t heard anything about you. That’s a good sign.”

“I guess.”

“All right. Give me the message and then go get your date on, dating man.”

“I hate you.”

They met in front of a coffeehouse Jack had recommended that was about halfway between each of their jobs. Jack already had a table when he arrived. 

He walked over nervously and Jack got up to greet him. 

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

“You look nice.”

“Thanks, you too.”

They got their drinks and David only felt slightly weird that he eventually gave in and let Jack pay. He hoped it was just a “I want to be nice” thing and not a “he looks poor” thing. 

“You drink black coffee?” Jack asked once they were seated.

“Yeah. I used to hate it but now I live off of it.”

“Just do what I do and live off sugar.”

David laughed.

“Thanks for being so flexible. I know my schedule is annoying.”

“It’s fine. I’ll take any chance I can to see you.”

He laughed again. 

“You’re just a big flirt, aren’t you?”

“Did you not get that from the half an hour we spent together last week?”

He shrugged. 

“I figured that was only to get my number.”

“Well, that was part of it and I’m glad it worked. But nah, I really just like flirting with you.”

“Why?”

“Because, like I said the other day, you’re cute when you blush. Yeah, like that,” he teased, smiling. David pretended to be distracted with his coffee. “You love it, Jacobs, don’t deny it.”

“I don’t  _ hate  _ it.” 

They spent a while just talking about this and that. David learned that even though Jack liked set design, he would rather just focus on the art aspect of it. They talked about work and life and politics (thank God they agreed on basically everything). It was really nice and David found himself wishing he could stay here all day. He also heard a little about Jack’s family. Then Jack asked about David’s. 

“Yeah…about that. There’s something you should probably know.”

“You’re not married are you?” 

“No,” he chuckled, “not married. I’m…I’m a father. I have a child. A daughter.”

“Oh.” Jack didn’t say anything else. David started fidgeting and couldn’t convince himself it was the caffeine that was making him jittery. He drank some more. “Well…okay.” David almost spit out the coffee he had in his mouth. 

“What?”

“Is that not what I’m supposed to say?” Jack frowned. 

“No! You’re supposed to say ‘sorry, David, I don’t do kids’ or ‘you’re not worth it’ or ‘you’re so young, why were you so stupid?’”

“Is that what dates usually say?”

“This is the first date I’ve ever been asked on.” 

“What?” Jack asked, sounding shocked.

David blushed. He was embarrassed.

“I probably shouldn’t have said that.”

“No, it’s fine, it’s just kinda surprising. Handsome fella like you? Charming? Smart? Hard to believe no one’s tried to get with that.” 

“Please,” he laughed. “I mean…whatever. So…what does this mean?”

“Well, if you’d like, I’d like to see you again.”

“You would?”

“‘Course. Tell me about your daughter.” David gaped. “Unless you don’t want to.”

“No! I was just surprised. Trust me, I’ll always talk about her.”

“What’s her name? How old is she?”

“She’s four. Her name is Chava.” Jack looked a little concerned and David chuckled. “Call her Ava.”

“Sorry. I’m not real good with other accents or anything. But it’s a pretty name.”

“Thanks.”

“What is it?”

“Hebrew.”

“You’re Jewish?” David tensed. 

“Is that a problem?” 

“What? No, of course not!” he assured. “I was just asking.” David was relieved. Also a little embarrassed he had jumped to conclusions. 

“Sorry. I’m just nervous.”

“It’s fine. Sorry if I was rude.”

“You weren't.”

“Good. I just like learning more about you. So what does her name mean?”

“Eve.”

“As in Adam and Eve?” David nodded.

“It’s stupid but…it means first woman and she’s my priority, you know? The first person in my life. Not like there weren’t people before her but-”

“I hear you. It ain’t stupid, it’s sweet. What’s she like?”

“Perfect.” Jack laughed. “I’m sorry! I’m her father, of course I think she’s perfect. She’s always thinking of others - she’s the most considerate four year old I know. She likes to draw and sing and she’s ridiculously smart. She speaks three languages.”

“Shit, Davey. I barely speak one.”

“Well, it’s what she knows. She had some trouble when she first got to preschool because she would mix up what was English and what was Hebrew and Polish. We speak mostly English at home now, just to keep her in that mindset but she speaks mostly Polish around my parents and a couple of days a week I try to stick to Hebrew.” 

“How many languages do you speak?” 

“Umm…six,” he admitted. David was always a little hesitant to say anything that might be misconstrued as bragging about himself. He was more than happy to brag about Chava though. 

“Six?” Jack exclaimed. “That’s insane. How?” 

“Well…I grew up with English, Hebrew, and Polish, I learned Arabic as a kid, French in school, and my sister studied abroad in Germany so I learned it with her and then she would FaceTime me with her German friends so I kept in practice.”

“Shit.”

“What?”

“I landed a date with a genius.” David laughed. 

“I wish. No, I just speak a few languages, nothing else particularly smart about me.”

“Ten seconds after I met you you were talking about Tennessee Williams.”

“Hey, I’m not the one who quoted him!”

“It’s a popular quote! And I work in theater!” 

“I guess.”

“So, smart boy.” David blushed. “What did you study?” Of course that was his next question. If David never had to hear that question again it would be too soon. He was lucky to have completed high school! There was no he could have gone to college and he almost certainly never would. 

“I didn’t.”

“Sorry?”

“I didn’t go to college.”

“You didn’t? Why not? Sorry if that’s insensitive.”

“It’s fine. I was planning to but then Chava came along. I’m happy though.”

“Wait, David…how old are you?”

“Umm…twenty-two? Is that bad? How old are you?”

“I’m twenty-five. It’s not about the difference I just assumed you were older.”

“Thanks,” David said sarcastically. 

“I don’t mean it like that!” Jack rushed to explain. “When I first saw you on the platform I thought you were a student running late for class.”

“You were flirting with a student?”

“I thought you were at least twenty-one! I’m not a creep!”

“That remains to be seen,” he teased. 

“Whatever. You told me what you did and it was a full time job so I assumed you must be older. You had your daughter when you were eighteen?” 

“Yes.” David bristled, not ready to get a lecture from this guy he just met and was really into. Jack must have noticed his change of tone. 

“David, I don’t mean it like that.”

“How do you mean it?” 

“I mean that…can I hold your hand?”

“What?” 

“Can I hold your hand?”

“Why?” That seemed out of the blue. 

“Because I like you and I’m attracted to you and would really like to see you again. Can I please hold your hand?”

David nodded. He thought that his face might betray his shock. Jack took David’s left hand in his right across the table. 

“I meant that you’re a really good guy. Most guys would have ditched the second they knew there was a baby on the way. And also that you’re impressive. I can’t imagine raising a kid on my own. Not now, not when I was eighteen, probably never.”

“Oh. Okay then. Thanks.”

“Anytime,” Jack chuckled. “I know we’ve been here a while. What time do you have to get back?”

“One.” 

“It’s twelve fifty.”

“Shit. Okay, I have to go.”

“Can I walk you back to work?” Jack asked. 

“You want to?”

“Duh. I want to hold your hand a bit longer.”

David found he couldn’t stop smiling the whole way back. 

  
  


There was a phone call for David and since Hannah was gone, it rang at his desk.

“Hello?”

“How’d it go?” David sighed and rubbed at his forehead. 

“Saz, you can’t just call my work line.”

“Why not? You’re the only left up there aren’t you?”

He looked at Hannah’s empty desk in the dimly lit office even though he already knew the answer. 

“Yeah…”

“So how’d it go?”

“It was kinda great actually.”

“Really? I’m so happy for you! Are you going to go out again?”

“I think so. He said he wanted to and I don’t think he was lying.”

“And you want to as well?”

“Yes. Very much so.” She chuckled.

“Did you tell him about Chava?”

“Yeah. He didn’t mind.”

“See? You worried for nothing.”

“When don’t it? Listen, since you called, guess what I did today?”

“What?”

“Well, I had to call Mr. Pulitzer’s wife but unfortunately she wasn’t home. You know who was?”

“Shit.”

“Yeah. What the hell, Sarah?”

“I’m sorry! When I first introduced you I didn’t want to say anything and then it just got to be too late.”

“Why do you think I would care? That hurts, Saz.”

“I didn’t think you would care about her being his daughter, David, I just wanted you to be able to relax around her. Admit it: if you had known, there would have been some part of you that wouldn’t have been relaxed around her. It’s fine that you know now, because you’ve known each other for a year and a half.” She did have a little bit of a point.

“Fine.”

“Thanks. What time do you think you’ll be out of there?” 

“Hopefully within twenty minutes.” He put the phone between his ear and his shoulder so that he could continue typing while they spoke. “I swear, I have to ask the rabbi about some sort of prayer of gratitude I can do for Chava’s daycare.” Sarah laughed. 

“Yeah. There are some benefits to living in New York.”

“That’s true.”

“All right, I’ll let you go. Love you.”

“Love you too.” 

“Daddy?” David heard Chava whisper in his ear. He jerked awake. It was the middle of the night and his four year old daughter was standing in front of him.

“Chava? What’s wrong?”

“I had a nightmare.”

“Do you want to lie with me for a while?” Chava nodded and climbed her way onto the couch. David shifted to lay on his side and brought the blanket up and over her. She clung onto him and he wrapped his arms around her. “It’s okay, sweetheart. Do you want to tell me about it?”

“No.” Chava had never said that to him before. She always wanted to tell him about her nightmares and he wanted her to because it made her feel better. 

“Are you sure, baby? I can’t help if you don’t tell me.”

“I don’t really remember. It was just scary.”

“Are you sure? You can tell me anything, aniołku, you know that.” Her head was on his chest and she couldn’t see his face so he closed his eyes. 

“I really don’t remember, Daddy.” She sounded like she was on the verge of tears. 

“Hey, it’s okay. Shh. I’m here. Daddy will make it better.”

“I’m sorry,” she said into his chest.

“Why are you sorry?”

“You were asleep.”

“Never worry about that, okay? If you want me you wake me up. That’s what I’m here for.”

“Okay. Daddy?”

“Yes, flower?”

“Do I have to go to school tomorrow?” David opened his eyes. 

“I thought you loved school.”

“I love you more.”

“Oh, baby, I love you too but I couldn’t stay home with you anyway.”

“But they’re mean to you in school and I don’t like it.” David didn’t get it. Why were the kids in Chava’s class picking on her about him so much? He was sure it was just because they heard it from their parents but parents should know what they can and can’t say around children. Little pitchers with big ears. And why did they care anyway? They had their own kids to worry about; let him handle his.

“Are they still saying things to you?” She nodded. 

“Patrick said that his daddy and mommy said that because I’m four it means you were bad in high school. And I heard Brody’s mommy talking to Hailey’s mommy and she said that we were late on Tuesday because teenagers like to sleep in. You’re not a teenager, are you?”

“No, baby, I’m not.” He tried not to sound angry because he wasn’t angry with her and he didn't want her to think that he was. He was, however, incredibly angry at these kids’ parents and would be having a word with Ms. Rhodes tomorrow. “Don’t listen to them okay? I wasn’t bad in high school, that’s not why I have you. I have you because I wanted you more than anything.”

“Really?” She sniffled. 

“Really. I knew I wanted a daughter but  _ you  _ are better than any I could have ever asked for. You’re my favorite person and anyone who says I’m too young is wrong. Some people want kids when they’re older or not at all and that’s fine too. But I had you when I wanted you and I wouldn’t ever regret it for a second. I love you.”

“I love you too, Daddy. Can I tell you something?”

“Anything, Chava.”

“Don’t say anything to my friends but their daddies aren’t as good as mine.” David laughed. 

“Well, don’t say anything to your friends’ daddies but their daughters aren’t as good as mine.” He kissed the top of her head. “Try and get some rest, aniołku. I’ll see you in the morning.”

  
  


They got to school early the next morning so that David would have time to talk to Ms. Rhodes. They were losing thirty minutes of sleep but it was worth it. Chava was tired and she was shy when she was tired, so the whole way to school and even once they got there she refused to be put down and kept her head down on his shoulder, her face hidden. There were only two other students in the classroom when they arrived. 

“Mr. Jacobs? You’re here early,” Ms. Rhodes said. “Here, let me grab that.” She took Chava’s backpack from him and put it on one of the little chairs. 

“Good morning, Ms. Rhodes. Could I talk to you for a moment?”

“Sure.”

“Alone please.” There was another woman in the room who had a school id on so she must have been helping out that morning which meant Ms. Rhodes could step out. 

“Sure,” she said again but with less confidence.

“Chava, baby, I’ve got to put you down.” She whined. “I know but I’ll come say goodbye in a few minutes okay? I’m just going to talk to Ms. Rhodes.” She nodded and let him put her in a chair. 

Ms. Rhodes led the way to a nearby empty classroom.

“What can I do for you, Mr. Jacobs?”

“Ava has been telling me about some of the things she’s heard at school.”

“Oh? And what are those?”

“Several of her classmates - influenced by their parents, I’m sure - have expressed to my daughter that I’m too young to be a father. Patrick told Ava that his parents said that because I’m the age that I am and she’s four, I was bad in high school.” Ms. Rhodes looked upset. Good. “Jasper’s parents told him that I shouldn’t be a father because I’m too young. Elizabeth’s parents told her that I’m a child and that children shouldn’t be parents. And apparently Brody’s mother was telling Hailey’s mother  _ in front of your students  _ that Chava was late on Tuesday because her father is a teenager and ‘teenagers like to sleep in.’ Tell me, Ms. Rhodes, do you think that’s an environment that makes a four year old feel safe? Because the fact that I had to convince her that she was wanted and she didn’t basically ruin my life is appalling.” 

Maybe he shouldn’t have gotten so angry. David knew that it wasn’t exactly her fault but she should be paying attention to what was being said to Chava repeatedly. He knew teachers had one of the hardest jobs there was, especially those who taught young students, but David was a father and when someone was hurting his child it was his responsibility to get angry.

“Mr. Jacobs, I-I honestly don’t know what to say. I had no idea. I’m so sorry.”

David sighed and sat down at one of the way too small desks. Ms. Rhodes came and sat across from him. 

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have been so rude. I know it isn’t your fault.”

“I’ll take care of it. I’ll speak to those students’ parents and to Brody and Hailey’s mothers. That’s unacceptable.” 

“It is. I don’t really care what the other parents think, Ms. Rhodes, but I don’t want them making my daughter think those things. She’s…struggling right now.”

“Is there anything else going on in the classroom with her that I’m unaware of?”

“Nothing in particular as far as I know. Does it seem like she’s getting along well with her peers?”

Ms. Rhodes smiled softly. 

“She is, for the most part. Ava is a very sweet girl and nice to everyone, so the other children like her. She’s a good sharer. As you know, she’s incredibly smart.”

“Yeah.” He smiled a little. 

“And while that’s a very good thing, it makes her an outcast in some ways. I imagine it did for you too?”

“I’m sorry?”

“Oh, well, I know you were the star student at your high school.”

“How do you know that?”

“My teacher’s assistant, Mr. Richards, went to school with you. Has Ava not mentioned it?”

“No, she did, I just…I’m not sure who he is. Ava said he changed his name, so.” He shrugged. “But…I wouldn’t say I was necessarily the star student but I do know what it’s like to be an outcast. She’s feeling it a little bit with the holidays coming up, I know.”

“I’m sure. I was actually going to send her home with a letter at some point in the next few days, but the administration and I would like to meet with you at some point in the coming weeks.”

“Why? Is everything okay?”

“Everything’s fine, we just want to talk about a plan for Ava. She’s advanced and we want to accommodate that.”

He nodded. 

“Sure. I appreciate that. You’ll let me know when?” 

“Absolutely. I have to get back to the classroom, but I’m so sorry again.”

“Thank you. Can I come back and say goodbye to her?”

“Sure! All the other parents should be shuffling in about now.” She gave him a nervous look and he chuckled. 

“I promise I won’t say anything and make a scene.” 

“Thank you. You don’t know how many times that’s happened in years past.” 

David was overwhelmed at the amount of parents and children in the one room. He was so used to being one of the last ones that he hadn’t ever imagined it being this packed. Chava was right where he left her. 

“Hi.”

She turned around and smiled. 

“Hi, Daddy.” She held out her arms and he picked her up. “Are you leaving?”

“Yeah, baby, but I’ll see you tonight, okay? Aunt Sarah is going to pick you up and bring you to daycare after school.”

“What time will you be home?” she asked. David could feel the eyes of several of the parents around him. They tried to be discrete but it was obvious. 

“As soon as I’m able.” She pouted. “Can you do me a favor, aniołku?”

“Okay.”

“Can you think about what book we’re going to read tonight and tell me when I get home?”

“Okay! I’ll decide.”

“Thank you. I look forward to hearing your decision, madame,” he whispered in her ear in an obnoxious French accent. She giggled and kissed his cheek.

“Have fun at work, Daddy.”

“Have fun at school, kochanie. I love you.”

“Love you too!”

He made his way to the entrance of the classroom but was held up by a voice.

“Excuse me, are you Ava’s father?” He stiffened and turned to face the source of the voice. She was almost certainly a mother of one of the children (though David couldn’t say which), probably around thirty. She looked like the stereotypical late twenties or early thirties stay-at-home mom. She had on exercise gear that had to be designer, as far as David could tell. Her top even had thumb holes. Despite this, he felt intimidated by her just because he didn’t want to make things worse for Chava.

“That’s me. David Jacobs.” He stuck out his hand and she shook it. 

“Amanda Hudson. I’m Carson’s mom.”

“Nice to meet you. Listen, I have to be at-”

“A couple of the other parents and I were speaking and we just wanted to ask…”

Great, so now they were talking about him.

“Yes?”

“Well, we’re a little worried about Ava. It’s important for children’s parents to be around, you know. You should try and make more time for her.” He clenched his jaw. 

“I can parent on my own, thanks.”

“Oh, no, I’m sure! We could just all use a little advice once in a while. It’s a good idea to set aside time for your kid each day and try to be home on a consistent schedule.” The audacity of this woman was crazy. He could see that Ms. Rhodes was talking to a parent on the other side of the room so she wasn’t aware, but a few other parents who were obviously Amanda’s friends were beginning to gather around. Was he really that much of an event for these people?

“Right. Well, if you want to pay my rent, by all means.” 

“You don’t have to be rude,” she told him. “I’m trying to be helpful.” A few of the other parents nodded. 

“Is my daughter causing trouble for your children?”

“Not as such, but-”

“Glad to hear it. So it’s really not your business, is it? Actually, even if she was it wouldn’t be your business to talk about my schedule.”

“Children need consistency,” a different mother said. “They’ll be wild and undisciplined if they don’t have it.”

Okay, fuck it. 

“Yeah, sorry about that. I’m weaning her off cigarettes right now. She should be better by next month.” A bunch of people gasped. 

“That’s not funny.”

“I thought it was.”

“Look, kid,” a father David didn’t recognize stepped forward, “we’re all older than you and know more about what we’re talking about. Most of us have more than one child. You should take any advice you can get.” 

_ Fuck  _ these people. Who did they think they were to criticize his parenting? And when there wasn’t even anything wrong with anything his daughter was doing? Their kids were bullying his kid!

“Well, while I’d love to meet these perfect children of yours, I have to get going. I’m really glad you all have time to stand around gossiping about people you don’t know and situations you aren’t a part of, but I don’t. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get to work.”

“Mr. Jacobs, we understand that parenting is hard. I can’t imagine doing it on my own, so-”

“No, you can’t. Here’s a thought: maybe  _ don’t  _ give out unsolicited advice about things you don’t know about.”

“Someone needs to say it to you: if you don’t become more involved in your daughter’s life she’s going to fall behind.” 

“What, in school?”

“Yes,” Amanda said. David laughed. 

“My daughter speaks three languages, knows the alphabet in all of them and is learning to read in all of them. She’s great at- You know what? Why am I even having this conversation? Point is, don’t judge my parenting or my child until yours are perfect.”

“You’re very hostile.”

“Only when hostility is called for.”

“You know,” said a father, “I’m starting to wonder if it’s Ava who needs the babysitter or you.”

“Are you actually calling me a child while you stand here mocking another parent? All of you should be ashamed of yourselves. And by the way, we’re not in an isolated area; I guarantee some of the kids can hear us. You don’t like me? You don’t approve of my parenting? Fine. I’ll pencil some time in to cry about it later. But for now, I have to go to work. Weren’t you the ones wanting me to keep a consistent schedule?” 

“What’s going on here?” Ms. Rhodes came through the crowd. 

“What’s going on is that these lovely ladies and gentlemen are telling me all about how I’m a terrible father.”

“That’s unfair,” Amanda defended. “We’re simply giving him some advice, Ms. Rhodes.”

“Yeah, unsolicited advice from unqualified parties that are riddled with insults. Ms. Rhodes, if you don’t mind, I’ll do something I’m sure they won’t approve of. I refuse to let my daughter be in an environment where she is constantly being told by her peers and their parents that her family isn’t normal and that her father is awful. I’m going to be taking her for the day.”

“I don’t mind at all. I would do the same thing if it were my child.” The other parents started to protest about it but Ms. Rhodes shut them down. “I’d ask that the rest of you please leave and when you come back to pick up your children, I would love to schedule a time to meet with you all.” 

He ignored the arguing and went to where Chava was sitting on the carpet. She was coloring. 

“Hey, flower.”

She turned around. 

“Daddy? I thought you left.”

“And now I’m back. What do you say you come with me to work today, hmm?”

“Really?” she asked excitedly. 

“Really. You’ll get to see Hannah too. Come on, it’ll be fun.” She put on her backpack and let him pick her up. They passed through the group of parents who went silent. “Say bye to Ms. Rhodes, Chava.”

“Bye, Ms. Rhodes!”

“Goodbye, dear.”

“What did he just call her?” he heard one of the parents mutter and he couldn’t help but laugh. 

“What are you laughing at Daddy?”

“I’m just laughing because I’m happy to spend the day with you.”

“Me too! I can’t wait to see where you work!”

Oh shit. That. He hadn’t really thought that through before he made the decision. David would count the day as a success if Mr. Pulitzer at least called him into his office instead of firing him in front of his daughter. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> David Jacobs is a hyperpolyglot and I will die on this hill.


	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> David and Chava go to work. He’s worried about what it will mean for his job, but oddly enough, she’s not the loved one who could get him in trouble. Enter Katherine.

“Hi Hannah!” Chava yelled as soon as the elevator doors opened. Hannah looked up, startled. 

“Ava? What are you doing here?” She looked at David.

“Chava, what did I say? Indoor voice.”

“Sorry. I’m here to spend the day with Daddy!” she told Hannah. 

“That’s lovely, dear.” She continued to look at David. 

“Okay, aniołku. I’m going to put you down in my chair. Stay there while I have a talk with Hannah, all right?” She nodded and let herself be set down. He jerked his head over to the corner of the room by the coffeemaker and Hannah followed. 

“What are the chances he won’t notice?”

“Absolutely zero. David, what were you thinking?”

“I was  _ thinking _ that I had to go to work and she couldn’t go to school.”

“Why not?”

“Because she’s being picked on,” he said, putting a mug under the machine and turning it on, “and apparently I am too now. I thought I was done with middle school level drama.”

“Explain.” So he did. Hannah was more sympathetic afterwards and offered to help him. “I don’t want you to think I’m mad she’s here; I’m not. You know I love her. I’m worried for you though.” 

“Whatever happens happens. As long as you don’t get in trouble.”

“Don’t worry about me. Bring him his coffee and explain before he notices by himself.” He groaned. 

“Really? Fine.”

“Where are you going, Daddy?” Chava asked as he walked by with Pulitzer’s mug. 

“I’m going into someone else’s office for just a few minutes. Stay here and be good for Hannah, all right?”

“All right.” 

He knocked on the door.

“Come in!”

“Good morning, Mr. Pulitzer. Here’s your coffee.” He put it down on the desk and waited for his boss to look up. 

“Yes? What is it? I sent you an email about what I need this morning.”

“Yes, sir. I just had…”

“Spit it out, Jacobs! I don’t have all day.”

“My daughter is here, sir,” he admitted nervously. Pulitzer stared at him blankly for a moment. 

“Your daughter.”

“Yes, sir.”

_ “Your  _ daughter,” he repeated. 

“Yes, sir, my daughter.”

“You have a daughter?” David resisted the urge to roll his eyes. He had worked here for eight months. Pulitzer spent at least nine hours a day on this floor and not once in the last eight months had he noticed the pictures on David’s desk or questioned why he was here instead of at college.

“Yes, sir, I do.”

“Is she an infant? I didn’t know you were expecting.”

“She’s four, Mr. Pulitzer.”

“Why is she here?”

“Because she couldn’t be in school today and there was no one else to watch her.”

“Why couldn’t she be in school?”

“It’s a really long story and I don’t think you want-”

“Fine. Is someone coming to get her?”

“No, sir, no one is available.” 

“Her mother?”

“She’s…not in the picture, sir.” Pulitzer looked at him analytically. 

“Is she quiet?”

“She will be. I promise.”

“Is she going to make a mess?”

“No, sir.”

“How does Hannah feel about it?”

“Fine, sir. She’s met her before.”

“Have you brought your daughter here before?”

“No, sir.”

“So…you’ve seen Hannah…socially?” He sounded confused and if the situation were different David might have found it funny. 

“Occasionally. We’re friends.” Pulitzer didn’t speak for a moment and David felt like he was going to have an anxiety attack. He tried to breathe deep without making it noticeable. 

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“She can stay if you get your work done.”

“Yes, Mr. Pulitzer. Thank you, sir.”

“Go.” David rushed out as quickly as he could. Hannah had her chair facing the door, waiting for him to come out. 

“What did he say?”

“It’s fine. She can stay.”

“That’s great.”

“Yeah. I just can’t mess up today. Well, more than I already have.” 

“Get to work then.” He gave her a little salute. 

“All right, aniołku, I need that chair now, please.”

“Where can I sit?” 

“I can bring you another chair if you’d like?” She thought for a moment. 

“Can I sit on the ground?” He laughed. 

“What, you want to sit under my desk?” She nodded. “Bevakasha.” Luckily, David’s desk was large and had two sides so she had room. 

Chava got out a coloring book David had put in her bag to have at daycare and the stuffed dragon she had chosen as her toy for the day. She sat quietly, coloring and playing for almost an hour, which was longer than David thought she would. 

“Daddy?”

“Yeah?” He was still focused on the memo he was reading and only half listening. 

“I’m bored. Are we going to sit here all day long?” she asked in a dramatic fashion. He chuckled. 

“A lot of it. I’ve got some errands to run later and you’ll come with me but I can’t promise that will be fun either.”

“Do you do this everyday?”

“Yep.”

“Are you bored?”

“Sometimes. Hannah keeps me entertained.” 

“What are you reading?”

“A memo.”

“What’s that?”

“It’s a note that tells me information.”

“So…a note?” 

“Basically. No more questions, okay?”

“Okay,” Chava mumbled. 

“If you can stay calm for another half an hour we can go on an errand and I’ll get you a snack.” 

_ “And  _ he’ll get Hannah a snack,” his coworker added. 

“Yeah, yeah.”

Chava giggled. 

  
  


“So that was dry cleaning?” Chava asked about ninety minutes later when they were returning. She didn’t love the errand but she had expressed happiness at being outside and was excited to hit the elevator buttons. He had had to stop her from hitting more than one of them on the way back up. 

“Yeah.”

“And they clean clothes?”

“Yep. Just like a washing machine.”

“How do they clean clothes dry? Don’t you need water to wash things?” she asked. 

“They…actually I have no idea. I’ll find out for you if you remind me later.” 

“But you know  _ everything _ , Daddy,” she teased. 

“I know some things.”

“So do I.”

“That’s true.” The doors opened and David was relieved to find only Hannah was there. “Here,” he said, handing her a miniature bag of pretzels. She opened her mouth to say something but he beat her to it. “I know, I know, they’re low sodium.” Hannah smiled.

“You’re the best. Isn’t your father just the best, Ava?”

“Yep!”

“Let me just call Savta and Aunt Sarah and we can see if all four of my favorite women feel like telling me how great I am.” Hannah batted him on the arm and Chava laughed. 

“You’re silly, Daddy.”

_ “I’m  _ silly? You know who’s silly? Uncle Les.”

“You’re  _ both _ silly,” she said, “just different silly.” 

“I can’t argue with that logic.” He helped Chava wiggle her jacket off and then sat down. 

“Daddy, can I sit in your lap?”

“Not right now. Tonight, once everybody else is gone, you can.”

“We’re not leaving with everybody else?”

“No, baby, probably not. I promise I’ll get you dinner, okay?” He wasn’t sure  _ how  _ he would, but he would. 

“Okay.” David somehow got her to occupy herself with her coloring book again but that wouldn’t last the whole day. Maybe he could print out some worksheets or mazes or something for her to do. 

Around eleven thirty, the elevator dinged and the doors opened. 

“Katherine?” 

“Hey, David. Hi, Hannah!” 

“What are you doing here?”

“Well now that I know you work here I won’t avoid my father as much. How are-”

“Katherine?” Chava popped out from under the desk.

“Chava! What are you doing here?”

“I’m at Daddy’s work!”

“I can see that.” She came over and picked her up, squeezing her tight. “Oh, it’s so good to see you, baby girl. I’ve missed you!” 

“I’ve missed you too.” She gave Katherine a little kiss on the cheek and David’s heart warmed. She kissed his daughter’s forehead. 

“Why-”

“Later,” he said sternly. She nodded.

“I’m going to go say hi to my dad.”

“Let me just let him know, otherwise-”

“He knows I’m coming.”

“He does?”

“Yeah, I called him this morning.”

David sighed. 

“It would be incredibly helpful if he could tell me when he makes his own appointments but he never does. All right, let me at least tell him you’re here.” She hugged him before she let him walk towards the office and knock on the door. 

“Come in!”

“Mr. Pulitzer?” David creaked the door open halfway. “Your daughter is here to see you.” 

“Send her in.”

He sat back down and texted Sarah. She knew he had Chava because he told her not to pick her up but this was just bizarre. 

**Sarah**

**11:34 AM**

I’m having a bit of a weird day. I’m at work with your niece sitting under my desk and your girlfriend just came in to see your girlfriend’s father - my boss.

_ That IS weird because I just heard from my cousin’s neighbor’s dog’s nanny’s brother’s life partner that… _

I hate you. 

_ You love me  _

I love you. 

But also screw you.

_ Your boss’ daughter already does _

Sarah! You’re the worst! Why would you text me that?

_ Aren’t you excited for when you get to make me uncomfortable with those jokes but about Jack? _

Don’t count your chickens. It could still go south. 

_ Please, I have people to count my chickens for me _

Go to hell. 

_ See you there. Want to be roommates? _

I call the bottom bunk. 

_ What kind of person wants the bottom bunk? _

“Daddy?”

“Hmm?” He looked at her. “What’s up, flower?”

“Am I going back to school tomorrow?” Katherine would keep Pulitzer occupied for a while so David figured it was probably safe to pull Chava into his lap. He kissed her temple. 

“I’m not sure, baby. I have to talk to Ms. Rhodes.”

“Why?” she asked, looking sad. “Am I in trouble?” 

“What? Chava, no. You haven’t done anything wrong. I’m sorry, I should have explained. It’s grownup stuff.” Chava groaned. “I know you don’t like that explanation but it is what it is. Baby, are you happy in class? Are you having fun with your friends?” She shrugs and wraps her arms around his neck. 

“I like school. Ms. Rhodes and Mr. Richards are nice and I like Lily and Marcus and Tyler and Kyle. Elizabeth is usually nice but she was mean about you. I don’t think all of my friends’ parents like me.”

“I’m sure that’s not true. Why do you think that?” David felt like he might cry. How could his baby girl think those things? How could he not have known? And it was his fault, too.

Hannah seemed to understand this was a private conversation and she excused herself to go to the restroom. He felt a little bad that he had essentially taken over the office for his personal use but he also knew she didn’t care.

“Well, Mrs. Bryant asked me about when my mommy was picking me up because she saw her every day so I told her that that wasn’t my mommy it was my Aunt Sarah. Then she looked sad and then all the other mommies and daddies started looking at me funny.” He subconsciously tightened his hold around her and she snuggled in. 

“That doesn’t mean they don’t like you, baby. Sometimes people don’t understand things and so they get sad when they shouldn’t be. They don’t understand our family but that’s okay as long as we do.”

“So they’re upset about Aunt Sarah? What did she do?”

“No, flower. They’re upset because you live with just a daddy and not a mommy and a daddy.”

“Oh. That’s silly,” she decided. 

“Yeah? Does it ever make you sad?”

“No. I have you, Daddy, what do I need a mommy for?” He kissed the top of her head and exhaled in relief. 

“You don’t, baby. I’ll always be here for you and I love you more than anyone else in the world loves anyone else. Your friends’ parents are wrong. Do all of them act like that?” She shook her head. 

“No. Mrs. Smith asked me questions the other day that made me feel icky but Dr. Fry took me to stand with her instead.”

“That’s Tyler’s mom?”

“Yeah. I like her. And Lily’s mommy and daddy are nice.”

“What about Marcus and Kyle?” She shrugged. 

“They say hi to me but they always try and talk to the mommies and daddies who are talking to me.” It sounded to David like they were protecting her too. He smiled. He was glad that his daughter had friends with parents like that. 

“I think they’re just trying to get them to leave you alone. I’m so sorry, flower; you shouldn’t have to deal with this.”

“I don’t care because I have friends.” 

“So you’re happy?”

“Yeah.”

“That makes me very happy. But you know you can always tell me if you’re not, right? I’ll do everything I can to help you. So will Aunt Sarah and Uncle Les and Savta and Zayde and Katherine and Hannah. We all love you so much, but none as much as me.”

“I love you all too. Daddy?”

“Yes, sweetheart?”

“Can I have two stories tonight?” David laughed. Four year olds could move on so quickly. His eyes were watering from a mix of sadness and relief.

“Of course.” 

“Thanks.” 

“I’m going to put you down now, okay?”

“Why?” she complained. 

“Daddy has to do some more work so that we can go home and read stories later.”

“Okay, I guess.”

“Thanks, aniołku.” 

David usually brought Pulitzer another cup of coffee around now, but not when he was in a meeting. Did Katherine count as a meeting? Probably not. 

He waited for Hannah to get back so Chava wasn’t alone and then he made it and knocked on the door. Pulitzer told him to come in. 

“Mr. Pulitzer? Sorry to interrupt, I was seeing if you wanted more coffee.”

“Yes, bring it here. So,” he said, taking a sip, “my daughter tells me you know each other.” David took a second to shoot Katherine an annoyed look. 

“Yes, sir.”

“And how is that?” David looked again at Katherine. 

“It’s fine,” she told him. “I’m out.”

“Katherine is my sister’s girlfriend, Mr. Pulitzer.” 

“I see.” He looked at them both like he was trying to fit pieces of a puzzle together. “And is that how your resume came to be on my desk?”

“What? No, I-”

“Oh, relax, Father. David didn’t even know we were related until a week ago.”

“How is that? Haven’t you been dating your current girlfriend for over a year?”

“You know I don’t go by Pulitzer. Sarah didn’t tell either of us. I knew he was a PA but I didn’t question for whom. We just put it together recently.” David nodded. 

“I’m learning a lot about you today, Jacobs.”

“Uh…yes, sir.” He wasn’t sure what he was meant to do. 

“Tell me, are there any other secret family members I should know about? Or is it just your daughter and my daughter’s girlfriend.” David blushed. 

“No-”

“Father! Leave him, alone, for Christ’s sake. Can’t you tell you’re making him nervous?”

“It’s fine, Kath, don’t-” She cut him off. 

“Why is it any of your business that he has a daughter? And the other thing isn’t his fault.”

“I like to know things about the people who work closely with me.”

“It’s probably in his file that he’s a father. If you’re so interested, look there. David,” she turned to him, “when you did the paperwork for your company insurance did you list your dependents?”

“Oh, well…I’m not on the company insurance. But I think it’s in my file anyway, yes.” She shot him a glare that said they would be discussing that later.

“I’ll handle my employees how I like, Katherine, thank you. Do you have any other children, Jacobs?”

“No, sir.”

“What about a girlfriend that I’m going to find out is my niece or something?”

“Father-”

“No, sir, I promise.” Pulitzer leaned back in his chair and Katherine huffed. He fidgeted, not entirely sure if he should still be standing there or if he should leave. He didn’t really understand why he was in trouble but it certainly felt like he was. Sarah had mentioned that Katherine and her father bickered a lot so maybe this was just part of that. Either way, he might kill Katherine later. 

“Good then. And this daughter of yours,” he turned to his own, “you know her, Katherine?” She rolled her eyes. 

“Yes,  _ Father, _ I’ve only been dating her aunt for the last year and a half.”

“Some people don’t see their nieces or nephews often; it wasn’t a completely crazy question.”

“Well, David and Sarah are kinda unhealthily inseparable, so…”

“Hey!” 

“Don’t deny it. Whatever, the point is, I love her. She’s great.”

“Yes, I’m sure,” Pulitizer said, clearly not caring about her biased opinion. “Does my daughter often babysit yours, Jacobs? Am I paying you while you get childcare from my family?”

“That’s out of line,” Katherine spat. “It’s none of your business what I do or don’t do for the people I love but if you must know, I’ve watched her in the past. Rarely, and I had to convince David to let me because he’s so worried about inconveniencing people, but I have.” David couldn’t be in trouble for Katherine snapping at her father, could he? Stranger things had happened, he guessed. Seriously, he was going to kill her.

“I don’t know if you’re aware, Father, but families help each other.”

_ “Families?” _

“Yes. David is my family whether we’re related or not. One day I hope to marry his sister and I would love him even if that wasn’t the case. Now apologize to David.”

“What?” David sputtered. “No, Katherine, it’s-”

“It’s not fine, David; he insulted you and accused you of using me.”

“Katherine, please, it’s seriously okay. I’m not offended in the least.” That was a lie. “I should get back to work.” Pulitzer had stayed silent for this whole thing, eyes moving back and forth from his daughter to David. Katherine glared at him and he sighed. 

“I apologize, Jacobs.” Wait, what? There was no way that was genuine and David might end up paying for it later. He was definitely going to go call his sister and yell at her to yell at her girlfriend about boundaries. David and Work David were two completely different people - they had to be.

He could stand up for himself, he just chose not to because the indignities he suffered through here were all for the purpose of providing for his daughter. It was possible that he wouldn’t be fired, but Katherine put him at risk and he was irate.

“There’s no need, sir, but I appreciate that. You didn’t do anything wrong.” Katherine scoffed. “If that’s all?” He nodded and David made his escape. 

He was practically hyperventilating by the time he was on the other side of the door and he could feel himself spiraling into an anxiety attack which was  _ not  _ an option. He tried the breathing exercises he had been taught, tried thinking of what he could feel around him, tried absolutely everything he could to ground himself.

He opened his eyes and found himself in his desk chair, Hannah in front of him telling him to breathe. 

“Good. Are you back?” He nodded. 

“How long-”

“About fifteen minutes.”

“Seriously? Christ, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-”

“Hey, don’t work yourself up again.” 

“Yeah.” David closed his eyes and breathed for another minute or so. “Wait, where’s Chava? Hannah, where-”

“She’s right over there.” Hannah pointed to her own desk chair where Chava was sitting, staring at the floor. “She’s okay.” 

“Hey, baby?” he called and she looked up. “Come here, aniołku.” She looked so frightened. Hannah stepped back to give them room. David held out his arms and pulled her into his lap despite not being entirely ready to be touched yet. He would be fine, Chava and his siblings were usually the exceptions.

She tucked her head into his shoulder. “I’m so sorry, Chava. I didn’t mean to scare you. Daddy’s okay.” She nodded but then let out a sob. Hannah walked over to the water cooler to get her a cup. “Shh it’s okay, baby, it’s okay. Can you look at me?”

Chava pulled back reluctantly and David held her face. It was covered in tear stains and it was clear that she had been crying earlier too. He kissed her forehead and both her cheeks. “I’m so sorry. Are you all right?” She nodded. “It’s okay if you’re not.”

“What happened, Daddy? That was scary.”

“I know, baby, I know. I got overwhelmed and nervous but I’m all better now.”

“But you wouldn’t answer me,” she cried and put her head back on him.

“Oh, aniołku, that’s because I couldn’t hear you. I can’t hear anyone when I’m like that. If I heard you I promise I would have replied. I’m sorry.” She shook her head. 

“You ignored me.” David felt tears in his own eyes. 

“I promise you I didn’t mean to ignore you.” Hannah put the cup down and he nodded his thanks. She retreated to her desk. “Daddy’s so sorry. Can you forgive me?”

“Yes, Daddy.” 

“Thank you, flower. Thank you.”

“Can we go home?” Tears stroked down his cheek. He wished he could be a good father and comfort her; take her home when she needed to be home. 

“I’m sorry, baby, but I can’t. I can call Aunt Sarah or Savta or Zayde if you want? One of them can come take you home?”

“No!” she cried. “I want to go home with you!” He shushed her, half to comfort and half to hopefully make her quieter. He was definitely in for it if he brought a sobbing child into the office.  _ “Please, _ Daddy. Please.”

“I can’t, aniołku,” he told her, crying himself. “I really can’t.” 

“Why not?”

“Because I need to work.”

“Why?”

“I just have to, baby. It’s hard to explain.”

“Do you like working more than you like being home with me?”

“No! Chava, I’d rather be with you every second of every day but I can’t. Do you want me to call someone to get you?” She shook her head. “Okay, but if you stay here you have to let me work and you can’t sit on my lap. I’m sorry.” 

“I promise I’ll be good.”

“Oh, you always are, aniołku.” She jumped down from his lap, still crying a little. He made her drink the water. Chava went back under the desk but this time, she clung into his leg as he worked. It probably wasn’t a great sign but they both needed the comfort right then.

God, where the hell was Katherine? She needed to hurry and get out of there so he could let her know how astronomically bad her fuck up was. 

His cell phone buzzed. 

**Jack**

**11:41 AM**

_ Guess what? My brother is an idiot and I’m sitting in the ER waiting room because he broke his arm jumping off of a swing so I figured I’d text you because I’m ignoring his whining _

__ David chuckled through his tears. 

_ I’d be nice but this is the third time he’s broken a bone by being an idiot in five years.  _

Children are idiots. 

Not mine. My child is perfect.

_ Oh yes, I’m sure.  _

_ But he isn’t a child. _

_ He’s twenty fucking three years old.  _

__ He huffed, amused. 

So does that mean I’m still allowed to use the swings? My daughter will be happy to hear that, although I’m not sure how good at pushing she’ll be. 

_ I’ll push you.  _

Flirt. 

_ That’s me.  _

_ Seriously, he’s married and he’s still acting like this. His husband is a goddamn doctor, Davey. He’s going to be pissed. _

_ Now he’s reading my texts over my shoulder and would like you to know that “my husband isn’t that type of doctor, dumbass, so he has no right to complain. Fucking PhD.” _

Haha. I hope he feels better soon. 

_ How’s your day been? I notice you’re responding at work… _

Shitty.

_ Want to talk about it? _

__ He did, but he wasn’t sure if he should. They had only been on one date even though they had been texting constantly. Still, David was worried about scaring him off. At the same time, this is what relationships were supposed to involve, right? Trusting each other to be there? Were they a relationship? Probably not but if he wanted them to be (which he did, despite the problems it might cause) then he should start trying to strike a balance between open book and closed off completely.

The parents at my daughter’s school spent the morning criticizing me, it turns out they’ve basically been bullying my four year old, I took her with me to work where my boss was pissed, I’m about to be in huge trouble for something else that I didn’t even do, my sister’s girlfriend fucked me over so I’m furious with her, my daughter started crying, she wants to go home but I can’t, she doesn’t want to go with any of my family, and I’m probably going to have to work late again. 

_ Woah _

Sorry. I shouldn’t have ranted at you like that. 

_ No, Davey, it’s fine. Never feel like you can’t tell me stuff. I know we’re new and all but I want to be here for you if you let me.  _

I will. Thank you. And the same to you. 

_ It sounds like you could use a break.  _

Probably but I can’t take one.

_ Can I do anything to help? _

_ Want me to bring you food or something? _

__ This guy was so sweet it was ridiculous. Something had to be wrong with him to be so interested in David. He wasn’t going to accept because it wouldn’t go over well and he wasn’t nearly ready to introduce Jack to Chava, but it was still nice of him to offer. 

Thank you but no. I think I would get into trouble. 

_ Okay. Let me know if you change your mind.  _

_ Can I take you out to lunch tomorrow? _

Tomorrow is a busy day here so I won’t have time. 

I’m sorry, I’d really love to. 

_ That’s okay. What about this weekend? I know you said you were normally busy.  _

Fuck it. He deserved this. Dr. Conlon and Sarah would be proud. 

I’d love to. My sister’s girlfriend owes me more than one now, so she can watch her even if she already had plans. 

_ Ooh vindictive David, I like it. How about Saturday? _

That would be spectacular. 

_ I’m glad to hear it. I’ve got to go. They just called my brother and he’s going to be whiny if he doesn't have a hand to hold. I swear to god, he wouldn’t function without someone to watch him 24/7. _

Talk soon. 

The door opened. Katherine.

“Hey, sorry about that,” she said casually. “He’s a little-”

_ “He  _ wasn’t the problem.” She looked confused and a little hurt.

“W-what?”

“Don’t you  _ ever _ do that or anything like it again,” he hissed quietly, cognizant of Chava‘s presence. “You risked my job in there.”

“I did  _ not. _ You were fine.”

“You didn’t know that! He may be your father but he’s my boss and I know how he functions at work. He’s fired people for less - and I didn’t even do anything. You don’t get to do that. If I had been fired, I wouldn’t have been able to make rent this month,” David whispered. “Do you know how close I am to being evicted? Fuck you.”

“Daddy, what are you talking about? I can’t hear you guys.”

“Nothing, baby, don’t worry about it.” Katherine looked like she might cry but David didn’t care in the least. “You think I can’t handle his jabs and insults on my own? I’ve been doing it for eight months, I don’t need your help with him. Not now, not ever. You risked my daughter’s safety. Fuck you.”

“David-”

“Go.”

“David!”

“Will there be anything else, Ms. Pulitzer?” he asked in his assistant voice. She stared at him for all of ten seconds but then she gave up and got into the elevator.

Time to call Sarah. No way was Katherine getting to her first. 

David fell asleep right after putting Chava to bed. He usually stayed up for another hour or two washing dishes, sweeping, wiping down the counter, that sort of thing. That night, however, he literally couldn’t keep his eyes open. He struggled to set his alarm. 

Anxiety attacks wore him out and he had already been exhausted. Chava had agreed to go home with Sarah around three, and Sarah came right to the office once school let out. She brought Chava back to the apartment and had watched her until David came home five hours later.

He knew she was feeling guilty and he probably should have assured her that he was only mad at Katherine, but he irrationally wanted to make her stew. David knew that that was cruel but he was too tired to give a shit. He decided that he would call and apologize in the morning - to her, not to Katherine. 

When he woke up the next morning, it was to find Chava in his arms. Normally, he was a pretty light sleeper but he had no recollection of waking up when she lay down. He sighed and ran his hands through her hair, leaning down to softly kiss her forehead.

He hadn’t had the time to call Ms. Rhodes last night but he had no choice but to bring Chava to school. It made him feel like a terrible father but hopefully the parents had already got a talking to and they had made sure their kids didn’t say anything mean either. He rolled his eyes when he thought it - yeah right.

Chava was incredibly tired and slow moving even though Sarah said she had slept most of the evening yesterday. Maybe she had slept too much or maybe she was just as emotionally drained as he was. Either way, he carried her to school and the walk was practically silent. She didn’t seem upset anymore which he was thankful for. If she had been upset David didn’t think he would have been able to get through the day.

They got to school five minutes before it started and some of the parents had congregated outside whispering to each other; David ignored them. He gave Chava a hug that lasted a little longer than it normally would have and left for work. 

It was a busy but quiet day. Hannah seemed to realize he needed some silence for once in his life and only spoke to him when it was work related or to offer to make him coffee or something. When she left, she kissed him on the cheek and smiled sweetly, holding his chin and caressing his cheek. David had, embarrassingly enough, let himself close his eyes and briefly sink into it.

He needed physical comfort. Chava always hugged and cuddled with him and it made him feel better but right now, he desperately wanted to not be the one doing the comforting. He would always do that for her happily but he needed someone too. His mind wandered to Jack. 

Jack, the man he had been out with once. It was a little stupid to think of him right now but it was what he wanted. He could go to Sarah, sure, but she would try to solve everything. Ima and Aba would ask too many questions. He didn’t try. 

He spent the next few days in a constant state of tension, almost snapping at Hannah on Thursday when she wouldn’t stop tapping her pen. David wanted sleep and a new fucking job. He wanted to be twenty-two.

He would never for a second regret Chava but sometimes he wished he could have had a little more time. He was never entirely happy as a child and he had been about to be free of high school and being picked on every day.

Chava was born in March of his senior year. Luckily, he had enough credits and his counselor let him graduate early. He went right from school to being a father. Literally. Chava was born five weeks early and during David’s last week of school. Her mother texted him when he was in math class to say her water broke. He had jumped out of his desk, startling everyone and his teacher yelled at him as he ran out. Three hours later, he was a father. Three hours and thirty minutes later, he was a single father. 

There had never been one minute where he wasn’t either a student or an adult. Didn’t he deserve some time off? Not from Chava, never from Chava, but from everything else.

David had never been a fan of the beach. He and Sarah liked swinging Les between them by the water when he was little but otherwise he had no interest. Now though? He would give anything to lie on a warm beach. 

By Friday, David only had enough energy to talk to Chava. He grunted in acknowledgement of Hannah when he came in and gave quiet  _ yes sirs  _ and  _ no sirs  _ to Pulitzer. Sarah called and he shook his head when Hannah asked if she should put the call through. 

He should have seen it coming, but when he was in it, he almost never did. 


	6. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saturday morning, everything went to hell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Serious warnings for this chapter: mentions of suicidal thoughts, mentions of thoughts of self harm, severe depression.

Saturday morning, everything went to hell. Katherine and Sarah were going to pick Chava up at eleven thirty on their way to the park. That didn’t happen. Chava woke David up at seven and he could barely speak. 

“Daddy? Are you awake? I’m hungry.”

“Hmm.”

“Daddy?”

“Yeah.”

“Get up, Daddy.” He tried so hard to do it for her but he just couldn’t. He grabbed his phone. 

“Sarah is coming,” he got out so as to let Chava know he was conscious. He hit his speed dial agonizingly slowly, and it rang. 

“David? It’s seven in the morning.” He didn’t answer. “David? Are you okay?”

After last time, they had made a deal that if he didn’t respond after three tries, she would get up, get Les or Katherine, and come over. 

“Neshama? Can you answer me? Fuck. Okay, I’m on my way. Just hang in there, all right?” She sounded like she was going to cry. “Is Chava next to you? David, I need you to give Chava the phone.” He didn’t respond. “David, I know it’s hard, serce, but you need to listen and do this for me. Give Chava the phone.” It took him a few seconds but he held out the phone to his daughter. She took it. 

“Aunt Sarah? I don’t know. Are you coming?” Everything she said sounded fuzzy to David, like they were underwater. “I’m scared, Aunt Sarah. Yes. Hi Uncle Les. I’m okay.” She stayed on the phone with them until they were at the door. 

The problem was that not only was it locked, but David had latched it the night before. He heard a chair scraping across the floor. Chava must have been standing on it to unlatch the door. David felt tears roll down his face. How could he do this to her? He was a terrible father. 

“David?” Sarah was suddenly standing over him. “Les, take her to her room.” She kneeled down and started stroking his forehead with her thumb. “It’s okay, neshama, it’s going to be okay. You’re going to be absolutely fine, I promise.” She leaned in and kissed his forehead. “I’m going to call Dr. Conlon and if he says yes, you’re going to take your medicine, okay? I’ll help you. David, I need you to look at me in the eyes, all right? Just for a second.” He tried so hard but he couldn’t. More tears fell. “Hey, hey, it’s okay. Now I know that you can hear me so it’s fine. You need to tell me: are you feeling like you want to hurt yourself and are you suicidal?”

David thought for a second, even though it hurt so much. Did he want to hurt himself? No. No, he couldn’t do that to Chava.

“David.”

“No,” he choked out, barely audible. Sarah was crying softly - just a few tears. She kissed his forehead again.

“Thank you, neshama. You did so well. I’m proud of you. You don’t have to talk anymore, okay? I’m going to call Dr. Conlon but he’s going to be on speaker, all right? I know you don’t want to but you have to hear it. You get to know what’s happening.” He didn’t respond.

Sarah picked his phone up off the coffee table where Chava had left it. “Okay, I found his contact; it’s ringing.”

“Hello? Yes, my name is Sarah Jacobs, I’m calling about my brother David. I have permission to speak to the doctor about him; you should have the form. Can you put me through to his phone then? It’s an emergency. I understand that, but he told David to have me call him if this happened. Thank you.” 

“I’m on hold, David. It’s Saturday so it was an answering agency but they’re calling him now and they can connect our call, okay? You’re going to be fine.” Her voice was shaky. 

“Hello? Is this Dr. Conlon? Can I please speak with him? I’m sorry to disturb you but he told us to call in case of emergency. Sarah Jacobs. His patient is David Jacobs, I’m his sister and I have permission. Thank you.” 

She looked at him. “It was his husband but he’s getting him, okay? Don’t worry.” He didn’t really care about or process what she was saying and she probably knew that but she also probably knew that her voice grounded him. 

“Dr. Conlon? Oh thank god. This is Sarah, I’m David’s sister? David Jacobs. Yes, right, sorry, I’m just flustered. It’s like it was like six weeks ago. He couldn’t even speak this time. Well, I asked him if he was thinking about hurting himself and he said no. Do you mind if I put you on speaker phone? There’s no one else in the room and I want him to- yes. Okay.”

She held the phone in between them and hit the speaker button. “Okay, you’re on speaker now.”

“David? It’s Dr. Conlon. Your sister says you’re not doing well. I’m going to ask you some questions, all right? If you can’t talk just nod or shake your head and Sarah will tell me. I know it’s hard but you really have to.”

David was so overwhelmed. All he could think about was how he would never feel happy again and how he was going to fail Chava -  _ did  _ fail Chava. 

“David, I know Sarah asked you this but I need to too. Are you suicidal?” It was one of the hardest things he had ever done, but he shook his head. 

“He says no.”

“Okay. Do you feel like you want to hurt yourself or anyone else?” He would moan if he had the energy, too exhausted for this. He shook his head again. 

“He said no again.”

“Okay. Good, David, that’s really good. Have you moved at all? And I don’t mean off the couch I mean at all?”

“He called me and my niece said he told her that I was coming.”

“Good. I’m sure it doesn’t feel like it but you’re doing a very good job with letting us help you, David. Do you think something specifically brought this on?” 

“He says no. I don’t want to speak for him, but-”

“Any insight would be helpful.”

“Well he’s exhausted and I mean more than usual. He’s had a really, really bad week at work and with Chava’s school.”

“What happened?” Sarah told him all about what happened with the other parents and bringing Chava to work and Katherine’s monstrosity of a fuck up. 

“David, I understand why you might be feeling this way. I’m sure that’s not all of it but it definitely was a factor. In general have you been feeling worse on this new dosage?”

“He says no.”

“Okay. What about better?”

“Apparently not. I thought he was but maybe that’s just because I wanted to think that,” Sarah said, distraught.

“Sarah, that’s okay. Everyone wants that for their loved ones and it’s easy to tell ourselves that. Don’t worry about that. David, not to talk about you instead of with you but you know how he is, Sarah. He hides things so that he can feel like he’s protecting others. It means you’re a kind and loving person, David, it’s just a bad habit. But let’s not talk about that right now.”

They spoke for a while about the changes they could make to his medication. They decided to change it but so as to not make it worse, Sarah helped him take his current dose. She literally had to lift his head up. He was sure he looked like an invalid. He was, basically. David didn’t really care. He couldn’t imagine himself ever feeling better nor could he remember a time in the past where he did. When he got like this it seemed to spread everywhere. Time stopped making sense and moments began bleeding into other moments. He tried to think of something -  _ anything  _ \- else but he was so exhausted that it made his head hurt.

He was feverish as well, apparently, and freezing. Dr. Conlon had said that probably was just because his immune system was run down due to exhaustion. Sarah turned off the lights and covered him with all the blankets she could find. She put a cool, damp cloth on his forehead and over his eyes. Then, she put a pillow on her lap so he could rest his head on her. He immediately felt a little better.

David cried on and off. Eventually, he started letting out the occasional whimper, which was probably not a bad thing considering he had been too exhausted to do so just an hour earlier. Sarah shushed him, running her fingers through his hair over and over, and whispering reassurances. 

“It’s okay, neshama. You’re going to be okay. I love you. We’re all here for you. Just sleep, kochanie.”

He did. 

  
  


“Won’t he be sorta distraught once he’s feeling better if she’s not here?” Les whispered, waking David. He didn’t move, still too exhausted and really not feeling that much better. Sarah’s hand was running through his hair again and he felt soothed. 

“Maybe, but if he’s feeling up to seeing her then he’ll be feeling up to talking to her, I would think,” Sarah replied, also whispering. “Don’t you think that in the long run he’ll feel better knowing she wasn’t here?”

Les sighed. 

“Maybe. I’ll go call Ima and Aba and see what they think.” David heard him walk away. He grunted, letting her know he was awake. 

“David? I’m going to take the towel off, all right? It’s still dark in here, don’t worry. I just want to see you.” The towel was lifted and he found himself staring into the eyes of his concerned sister. “There he is. Hi, sweetheart. Are you feeling any better?” He gave a little shrug, the most he could muster. “Well, I’m glad you aren’t feeling worse. You were out for a few hours. Do you think you could drink some water for me? You don’t have to move; Les will get it.” He didn’t make an effort to respond, which was response enough. “Please? I promise not to ask you to eat for at least a few more hours but you have to stay hydrated. Speaking of, do you need to use the bathroom? Les or I could help you.” He shook his head slightly. “Okay. But you  _ are  _ drinking water. Les will be back in a minute.” She didn’t say anything else until Les returned. 

“Hey, David,” he said softly, looking surprised. “I’m glad you’re awake.”

“Can you get him some water, boychik?”

“Of course.” 

David whimpered and he didn’t know why. 

“You’re okay, neshama, you’re okay.” But he  _ wasn’t _ . He was twenty-two fucking years old, a father, and had a full time job but he couldn’t man the fuck up and take care of himself. “David…stop. I can practically feel your thought spirals. Everything is okay and you haven’t done anything wrong.” She knew him so well it was scary. “You’re so brave and strong and I am so proud to be your twin. Oh, thanks, Les. All right, David? We’re going to help you sit up just a little.”

He felt himself being moved and he moaned. Les shushed him and held the cup to his lips, waiting for David to open his mouth. Once he drank what they determined to be a satisfactory amount of water, he was laid back down. Les sat on the edge of the coffee table and put a hand on David’s shoulder, rubbing his thumb over it in a comforting manner. David always felt a little bit better when he could physically feel the presence of both of his siblings, and they knew that.

“What did they say?”

“They said bring her, for his sake and for hers. I’m going to walk her over.”

“Don’t be silly, Les, it’s freezing out and a half an hour walk. No, I’ll drive her. You stay here and I’ll come back, okay?”

“Okay.” 

“Neshama? I’ll be back soon, okay? Les is going to stay with you. If you need anything, Les will call me.” He didn’t respond. She carefully extracted herself from under him and laid his head back on the pillow. She kissed his temple. “I love you.” 

He hadn’t processed that she was taking Chava to their parents until she was already out the door, his daughter asleep in her arms. David let out a sob. He knew it was for the best but he felt like someone was taking his child away from him, just like that nurse had. 

Chava’s mother had told David she couldn’t help raise her only two weeks before her birth. One of Chava’s mother’s nurses had assumed that when she said she didn’t want the baby, that he also didn’t. David had gone to the waiting room to tell his family the birth was successful and that he had a daughter, and when he came back the nurse was there writing something. The baby‘s mother was asleep, having already signed away her right to custody. 

He had picked his daughter up and the nurse asked what he was doing. Apparently, she was in the process of filling out forms for them to sign to put their baby up for adoption.  _ “I’ll take her,” _ she had said, reaching out. David jerked back, and yelled  _ “no! She’s mine!”  _ The nurse apologized once she understood but David’s anxiety had taken over and he was so frightened that someone was coming to take her. Sarah and Aba had eventually calmed him down while Ima talked to the nurse, but he didn’t let her go for hours. 

He fed her no matter how many times a nurse offered to. Chava’s mother left the hospital after one night but the baby had to stay for a few days. David refused to leave, even after visiting hours ended, on the premise that mothers wouldn’t have been forced out. He slept in a chair outside the nursery for those second two nights. During the day, one of his family members had always been with him, even ten year old Les.

_ “So,” Les said. He was sitting on the floor next to David’s chair while one of the nurses brought his baby from the nursery. “Do you have a name yet?” _

_ “Hmm?” he responded, distracted.  _

_ “A name, David. She needs a name.”  _

_ “I don’t…I don’t know.”  _

_ “You found out almost six months ago and you don’t know?” _

_ “I was a little busy with, you know, preparing for a child at age eighteen.” He wasn’t angry. It was nice to joke and tease with his brother like it was a normal day. “I want something Hebrew. I have some…choices. And…well, I only found out I’d be doing this on my own about two weeks ago and I had figured we would pick together.” Les leaned into him and shoved his leg playfully.  _

_ “You’re not alone, stupid.” _

_ “Thanks.” _

_ Sarah came and joined them. She sat next to Les.  _

_ “Hey. Ima’s on the phone with Aunt Muriel and Aba’s on the phone with cousin Daniel.” David snorted.  _

_ “Good luck to Ima then.” _

_ “We’re talking about names. David wants a Hebrew one.” _

_ “Oh yeah? Come on, what you got?”  _

_ “I know her middle name is going to be Miriam.” _

_ “That’s pretty,” Sarah told him. “Any particular reason?” _

_ “Miriam was Moses’ sister who protected him when he had to leave as a baby. It’s…well, it’s stupid and I promise I don’t actually believe it but she protected one baby…maybe she’ll protect mine too.”  _

_ “Oh, neshama. That’s not stupid at all, it’s incredibly sweet.” _

_ “Yeah. I like it,” Les said.  _

_ “And what about for her first name?” _

_ “I want something that means something. There’s Chaya. It means life. I’ve always liked that one in general and holding her that first time…she  _ is  _ my life now.” _

_ “So what’s the problem?” she asked.  _

_ “I don’t want her to have a hard time in school. I want her to have something people can pronounce.” They sat silently for a minute. The nurse came out and handed her to David. Les and Sarah stood up to look at her, as if they hadn’t seen and held her a thousand times already. David loved his siblings. Then, Les spoke.  _

_ “What about Chava? I mean…the story says that Eve was the first woman so you could say she was life. She was the only woman and God created her directly. She was the first woman and women give life. Eve  _ was  _ life. And people could call her Ava.” David looked at him and a tear ran down his face.  _

_ “Come here.” He took Les’ arm and pulled him down to kiss his cheek. He didn’t even try to wipe it off. “Thank you, boychik.” He looked at his daughter. “That’s your Uncle Les, Chava. I have a feeling he’s going to spoil you rotten and make me all kinds of crazy. And that’s your Aunt Sarah. I’m your daddy but she’s the other half of my soul, so you ever need anything and I’m not there, you go to her.” All three of them were crying now. “But I promise, Chava, I’ll always be around. I’ll never let you feel like I’m not there for you, I promise. You have a father, an aunt, an uncle, a grandmother, and a grandfather who all love you very much. You’re beautiful, baby, and I’ll never stop telling you how much I love you.” _

_ Their ima and aba came down the hallway, holding hands.  _

_ “Hey, why is everybody crying?” Ima asked.  _

_ “Yes, we should be happy!” _

_ “Ima, Aba, you’ve met before but you’ve never been formally introduced,” David said. “This is your granddaughter, Chava Miriam Jacobs.”  _

__ “David, it’s all right, hey, it’s okay,” Les stroked his arm and shushed him. “It’s okay.”

“Chava,” he breathed. 

“I know, I know. She’s with Sarah and she’s going to see Ima and Aba, okay? She’s with people she loves and who love her and you’ll see her really soon, David, I promise. Please calm down.” He tried, he really did but his fucked up brain couldn’t stop thinking of his baby. He just wanted to hold her in his arms again and never let her go. 

Les moved him, practically lifting his entire bodyweight and he was suddenly sitting up. David was practically in his little brother’s lap and he was sobbing into his shoulder. His mind was all a blur and he wasn’t even sure what he was crying about anymore. 

He didn’t know how much time had passed when he was left simply hiccuping and double-breathing. Les was rubbing his back. Even though everything still hurt, David felt a little more normal.

“S-sorry,” he forced out. 

“Don’t be. Honestly, I think you needed that.” David nodded. “You know it’ll be okay, right? We’re here for you.” 

“Yeah.”

“What are you feeling right now?” Les asked.

“Don’t know.”

“That’s okay. You’re doing a really good job talking.” David never found him saying those kinds of things patronizing; they were rather reassuring. Sometimes he was embarrassed after the fact but Les and Sarah knew that his brain was always telling him how terrible he was and they just wanted him to know that they didn’t think that. “It’s Saturday, okay? You have all weekend to figure it out.” 

He felt like there was some sort of significance to Saturday, like he was missing something. He ignored it and let himself close his eyes and sink into the warmth and comfort of his brother. Les was rocking slightly, not in a cheesy way that made him feel like an infant but in a smooth, comforting way. He gave in and dozed off. 


	7. Chapter Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> David’s family is the best. David and Jack text.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Same warnings as last chapter.  
> There are a few translations for this chapter but I promise them not being in English is relevant and I’m not just trying to be a dick. Okay here there are (the gist of what they mean):
> 
> Es geht mir nicht gut- I don’t feel well (German)  
> Können Sie mir bitte helfen- Could you please help me (German)  
> Ja- Yes (German)  
> Nos premiers coups de cœur- Our first crushes (French)

“David. David, kochanie, it’s time to wake up.” David woke up to the sound of someone speaking in Polish. He was somewhere warm and comfortable. He didn’t know who was talking but the voice made him feel safe. “Come on, sweetheart, open your eyes.” 

He opened them just a little and looked up at the blurry face of the person whose shoulder his head was resting on. 

“Ima?”

“Yes, David, it’s me. It’s time to wake up now, mój skarb.” 

“What are you doing here?” It was the most he had said since this morning. She smiled at him and kissed his forehead. 

“I’m here to be with you. Everyone is here, sweetheart. We’re all here for you. Les and Chava are playing in her room, Aba and Sarah are making dinner, and I’m here with you.” It took him a moment to process.

“Making dinner?”

“Yes, you need to eat.”

“I’m a bad father,” he bemoaned, turning to bury his face in his mother’s shoulder. She rubbed his back. 

“No! Why would you ever think that?”

“I should be making Chava dinner.” 

“You’re sick, sweetheart. You shouldn’t be doing anything but resting and getting better.”

“I’m not sick.”

“You are, actually. You have a fever. But depression is just as real an illness as anything physical is.” 

“But I scared her.”

“Maybe a little, but that’s not in your control and it’s only because she loves you and doesn’t like to see you sad. You can’t expect yourself to feel better right away, David. It’s been less than a day and you’re already talking and moving and that’s a huge improvement. Even parents get sick, mój skarb. There’s nothing wrong with asking for help.” She paused for a moment. “Can I tell you something?” He nodded. “I am so, so proud of you for calling your siblings this morning. I know that must have been hard.”

“But I scared her, Ima. I scared my baby girl. And now she’s going to be scared of me.”

“Don’t be silly. She was scared  _ for _ you not  _ of  _ you and you know that because this has happened before and she hasn’t been continuously scared of you since then. You did what you were supposed to do. It wouldn’t have been fair to either of you had you not gotten help today, agreed?” He nodded. “I know my son and I know that you wouldn’t have done that for yourself. That makes me very sad but you know what it means? It means you did the impossible and you did it for Chava. You’re a good father, David. A great one. If Aba and I did half as good a job with you and your siblings as you’re doing with her, then we’ve succeeded.”

He nodded to let her know he heard her and then didn’t move for a while. He was happy to be in his mother’s embrace. After about ten minutes, he sat up. It no longer made him feel like he was literally going to die if he moved; it just felt like one of the worst bouts of depression he’d ever had. 

“Ima?”

“Yes?”

“Will Chava want to see me?”

“Of course, kochanie. Are you up for seeing her?” 

“Please,” he said, nodding. 

“Okay. I’ll go get her.” 

David waited and listened to the sounds of his father and sister cooking just a few yards away. He was sure they had heard all of their conversation but were polite enough to act normal and pretend they didn’t. 

His mother came out with Chava in her arms, Les behind them. Chava was silent and he could tell she was tired and cranky. She held out her arms when they got nearer to him and made grabby motions. David didn’t have the energy to reach out so his mother put her in his lap. She hugged him tight and he loosely wrapped his arms around her. 

“Daddy,” she mumbled. “Are you okay?” 

“I’m okay, flower,” he whispered. “I’m okay. Are you?” She nodded. “I’m sorry if I scared you.”

“Not your fault. Aunt Sarah and Uncle Les and Savta and Zayde said you couldn’t help it and that I didn’t do anything.”

“Oh, baby, of course you didn’t. It had nothing to do with you. Sometimes that just happens and we call Aunt Sarah and Uncle Les, okay?” She nodded. David rested his chin on her head. 

“Are you all better now?” He didn’t know what to say. Luckily, Les, who had sat down next to him, did. 

“Not yet, princess. He’ll be all better eventually but not yet. That’s okay though because he’ll get a little better bit by bit. Right, David?”

“Right.”

“Sometimes daddies don’t feel well but it’s never about their daughters okay?” 

“Okay, Uncle Les.” 

God, when did his fourteen year old brother get so smart? He was a lot more emotionally intelligent than David, apparently. 

“Daddy, do you want to play with me?” He wished he could. It was so hard to say no to her cute little face. Maybe Les would save him again. 

“Daddy needs rest right now, Chava.”

“But he’s been resting all day!” she complained. 

“Well, you need more rest when you’re sick.” Chava huffed and climbed off of David’s lap, which made him want to cry all over again. 

  
  
  


**Jack**

**10:09 AM**

_ Hey. _

_ Your sister texted me from your phone yesterday so just scroll up if you want to see.  _

_ I’m sorry you’re not doing well and it’s no problem to reschedule.  _

_ Did you get the flu? It’s going around. _

_ Anyway when you’re feeling better text me.  _

_ Okay I have been informed by my brother/roommate that I sound desperate and that it’s possible you don’t want to see me again and were just trying to break things off.  _

_ I hope that’s not true.  _

_ I really like you, Davey.  _

_ I’m going to stop now.  _

_ Feel better.  _

_ Please text me when you can.  _

David woke up at ten thirty the next morning - the latest he had slept in years. He was in Les’ bed in his room which was surprisingly clean for once. At around seven the night before, he had agreed to go back to his parents’ house. He was in excruciating pain from the time Aba and Les got him up off the couch to the time he got in bed but when he woke up he realized it was worth it. Chava would have people to entertain her and she wouldn’t be miserable with him all day. He could hear Dr. Conlon’s voice saying that it was the depression talking but he wasn’t sure he believed it. 

“David? Oh, you’re up.” 

“Hi Ima.” His voice sounded rough and unused.

“I was just going to come wake you. I brought you a glass of water.” She sat down on the bed and handed it to him with his medication. “How are you feeling?” He shrugged and took a sip. “Do you want something to eat?” 

“No.”

“You barely ate anything last night,” she lamented. 

“Not hungry.” He lay back down once he finished his water and swallowed his pills. He put his head on the pillow and stared straight ahead at the wall. 

“David…you can’t just lie in bed all day, boychik. You know that never helps.” 

“I’m tired.”

“I know, but-”

“I’m tired, Ima. Let me sleep.” 

She sighed but relented. David didn’t acknowledge her as she kissed his temple, turned the light back off, and closed the door. Too tired to even look at his phone, David fell back asleep. 

The next time he woke up, it was to Les and Sarah. David was used to sleeping on the couch and so he naturally didn’t take up that much space on Les’ bigger bed. His siblings were sitting on the other half quietly playing a card game of some kind. He turned over. 

“What are you doing?” 

“Hey, David. We’re playing go fish. You want in?” Les asked. He didn’t answer but his siblings were used to it and didn’t react. 

“Ima’s downstairs watching a movie with Chava - got any twos? - and Aba is in their room getting some work done.”

“Go fish, bitch. Got any sevens?” 

“Want anything, David? I’ve got one. Just take it, you bastard.” Sarah handed Les the card and flicked him in the arm. 

“What time is it?”

“Fourish. Hungry?”

“No.”

“Didn’t think so. I ran to the pharmacy today so you can take your new medicine tomorrow morning. Have any-”

“What are you doing in here?”

“We told you,” Les said, “we’re playing go fish.”

“Why in here?”

“It’s my room.” David could feel his frustration levels rising. He was tired and confused and his brain hurt and he just wanted to sleep. 

“You’re loud. You woke me up.”

“Oh well,” Sarah commented casually and shrugged. “It’s not like you’ve been asleep for basically the last thirty-six hours or anything.”

“Sarah!” he tried to yell but it came out as a mewl. “I want to be alone. Please let me be alone.”

“No. When you want to be alone most is when you need not to be. You have three choices: let us sit here and play cards, get up and take a shower, or eat something. Which is it going to be?” 

“Fuck off.” He turned over and fell back asleep in minutes. 

  
  


Laughing was what woke him up next. It appeared that aside from Chava, the whole family was in Les’ room, sitting on different surfaces and chatting at a regular level. 

“What?”

“Morning, sunshine,” Sarah greeted. “It’s ten, in case you’re wondering. Chava is asleep and it’s family catch up night.”

“It’s Sunday.”

“Yeah, it’s been moved,” said Les from behind him. 

“How are you feeling, son?”

“Great,” he responded sarcastically. “Can you all just leave me the hell alone? I get what you’re trying to do but you’re making it worse! Just let me sleep!”

“We’ve been letting you sleep for two days, boychik.”

“Yeah, well I’m fucking tired.” He had cursed when responding to his mother only two other times in his life. Once in high school when he was suicidal and once in the lead up to Chava’s birth when her mother told David she wasn’t staying.

“Don’t speak like that to your mother, David,” his father ordered. “She’s trying to help you - we all are.” 

“Well you can’t do it like this!” He sat up. “I’m about to lose my job and my daughter is mad at me and the parents at her school all hate me and I think I fucked up what could have been a relationship and I’m just so fucking  _ tired _ , Aba. Can’t you see that? Not two weeks ago you all sat downstairs and told me to be more relaxed. Let me relax!”

“This isn’t relaxing, David,” Sarah said calmly, “you know that. This is depression and you’re letting it consume you.”

“Don’t tell me what I do and don’t know. And how would you know? You’ve never felt like this - none of you have ever felt like this! I hurt every second of every day. I feel like I can’t move. Don’t tell me I’m letting it consume me when you don’t have the first fucking clue what it’s like, okay? You can’t tell me you're proud of me for fighting it one second and then lecture me the next! Can you just leave me alone? Please?”

“David.” Aba looked at him with a quality of softness in his eyes that David wouldn’t have quite been able to describe if asked. “You know we can’t.” 

“Fine. Take your babysitting shifts, I don’t care anymore. I just want to sleep.” He paused. “I just want Chava.” 

“She’s asleep, neshama.”

“Sarah, please. This is the first time since she was born that I’ll have gone a full day without seeing her. I’m begging you, please. You don’t even have to wake her, just bring her in here with me.” 

“David, you yelled not two minutes ago. You might not be in the best state of mind-”

“She’s  _ my _ daughter and I make the decisions. Do you think I would ever yell at her for no reason? Hurt her?”

“None of us for a second think you would ever hurt her but you can’t control your temper right now and you might yell.”

“I promise I'll control it. Let me see her. Please. Please. Ima, Aba, please. You’re parents, don’t you understand? I need to see her right now. I’m not trying to be selfish, I swear. I can’t go on without her.” 

His sister and parents looked back and forth on silent conversation and finally Aba nodded. 

“Okay. But at least one of us is staying here.”

“I don’t need to be watched with my own child!”

“David,” Les whispered, putting a hand on his shoulder, “We’re not staying because Chava’s here, we’re staying  _ and  _ Chava’s here. This was happening either way, all right?”

He nodded, eyes closed. Aba came back into the room with Chava, still asleep. David held out his arms and he cradled her to himself as he lay down on his side. She curled up to him in her sleep and he kissed the top of her head. 

“Thank you.”

“Daddy?” 

“Yes, baby?” David whispered. 

“Will  _ you  _ give me my bath tonight?” 

“Yes.”

“Do you promise?”

“I promise.” 

It was seven, and David and Chava we’re lying facing each other, whispering so as not to wake Les who was sharing the bed with them. He was feeling a little bit better. Not enough that he would do much more than lay in bed all day but enough that he felt like he could talk to others without blowing a gasket. He would rest and make himself bathe Chava later. He wouldn’t disappoint her again. 

The previous night, after about an hour of arguing about it, David was convinced to call in sick. He was worried out of his mind about it considering he had never done it before and he needed the money, but his family was right - he couldn’t work.

Chava wasn’t going to school either, they decided. It made David feel like an irresponsible parent considering she had already missed a day the week before but they needed the time together for both their sakes. 

“Chava? Do you know that I love you very much?”

“Yes. I love you very much too.” He pecked her forehead and she giggled quietly.

“Well, I love you more.”

“I love you more, Daddy!”

“I love you most!”

“Yes, I get it, you love each other, we all love each other!” Les groaned. “Now can you let me sleep?” Chava started laughing which made David laugh (a rarity during his episodes) and then Les groaned again and stumbled out of the room. “Not worth it.”

Chava was still laughing and David pulled her into his chest. 

“Uncle Les is a grumpy pants.”

“That he is. You’ll be a grumpy pants when you’re fourteen too.”

“No I won’t! I’ll be a happy pants.” 

“Oh will you now?” He looked at her skeptically. “I’ll remember to tell you that in ten years.” 

“Were  _ you  _ a grumpy pants?”

“When I was fourteen? Probably a little bit. Aunt Sarah was more of the grumpy pants and Uncle Les was six so Savta and Zayde already had a handful to deal with.”

“So you were perfect?”

“Not at all!” Sarah laughed, coming into the room. “Good morning, my darlings. I heard Les mumbling in the hallway so I figured you were up.”

“Good morning, Aunt Sarah!” 

“How’d you sleep?” 

“Good!”

“Well,” David corrected. “Hi, Saz. Es geht mir nicht gut,” he told her and she nodded sympathetically. 

“Hey, no fair!” Chava complained. “I don’t speak that language!”

“Können Sie mir bitte helfen?”

“Ja,” Sarah said. “Come on, little miss. Let’s go get breakfast, okay?” 

“What about Daddy?” She allowed herself to be picked up. 

“Oh, don’t worry, Daddy’s eating too.” David glared at her. “We’ll bring him food later, okay?”

“Okay. Bye, Daddy!”

“Bye, flower.”

David figured he should look at his phone. It had been almost two days since he checked his texts or emails. Sarah was kind enough to call Hannah for him this morning but otherwise he hadn’t been in contact with anyone besides his family. 

The lock screen told him he had eleven texts from Jack. He knew he had fucked up. His depression told him to put it off but his anxiety made him want to read them so he did. 

He seemed really understanding but almost a full day had passed. David was very relieved that Sarah hadn’t specified why he wasn’t feeling well but he would have to tell Jack. David was in no way ashamed of his struggles with mental health and if he wanted a relationship with Jack he needed to be open about it; if Jack wasn’t able to handle that then they might as well finish before they started. He wasn’t much up for conversation in that particular moment but he had to do it.

**Jack**

**7:11 AM**

Hi. I’m sorry about Saturday. I was really looking forward to seeing you and I was sad that I couldn’t make it. No, I don’t have the flu. I have major depressive disorder and I have episodes in which I literally can’t move for hours at a time and that’s what was happening. I’m sorry if that makes you uncomfortable, but I figured honesty was the best policy. If you’re still interested, I would love to reschedule and if you’re not, I understand. 

He only had to wait two minutes before his phone buzzed with a text. 

_ Hi David. I’m so sorry you’re feeling shitty. I know that’s not a good way to describe it but I’m really sorry. Please don’t worry about Saturday. I would love to see you when you’re feeling better. I hope you texting means you’re feeling a little better already. Seriously, if you can’t do it for a month that’s fine. I’m more than happy to wait.  _

_ And don’t worry about making me uncomfortable. I’ve had issues with it in the past but not as severe as yours. My brother-in-law is a psychiatrist so we talk about mental health a lot in my family. _

_ Don’t feel the need to respond if you’re not up for it. I’ll be thinking of you today.  _

There was no way this man could be real. David found himself feeling excited to see Jack again. Looking forward to something during his depressive episodes almost never happened. 

_ Also, if you’re the type of person who likes to watch lots of tv while depressed, I highly recommend _

__ That was the end of the message but the typing bubble popped back up right away. 

_ I accidentally hit send but I think it was a good thing because I don’t know you that well so I can’t tell if you would like my recommendations or not and I’m not risking you thinking “Jack likes this? What an idiot! I’m never going out with him again.” _

_ Plus, I doubt anything I would recommend is appropriate for a four year old.  _

_ The new season of Dora is supposed to be great. _

_ Okay I’m going to shut up now. _

David didn’t laugh, exactly, but he did that thing where he exhaled out of his nose in amusement. 

First of all, the fact that you like new Dora is insane but let’s put that aside. I appreciate you being so patient. I’m still feeling pretty terrible but I’m texting you and two days ago I couldn’t speak. Anyway, thanks. I’m excited to see you. I’d take your recommendations but I have no time to watch tv and I’m going back to work tomorrow.

_ You’re absolutely right. I just googled if they were new and old versions of Dora and holy shit. Apparently it came out in 1999? I was six? I feel like I watched it younger than that.  _

I’m not going to lie, I never watched Dora. 

_ Blue’s Clues? _

No.

_ Bob the Builder? _

No.

_ What even was your childhood? What did you watch? _

Miś Uszatek and old episodes of Koziołek Matołek.

_ Umm… _

They’re Polish children’s cartoons. Chava likes them but she’s all about Sesame Street and רחוב סומסום right now. 

That’s the Israeli version of Sesame Street. It’s in Hebrew and a little bit of Arabic so hopefully she’s picking up some of that too. 

_ What does it mean? _

It literally means Sesame Street. 

_ Did you watch it too? _

Sometimes. My first crush may or may not have been Mahboub. 

You can google him but I refuse to send you a picture. 

_ Oh my god. _

_ David, that’s adorable.  _

He was a muppet. 

_ Yeah, but how old were you? _

Probably four or five. 

_ Adorable.  _

Actually, now that I think about it, it was probably this guy I went to pre-k with.

_ Name? _

He didn’t have a name. 

_ Well now I have to know. What was it? _

Jack. 

_ Yes? _

No, his name was Jack. I refuse to do Who’s On First. 

Now you need to tell me your first crush. That’s the rule. 

_ Is it now? _

Yes. 

_ Fine. I think it was probably this girl when I was five or six. She was like sixteen or something and she volunteered at the group home I lived in. She used to bring me ring pops and her name was Laila.  _

_ But also… _

_ Tigger.  _

Was it weirder to ask questions or not ask questions? David didn’t want to be misconstrued. He would ask in person. 

Okay well obviously I read/watched Winnie-the-Pooh. 

_ Did you have a crush on Tigger? _

No but let me ask my sister if she did. 

**Sarah**

**7:22 AM**

Did you have a crush on Tigger from Winnie-the-Pooh?

_ Why are you using the past tense? _

He sent a screenshot to Jack. 

**Jack**

**7:23 AM**

_ I love your sister. _

Yeah, me too. 

_ Just so you know I’m more than happy to keep texting with you but if you’re not feeling up to it then don’t feel like you have to.  _

It’s actually a good distraction. 

Not that you’re just a distraction. 

_ I know what you mean.  _

So you don’t mind?

_ Of course not! I’m just excited to keep talking to you.  _

It was almost an hour later that Jack said he had to go to work. David defaulted to his staring at the wall setting until Sarah and Chava came back. 

“We brought you breakfast, Daddy!” Chava said and Sarah handed him the tray. 

“I can see that, flower. Thank you.”

“Eat it,” Sarah ordered. “As much as you can. Here.” she handed him his pillbox and the glass of apple juice from his tray. “I switched out the old stuff with the new stuff.”

“Thanks, Saz. I appreciate it.” 

“Of course. So was there a reason for that text you sent me or were you having some sort of breakdown?” Sarah asked, sitting down near the end of the bed and resting on her hands that were reached back over David’s legs. Chava curled up into his side and though it made it more difficult to eat, it was worth it. 

“I was texting Jack.”

“You were?” Sarah looked so happy. 

“I was. It’s not a big deal.”

“Daddy, who’s Jack?”

“He’s a friend of mine, flower.”

“And you were talking about…?” 

“Nos premiers coups de cœur.”

“Daddy! That’s another one!” Chava whined. 

“Yeah, your daddy is a show off.”

“Hey! I am  _ not  _ a show off. I just don’t remember the German word,” he defended. 

“Whatever. And that was his?”

“On tv at least. Mine was-”

“Mahboub, I know.”

“Can we talk about something else?” Chava begged dramatically. David laughed. 

“Sure, kochanie. Tell me about school.”

“We’re learning ‘m’ and I’m bored. Mr. Richards is teaching me ‘ddition.”

“Baby, I’m so proud of you,” David praised.

“You’re just like your Daddy,” Sarah told her. 

“Really?” 

“He learned adding in preschool too. Well, we both did but I’m already cooler so let’s give him that.” David rolled his eyes. 

“I want to be just like Daddy when I grow up.”

“Don’t we all, my dear, don’t we all.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Please let me know what you think!


	8. Chapter Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack and David go on another date. And then another.

Tuesday was one of the hardest days David had had in a very long time. Every second at work was agony and it certainly didn’t help that Pulitzer was beyond pissed that not only was he not there the day before, but that he had an attitude. By attitude of course he meant crippling mental illness but whatever. At first David thought that Pulitzer just didn’t know so it wasn’t fair to be pissed at him about it, but then he remembered the other day and how angry he had been about not being told about David’s daughter. He had David’s fucking file so he should know about the daughter, the depression, and whatever the fuck else he thought was relevant. 

Wednesday was a little better but that wasn’t saying much. His family reluctantly let him go back to the apartment. David would probably feel better around them but the longer he stayed the more he wished he could stay forever and that wasn’t good for him. He had to move on. 

Chava was a little upset when they left but she got over it quickly and was happy once they were home. He read her two stories that night despite not feeling up to reading even one. He silently cried himself to sleep around two in the morning. 

Thursday morning was about the same as Wednesday. He struggled to get up, struggled to get himself and Chava ready, struggled to make it to drop off and to work, struggled to handle Pulitzer.

Around eleven, Jack texted to ask if he was available during lunch. He really wasn’t but he said yes anyway. They agreed to meet at a nearby diner at noon. David arrived first and was somehow seated after only five minutes. His anxiety got the better of him and he spent the next few minutes until Jack arrived worrying he had been ditched as payback for Saturday.

“Hey, handsome.” Jack sat down across from him and smiled. “How’re you feeling?”

It was just like him to check in with David right away; he had been doing so every day. David would normally find it annoying but it was nice to have someone outside of his family and Hannah care about him.

“Hi. I’m okay,” he lied. Jack raised an eyebrow. “Better,” he amended. 

“That’s good. I’ve uh…well, I’ve been worried about you. I know we’ve only actually met in person twice before now but I care about you and I’ve been worried.”

“I appreciate that,” David said, “but there’s no need to be. I’ll be fine, I always am.”

“Can I tell you a secret?”

“Sure.”

Jack leaned in and looked around conspiratorially. 

“That’s what people who aren’t fine say.” David rolled his eyes. 

“You sound like my sister.”

“Your sister and I seem to agree on a lot of things.”

“Like what?”

“That you’re not really fine, that you’re amazing, and that Tigger is low-key hot.” He counted each one off on his fingers. David laughed. 

“Thanks.” 

A waiter came over to take their orders and while they waited Jack told him all about a project he was working on. 

“So I think it’ll work out but I have to- I’m not boring you am I?”

“No! Not at all,” David rushed to assure him. 

“‘Cause I know I can ramble when I start talking about art.”

“It’s fine, Jack. I’m really interested in what you’re doing. Art is one of those things I’ve always wished I could do but never can.”

“I’m sure you can.”

“I  _ really  _ can’t, but I like hearing you talk about it. Besides, I ramble too.”

“I like your rambling.” David blushed. “So how’s Ava?”

“I’m not sure,” he told him honestly. “She’s fine at home now and everything but I’m not sure what’s happening with school. She hasn’t mentioned anything and I don’t want to bring it up.”

“Why?”

“Because if I ask her questions about her being made fun of and she isn’t, she’s either going to think she’s being made fun of and doesn’t know or that her father thinks there’s something about her that would make people want to make fun of her.” Jack stared at him for a moment, arms crossed on the table. 

“You overthink things sometimes, did you know that?”

“Jack-”

“Dave, obviously you know your daughter better than I do and I know there’s nothing a parent hates more than unsolicited parenting advice, especially from a non-parent, but can I tell you what I think?” David sighed but gestured for him to continue. “Thank you. I’m not a father and I don’t know what it’s like to be one, but I do know how to handle kids at least a little. I helped to raise a lot of them during the ten years I was in the system and if I learned one thing it’s this: sometimes they’re waiting for you to ask.” 

David wasn’t at all surprised that Jack was so emotionally intelligent but he was a little surprised about how open he was. Obviously, he had already mentioned he was in a group home at one point or another but not that he was a foster kid for that long.

It was also incredibly sweet of him to ask about Chava and it seemed like he genuinely cared. After his most recent experience with parenting advice, he was a little defensive and apprehensive, but Jack wasn’t like those people. 

“I guess. But what if she isn’t?” Jack shrugged. 

“Then she’ll be happy you cared enough to ask. Also, she’s four. Don’t four year olds have pretty short attention spans?”

“That’s true.” Neither of them spoke for a moment. 

“Sorry if I overstepped.”

“No, you didn’t. I apologize, I’m just not able to be as, I don’t know, lively as usual? If that makes sense? I don’t think it’s the right word because I’m never lively but you know what I mean.”

“I do. I appreciate you coming out with me anyway. Did it…should I not have asked?” 

“It’s the only thing I’ve been able to look forward to today,” he assured with a smile. “I mean, also seeing my daughter but that’s a given.” David cringed. “Sorry, I probably shouldn’t talk about my daughter so much.” 

“I’m the one who asked. You’re not going to scare me away by talking about her, Dave.”

“I like that.”

“Like what?”

“You keep calling me ‘Dave.’”

“Oh. I didn’t even notice,” Jack replied. David smiled and took his hand. 

“You’re the only person I’ve ever let call me that. Or Davey. I like it a lot.”

“Yeah?” Jack smiled. “Glad to hear it.” 

Their food arrived and they ate in comfortable silence for a few minutes. David wanted to ask about the whole foster system thing but he wasn’t sure how to. He figured the best way was to jump in and give Jack a chance to shut it down right away if he wanted to. 

“So…”

“So?” 

“I wanted to ask - and it’s totally fine if you don’t want to talk about it - but I wanted to ask…you mentioned the other day that you were in a group home? And then a few minutes ago you mentioned the system?” 

“Oh.” Jack put down his sandwich. He looked decidedly uncomfortable.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked. Can we forget about it?”

“No, it’s fine. I’m okay with talking about it. To be honest, it didn’t register with me. I’m not embarrassed or anything but it’s not the type of thing I generally talk about unless I’m comfortable with someone. I guess I’m just more comfortable with you than I am with the other people I’ve dated this early on.” David smiled. 

“I’m comfortable with you too. I don’t have a frame of reference, but I know that it’s abnormal. In a good way! Obviously.” Jack chuckled. 

“So…my mom died when I was four and I went into the system. I bounced around a lot until I was fourteen and landed with my ma. It wasn’t fun or anything, but there’s not much to say other than that.” He looked back at his food and started eating again. David thought there probably  _ was _ much more to say but he wasn’t going to push. 

“Thank you for telling me that.” 

“Yeah, ‘course. Hey, listen. You mentioned that I was your first date in a while-”

“Ever.”

“Right. Well, I know this is only our second but I was wondering if you’d possibly like to be exclusive? I know it’s super early and everything but…well, there’s really no one else I want to date but you.” 

David smiled so hard his face hurt. Two dates and Jack was that sure about David even though he knew about his daughter and his depression? 

“Jack, I would love that. There’s no else I want to date either.” 

“Cool,” Jack said and grinned. “Cool.”

“Cool?” 

“Yeah, cool. Not all of us can have smart sounding vocabularies like you.”

“Please, we have the same level of vocabulary.”

“David, I ain’t dumb or nothing but I’ve had to google words you’ve texted me.” 

“Oh.” He blushed.

“It’s not a bad thing, Dave. I know you well enough to know that you aren’t one of those people who does it on purpose to make other people feel stupid and I don’t want you being self conscious about it. I like the way you talk and text.”

“I’m just surprised because I thought we texted the same way.”

“Yeah, because you use good grammar and I didn’t want to seem stupid. I don’t text you like I text other people.”

“You don’t?”

“Hell no. I usually don’t use punctuation as much or always write out full sentences.”

“Jack, I want you to be yourself around me. Text like you normally do, okay?” 

“Yeah?” Jack asked.

“Yeah.” 

Jack ended up walking David back to the office, hand in hand. 

“I did some research,” Jack told him.

“Oh yeah? What on?”

“Okay, first of all you need to know that that’s very rare for me so be proud. Do you know what a polyglot is?”

“Someone who speaks a bunch of languages, yeah?” 

“Yeah. So there’s debate about how many languages makes you a polyglot versus how many make you a  _ hyperpolyglot. _ Some people say eleven but some say six because what’s better: speaking eleven languages poorly or speaking six fluently? Anyway, you’re a hyperpolyglot.” 

“Oh. I guess I am,” David agreed, blushing. 

“Hey, don’t be embarrassed! I thought it was impressive so I looked it up. Do you like learning languages?”

“Yeah. A lot.”

“Well, apparently, you’ve got some sorta function in your brain that works better than most people’s and if you wanted you could probably learn more.”

“I would love to but I don’t have the time or the energy. Plus, who would I learn from? I’m not in school anymore.”

“There are apps and shit but…do you think sign language counts as learning a language?”

“Are there people who don’t?” he asked. 

“Yeah. Assholes. I know ASL.”

“You do? But you said you only spoke English.”

“You had just told me your four year old speaks three languages! I would’ve felt stupid being like ‘oh, well I can sign. Isn’t that cool?’” 

“It  _ is  _ cool, Jack. Where’d you learn?” David shivered and Jack put their hands in his coat pocket, the flirt.

“My little sister is deaf so when she came to live with us we took lessons.” 

“Oh. So you all sign?” Jack nodded. 

“If you’d like I could teach it to you. No pressure! I understand if you’re not interested.” 

“Are you kidding? I’d love to,” he said earnestly. “Jack, that’s so sweet. I tried to learn when I was sixteen but then…Chava and everything so I stopped and I’ve lost all of it.”

“You did? Any particular reason?” David blushed. “It’s embarrassing? Okay, well now I really want to know.” David sighed. They were at a crosswalk and there were cars everywhere so he used the opportunity to put his forehead on Jack’s shoulder so he didn’t have to look at him as he explained. Jack laughed. 

“There’s a deaf man at my synagogue and he had the same interpreter for years but then the guy retired so he hired a new one and I thought he was really cute.” 

“And you thought it would impress him?” He nodded. “Dave, that’s adorable.”

“Shut up.”

“I’m serious!” Jack kept looking at him with a shiteating grin as they crossed the street. 

“Eyes forward when you’re walking, Kelly.”

“Yes, sir.” 

They reached the building. David didn’t want to go back to work and it was clear Jack didn’t want him to go either. “You know, I’d really like to kiss you right now but our only real option would be that alley back there-” he gestured with his head, “-and you deserve better than that.” 

“I’d like that too.”

“What time do you get off?”

“Probably around seven but then I have to go pick up Chava.”

“Oh. Right.” David chuckled at Jack’s adorable, disappointed face. 

“Are you available again Saturday for a do over?” 

“Definitely. Text me.”

“I will. Here.” he kissed Jack’s cheek. “That’ll have to be enough to tide you over.” 

  
  


“Chava, baby, Aunt Sarah and Katherine are going to be here any minute,” he told her through her door. 

“I’m coming!” 

David was waiting anxiously by the door for his sister and her girlfriend to show up. He was supposed to meet Jack in Midtown in forty minutes. He finally heard footsteps in the hallway and he swung the door open just as Sarah was about to knock. 

“Hi. Thank you guys so much for doing this.” 

“Of course, David,” Sarah said. “Anything for you. Plus, stealing your daughter for the afternoon is something I’d like to do more often.”

“Me too. Hey, David. I’m so sorry about-”

“Kath, I appreciate it and you babysitting but right now I really don’t have any time to talk.” 

“Right, sorry. You look great,” she told him. 

“You guys think so?” He wasn’t as confident. He was in work clothes because he didn’t have anything nice that wasn’t one of the four shirts and pants he mixed and matched for work. He went without the suit jacket but the fancy winter coat (thrift store) he had bought for work had seen better days so he felt ridiculous. 

“Really, neshama. Very handsome. Now go! Get your man!”

“Yep! Tell Chava and I’ll murder you both! Bye, love you!” They laughed. “Chava, baby! I’m leaving!” She came running out of the room. 

“No, Daddy!” She ran and jumped into his held out arms. David swirled her around once, kissed the top of her head, and put her down. 

“I love you, flower.”

“I love you too, Daddy.” She looked sad. 

“You’re going to have a great time at the park, okay? And I’ll see you in just a few hours.” She nodded and let him go.

He missed his train by less than ten seconds and had to wait for the next one. By the time he got into Midtown it was twelve ten and he was supposed to meet Jack at noon. Luckily, Jack had told him to meet him at one of the exits to the subway (he wasn’t sure why) and so he was standing there on the phone when David approached. 

“Hi.”

“Hi. Yeah, he’s here, I gotta go. No, I am _ not _ telling him that.” He held the phone away from his ear. “Sorry, just one second.”

“No rush.” 

“Yes, I know. I swear to god, Sean, he’s  _ your  _ husband! Figure it out! You can call Charlie but you’ll get the same answer. You’re the worst. Love you too, bye.” He hung up. “Christ, my family is insane. Hi.”

“Hi.”

“I’m sorry about that.”

“Don’t be.” David took his hand. “Family drama?”

“Yeah.” Jack let out a long suffering sigh. “My brother-in-law is losing his mind because it’s a week and a half until Christmas and my brother is crazy during December.” He smiled at David. “But I feel better for seeing you. You look real handsome.”

“So do you,” David returned the compliment, blushing. 

“You ready for lunch?”

“Sure. Where are we going?”

“It’s a surprise.”

Jack took his hand and led him out of the biggest part of the crowd and down the street.

David chuckled. Generally speaking, he wasn’t a huge fan of surprises because they made him anxious but he felt safe with Jack. 

“So how was the rest of your week?” he asked. Jack shrugged. 

“Nothing special. I was looking forward to seeing you though.” 

“I was looking forward to seeing you too. I’m sorry I couldn’t do anything in the evening today.”

“Don’t sweat it.” Jack led him to the crosswalk and they switched sides of the street. “You got a kid and I don’t, so I’m more than happy to work around your schedule. I promise I’d tell you if it didn’t work for me.” 

“Thanks.” 

“How was the rest of your week?”

“Pretty mundane. Chava’s class is having a party next week and I can’t go. She understands but those parents, I swear to God, Jack.”

“Did the teacher talk to them yet?”

“I think? I’m not sure. I haven’t had time to talk to her again but Chava told me nothing has happened, so that’s good. Either way, they’ll judge me.”

“So? Who cares what those assholes think?”

_ “I  _ do.”

“No you don’t.” 

“Yeah, all right, I don’t, but Chava goes to school with their kids and it affects her.” 

“Are they all going to go to the same kindergarten together? Turn here.”

“No, I don’t think so. I actually have to figure that out because there’s a rumor going around in my family’s neighborhood that if I register her from their address the school won’t care. I went to that school and it was decent so it would be nice if she could go there.”

“What’s the commute like?” 

“It’s about a ten minute walk from my family and a thirty minute walk from me.”

“That’s kinda a lot.”

“Yeah, but Chava and I like walking in the mornings. Where the hell are we going?” 

“Just trust me. So you think you’re going to do that?” 

“I think? Is it unethical of me?”

“Didn’t you just say the school wouldn’t care?”

“Yeah, but I’d feel like a bad person. My coworker and I spent way too long at work yesterday on real estate websites looking for affordable places in the area.” 

“No luck?”

“No. It would be nice though. The commute to work would be a little longer in length but that’s not a big deal.”

“So why did you move to where you are now?” David shrugged. 

“It was what I could afford that was safe and the schools aren’t terrible. I have a little more money now but not enough to switch neighborhoods. What are you doing?” 

Jack had suddenly stopped walking and put a key in a metal door on the side of a building. David looked to his left and saw a marquee. “Is this the theater you work at? Aren’t you going to get in trouble?”

“Yep. And I told you, it’s my ma’s theater.”

“I knew she was your boss but I didn’t know she  _ owned _ the theater.” Was David dating a rich guy? God he hoped not. He would be so embarrassed about all the things he had told him, which, David realized, was probably something he needed to examine within himself. 

Jack got it unlocked and held the door open for David. He stepped inside and Jack followed, hitting the light switch. 

“Woah.”

“I know.”

The lighting was gorgeous. It was mostly dark with what looked like professional grade fairy lights and in blue and that regular yellowish orangish white bulb color. On the stage, David saw a blanket under an actual honest to god picnic basket, a bucket of ice with a wine bottle in it, and a bunch of pillows. David almost gasped but stopped before he could embarrass himself. 

Jack came up behind him and intertwined their fingers. 

“So, what do you think?”

“I think it means you’re a Mets fan.” Jack gave him a confused look. 

“What?” 

“Look,” David pointed at the lights, “Orange and blue.” Jack laughed. 

“Sorry to disappoint but I’m a Yankees guy.”

“Oh thank God, so am I.” 

“Good. Come on.” He pulled David forward and onto the stage. While he stared, Jack took his coat.

“This is…you didn’t have to do all this.”

“I wanted to. Is it too much?”

“No, Jack, it’s perfect.” He let Jack lead him over and they sat down, propped up by ridiculous amounts of pillows. “How did you do this?”

“We’re in between shows right now and the set isn’t finished yet. I just had to move a few things off stage and hang the lights.” 

“You did that by yourself?” Jack blushed. 

“It’s possible my brother helped,” he mumbled, making David laugh.

“I like the backboard so the pillows don’t move. Very smart.”

“What can I say? It’s my job.”

“I love it.” 

“Good. Let’s eat. It’s nothing fancy, just sandwiches.” Oh. David hoped he wouldn’t have to be rude. He felt his stomach twist up in knots. “I don’t trust myself to prepare food but this isn’t a place I’ve gone to before so I hope it’s good.” He handed David a wrapped sandwich. He read the name of the deli on the sticker. 

“You went to a kosher deli?” 

“Well, you’re kosher, ain’t you?” 

No one was ever this considerate. David was often in meetings or being dragged to conferences where he couldn’t eat all day. Jack didn’t even seem to think it was a big deal. 

“Jack.” Jack looked away from where he was unwrapping his sandwich. 

“What?” 

“I’d like to kiss you now, if that’s all right.” Jack smiled and laughed. 

“That’s more than all right.” He got into a better position and David followed but stopped Jack with a hand on the chest. 

“I’ve never done this before. I mean…well, I kissed a girl, obviously but never a guy and I don’t like women so I’m not sure how a kiss is supposed to feel and she never really liked to anyway. It’s been years too and-.”

“Hey, that’s okay.” He cupped David’s face reassuringly. “We don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“I  _ do  _ want to. I really, really want to. I’m just worried I’m going to be bad at it and it won’t be nice for you.”

“Davey, any kiss with you will be more than nice. Do you want me to teach you how to kiss a man?” David nodded, his throat suddenly dry. “Okay. We’ll start slow.”

And then suddenly Jack’s lips were on his. David’s chest filled with warmth and he felt nothing else. He moved slowly and David melted. Jack pulled away after only a few seconds and looked at him. 

“Was that okay?” David nodded, unable to speak. “Do you want to try a little something more?” He nodded again. 

This time, Jack was just a little bit rougher and David felt his stomach tingling. Jack’s other hand cupped the back of his neck and he shivered. He was nervous and anxious but the more Jack kissed him the more he relaxed. He jumped a bit when he felt Jack’s tongue requesting entrance but quickly regained control over himself and granted it. 

It was like nothing David had ever imagined before. The only things he felt were warmth and bliss and safety and comfort. Slowly but surely, the kiss became more open mouthed, more sensual. He felt Jack’s thumb stroke the back of his neck softly and he let out a moan. Jack laughed into his mouth but that felt good too. 

This was heaven. This was everything. Nothing mattered but this. 

And then he pulled away. David tried not to whine and took a moment to catch his breath. 

“Why’d you stop?”

“Davey, sweetheart, you’re crying.” The hand on the back of his neck came around to hold the other side of his face. 

“I am?” 

“Yeah, you are.” Jack wiped away the tears. “Is everything okay? Did I do something wrong?” 

“No. It was…amazing. I don’t know how to describe it or why I’m crying. I think I’m just overwhelmed and happy.”

“Oh, Davey.” Jack pulled him into a hug, hand in his hair. “I’m so happy you’re happy.”

“Can you kiss me again?” 

“I’d love to.”

To David, it seemed like they kissed both for hours and for mere seconds. In reality, it was more like five minutes. Jack sat back down and David practically collapsed, laying with his head on a pillow and his hands in his own hair. 

“That was…incredible.”

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah. I mean, just…wow.” Jack chuckled and David felt his face turn red with embarrassment. “Sorry, I must sound so stupid. I’m sorry if that was bad for you. I’ll get better, I promise.” He put his arms down. 

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. It doesn’t sound stupid and it wasn’t  _ at all  _ bad for me. Trust me, okay? I’ll be thinking about that for weeks to come.” He lay down next to David and took his hand. “I’m so glad I got to share that with you.”

“Me too. I’m glad you’re my first.” Jack wiggled his eyebrows. “Kiss, I mean! I didn’t mean-”

“Relax, Dave, I was just teasing. If that’s something you’re interested in at any point, I’d love to, but if it’s not then that’s fine too. There’s absolutely no rush if you decide you want to.” 

“I do. Want to, I mean. I’m…I’d like to do it at some point soon but not today. But also we don’t have to if you don’t want to! Sorry, I don’t know what the protocol for these situations is.”

“Situations?”

“Relationships.” He paused and thought about what he had said. “Is that what we are, Jack? A relationship?”

“Is that what you’d like to be?”

“Yes,” he said with conviction, “but if you don’t I understand. I know we’ve only been out two and a half times.” 

“You kidding, Dave?” He brought David’s hand up to his mouth and gave it a kiss. “Of course I want to be in a relationship with you. Who cares about too fast or too slow? Life is weird and those rules are stupid.”

“Yeah. Look at me! I have a daughter and this is the first time I’ve ever kissed someone I actually like.” Jack laughed and his laugh was contagious so David did too. He only stopped when Jack leaned over and pressed a soft kiss to his lips. 

“Okay. Food time.”

  
  


“So? How was it?” He had barely opened the door when Katherine and Sarah asked him about his date. 

“Where’s-”

“She’s in her room picking out a book,” Katherine told him. “How was it?”

David smiled and closed the door. He didn’t say anything until he sat down in the middle of the couch, forcing them to move apart and yelp. He just stared dreamily off into space. 

“That good, huh?” 

“Mmm. Yeah, that good.”

“What did you do?” 

“His mother owns a theater and he took me there and we had a picnic on stage and there were fairy lights and there was wine and kosher food and kissing.”

“Kissing?” they exclaimed at the same time. 

“Oh yeah. Big time.”

“Are you drunk? You’re talking openly about physicality.”

He gave his sister the finger.

“Why did nobody ever tell me kissing was that good?”

“Your first kiss was  _ good?” _

“Are they usually not?”

“They’re usually weird and kinda terrible.”

“No, this was amazing. I was nervous he thought it was terrible but he kept kissing me on and off, over and over again for the next two hours, so…”

“I’m proud of you, boychik. Good job making out.” He shoved her. 

“David, do you have markers in the house?” Katherine asked seemingly randomly. 

“Probably? Why?”

“Oh, no reason. I was just wondering what you were going to tell Chava that mark on your neck was from. I figured you could say it’s from a marker.”

“Shit, really?” He slapped his hand over his neck.

“Oh my god, let me see!” Sarah ran over to his other side and pulled his hand away. “Oh my god, my brother’s first hickey.” She pointed at it. 

“Shit, it’s that high up? I have to work Monday. How long until it goes away?” 

“Depends,” Katherine told him. “Usually between two days and two weeks.”

“Fuck,” he groaned and leaned his back against the couch. “What do I do?” 

“Concealer, baby.” She reached into her purse but Sarah stopped her. 

“He can use mine. He’s my twin, we have the exact same skin tone.” 

“I don’t think that’s how that works, babe.”

“That’s  _ definitely  _ not how it works but I’ll take it anyway. Thanks. I can’t believe I let that happen.”

“But you want to do it again at some point?”

“I want to do it again  _ right now.” _


	9. Chapter Nine

**Jack**

**8:42 PM**

_ What are your plans for New Year’s Eve? _

I’d love to be asleep by ten. 

_ Or _

_ You could kiss me at midnight like all those other annoying couples  _

Do you think my daughter stops existing because it’s a holiday?

_ Get someone to watch her for the night  _

No

_ :( _

Sorry but I really can’t.

I’d love to be with you but I just can’t. 

_ Yeah okay _

_ Sorry I brought it up _

Don’t be. I’m sorry I can’t see you at night. 

_ Is that going to be a forever thing? _

_ A year from now are we still going to not have spent a night together _

_ Because not that it’s not nice to see you at anytime but at some point I’d like to have more than an hour once a week and the occasional weekend lunch _

It will be different once I tell Chava about you. 

_ And when will that be? _

Can you not rush me on this please? I’m trying. She’s four and she doesn’t understand why her father would want to be anywhere without her.

_ So explain it to her _

It doesn’t work like that. 

_ Why not _

I’m not going to justify my parenting to you. Chava is and always will be my priority and you knew that going in. 

_ Yeah and I don’t have a problem with that _

_ Doesn’t mean I can’t be A priority though _

_ I don’t want to sound self important but aren’t I supposed to have a place in your life too  _

Of course you’re a priority! Of course you have a place in my life! 

You’re being dramatic. 

_ I’m not _

_ You’re just brushing off my concerns like you don’t care _

They aren’t not concerns! They’re just you asking me to do something I’m not ready for!

_ When will you be ready? A week? A month? Six months? Ever? _

_ It’s not really fair to me not to have some sort of sense that you intend to follow through  _

What does that even mean? We’ve been seeing each for a month and most parents wouldn’t introduce their kid to someone they’ve been seeing for a month.

_ It means that you have to make some sort of effort _

_ And I don’t expect you to introduce me _

_ I’m not talking about two weeks ago or whatever because that was obviously different _

_ You don’t seem to get that I have a right to want to see you without you getting pissed off  _

I’m not pissed off that you want to see me, I’m pissed off that you don’t get why I can’t see you late at night!

_ So what, I get to see you an hour a week? That doesn’t seem fair  _

Life isn’t fair. 

_ Are you fucking serious right now? _

_ That’s what you’re going with? _

You think I don’t want to see you too? It’s all I want, but I have responsibilities beyond myself. 

_ You’re honestly telling me that nobody in your family would watch her for a night _

They all would, that’s not the issue. 

_ Then what is? _

It’s that I don’t want them to! I’ve spent one night away from her since she was born and she was miserable! I want to see you, Jack, I really do but Chava cannot handle me being gone. I’m not going to hurt her like that. 

_ That’s unhealthy _

You don’t get to say that to me. My relationship with my daughter is none of your business.

_ Isn’t MY relationship with you my business?  _

Yes, but I don’t see what one has to do with the other. You’re upset I can’t see you at night? Fine, but that isn’t her fault. 

_ No! It’s not! It’s yours!  _

_ Every kid is upset when their parents aren’t there to tuck them in. Guess what? They get over it _

You don’t know anything about her. 

_ I know that you use her feelings as an excuse _

That isn’t fair. 

_ Why not?  _

_ Is it really her that couldn’t handle a night away or is it you? _

So what if I couldn’t? Don’t I have the right to be attached to my own fucking daughter?

_ Of course I’m not saying that don’t misinterpret me on purpose _

_ On our first date you told me that you hadn’t had a relationship since Chava’s mother because you were too busy and no one was interested _

_ Are you sure it wasn’t because you avoided it? _

_ Do you actually think you’re so unappealing that in five years no one would be interested? Or were you just purposely blind to it? _

_ There’s no way I’m the first person who’s ever flirted with you because even if you were unappealing (which you fucking aren’t) you’d be flirted with because everyone flirts!  _

You don’t know the first thing about my experiences before you. 

It didn’t happen because it didn’t happen. 

I was too busy. And yes, there wasn’t anyone interested. 

_ Bullshit _

You think I’m lying?

_ Not to me to yourself _

Where did you get your psychology degree?

Oh you didn’t? Then don’t try to be my therapist. 

_ Stop acting like a kid _

_ Couples talk about this shit _

Couples tell each other that they’re blind idiots who make excuses?

_ You’re self destructive! You say you’re miserable at work but you don’t look for a new job! You say you’re exhausted all the time but you almost never let people babysit!  _

I’m not self destructive, I’m a responsible parent. 

_ My bad I didn’t realize being a responsible parent meant overworking yourself until you have a breakdown and not taking any help because of your pride meaning that you can’t function at full capacity for your kid _

Stop trying to act like you know anything about this. How dare you imply I’m hurting my daughter because I’m being selfish?

_ I didn’t imply it I said it _

Oh, but somehow I’m the one acting like a child?

_ How did I end up in trouble for wanting to talk about how our relationship worked and what we could do? How are we supposed to be together if we can’t communicate? _

What do you call what we’re doing right now?

_ Fighting! Is this what you think communication is? How the fuck do you have any relationships? I don’t just mean romantic I mean how the actual living fuck do you function as an adult if you put up a wall anytime you’re criticized _

_ You’re acting like I’m one of those parents from Chava’s school!  _

You’re acting like them!

_ That isn’t fair and you know it. I don’t think you’re a bad father _

No, just an irresponsible and selfish one. 

_ I said you weren’t being responsible not that you aren’t a responsible person _

Is there a difference?

_ Yes! Am I never going to be allowed to openly express my opinions? _

I don’t care that you’re expressing your opinion, I care that you’re doing it like this!

_ Like what?  _

Offensively! 

_ How is anything I’m saying offensive? _

Offensively as in the opposite of defensively. But now that you bring it up, you’re being offensive in both senses of the word! Don’t tell me how to raise my child!

_ I’m not!  _

If you’re this pissed with me why didn’t you say it to my face?

_ I wasn’t pissed when I started the conversation  _

_ And by the way when the fuck am I supposed to say it to your face unless you actually let me see you? _

_ Check your calendar and see if you can pencil me in for an argument  _

I turned you down for a plan! Are you going to be angry whenever I say no?

_ It’s not about the specific fucking plan it’s about the fact that I don’t know what you want out of our relationship! _

_ I know it’s been a month but I’m not someone who’s interested in relationships that don’t mean anything _

Of course it means something!

_ Not if we’re just going to go on the occasional date forever! I want to be a real couple! I want to spend time with you! _

I want that too.

_ Then why the hell are we fighting about it? _

Because you want me to ignore my daughter’s needs in favor of being a real couple. 

_ I don’t want you to ignore your daughter’s needs I want you to not ignore your own needs _

_ And I’m not trying to imply you need me but you need to have a life outside of home and work don’t you? _

I haven’t in a long time. 

_ Yeah? And how’s that working out for you? _

Wonderfully. I get to provide for my daughter. 

_ I’m not waiting around for fourteen years for a relationship to start.  _

Are you dumping me?

_ No _

_ I’m saying you need to figure out what it is you want out of us and get back to me because right now I’m feeling pretty fucking used _

_ I’m nobody’s fucking experiment _

_ I’m not here for you to see if you like dating _

I know that. I like you.

_ And I like you _

_ A hell of a lot more than anyone else I’ve been interested in since college _

_ But I’m not going to wait around forever _

_ I don’t deserve that  _

_ And by the way, neither do you.  _

_ Let me know when you’re ready to talk for real. This isn’t productive.  _

I’m not saying you should wait around forever or that you deserve it. 

Can we talk about this more calmly?

Jack, please don’t ignore me. 

_ I’m not. I’ve got to go. We’ll talk soon.  _

Please, Jack. 

Please. 

“Hello?”

“Sarah? I fucked up.”


	10. Chapter Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Chava has a meltdown, Jack is sweet, Pulitzer is an absolute dick, and David has a long fucking day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Annoying but necessary translations  
> זה מספיק -that’s enough  
> בבקשה אל תכעס עלי- please don’t be angry with me  
> תפסיק-Stop it
> 
> I can’t get these to format the right way. Sorry.

“I really think you’re overreacting, David,” Katherine said. “Couples fight all the time.” 

Katherine and Sarah were sitting in his kitchen and they were all sharing a cheap bottle of rosé. He and Katherine were basically made up. She had apologized and although David was still a little pissed, he knew that she was only trying to help. As long as she never did anything like it ever again, they were fine. 

“Yeah, but I’ve never been part of a couple except for the one where I was, you know, pretending to be heterosexual and she was trying to her back at an ex.”

“You like Jack, boychik?”

“Yes.”

“Then make up with him,” Sarah said. David threw one hand in the air and used the other to take a too big sip. 

“I don’t know how! And  _ he _ should try to make up with  _ me _ because he’s in the wrong.” Sarah and Katherine exchanged uncomfortable looks. “What?”

“David…”

“You think  _ I’m  _ wrong? You read the texts!”

“Yeah, and he was probably too aggressive-”

“Probably,” he muttered into his glass. 

“But, neshama, he made some good points. It isn’t fair to him to not let him know what you want out of the relationship.”

“I want what he wants! I want to be a real couple.”

“That isn’t an answer,” Sarah told him. “And what’s your plan with Chava? You don’t think it would be healthy for her to spend a night away from you?”

“Why? I’m always here, it’s not like I’m going somewhere and she would need to get used to it.”

“She’s going to get dependency issues,” Katherine argued.

“No she isn’t, she’s-”

“David, listen to me. Have I ever, in our lives, said something to you that I know might hurt you that I didn’t believe to be true with all my heart and that you didn’t need to hear?”

“No.”

“She already has dependency issues.” 

“What?” David put his drink down. “No she does  _ not. _ She goes to school and daycare and she sees you guys and Ima and Aba. How could she possibly have issues about it when she’s without me so much?” 

Sarah sighed. She took his hand from across the table and downed the rest of her drink. 

“She’s gotten used to school and we’re her family. She’s never without you for longer than you’re working and when you come home she practically clings to you-”

“Sometimes literally,” Katherine added. 

“True. When was the last time she had a playdate, hmm?”

“I’m not around and she doesn’t get asked. Don’t get me wrong, that makes me incredibly sad, but it doesn’t mean she has a problem.”

“David, I pick her up from school.”

“Okay?”

“She gets asked on playdates all the time.”

“What? How didn’t I know about this?”

“Because she tells me she doesn’t want to go.”

“Why the hell didn’t you tell me?”

“Well, it just started this year because they’re old enough now and at first I just thought the kids asking weren’t kids she particularly liked. Now though…I think she doesn’t want to because she thinks she’ll miss time with you.”

“Really?” She nodded. David put his head down on his crossed arms on the table. “Fuck. She…fuck. I’m such a selfish fucking father.”

“Hey! Why would you think that?” Katherine asked. 

“Because it’s true. I’ve just wanted her around me so much that I’ve been blind to the fact that maybe it’s not what’s best for her. I guess…I guess we have codependency issues then.” He sat up and chuckled darkly, pouring himself more wine. 

“It’ll be okay, kochanie, you know it will.”

“Next weekend - if you want to, obviously if you’re not ready, no pressure - we can take her for a sleepover at my place and you can spend the night with Jack. We’ll have Les come too so she’s more comfortable. Right, Sarah?”

“Right. Spend the night at his place or have him here or whatever.”

“I don’t know.”

“Think about it?”

“Sure. Thanks, guys. I can’t promise I’m going to stop doting on her.”

“That’s not what we’re saying. When you’re together there’s nothing wrong with you guys it’s just that you’re never  _ not  _ together in your free time.”

The door creaked open and Chava walked out of her bedroom shyly, clad in her adorable butterfly pajamas. She looked upset and guilty. Of course she decided to get out of bed the one night David had alcohol; just his luck.

“Baby? What are you doing up?”

“I’m sorry, Daddy.”

“It’s okay, baby girl, just tell me what’s going on.” She shrugged and sniffled. “Come here.” He put his glass down and held his arms open. Chava walked over slowly and allowed herself to be pulled into his lap. 

David stroked her hair comfortingly and she rested her head on his chest. He leant down and placed a kiss on the top of her head. “Tell me what's wrong.” 

“I can’t sleep.”

“Why not? Did you have a bad dream?”

“I don’t know I’m just not sleepy.” 

“Oh, honey, I think you’re very sleepy,” Katherine said. Her eyes were red and half lidded. 

“I’m not.”

“Chava, I put you to bed two hours ago. What have you been doing?” 

“Lying.”

“Eyes closed?” She nodded. “Good girl. I’m sorry you’re having trouble, sweetheart. What can I do to help you?” 

“Can you come sleep with me?” She requested. He exchanged looks with his sister and Katherine. They were right, she was probably too dependent on him. 

“No, baby, I’m sorry.”

“But why?” Her eyes filled with tears. David kissed the top of her head again. 

“Because it isn’t Daddy’s bedtime yet. I’m talking with Aunt Sarah and Katherine.” 

“But I want you to stay with me.” She was crying now and he so wanted to give her what she wanted but it was too late; he couldn’t give in now or she would learn that if she cried enough he would always back down. Maybe that’s what she already thought. 

“I know but I can’t. I’ll tuck you back in if you’d like but I can’t stay.”

“Why?” 

“I already told you why, Chava.” 

“Daddy, please,” she sobbed into his chest. Sarah gave him an encouraging look. “I love you!”

“I love you too, sweetheart, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to come to bed with you.”

“But I can’t sleep!”

“Then you’ll just have to lay there until you can.”

“No!” she shrieked. 

“Chava Miriam, we do not scream in this house. Do it again and there will be consequences.” 

“Please, Daddy! Please!” 

“No, Chava. Come on, let’s get up. It’s time to go back to bed.” He put her down and she shoved his leg. For just a moment, he froze. She had never done anything like that before. He knew children threw tantrums sometimes and that they kicked and shoved and screamed but she had never done anything but scream and cry. David had not been prepared for that. He heard Katherine gasp.

“Chava Miriam Jacobs! We do not shove! Go to your room, right now!” 

“No!” 

“If you’re not going to act like a big girl then I can’t treat you like one.” He picked her up and she screamed and kicked and tried to squirm away but he persisted and brought her to her room and set her on the bed. She continued her screaming but he spoke anyway. “Listen to me. I love you and I’m sorry you’re sad but this is not acceptable behavior. As a consequence, there won’t be any tv for a week. Go to bed. I’ll see you in the morning.” 

He walked out and closed the door behind him. Chava yanked it back open and tried to escape but he caught her right away and put her back on the bed. 

“If you come out of this room one more time tonight, there’s going to be no playtime tomorrow. You’ll come home and go right to bed after dinner.” She kept screaming and sobbing but he turned to walk away. “I love you. Good night.” 

She was still screaming when he sat back down at the kitchen table and poured himself another full glass of wine.

“Are you okay?” Katherine asked. 

“I don’t know what the hell just happened. She’s never acted that way before. I’ve had to seriously discipline her maybe three times ever but nothing she did was ever like this.” 

“She’s just testing her boundaries. Do you remember when Les was five and he got so mad that he ripped up the project I was working on for school? And then he got in even more trouble and he kicked at his door for hours?” 

“Yeah. I didn’t expect her to never have tantrums, I just didn’t think it would be so hard. I’m furious but all I want to do right now is give her a hug and tell her everything is okay.” 

“I’m sorry, neshama.” Sarah came over and gave him a hug. “I’m also so proud of you for doing that. You’re such a good parent, boychik. I love you.”

“I love you too. I think I’m going to take you guys up on your offer unless it’s rescinded now that you’ve seen the terror.”

They laughed. 

“I think it’s really just about you but either way we can handle it.” 

  
  


After they left, Chava was still letting out the occasional wail and David picked up his phone. 

“Hello?” 

“Jack? It’s me. I’m…I’m sorry.” He heard Jack sigh. 

“Me too. I’m sorry that I made you feel like I was saying you’re a bad parent; I really wasn’t trying to. I shouldn’t have overstepped though.”

“No, that’s okay. I mean, the way you said what you said hurt but…yeah, it’s fine. My sister and her girlfriend came over and we had too much wine and talked about my issues with not being with her. As much as I hate to admit it, you’re right.

“Jack, I don’t know how relationships work and I don’t know what the conversations we’re supposed to have are or how fast we’re supposed to move but I want to try. I’m all in.”

“You are?”

“Yes.”

“Then I'm all in too, but you need to promise that you’re making an effort to make time. And I get that it might take a while and I don’t want you to think I think I’m your priority. I wasn’t talking about just making time for me because you should make time for yourself too.” 

“Yeah,” he sighed, sitting down on the couch. “Sarah and her girlfriend are going to babysit next Friday. Chava’s going to sleepover there. Do you want to maybe…”

“Yes! Yes. Do you want to come over to my place? It might do you some good to go out- what’s that sound?”

“It’s Chava crying and screaming.”

“Oh my god, is she okay?”

“Yeah, she had a tantrum because she couldn’t sleep and she wanted me to come sleep with her but I said no. It was…it was bad. Worse than it’s ever been, actually, and she shoved and kicked and she’s never done that before - ever.” David let out a shaky breath. “That was about thirty minutes ago. It’s in and out now so it’s mostly just for show.”

“Are you okay?”

“I guess. I’m just - she’s never done that before and I just want to be with her right now but I can’t give in.”

“I’m sorry, I’m sure that’s hard. Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really.”

“Okay. Do you want me to stay on the phone so you have someone to distract you?”

“Yes please. Talk about anything.”

“Let me tell you about  _ my idiot brother _ !” Jack yelled the last part away from the phone.

David heard someone yell back, “Fuck off, Jack!” He chuckled. 

“Such a loving relationship.”

“Exactly. So we live on the fifth floor but the elevator isn’t working, so Charlie decided to use the stairs.” David waited for more but Jack had stopped talking. 

“Okay? Didn’t you have to use them too? What’s the problem?” 

“The problem is that I was going to be home in less than ten minutes and my brother is in a fucking wheelchair!”

“Are you serious? How did he get upstairs?” 

“He sat on the stairs and then pushed himself up one by one! I got a text saying ‘do me a favor and bring the chair up’ and I had no idea what it meant until I walked into the stairwell.”

“Christ, why didn’t he just wait?”

“Oh well his reasoning was very logical of course,” he said sarcastically.

“Of course.”

“He needed to pee.” David laughed. 

“I’m sorry I shouldn’t be laughing but your brother sounds amazing.” 

“No, you can laugh. He’s a fucking moron.”

“Sorry if this is insensitive but is he in the chair because he broke something or is it a permanent thing?”

“It’s not insensitive. He doesn't mind and I don’t mind. His birth parents were fucking crazy and didn’t believe in medicine and he was one of the unlucky few to get polio.”

“Jesus.”

“Yeah. He was two. When his parents ODed they found him too. And yes, I appreciate the irony that they didn’t believe in medicine but did drugs. So anyway, one of his legs doesn’t move but it’s healthy otherwise so they didn’t amputate or whatever.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“It is what it is, thanks though. He’s casual about it. Got a pretty dark sense of humor about it, actually.” 

David heard Chava call for him. 

“Is that her?”

“Yeah, she’s calling ‘Daddy.’”

“I’m sorry, baby.” 

“Baby?” David repeated with a grin. 

“Shit, sorry. Do you not like that?”

“I’m absolutely fine with it. More than fine with it, actually.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“You know, you never answered my question about Friday night? Do you want to come over?”

“I’d love to. I don’t want to invite myself over-”

“You’re not, I invited you.”

“Okay.”

“And by the way, you’re welcome to invite yourself over anytime.”

There was another scream in the background.

“I’d say the same, but I think your place is probably better.” Jack laughed.

  
  


Monday morning, David had a headache from too much wine and he was not looking forward to waking Chava up but he had to. It was going to be a shitty day. 

He got dressed and opened his daughter’s door. She was under her blankets so she must have given up eventually. She had stopped crying around eleven but David didn’t know if she had fallen asleep or not. 

“Chava, it’s time to wake up.” She whined and moved away from the sound of his voice. That wasn’t all that unusual. “Chava Miriam, you have to get up and go to school.”

“No. I don’t wanna.” David sighed and scrubbed his hand over his face. It was  _ definitely  _ going to be a shitty day. 

“You have to. Get up and let me get you some breakfast.”

“No!”

“Chava, if you’re not out of bed in the next ten seconds there will be no bedtime stories for a week. One, two, thr- Good.” She got out of bed and crossed her arms. Her pout was adorable and David almost wanted to laugh at how cute his daughter was but he knew it would make things worse. This was her way of conveying her anger. “Do you want help getting dressed?” 

“No.”

“Okay, I’m going to go make breakfast. I expect you in the kitchen in three minutes.”

She was in the kitchen in three minutes but not without some extra loud door shutting. He let it go, knowing she was only doing it to get a rise out of him. 

“Sit down and eat. Thank you.” He sat with her. “Would you like to be a big girl and talk about what happened last night?”

“You hurt my feelings,” she accused. “You were mean.”

David took a deep breath in and out. 

“I never meant to hurt your feelings and I don’t think I was mean. You misbehaved and didn’t listen well so you were punished. I gave you several chances to correct your behavior.”

“But I wanted you to help me sleep!” He nodded. 

“I know, but I was spending time with Aunt Sarah and Katherine.”

“But  _ I  _ needed you!”

“You  _ wanted  _ me, sweetheart, there’s a difference. You’re a big girl now and big girls need to learn to sleep alone.”

“Then I don’t want to be a big girl!” she cried. “I want to be a little girl so you’ll be nice to me again!”

“I’m being nice. You can’t do whatever you want and your behavior last night was unacceptable. There are consequences for your actions.”

“What does that word mean?”

“Consequences? It means something happens because of something else. You shoved and you kicked and you screamed so you’re being punished. No tv for a week.” 

“Daddy!”

“You’re getting off easy. Next time it’ll be longer. Aunt Sarah is going to tell your teachers at daycare too. Chava,” he changed his tone to something lighter, “I love you so much and I would never purposely be mean to you. When I tell you to do something or not to do something or that  _ I  _ won’t do something, I do it because it’s what’s best for you and not because I want to hurt you but because I want to help you, okay?” She nodded.

“Okay. I’m sorry, Daddy.”

“Thank you for your apology, flower. Can I have a hug?”

David held onto her for longer than they had time for but it was the first time he had ever had to really punish his daughter with more than a timeout and it was hard. He just always wanted her to be happy. He squeezed her tight and she kissed his cheek adorably. 

“I love you, Daddy.”

“I love you, Chava. More than anything.” 

When he got to work, there was a giant bouquet of chrysanthemums on his desk. He looked to Hannah.

“Um, what?” 

“Don’t look at me! You have an admirer.” 

“Okay?” he said, confused. “This is weird.” 

“I know. I thought they were for me at first but the card has your name on it, so…” 

“All right. I’ll bring him his coffee and then I’ll look. Don’t you dare open the card without me.”

“I haven’t yet!” she defended. “Why would I now?”

He sat down at his desk once he left his boss’ office and opened the card attached to the flowers. 

_ Dear David, _

_ I’m sorry your day kinda sucked yesterday and for how I contributed to it. Also, thanks for being there Saturday. My friend is a florist and he told me chrysanthemums mean happiness and I think you could use some right now. I also just thought these were really beautiful and you’re really beautiful, so…  _

_ I can’t wait to see you again and I hope you have a great day at work. Do you have any allergies? I’m trying to figure out what to make for dinner so let me know (aren’t I so romantic?) but I’m a terrible cook so we should probably just order in.  _

_ Miss you, _

_ Jack _

_ P.S. I didn’t know your office number so I just put your name and the building and hoped the mailroom could figure it out. If they got it wrong, then hello, person who received these flowers! They weren’t meant for you but I’m sure you deserve flowers too! If you know David, please get these to him. Have a nice day! _

David smiled. Jack was so incredibly sweet and thoughtful. David couldn’t recall a time when he had ever received flowers before. He guessed that made sense, considering this was his first real relationship. It made him feel warm inside.

He took out his phone to text Jack.

**Jack**

**8:49 AM**

No allergies. 

Thank you so much. You’re so sweet, kind, and thoughtful. You’ve made my day already. I can’t wait to see you either. 

_ Oh good you got them! _

_ I’m so glad! _

_ And of course. I’m always happy to make you happy _

Well, it did. I’m happy.

_ :) _

“So? Who are they from?” 

David looked at Hannah, gave her a grin and turned away. She huffed. He would tell her eventually but if he told her now then he wouldn’t ever stop getting questions. If Friday night went well, he would tell Hannah about Jack. 

It wasn’t that he thought it would go poorly so much as he wanted to make sure Jack still liked him by then. Would Jack want to sleep with him? David certainly wouldn’t mind. Maybe to some people it might seem a little fast but Hannah was right - he was twenty-two, hormonal, and he needed to get laid. Would Jack break up with David if the sex was bad?  _ Would  _ the sex be bad? It might feel great for David but he had no idea how he was supposed to make Jack feel good. 

David had had sex a total of four times in his life and all four times had been terrible. To be fair, it was heterosexual sex and he was in no way interested in that. They had really just done it to prove to themselves that their relationship was real, even though they both knew it wasn’t.

What he had with Jack was real. Hopefully David could make it good for him. 

  
  


The week went relatively smoothly, but it was still long and by Thursday David was more than ready for it to be over. He and Jack hadn’t had a chance to see each other at all, which sucked. For once, it was Jack who was too busy. Well, okay, in fairness Wednesday was the only day David  _ wasn’t  _ busy but it also happened to be the day that Jack had to stay at work during his lunch break. 

There was a new show opening soon and he was behind where he wanted to be. He apologized to David but David more than understood and felt bad that he was always so unavailable that it made Jack feel bad the one time he was. 

David was really looking forward to Friday and was trying to power through the last two days of work for the week. Fortunately, it was a relatively calm day. That still meant it was ridiculously busy but he and Hannah had time to chat while they worked, which was always nice. Around eleven thirty, something went wrong.

“Mr. Pulitzer’s office, this is Hannah Lang, how can I help you?” 

David hardly registered that she was on the phone, considering they both were a thousand times a day. 

“I’ll see if he’s in. One moment please.” David heard her press the hold button. “David.”

“Hmm?” He didn’t look up from his paperwork. 

“I think it’s Ava’s school.” 

“What?”

“A Mr. Breckinridge from the main office, he said? Do you know him?”

“I don’t think so. Put him through.”

“Sir? Thank you for holding. I’ll transfer you to him right away. David,” she said and he looked at her nervously. “Breathe. I’m sure everything’s fine. If it was an emergency he would have told me.” 

“Yeah,” he replied and nodded. “Yeah, okay. That makes sense.” He picked up the receiver and hit the button. “This is David Jacobs.”

“Good morning, Mr. Jacobs, this is Daniel Breckinridge from the main office at Duane Pre-K.”

“Hi. Is everything all right?”

“The principal would like you to come in.”

“Why?”

“Your daughter Ava got into a fight with one of the other students in her class.”

What? That didn’t sound like his daughter.

“A physical fight?”

“Yes, sir.” 

David didn’t understand. Chava had been so good since her outburst on Sunday. David supposed it had been wishful thinking on his part to dismiss it as a one-off event. He knew children went through difficult phases but had hoped (and believed) that Chava would never use violence. 

“Mr. Jacobs? Can you come in?”

“Is she okay? Is she hurt?”

“She has a few scratches and a bruise or two, but the nurse has already seen her and she’s fine.”

“What happened? Who started it?”

“Sir, the principal would like to be the one to discuss it with you.”

“Okay. When?” 

“I’m sorry?”

“When does he want to see me?”

“Now, Mr. Jacobs. The sooner you can make it in the better.”

“But…I’m at work and I really can’t leave. Is…can I send her emergency contact?”

“Not unless it’s a parent or guardian, no, sir. Would you like me to tell him you can’t come in?” 

David really couldn’t but he had to. If he got in trouble and lost a day’s pay then so be it. 

“No, that’s okay. I’ll…I’m in midtown so it might be a little while. I’m sorry. Is my daughter there? Can I speak to her?”

“She’s in with her teacher and the principal right now.”

“Okay,” he sighed. “All right, I’ll be there as soon as possible.”

“Thank you, sir. I hope-”

David hung up. He didn’t want to be rude but he wanted to leave as soon as he could. Hannah was obviously concerned. 

“Is Ava okay? She got into a fight?”

“Yeah. Hannah, I have to go. What do I do?”

“Tell him.”

“But-”

“Seriously, sweetheart, you have to. I’d do it for you, you know that, but it won’t go over well.”

David sighed and reluctantly went to his boss’ door. He knocked.

“Come in. Ah, Jacobs,” Pulitzer said as David entered the room. “Have you spoken to John Miller yet? He should have sent those papers over two days ago.”

“Yes, sir, I did. There was a mix up but they’ll be here in a few hours. Sir, I-”

“Good then.”

“Yes. Sir, I’m sorry but I have to leave.” 

Pulitzer raised an eyebrow; it was disconcerting.

“You have to leave? And may I ask why that is?”

David practically gulped, nervous.

“My daughter’s school called, sir. She…she was in a fight and I have to go see her principal.”

“And this couldn’t wait?”

“No, sir, I asked but no.”

“I see. So instead of being here and doing your job, you’ve decided to take most of a day off out of the blue.”

“Please, Mr. Pulitzer, it wasn’t my intention. Please let me go,” he begged. 

“Even if I said no you would go anyway, right?” 

David nodded grudgingly. 

“Yes, sir. I have to. You’re a father, Mr. Pulitzer, can’t you understand?”

“My children were all well behaved enough to stay out of the principal’s office.”

“So is mine, sir, I swear but she’s been getting bullied and I doubt she started it.” 

“Either way, now it’s my problem. Does that seem fair to you, Jacobs?” 

David shook his head. He felt like he was going to vomit. 

“No, sir, but like I said-”

“Yes, I heard you. Go.”

“Thank you, sir.” David breathed a sigh of relief and started to leave the room. 

Without looking up from the papers he had returned to, Pulitzer told him, “You won’t be receiving pay for today.” 

David almost broke down crying right then and there. Instead, he left the office, quickly gathered his things, ignored Hannah’s look of concern and practically bolted out of the building and to the subway. 

It took almost forty minutes to arrive at the school and once he did, he felt his anxiety increase. What had Chava done? Was it his fault for something he had done throughout the course of parenting?

He pulled the main office door open. 

“Mr. Jacobs?” the man he assumed was the secretary, Mr. Breckinridge, addressed him. 

“Yeah,” David confirmed, trying to catch his breath, “that’s me.”

“Let me just tell Mr. Carson you’re here.” 

It only took a minute for him to be let into the room and he was overwhelmed by what he saw. Chava was sitting next to an empty chair clearly meant for him with Ms. Rhodes on her other side. She was in the middle, and a mother and a father sat with their child on the other side of her. He recognized all of them but couldn’t quite remember their names. The principal sat in front of them all behind his big desk.

He scanned his daughter and she looked fine, if upset and angry, whereas the boy looked like he might be forming a black eye and was holding an ice pack to it. 

“Ah, Mr. Jacobs, thank you for joining us.”

“Sorry, I was in midtown when I got the call.” He sat down next to Chava and put his bag down. “Can someone explain what happened?”

“I’ll tell you what happened,” said the father, “your daughter  _ attacked  _ my son.”

“No I didn’t!” Chava defended herself.

“Ava, please. Mr. Jacobs, this morning at recess Ava jumped on Teddy and punched him.” 

David looked sharply at her and she sunk back into her seat. 

“Is this true?” 

“No! Well, sorta…”

“Chava Miriam, tell me right now.”

“He was being mean! And I only punched him because he flipped us over so he was on top.” 

David put his head in his hands for a few seconds. 

“What did he say?” 

“Now hang on just a minute,” Teddy’s father objected. “She admitted to punching Teddy and you’re asking her what he  _ said _ ?”

“I’d thank you not to instruct me on how to speak to my child, sir,” David said. “Chava, what did he say?”

“He asked why I only had a daddy and I told him I don’t have a mommy and he told me that everyone has a mommy and mine just isn’t here because she doesn’t want to see me because she doesn’t love me.”

David snapped his head in the direction of Teddy’s parents.

“And you’re okay with that?”

“It wasn’t very nice of Teddy but he’s sorry and that’s no excuse to resort to violence.”

“Hold on, he’s sorry? He said that or are you speaking for him?”

“I’m sorry, Mr. Jacobs, are you saying that what my son did is what needs to be apologized for?”

“Notice how I haven’t defended my daughter’s actions.  _ Both  _ things need to be apologized for.”

“They’re not equal.”

“So two wrongs make a right? No, they’re  _ not _ equal, you’re right. Teddy’s bruise will fade in a few days and Chava is going to think about him saying that for years to come. She’s going to be punished more, I imagine, so get over yourself please.”

“Gentlemen,” Ms. Rhodes interjected, “I understand your frustration but let’s please be civil.”

“Yes, Ms. Rhodes is right. Why don’t we-”

“Oh, so it’s my son’s fault that you couldn’t keep your woman?” 

“Robert…” Teddy’s mother tried.

“Are you actually saying this in front of not only my child but your own? No wonder he speaks like that if his father is so insensitive and cruel.” David covered his daughter’s ears.

“How dare-”

“What if she had died, hmm? What if Chava’s mother had died and you just said that?”

“Did she?”

“No, but you had no way of knowing what happened to her. You know nothing about my personal life and I’d appreciate it if you didn’t speculate. Mr. Carson, if he’s going to continue speaking like this I’d prefer if my daughter could sit outside. I’m not going to subject her to this.”

“Why don’t both of the children sit outside, okay?” Ms. Rhodes suggested. “They can sit apart but I agree that it isn’t a good idea to keep them in here right now. It isn’t productive.” 

Teddy’s parents agreed and they sent the children out of the room. 

“But, Daddy,” Chava complained. 

“.זה מספיק”

“.בבקשה אל תכעס עלי”

“.תפסיק”

She left. Teddy’s parents were staring at him and they looked a little put off.

“What did you just say?”

“That isn’t any of your business.”

“If it had to do with our son it is.”

“Mr. Tucker-” 

“It didn’t. But if you’re that concerned go learn Hebrew.”

“That’s incredibly rude,” Mrs. Tucker said. 

“Sorry. She speaks Polish too, so if that’s easier…”

David could have sworn he saw Ms. Rhodes trying to stifle a smile.

“Mr. Jacobs.”

“Little bit of Arabic.”

“Mr. Jacobs! Please, let’s focus on the matter at hand,” Mr. Carson pleaded. “Before we talk about consequences let’s discuss the issue. I’m sure Ava knows as well as anyone else that violence isn’t acceptable. You teach that to her, yes?”

“Yes, I do.”

“Do you have any idea what the reason for her outburst might be then?”

“Um, yes? She was told that her mother doesn’t love her?”

“That isn’t an excuse to punch my son!” Mrs. Tucker yelled. 

“No, but it’s an explanation isn’t it? She didn’t just walk up to him and punch him. It’s not an excuse but I was asked where it came from and I gave an answer.”

“Children who aren’t violent don’t behave this way,” Mr. Tucker said. 

“In fairness to Ava,” Ms. Rhodes began, “I have never once seen her be rude to another student before. She’s a charming and sweet girl and I don’t think one act of violent behavior makes someone a violent person.” 

“Mr. and Mrs. Tucker? Your son certainly fought back.”

“He was defending himself! Was he supposed to lay there?”

“We have a zero tolerance policy for violence and-”

“No, I actually agree with them,” David said. “It’s ridiculous to expect a kid not to fight back if they’re attacked. It’s a dumb thing to teach too.”

“I’m sorry?”

“What? If they’re getting kidnapped they shouldn't fight back?”

“There’s a difference.”

“Yeah, a difference most four year olds aren’t going to process. And by the way, not fighting back doesn’t change anything.”

“Martin Luther King-”

“Are you employing MLK in a fight between two preschoolers? If this were the March on Washington I’d agree with you but it isn’t. Trust me, I was beat up at least once a month from third grade through senior year of high school and I didn’t fight back. Guess what? It didn’t work. As a father, I’m furious that my daughter even has a scratch on her but as a person,

I agree that Teddy had the right to fight back.” 

“Well…thank you,” Mrs. Tucker said. “That’s very reasonable of you.”

“Regardless,” Mr. Carson tried to move them on, “I’d like to be able to come to a consensus about how Ava and Teddy operate in the classroom. Ms. Rhodes?”

“Their seats are already on opposite sides of the room and I can tell them to stay away from each other at recess but I honestly think that we shouldn’t change that much. They’re going to have to deal with people in life that they don’t like.”

“Is that okay with all of you?”

“As long as she doesn’t punch him again.”

“She won’t.”

“How can you guarantee that?”

“I can’t.”

“Then-”

“But she won’t.” He turned away from Mr. Tucker. “That’s fine with me, Mr. Carson.”

“All right then. Let’s talk consequences. Teddy will not be given recess time for a week; he’ll sit in the office during it. Will he be punished at home?”

“No. I think that’s enough.” 

David rolled his eyes. 

“Okay, that’s up to you. Ava will receive two days suspension and will not be given recess time for the three days following that.”

He tensed up. 

“That’s  _ in school _ suspension then?”

“No, Mr. Jacobs.” 

“Mr. Carson, I’m sorry, but that’s not something I can do,” he tried to explain. “You see-”

“Are you actually upset that she’s being punished for this?” Mr. Tucker scoffed. “That’s ridiculous.”

“I’m not upset that she’s being punished - she’ll also be punished at home - I’m concerned because I can’t miss two days of work and there’s nobody to watch her.”

“Mr. Jacobs-”

“I’m serious, nobody.”

“You’re going to have to figure it out.”

“This is a public school and your responsibility is to keep children safe. I can’t bring her to work and I can’t stay home. You’d like me to leave a four year old by herself all day? Me neither.”

“There’s not a family member who can do it?”

“They all work too. And no, I don’t have friends who can watch her either.”

“You sure seem to have a lot of excuses ready to go,” Mr. Tucker commented.

David glared. What did this fucker know about his life? Mrs. Tucker had a Gucci bag and Mr. Tucker had a Rolex. Neither of them could relate to him at all.

“Mr. Tucker, that’s uncalled for,” Ms. Rhodes said, sounding aggravated.

“Is it? Since he walked in here he’s had to be right about everything and his daughter’s  _ obviously  _ the perfect one, so-”

“I never said that. I don’t think my daughter is perfect and I don’t think I always have to be right - I mean, in this case, I’m right, but regardless. Look, they aren’t excuses. If I don’t work, I don’t get paid and if I don’t get paid, I have less grocery money for the week or rent money for the month - probably both. Everyone in my family also has a job except for my brother who’s fourteen - do you want me to ask him to skip school or something? 

“Not all of us can afford babysitters or nannies or goddamn Rolex and Gucci. If I send her to daycare for four extra hours a day for two days that means I’m not making rent this month. I have an extremely carefully calculated budget, and I’ve already been docked a full day’s pay for coming here. I’m sorry that it bothers you that I don’t have enough money to take two days off without notice - trust me, I’m not so happy about it either - but I can’t and I don’t have a job that allows me to work from home. I’m sick of the way the parents in this school treat me and I’m not going to take it anymore. No, I’m not married or rich or older but I can’t exactly help that, can I?

“You’ve judged me since the moment I walked in with Chava that first day and don’t think I don’t know you two are a part of it. Chava comes home from school crying some days because of what other kids say to her - including Teddy, by the way. Please do me a favor and either start treating me with the respect you would give to other parents or leave me alone altogether and stop judging my parenting. It’s not easy to raise a child with a partner let alone on your own and I don’t have money like you do. Also, tell your kid to stop talking to mine the way he does. Chava shouldn’t have punched him but can you blame her for being upset?”

“Mr. Jacobs, it isn’t our fault that you can’t keep it together as a parent. Maybe it’s time to start thinking about adopti-”

“Finish that sentence.” He didn’t continue. “Go on, finish it. Were you going to say adoption?”

“Gentlemen, please.”

_ “Gentlemen?  _ What did I do except defend myself from a false accusation and then get told I’m not responsible enough to raise a child.  _ I’m  _ not responsible? My child may have been violent today and that’s unacceptable, but she would  _ never  _ tell someone that a parent left because they didn’t love them. That’s disgusting and I really hope that Teddy finds some better role models soon.” 

“Mr. Jacobs!” Mr. Carson lost his patience. “Enough!”

“Mr. Carson, I think everything he’s said has been fair. I mean, maybe a little aggressive and maybe not the last part about Teddy, but all he’s done is defend himself and his child. I don’t see what’s wrong with that.”

“Thank you, Ms. Rhodes.”

“Regardless, this is getting ridiculous. Teddy will be banned from recess for a week, Ava will serve her punishment in school. Mr. Jacobs, unless I can get a guarantee that you will not act this way again, you will be banned from this building except for drop off and pick up, am I clear?” 

David nodded. He wasn’t actually going to guarantee it. If people were that disrespectful towards Chava again then he would whatever he felt was necessary.

“All right, but I will say that nothing I said was especially hostile. The only times I criticized them was for criticizing me or for their child telling mine her mother doesn’t love her. They suggested I was lying, I should give my daughter up for adoption, got upset that I spoke to my daughter in another language, demanded to know what we were speaking about, and said -  _ in front of my daughter  _ \- that I couldn’t ‘keep a woman’ in regards to her mother.” 

“And I was getting to that. Feel free to leave and take Ava home. Tomorrow morning bring her to this office instead of to class.”

“Thank you,” he said, standing to leave. He looked to Ms. Rhodes and thanked her as well, although with much more sincerity. 

“Chava? Let’s go.” 

She looked distraught as she got out of her seat and he helped her put her jacket and backpack on. He held her hand as they walked out of the building. 

“Daddy? I’m sorry.”

“I know.”

“Really, Daddy. I didn’t mean to do it.”

“But you did. We can talk in a minute, but first I have to make a phone call.” He took the phone out of his pocket and hit speed dial one.

“Hello?”

“Hi. Did you get my text about not picking her up?”

“Yeah, I responded.”

“Sorry. I didn’t notice.”

“That’s okay. How was everything?”

“Terrible. I’ll tell you the details when I’m alone.”

“Where are you now?”

“Walking home. Listen, about tomorrow-”

“David, I know you think it would be a punishment to cancel and you’re right but you’d be punishing yourself too. Let it be something else.”

“But that’s the thing she’s-”

“I know it is but two things: one, you’ve been looking forward to this and you deserve it; two, you can’t bail on Jack.”

“Yeah,” he sighed, “you’re probably right.”

“I usually am.”

“Are you at work right now? Am I bothering you?”

“I’m subbing for an AP gov class; these kids don’t need anything from me. Remember when our AP gov teacher would be out?”

David laughed.

“Yeah, that was fun.”

“Yeah. We’d all pretend to do work for thirty seconds and then completely ignore our responsibilities for the next forty one and a half minutes. They heard that and they’re all nodding.”

“Real AP kids procrastinate on their homework and only survive because of caffeine.”

Sarah chuckled.

“I’ll tell them you said so. Are you going to be okay?”

“When aren’t I?”

“Sometimes, David.” She sounded halfway between concerned and resigned. 

“Yeah,” he admitted. “All right, I’m going to go. Text me later when you want to talk.”

“Okay.”

“Wait, you’re at  _ our  _ high school?”

“Yes. David, you know I sub for our district.”

“No, I do, I just didn’t process. Have you bothered Les yet.” 

“No, but guess what? I’m subbing for his eighth period class. He’s going to be  _ so  _ pissed.”

“That’s amazing.”

“I know. Maybe I’ll FaceTime you and we can embarrass him together.”

“Sounds good. Love you.”

“I love you too. And hey, use this to your advantage. Put on comfortable clothing and lounge around. She’s four, she can entertain herself for a little while. Sure, I’ve got a bunch on my phone,” she told someone else. “Sorry, some of the girls want to see pictures of my adorable niece/your adorable daughter.”

“Check the family google photos album; Hannah bought her some new stuff and there’s pictures.”

“Hell yeah! Okay, talk to you later. Love you, bye.”

“Love you too. Bye.” 

She hung up. David looked down to his pouty daughter who seemed like she might cry. He sighed. 

“Chava.”

“Yes, Daddy?”

“Why don’t we talk about it when we get home, flower? Want me to carry you?” She sniffled and nodded.

She rested her head on his shoulder and occasionally sniffled. David couldn’t resist and he kissed the side of her head once or twice. He was mad, and knew he should be acting it, but he also knew she was having a terrible day and the last thing he ever wanted was to see his daughter in pain.

“Daddy?” she asked when they were a block away from their building. 

“Yes, baby?”

“Are you mad at me?” 

He sighed. 

“I am, but that doesn’t mean I love you any less, okay? Just remember that even when I’m mad I still love you more than anything.”

“Okay. I love you too, Daddy. Was Teddy right? Did I have a mommy who didn’t love me?”

His heart broke. 

“ _ No _ , baby. Never think that. No. Women carry babies and that’s how they get born, but that doesn’t mean that that person is your mommy, okay?”

“But she doesn’t love me?” Chava asked, obviously on the verge of tears.

“Oh, flower, she loves you more than anything.”

“Then where is she?”

David sighed. How was he supposed to have this conversation with her? He had spent so much time thinking about it but now that it was happening he felt so unprepared. 

“Well, sometimes parents can’t be with their babies because they can’t take care of them, even though they love them so much. The woman who gave birth to you couldn’t take care of you.”

“Why?”

“Because some people just can’t raise children. She didn’t think she was going to be able to.”

“So that’s why I’m with you?”

“Well, you’d be with me no matter what. Daddies help bring the babies too.”

“Do you love her? Mommies and daddies love each other.”

“Some do,” he amended her statement as he scanned his card to get into the building, “some parents used to love each other and don’t anymore, and some parents weren't ever in love. There’s a difference between loving someone and being in love with them.” He hit the elevator’s up button.

“What is it?”

“Well, anyone can love anyone but being  _ in  _ love is romantic.”

“What’s romantic?”

“You know when two people kiss on the lips?” 

She nodded. 

“That’s romantic love. Savta and Zayde are in love, so are Aunt Sarah and Katherine. When you’re in love with someone you might date them and eventually marry them.”

“And become mommies and daddies?”

“Sometimes, sure,” he nodded. “Sometimes couples don’t have kids and that’s fine too.”

“Are Aunt Sarah and Katherine going to?”

“I don’t know, flower, maybe one day.”

“So were you in love with my mommy?” 

“No.”

“Then why are you my daddy?” 

He put the key in the lock, jiggled their door open. He put Chava down and helped her remove her backpack and jacket as closed, locked, and latched the door. 

“Because we still made you.”

“Made?”

“Men and women can make babies.”

“How?”

“I’ll tell you when you’re older, okay? That’s not something you need to worry about right now.” 

“Okay.”

They sat on the couch together.

“So we made you, and even though I wasn’t in love with her, I will always love her because she gave me you. Do you understand?”

“I think so. Will you ever be in love with her?” 

“No, sweetheart. Does that make you sad?” 

She shrugged. 

“I don’t think so. Will you be in love with another girl?” 

“No, not a girl. You know how we said Savta and Zayde are in love and Aunt Sarah and Katherine are in love?” She nodded. “So you see that boys can love girls and girls can also love girls, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, boys can be in love with other boys.”

“All of my friends’ parents are a boy and a girl.”

David nodded. 

“It just worked out that way. Actually, most people who are in love are boys and girls but sometimes they’re not.” 

“So you’ll be in love with a boy?”

“Maybe one day. Does  _ that  _ make you sad? That Daddy might be in love one day?”

“No. Is being in love good?”

He pulled her into his lap. 

“Being in love is  _ great _ . I’ve never actually been in love before but the people who have say it’s awesome. Before you fall in love you get a crush on someone. Do you know what a crush is?”

“No.”

“It’s when someone gives you butterflies in your tummy and you think they’re cute and you want to be around them a lot.”

“Do you have a crush?” 

David swallowed. Should he be honest? She seemed to be handling it very well so he might as well. It would be easier to tell her about Jack sooner if she knew he liked someone.

“Yes, I do have a crush. Chava?”

“Mmhm?”

“Does  _ that  _ make you sad?” 

She giggled. 

“Why do you think everything will make me sad, Daddy?”

“Sometimes kids get sad when their parents have crushes or are in love.”

“Oh. I’m not sad. Is the boy you have a crush on nice?”

“He’s  _ very  _ nice.”

“What’s his name?” 

“Jack.”

That was further than he had actually wanted to go but he might as well go for it now. 

“Oh. Okay. Hey, Daddy?”

“Yes?” He moved a piece of hair out of her face. 

“Will I like boys or girls?”

“I don’t know, flower. You’ll figure it out one day. Maybe you’ll like boys, maybe you’ll like girls, maybe you’ll like both.”

“People like both?”

“Aunt Sarah and Katherine both like both.”

“Oh. Are they also in love with boys?”

“No, baby, that’s not what that means. Liking both means it could be either a boy or a girl but they just so happened to fall in love with each other.”

“Okay. But you don’t like both, you just like boys, right?”

“Yep. Just boys.”

“And you might be in love with one one day?”

“Yeah, I might. Do you know something though?”

“What?”

“Being  _ in  _ love doesn’t always mean it’s stronger than love. I need you to know something, Chava: it doesn’t matter how in love with someone I am, I will  _ never ever  _ love them as much as I love you.  _ You _ , Chava Miriam, are my first priority, okay?”

She nodded. 

“Okay.”

“Good.” He kissed her forehead. “Now we have to talk about your punishment.”


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> David spends the night at Jack’s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn’t explicit, but the mature rating definitely kicks in here, so just be warned. It alludes to sex a lot and discusses sex a lot.
> 
> Also, here is the fluffiest chapter I’ve ever written. Just piles of fluff for you.

“And you can call me anytime and I’ll pick up,” David promised. 

“Relax, neshama, okay? We’ve got this. We’ve watched her before and there’s three people here who love her very much.” 

David was dropping Chava off at Katherine’s apartment where she would be spending the night with Katherine, Sarah, and Les. He was definitely too worried about this and logically knew that everything would be fine, but the only other time he had stayed away from her overnight had been fairly miserable and he missed her already. 

“David,” Sarah said, hand on his shoulder, “this is going to be good for both of you.”

He nodded. 

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. But seriously, Chava is going to be with her aunt and uncle and her aunt’s  _ amazing  _ girlfriend, Katherine.” David and Sarah both rolled their eyes. “And you packed so much for her. Christ,” she said, lifting the bag up and down for emphasis, “is she preparing to invade Europe?” 

“I’m just trying to be prepared!”

“I know, I’m just teasing.” 

“David.” Sarah put her other hand in his other shoulder so that he was forced to look her in the eyes. “Do you have your medication?”

“Yes.”

“Do you have your toothbrush and toothpaste?”

“Yes.”

“Deodorant?”

He rolled his eyes. 

“Yes.”

“Change of clothes? Pajamas?”

“Yes and yes! Can we be done?”

“Are the pajamas old and ripped or- you know what? Just let me see.” 

She took his bag. 

“Hey!” 

“Okay. Yeah, this is fine, right Kath?”

“Yeah, that works. What underwear do you have on?”

“Seriously? No.”

Sarah and Katherine just glared at him with their arms crossed until he huffed and gave in. He pulled up his waistband a little. 

“Black. Good.”

“Are they boxer briefs or briefs?”

“I’m going to hurt one of you.”

“Just answer her question, David,” Sarah ordered. 

“Fine! Boxer briefs.”

“Oh thank god,” they said in concert. 

“Are you kidding me? Would you have made me go home and change otherwise?”

“Yes.”

“Most definitely.”

“I’m your sister, I’m bound to protect you.”

“Okay, I’m done with both of you. Let me say goodbye to my daughter and then I’m going.”

“David, wait.” Sarah grabbed his wrist as he tried to walk past. Katherine excused herself to put Chava’s bag down somewhere. “Look at me.”

He did. 

“What?”

“Are you okay?”

“I’m a little nervous about being away from her but I’ll get over it.”

“No, I meant - that’s good, but I meant about tonight with Jack. I don’t know if you guys were planning on…whatever but are you okay? Do you feel pressured?”

“No! No, I don’t, I promise. I appreciate you looking out for me though.”

“Of course. Are you nervous?” 

David shrugged and scratched the back of his neck.

“A little. I mean, I want to do it, don’t get me wrong. It’s just…well, I’ve never done it before and he definitely has and what if I’m terrible at it?”

“You probably will be.”

“Thanks.”

“No!” She rubbed his arm. “No, David, I’m saying that because  _ everyone  _ is terrible at it the first few times.”

“Great.”

“But then you get better. And Jack knows you haven’t, right?”

“Right.”

“So he knows you’re inexperienced. Plus, every time you have sex with somebody new it’s weird for a little while as you figure out what works for you guys so it’s possible he won’t be great either. But, David, I do promise that it feels good.” 

David put his head in his hands and groaned. She pulled them away. 

“Hey. My point is, try to let go and enjoy it instead of stressing out about it the whole time.”

“Have you  _ met  _ me?”

Sarah chuckled. 

“Also, and this is important, tell him your concerns beforehand. Seriously, I know it might feel weird or embarrassing but it’s very important. And if something happens that you don’t like, say something. You’re allowed to say no no matter what stage you’re at. You’re also allowed to say no to certain things even if you want to keep going. Hey,” she whispered as she gently pulled his blushing face back to the center instead of letting him look away. “I know this is a weird conversation to be having with your sister but it’s important. I know you know all this stuff logically but everyone needs someone to remind them, okay?”

He nodded. 

“Good. Now, if you’re on the bottom it’s going to hurt a little bit at first, okay-”

“Saz!”

“I know, but just hear me out. Lube is your friend. Also, even if he says he was recently tested, use a condom. Also, drink lots of water afterwards. And-”

“That’s good! Thank you!” 

She smiled at David and pulled him into a hug. 

“I love you and I’m so proud of you for giving yourself time to do what you want - regardless of whether or not you have sex.”

“Thanks, Saz. I love you too. Thanks for always taking care of me.”

“Of course.” She ended the hug. “You always take care of me too.” 

“I’m going to say goodbye to Chava.”

“I’ll get her. Chava!” Sarah yelled. 

“Really? I could’ve done that.”

“But you didn’t.” 

Chava came running into the room, Les right behind her. 

“Yes, Aunt Sarah?”

“Daddy’s saying goodbye.” 

“Oh.” She ran up to him and jumped into his arms. “I love you, Daddy.”

“I love you too, aniołku. So much.” He felt choked up. 

“I’m going to miss you.” She clearly did too. David rubbed her back. 

“I’m going to miss you too. But you’re going to have such a good time with Aunt Sarah and Katherine and Uncle Les.” 

Chava nodded into his shoulder. He kissed her temple. 

“And guess what? I’m going to see you tomorrow, okay? Be a good girl for them.”

“I will.”

“I know, baby.” 

“Daddy,” she cried, “don’t go.”

“I’m sorry, Chava, but I have to.”

“Why?”

“Because you have to have fun at your sleepover.”

“Why can’t you stay too?”

“Oh, aniołku, I wish I could but I can’t. I have to get some grownup stuff done and it would be so boring for you. Besides, you need to make sure Uncle Les doesn’t get into any trouble.”

She giggled. 

“Okay. I love you.”

“I love you too, sweetheart.” He kissed her forehead and put her down. “Now go have fun with Uncle Les.” She was still crying a little but she allowed Les to take her into the other room to play. 

“Get out of here before she comes back and finds you and cries again,” Katherine said.

“Well, I’ll cry with her.” 

Katherine hugged him and kissed his cheek, Sarah did the same, and he was off. He did some deep breathing to keep himself from crying on the F train and tried not to think about it. He missed his baby girl so much.

He decided to text Jack as a distraction.

**Jack**

**5:13 PM**

I’m on the F train now, so I should be there in about thirty minutes.

_ :) _

_ I’m so happy you’re coming _

Me too.

_ Are you okay? _

Yes, of course I’m okay.

_ :| Are you sure? _

Yes. I’m a little sad but honestly I’ll be fine once I see you. 

_ Sap  _

Flirt.

Jack’s apartment was in a building that was arguably nicer than he should be able to afford. He wasn’t poor but he wasn’t rich either and it was Manhattan. He had a roommate but  _ still. _ Well, David was never one to look a gift horse in the mouth and if Jack got to have a nice apartment, why would he complain? Jack deserved a nice apartment. 

He nervously knocked on the door. There was some sort of crashing sound from inside and David cringed. 

“Jack!” someone yelled. “Open the door!”

The door swung open to reveal a slightly overwhelmed but incredible looking Jack. He was just in a black t-shirt and jeans but the way he wore it made David feel underdressed in his button down and slacks from work.

“Hi.”

“Um…hi. You…”

“What? Is something wrong?” Jack asked. 

“No, you just…you just look really nice.” 

Jack grinned. 

“So do you. Here, I can take your bag and jacket. Come on in.” 

He let Jack take his things and looked around the apartment. It was gorgeous. The living room sat in front of him with a leather sectional and a gigantic television. Immediately to his left was a bar with a bunch of stools. The kitchen beyond the bar looked stunning. It was gigantic, had an insanely large island, and beautiful lighting. There was a man at the sink washing dishes.

“That’s Charlie,” Jack said. “Charlie!” 

The man pulled out his headphones and looked over. 

“Hiya, David. Nice to meet you.”

“You too. Thank you for letting me come over.”

“Of course. You’re welcome here anytime. I’d come shake your hand but…it’s a bit of a process.” He gestured to the wheelchair behind him and David noticed he was putting all of his weight on one leg. 

“Don’t worry about it. Your place is gorgeous by the way.”

“Thanks. I’m guessing you’re surprised it’s clean because you’ve met Jack for more than six seconds? Yeah, that’s all me.”

David laughed.

“Hey! I’m very neat. Sometimes. Leave me alone.” 

“I’m sure.”

“Can I get you anything to drink? We’ve got wine and beer and shit.”

“Could I possibly have some water?” he asked shyly. 

“‘Course. Here, sit down on the couch and I’ll bring it to you.” 

“Oh, you don’t have to-”

“It’s fine,” he replied, already walking away. 

“Should I take my shoes off?” 

“Either way is fine. We usually do but it don’t matter.”

David took them off; he wouldn’t risk being impolite. He made his way to the living room and was amazed by the plush white rug under his feet. How did two twenty-something men keep a white rug clean? 

“It’s our ma’s.” 

David turned around. 

“What?” 

“That’s why it’s clean - if we ruined it we might be disowned.”

“Did I say something out loud?”

“Nah, it’s just what everyone asks. Don’t blame ‘em. Sit, Dave. Relax.” 

He certainly tried to. He was usually so comfortable with Jack but now he felt like he was going to mess up at any moment. He had a few sips and once he put his glass down on the table, Jack took his hand. 

“Hey? What’s going on?”

“Sorry, just a little nervous.”

Jack brought David’s hand to his lips. 

“You don’t got nothing to be nervous about.” 

“Thanks. I promise I’ll try to relax.”

“Okay.”

“Your apartment is gorgeous, Jack.”

“Thanks. It’s actually…well this is embarrassing but it’s technically our ma’s,” he admitted, scratching the back of his neck. “It’s a condo and she used to live here but when she got us she moved and rented it out for years. She lets us live here because we’re young and rent ain’t cheap.”

“That’s nice of her.”

“Yeah…sorry.”

“Why are you sorry?”

“It makes me feel like a dick.”

“What? Living in your mom’s condo?”

“No, my ma having money.”

“Jack, you don’t need to-”

“I know but I grew up super poor and I always thought rich folks were dicks and I’m not rich at all but I’ve got more now than I ever have and I feel like I haven’t earned none of it, you know? Plus, I know you struggle sometimes and I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“Jack, it doesn’t make me uncomfortable.” Jack looked skeptical. “I swear, it doesn’t. And you  _ have  _ earned it. From what I can tell you had a tough childhood.” Jack tensed. “We don’t have to talk about it,” David assured him, “I’m just trying to let you know you shouldn’t feel like a dick for having a kind mother who happens to have some money. I hope I haven’t done anything to make you feel that way.”

“No! It isn’t you, Dave, I swear. And thanks.”

“Of course.”

“Hey, I forgot to say when you got here, I’m so sorry about yesterday. It sounded really shitty.”

David sighed and leaned into Jack, who promptly put an arm around his shoulders. 

“It was but there were some positive aspects.”

“Oh yeah?”

“I didn’t tell you this but because of what that kid said Chava asked about her mother and that conversation wasn’t great but then she started asking about the difference between love and being in love. I tried to explain romantic love to her a little and how her grandparents are in love and so are her aunt and her aunt’s girlfriend and she asked if I would ever love a girl.”

“What did you tell her?”

“The truth. I told her I wouldn’t but she asked if I would ever love a boy and so she kinda gets that I’m gay? That’s good, right?”

“That’s awesome, babe.” Jack kissed the top of his head. “That’s really awesome.”

“Thanks. I also explained crushes to her and she asked if I had a crush.”

“And do you?” Jack teased. 

“No, not really.”

“You’re mean.”

“I’m kidding. I told her I do and that your name is Jack.”

“Wait, seriously?” 

David nodded. 

“I didn’t mention us dating or anything but I’m…building up to it. I’ll still need a little time. Is that okay?”

“Of course it is, baby. I’m sorry, I never meant to pressure you into coming out to your daughter, I was just pissed off.”

“I know and you didn’t. I don’t care that she knows I’m gay, I’ve never hidden it, she just didn’t have a comprehension of gay or straight. I wanted to make sure you were still okay with taking the Chava thing a little slowly.”

“Dave, I’m okay with anything you need. Always.”

  
  


Charlie left. They sat at the dining room table and ate Chinese food they ordered and drank wine. David listened to Jack talk about the set he was working on.

He volunteered to clean up and Jack said he would do it later. David insisted so they ended up doing it together. Afterwards, they sat back down at the table with the wine. 

“This is going to sound random,” Jack said, “But I’m happy you’re here.”

“I’m happy I’m here too.”

“No, I mean you’re just…incredible, Dave. I don’t know how to describe it.”

He blushed. 

“Um, well, thanks.”

“I’m sorry if I’m making you uncomfortable.”

“You’re not,” David assured him, “I’m just not used to this kinda thing.”

“Dates?”

“Yeah, but more people outside of my family and this one coworker saying anything positive about me.” He laughed. “It’s weird to go from ‘you’re a terrible parent and shouldn’t be allowed to raise your kid’ to ‘you’re incredible.’”

“Dave-” Jack held his hand. 

“I’m not trying to fish! I-”

“I know you well enough to know you would never do that. Regardless, I want you to have some idea of how much I like you. You’re handsome, and kind, and generous, and funny, and a goddamn genius, and also just really fucking hot.”

David’s head shot up from where he was looking pointedly at his drink. 

“What?”

“You’re hot.”

“Oh. I’ve…okay.”

“You don’t think so?”

“I’ve never thought that much about it. I kinda felt like I was fine, you know? Not ugly not gorgeous, just fine. In fact, when you started flirting with me on the subway I was really confused because you’re some sexy, muscular man.”

“Sexy?” Jack waggled his eyebrows. 

“I-I mean…yeah. Yeah, sexy. Very sexy. 

“Do I make you feel hot and bothered, Jacobs?” 

He nodded. Jack moved towards him and soon enough he had straddled his lap and they were kissing. After a few minutes, David felt Jack pull away, resting their foreheads together.

“Sorry. I need a minute.”

“Why are you sorry?”

“I don’t want to pressure you into anything.”

“Who said anything about pressuring anyone into anything? Jack, I’m feeling the same exact way.” 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. If you don’t want to, that’s fine, but I’m…I’m ready, I think.” 

Jack gave him one last lingering kiss and stood up, offering his hand. 

“All right. Let’s go to bed then, yeah?” He picked up David’s bag for him. “Are you okay?” 

“I’m perfect. A little nervous, but…otherwise.”

“We’ll take it slow, yeah? And if there’s anything you aren’t ready for we’ll stop.”

Jack’s room was spotless, with the exception of half painted canvases leaning against the wall in the corner. Jack put David’s bag down on his desk chair and closed the door before moving them to sit on the bed. 

“Is there anything you want to talk about first?” He cupped David’s cheek for a second. He placed a gentle kiss on David’s lips and went back to simply holding his hand, rubbing his thumb back on forth. 

“I’m worried.”

“About what, baby?”

“I’m worried that because I haven’t done it before, it won’t be good for you.”

“David, it’ll be great because it’s with you. Sex isn’t always perfect. Not the first time, not the fiftieth time. I promise it’ll be good for me, okay?” David nodded. “Okay. Whatever pace you need, that’s what we’ll do.”

By the time it was all over, David felt better than he could ever recall feeling. His muscles were jelly and he wouldn’t be surprised if his body was actually glowing - it certainly felt like it was. 

He lay there, completely relaxed and felt Jack run hesitant fingers up and down his arm. 

“Hey, baby. How’re you doing?” 

David turned his head lazily and looked him in the eyes. 

“I feel like I’m in heaven,” he said softly. He saw Jack smirk and chuckle quietly.

“Yeah? I’m glad. I feel that way too. So that was good?”

Instead of answering, David weakly pulled him into a languid kiss. It felt comfortable and familiar in a way that made David’s insides melt all over again. Jack smiled against his lips.

“Yeah, Jack,” he replied when they pulled away, “it was good. It was great, actually.”

“That makes me really happy to hear.”

“Was it good for you too?” David asked nervously. “I didn’t really know what I was doing and I know I didn’t do for you what to you did for me and I-”

Jack placed a hand on David’s chest.

“Shh. Don’t stress yourself out so much that you undo all that relaxation you’re feeling. It was  _ amazing  _ for me, Dave. I get a lot of pleasure from making my partner happy and sex ain’t about exchange of favors, okay? Trust me, it was good.”

“Okay.”

“Do you want to shower or something?”

“Yeah but can we just…lay here for a while? It’s okay if you’re not a cuddler or something but-”

“Oh, I’m a cuddler all right. Are you?” 

“I really have no way of knowing. It sounds nice though.” 

“Oh.”

Jack suddenly looked sad and David searched his face. 

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, baby, it’s just…it didn’t register with me that no one’s cuddled you before.”

“Hey, it’s okay,” David assured him, cupping his face momentarily. “Besides, it’s not like I’ve never gotten cuddled before, it just wasn’t romantic. My sister and I sometimes cuddle when we’re tired or one of us is sad.”

“I know but there’s a difference.”

“Well then show me.” 

Jack wrapped his arms around him and kissed his temple. David turned onto his side and let Jack spoon him. He felt a hand on his hip bone and a thumb move back and forth before wrapping around his front. 

“Oh.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“It doesn’t sound like nothing.”

“I’m only…” he felt himself well up a little. “I don’t know why I’m emotional. I just haven’t been held like this before and it’s nice.”

Jack kissed the back of his neck.

“You’re touch starved, babe.”

“That’s not true. I hug my family.”

“Yeah but when was the last time you weren’t the one doing the comforting?”

“This week.”

“David, getting hugged because you’re depressed and getting held for the sake of it are two different things. I’m not holding you because you’re depressed or sad.” 

“I guess.”

“I don’t mean to make you feel bad, baby. It’s nice that your family is there for you. I only want you to know that it’s okay to want comfort because you want it and you deserve it and not because you don’t feel well. Plus, how often does that happen in an average week? And I know I keep saying this but being touched by your family and being touched by a lover are different.”

David snorted.

“Sorry, the word ‘lover’ is just bizarre.”

“I know,” Jack chuckled. 

“You’re right. I guess I am a little touch starved. With the exception of these last few weeks which have been weird, I don’t really get more than a passing hug in greeting unless I’m spending substantial amounts of time with them and that doesn’t happen often. I’m constantly hugging Chava but I’m always the one doing the comforting.”

“Exactly,” Jack responded, running his hands through the side of David’s hair. “So let me hold you and you just let yourself relax.”

David took a few deep, calming breaths and tried to let go of his tension. 

“There we go, baby.” The arms around David wrapped around him a little tighter and made him feel safe and warm. “That’s it,” Jack soothed. “I’ve got you, Dave.”

“Jack?”

“Yeah?”

“I want you to know - I don’t know that I should even say this but…you’re the best thing that’s happened to me in a long time.” 

“You’re the best thing that’s happened to me too.”

After a while, they decided to shower. It was the first hot shower David had taken in months and it was glorious. He moaned when the water hit him. Jack chuckled. 

“What’s that about?”

“I haven’t had a hot shower in a long time and the water pressure is fantastic.”

“You don’t got hot water?” asked a concerned Jack. 

“No, we have it, but we pay utilities so I save it for things like the dishes and Chava’s bath.”

“Dave…”

“Hey,  _ you _ try convincing a small child to get into a cold bath. Trust me, it takes forever to get her into a warm one anyway.” 

Jack sighed and wrapped his arms around David’s waist. David turned around so that he was properly hugging Jack and felt his head come to rest on his shoulder.

“We should really wash…”

“I don’t pay utilities, babe,” Jack replied cheekily. “We’ve got all the time in the world.”

“Still, it’s bad for the environment and-”

“Dave.”

“Yes?”

“Let yourself not worry for tonight, yeah? Just for tonight. You can go back to hourly freakouts tomorrow,” he teased, earning himself a playful shove. 

David sighed.

“Okay. Yeah, okay.”

“So, how was work today?” Jack asked him later as they sat on the couch only half paying attention to the news. “We kinda skipped over that part in a rush to eat and have sex.”

David laughed. They were facing in opposite directions with their legs tangled up and sharing a blanket. 

“It was fine, if more exhausting than usual.”

“Why? What happened?”

David shrugged. 

“Just lots of errands to do and stuff. My boss had a meeting uptown and he forgot to tell me he needed something for it so I had to bring it to him during my lunch break and the subway was delayed.”

“So you walked? How far?”

“Don’t know,” he said, shrugging. “I was out and I already had what he needed with me and I forget what street I came from but I’d guess around thirty blocks there, thirty blocks back to the office.”

“Christ.”

“Yeah, it wasn’t fun. How was your day?”

“My day was fine. Rehearsals are getting a little crazy but nothing fun or exciting happened today. Hey, why don’t you let me give you a foot rub, huh?”

“What?”

“You’ve been on your feet all day and you could use some relaxation. I mean, beyond what we did before.”

“I appreciate it but you don’t have to do that.”

“I want to.”

“Don’t feel obligated.”

“I  _ want  _ to. But if it makes you uncomfortable then obviously I won’t.”

“No!” he answered hurriedly. Jack smirked. “No, umm, I’m not uncomfortable.” 

“Good. Switch spots with me and lean against the arm rest,” he instructed. David did so and sat waiting nervously. “You look stressed; this ain’t meant to be stressful. If you don’t like it, I’ll stop, okay?”

“It’s not that. I just don’t want to do something wrong.”

“Do something wrong?” Jack laughed lightly. “Baby, there’s nothing you can do  _ wrong _ about this, okay?”

David nodded nervously and answered, “okay.”

“Now sit back, relax, and enjoy a world famous Jack Kelly foot rub.”

“World famous, huh?”

“Well, maybe that’s an exaggeration but certainly famous among the people I’ve done it for.” 

“Is this how you charm all the boys and girls?” he teased. 

“I’ll admit, I’ve rubbed my past partners’ feet, yeah, but my friends too.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Foot rubs can be romantic or whatever but they don’t have to be. Sometimes they’re just meant to be relaxing.” He picked up one of David’s outstretched feet and began rubbing. David sighed happily.

“Thank you.”

“‘Course. How’s the pressure? I started light just in case but I can use more pressure or less if you want.”

“Oh, it’s fine either-”

“David. It literally makes no difference to me and part of this is discovering what works for you.”

“I don’t want you to make your hands tired.”

“I won’t. I’ve used a lot more pressure than this before and I’ve got strong hands. So deeper then?” David nodded. “How’s that?”

“A little more?”

“Sure, baby.” He went harder and David instantly moaned. “You like that?”

“It’s fantastic. Thank you, Jack.” 

“Of course,” he said, working on the heel. “You know, I’ve felt some very tense muscles in my time, but I don’t think I knew  _ feet _ could be this tense. I mean, obviously feet carry a lot of stress but still. Christ, Dave, when was the last time you got a foot rub?”

David scoffed. 

“Are you kidding? Never.”

“Never?”

“Jack, you’re the first guy I’ve ever dated.”

“Friends? Family?”

“Not my family and…well, I don’t really have friends.”

“Oh.”

“Can we not talk about that piece of it right now?” 

“Sure. Still, I wish you had someone to do this for you. Now you have me though.”

David smiled at him languidly. 

“Thanks. You make me feel special.”

“That’s because you  _ are  _ special.”

“That’s kind of you to- ooooh,” he moaned, “yeah, that’s nice.” His eyes fluttered closed and he heard Jack chuckle.

“I’m glad.” 

Jack did something to his toes that made him feel like he was floating. After about ten minutes of rubbing and comfortable conversation, Jack switched feet. 

“You know,” Jack said after David moaned for the fifth time, “I’m going to have to give you a real massage soon.” 

David cracked an eye open. 

“This isn’t a real massage?”

“Nah, not really. This is a rub more than a massage.”

“What’s the difference?”

“Lots. Massage has more steps and more benefits. Plus, I don't just mean feet.”

“Oh.”

“Can that be a date night?”

“That’s something you want to do?” 

“Yeah,” Jack answered earnestly, nodding. “I really enjoy making you feel good and if I can continue to do that I’d love to. Also, I really care about you and you deserve it.”

“I appreciate that. I can try to learn but I have to warn you, I’m not sure I’ll be very good at it at first.”

“What? No, Dave, I want to give you a night that’s just about you.” 

“What do you mean?”

“I want you to relax. I want to pamper you.”

David’s heart fluttered and he took a moment just to look at Jack’s kind face. 

“That’s really very sweet;  _ you’re  _ really very sweet.”

“I know,” he teased. “So that’s a yes?”

“It’s a yes. I don’t know what idiot would say no that, but if you need clarification then it’s a yes.”

Jack smiled. David felt him work on a pressure point and he moaned yet again. “That’s…that’s really nice. You’re really good at this.”

“See? What did I tell you?”

“Mmmm. Thanks for doing this, Jacky.” 

Jack raised an eyebrow and David tensed, realizing what he had said. 

“Jacky?”

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to. I won’t call you that again.”

“No, I like it. A lot, actually.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, it’s not something anyone’s ever called me before and, more importantly, it’s you who said it.”

David couldn’t resist and he grabbed Jack’s shirt, pulling him in briefly for a soft kiss. Jack reciprocated immediately but then went right back to rubbing his feet. 

“I’m going to have to start paying you to come to my apartment and do this every night after I get home from work.”

“Sure, but my rates are pretty high.”

“Oh yeah? What are they?”

“Depends on what package you want.” 

It took David a few seconds but when he got it he said, “Jesus Christ, Jack, really?” and that made Jack laugh harder than anything else had that night. David rolled his eyes but they both knew he enjoyed it.

“Really.”

David yawned and saw Jack glance after the clock. “It’s almost ten. Do you want to go to sleep?” 

“Sorry,” David said, embarrassed. “I’m okay, we can stay up.”

“Dave, you’re exhausted and I don’t mind.”

“I feel like a twenty-two year old should be able to stay up later than ten on a Friday night.”

Jack shrugged. 

“Who cares about that? Twenty-two or twenty-five or whatever - none of them mean anything. Everybody’s different.” 

David took the opportunity to slip his foot out of Jack’s hand, sit up, and pull him into another kiss. It was passionate but slow and when they ended it a minute or two later, Jack smirked. 

“What was that for?”

“You don’t know how amazing what you just said was. People are constantly telling me to go out and be twenty-two and it’s nice to be with someone who understands that that’s meaningless.” 

Jack gave him another short kiss. 

“I’m sorry that happens. So do you want to go to bed? I mean, you’re not leaving early tomorrow morning are you?” 

“Sarah said they were happy to keep her. I’ll stay as long as you’ll have me.”

“Don’t say that, Jacobs; you’ll never leave.”

Getting ready for bed brought a warm feeling to David’s stomach. Standing next to Jack while they brushed their teeth felt domestic in a way that he had never experienced before. It also made him a little sad. Now that he was with Jack, he realized how lonely he had truly felt for so long - still did, in many ways.

Jack asked if he could turn off the light and then they got under the covers. David wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do but he wanted to touch Jack. Out of habit, he curled up on the very edge of the bed, almost off of it.

“What are you doing?”

“What?”

“Dave, if you don’t want to cuddle that’s fine, I won’t force you, but you can still have half the bed.”

“Oh.” He moved over. “Sorry, force of habit.”

Jack laughed. 

“Really? How small is your bed?” he joked. 

“I sleep on the couch,” David admitted. He had made a commitment to himself that he would be honest about his living situation when Jack asked questions even if he was mortified.

“What? You do?”

David nodded.

“There’s one bedroom and it’s Chava’s. There isn’t room for a pullout so I just use the couch.”

“Oh.”

“It’s not all bad. At least I don’t have to make my bed in the mornings,” he joked but it fell flat. 

“So…is that comfortable?”

David scoffed. 

“Not really. My brother likes to joke that I’m going to have back issues like an old man by the time I’m thirty. He’s overreacting though,” he added when he saw Jack’s look of concern. 

“Okay.”

“Jack…”

“What?”

“You shouldn’t be upset. I get this enough from my family.”

“Of course I’m upset, babe, but I’m not going to lecture you or whatever it is you’re worried about. It’s nice that you give her the bedroom.”

“Thank you, Jacky.” David breathed a sigh of relief. “I really didn’t want to argue about it.”

“That’s fine. So do you want to cuddle? Again, we don’t have to.”

“Yeah. Yeah, that would be nice.”

“Okay. How do you want to do this?”

“I’m honestly not sure. Sorry, I don’t mean to be so awkward.”

“Hey.” Jack took his hand. “There isn’t anything wrong with being unsure. I don’t mind if we have to switch positions a thousand times, okay? We’ll figure out what works for both of us.”

“Thanks. What do you normally like?”

Jack shrugged. 

“Any contact really. I like spooning or one of us lying on the other’s chest but I’m up for anything.”

“Can we…can I lie on your chest? I liked spooning before but I kinda want to see your face. I mean, I know it’s dark and we’re closing our eyes but-”

“No, I get what you mean. Sure, I’d love that. Come here.” Jack moved his pillows closer to the center of the bed and scootched towards him. David rested his head and a hand on his chest, the other arm bent and in between them, his hand under Jack’s shoulder. Jack put his left arm around David’s back and his right arm covered David’s on his stomach. “Is that good?”

“Mmm. How about for you? Is my elbow digging into your ribs?”

Jack chuckled. 

“No, you’re fine. And if you need or want to shift then we’ll shift.”

“Yeah, you too.”

David felt Jack’s thumb stroking and he sighed happily. He was more comfortable than he could remember being in a long time, and not just physically. He felt safe and loved. Obviously he knew Jack didn’t love him, but he  _ cared  _ for David and that was enough for now.

“Was that a happy sigh or an exasperated sigh?”

“Happy sigh.”

“Good. I’m happy too.”

“Good. I like it when you’re happy.”

“I like it when I’m happy too,” Jack chuckled. “It feels a lot nicer than when I’m not.”

“Makes sense.” 

They lay quietly for a few minutes and David reveled in the warmth and comfort. 

“Dave?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you for being here.”

“Thank you for having me here.”

“Of course. I’m really sorta honored that in the very limited amount of time you get to yourself you decided to spend it with me.”

“You’re the only person I’d want to spend it with. Not that I don’t love my family to death but I need to not be around them sometimes. Not Chava, but that doesn’t really count as time to myself either. You make me feel like I’m more than just a father and that I have value beyond that.”

“Of course you do, baby. You have so much value and you’re your own person, not just a father. I know that’s the role in your life that’s most important to you but it doesn’t have to be the  _ only _ role in your life.”

“Yeah. You want to know another role I like to fill?”

“What?”

“The role of your boyfriend.”

He hadn’t used that word yet and it made his stomach tingle nicely. 

“I love that you’re my boyfriend too. More than anything.” 

“I’d kiss you right now but I’m comfy.”

Jack laughed. 

“Fair enough. Do you want to sleep now?” he asked when David yawned again. He nodded into his chest. 

“Yes please. Sorry.”

“Don’t be. Do you want to set an alarm or sleep as long as we want? I usually do that on Saturdays but if you don’t want to that’s fine.”

“I literally don’t think there’s ever been a phrase as beautiful as the phrase ‘sleep as long as we want.’” 

“Go to sleep then, Dave.”

So he did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluffy enough?  
> Also, writing awkward javid talking about how they should cuddle gave me secondhand embarrassment.


	12. Chapter Twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Davey and Jack make breakfast and talk about Judaism. Davey and Chava have a strange grocery shopping experience.

Waking up the next morning felt weird as hell. First off, David was comfortable and comfortability was not something he had associated with sleep since before Chava was born. Second, he was being held. He almost whimpered at how nice it felt. At some point during the night he had ended up as the little spoon and he was more than okay with it. 

There was light coming in through the window but David couldn’t be sure what time it was. Moving to check his phone or Jack’s alarm clock seemed like just about the worst idea in the world. He exhaled happily and closed his eyes, snuggling more into Jack. He drifted off. 

The next time he woke up, it was to peppered kisses on the back of his neck. David lay there, letting Jack kiss him and rub his arm as he let out the occasional relaxed sigh. 

“Good morning, baby,” Jack whispered into his skin. 

“Good morning.”

“Did you sleep well?”

“Mm, perfectly. Did you?”

“Better than I have in a long time. I’m sorry to wake you, I just couldn’t resist kissing you.”

“That’s okay. I was up a little while ago for a few minutes, I think.” He rolled over in Jack’s arms to face him. “What time is it?” 

Jack pecked his lips.

“I don’t know.” He reached over to the nightstand for his phone, and they both cringed at the light it emitted. “Nine thirty.”

“What? Christ.”

“Sorry. Did we sleep too long?”

“No, I’m just surprised I didn’t wake up naturally earlier than now.” 

“Well,” Jack said, moving his face a little closer to David, “I wore you out last night, didn’t I?”

“Mm.” David ignored the teasing and sank into the kiss that was offered to him. Jack didn’t have morning breath and he hoped that he didn’t either. Either way, he seemed to be enjoying it.

The warm feeling he got when they kissed returned. It was a soft, lazy kiss, but perfect all the same. More than anything, David wanted it to last forever. Unfortunately, it couldn’t, and Jack pulled away after a minute or two. He kissed David’s forehead before resting each other’s together.

“Thanks.”

“Thank  _ you. _ That was nice.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, Dave. Really nice.” 

“Glad to hear it.” He scootched in closer, indicating that Jack should wrap his arms back around him and he was rewarded with a chuckle and the cuddle he wanted. “Mm.”

“I take it you like cuddling, then?” he teased. David nodded into his shoulder. “Good, because I do too.”

“I feel like I’m in an oven, but like…a good oven, you know? I’m not hot, I’m just surrounded by warmth,” David said. “It’s really, really nice.”

“It’s usually like this; I like a lot of blankets. Plus, having someone next to you doesn't hurt.”

“That’s true, but I’ve shared a bed with my sister before and I’ve never felt like this.”

“Well, I would hope not. We just made out.” 

“You’re the worst. And the best. God, Jack, this bed.” 

“If it means you staying over more, I’m more than happy for you to use me for my bed.”

“I’ll take you up on that.”

David groaned when he realized something. 

“What?” 

“I have to check my phone and that requires movement.”

“I can get it for you.”

“No. Either way you’re not holding me anymore and I’m not holding you.” 

“We’ll go right back to it, baby, I promise,” Jack responded sweetly. 

Reluctantly, David pulled away and rolled over. He picked his phone up off the ground and moved back towards the center of the bed. He stayed on his back but Jack wrapped arms around his waist and rested his chin on David’s shoulder. He felt Jack’s breath on his neck as he exhaled. He glanced over and saw his boyfriend’s eyes closed and a smile on his face. David smiled too. 

He only had a few texts and none of them were from Sarah, Les, or Katherine. That was probably a good sign. The texts (likely from Hannah or someone else he worked with) could wait and his work emails could too. He decided it wasn’t too early to text Sarah. There was no way she was still asleep with Chava being there. He felt a pang of guilt about that but he tried to ignore it, just like he knew Sarah would tell him to.

**Sarah**

**9:39 AM**

Good morning. 

He only had to wait about thirty seconds for a reply.

_ Good morning to you too! Did you just wake up? _

Yeah.

_ Good! That’s awesome!  _

Yeah, it kinda is. How is everything? How is she? How are you guys?

_ We’re all fine. Katherine made chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast and now Chava and Les are snuggled up on the couch and watching Peter Pan. _

_ Don’t worry, Les is explaining to her that the part about natives is racist. _

__ David snorted. Jack hummed happily. 

“Mm, it’s cute when you do that,” he said. David felt himself blush. “What’s funny?”

“My little brother is making sure his niece stays woke.”

“Yeah?”

“You’re not a Jacobs unless you explain to children why movies are racist.”

“Good.”

He’s a responsible uncle.

_ True. How was last night? _

Amazing. 

_ Really? That’s great!!! I’m so happy for you!! _

Thanks, Saz. 

_ Did you…you know… _

_ Wink wink, nudge nudge. _

You’re twelve years old, I swear. 

_ Thank you. Answer the question.  _

We may have. 

_ Eeeppp!!!! How was it? Are you okay? Did you feel safe? _

Yes, I felt safe. He was very careful about asking me what I wanted and what I didn’t.

It was fantastic. 

_ Yeah? _

Not to be gross, but it’s ridiculous that anything can feel that good. 

_ Well, that’s sex for you. Help with your stress levels at all? _

I think so. 

He also gave me a foot rub so that helped too. 

_ I’m assuming this was in the lead up? _

No, it was later. 

_ Omg, David, I love this guy. He seems so great.  _

He really is.

_ Is he awake too? _

Yeah. We’re just lying in bed.

_ Cuddling? _

Yep.

_ AHHHH _

I know. I keep getting embarrassingly emotional about the little things he’s doing that are pretty much the norm for most couples, I would suspect. 

_ That makes sense, boychik. You’re not used to someone caring for you in that way. _

It’s something I didn’t know I was missing. 

I mean, I knew I was interested in romance but I didn’t know what a relationship was like. I still don’t, really, but I’m in the beginnings of one. 

_ Yeah. Enjoy letting him be romantic and woo you and shit and then woo him right back.  _

I’m not sure how. 

_ Katie and I are happy to give you advice. _

Thanks. What time should I get her?

_ I told you already that we’ll keep her all day if you want. We don’t have to even pick a time now, just text when you’re leaving.  _

Thank you. I love you. 

_ I love you too. Now go back to cuddling with your man.  _

He rolled his eyes and locked his phone, straining to put it back on the carpet. 

“You’re off the phone?”

“Yeah.”

“Come cuddle me then.” 

“It would be my pleasure.” He turned onto his side and they reverted to their previous position. “There you go.”

“Yeah,” Jack said in an exhale. “What time did your sister say you have to get Ava?”

“Whenever. So I’m here until you want me to leave.”

“Again, that’s going to be never.”

“I can’t promise that but we can negotiate.”

“Yeah? And what do you have to offer?”

“I’ll trade you having this conversation later for making out now because that’s more fun and you’re attractive.” 

“I like the way you think, Jacobs.”

“I’ve got eggs and bacon I can make. Is that okay?” Jack asked as they stood in the kitchen half an hour later. David was in a sweatshirt he borrowed and the fact that it was Jack’s made him feel stupidly warm. He cringed internally, feeling guilty. 

“I can’t have bacon. Sorry.”

“It’s turkey bacon.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I couldn’t figure out a way to make a proper breakfast and  _ not  _ include bacon so I got the kind you can eat. It has the little k on it and everything. You  _ can _ eat it, right?”

“Yeah.” He pulled Jack in for a brief kiss. “I can eat it. That’s very sweet of you, baby.” 

“Oh, I’m baby now too? I like it,” he said. David laughed. “And eggs too, yeah? I’ve never heard of eggs not being kosher.”

David nodded. 

“Yeah. Do you mind if I crack them though?”

“Um, sure. Why?”

David really wanted to avoid being annoying but he also wanted to be himself. He would need to get over his anxiety about telling Jack things that he needed if their relationship was going to work. 

“You know how occasionally eggs have that red spot?” Jack nodded. “If they do then they aren’t kosher so I have to check and I don’t want you to have to. They almost never have them these days but…I’m sorry,” he said earnestly. “I don’t mean to be annoying.”

“Hey, don’t apologize! It’s not annoying. I want to know these things and I want to know about  _ you.” _ Jack smiled and gave his shoulder an affectionate squeeze. “There’s…is there a special way I have to cook stuff?” 

“No,” David assured him and chuckled. “You’re very sweet.”

“You’re not just saying that? Because I don’t mind if there is.”

“I promise there isn’t. Many more conservative Jews - like Orthodox Jews - keep their kitchen a certain way but my family never has. The only person I grew up with who did that was my rabbi, and that was only during Passover.” 

“So you’re…not orthodox? I’m sorry, I don’t really know the differences.”

“That’s okay. I don’t want to bore you with the details.” 

“If you don’t mind explaining, I want to know,” Jack said, getting out a pan and turning the burner on. 

“What specifically?”

Jack shrugged.

“I don’t know what questions to ask but I want to know about being Jewish. I get the feeling that you’re religious; is that wrong?” 

“No, it’s not.” David threw a blueberry from the bowl next to him into his mouth, leaning against the countertop. “I’m religious.”

“Am I keeping you from being at temple or synagogue or- I’m not sure what you call it. Am I keeping you from it?” 

“No, not at all. I rarely go to service anymore because I don’t have the time.” Jack looked upset when he said that. “I wouldn’t have gone this weekend either,” he assured. “If I wasn’t here I’d be at home with Chava. I promise you didn’t keep me. If I wanted to go today I would have.”

“Okay. Sorry, I just got nervous.”

“Don’t be sorry. Anyway, I’m a Reform Jew. There are three major movements-”

“Movements?”

“Like sects or denominations. Reform is the most liberal of the three.”

“Like, liberal liberal or liberal for a religion?”

“Somewhere in between. There are female rabbis and same-sex marriage.”

“So you guys are the most liberal?”

“I mean, there’s Reconstructionists but I’m happy where I am. Also, eighty percent of Reform rabbis in America are registered Democrats. That’s not relevant, but I like it.”

Jack laughed. 

“I like it too.”

“I’m religious, but in my own way. I pray and I read the scriptures and stuff but I don’t really have time for some of the things I’d like to do.” 

“Yeah? Like what?” Jack slid the eggs and a bowl over to him so he could crack them as he spoke. 

“Well, Shabbat starts at-”

“That’s like sabbath, right?”

“Yeah. It starts at sundown on Fridays but I can’t celebrate because I’m at work. Actually, Jewish holidays in general start at sundown.”

“So you miss them all?”

“No, not all,” he said. “I always take off on Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur.”

“Those are in the fall, right?”

“Right.”

“What are they?”

“Well, Rosh Hashanah is New Years and Yom Kippur is the day of atonement.”

“The day of atonement?”

David nodded and handed Jack the bowl of eggs. 

“We fast and try to atone for our sins of the past year. The days in between are a period of reflection.”

“Huh. I like that.”

“Yeah?” He popped another blueberry in his mouth.

“Yeah.”

“I like it too.”

“Hey, when does Chanukah start?” 

“Day after tomorrow. Monday night.”

“You got plans?” 

David shrugged. 

“Hopefully my boss will give me a few minutes at sundown so I can FaceTime my family while they light candles. Chava’s pretty annoyed and upset that I won’t be there. I’d ask for evenings off and it’s religious so I’d probably get them but it’s really not worth him being pissed at me for the next month and a half.”

“I’m sorry, baby. Are you sure you can’t ask to get off a little early?”

“No. Sundown is like four fifteen or something so no way that’s going to happen.” Jack stared awkwardly at the pan as he flipped the bacon. David brushed a hand over his forearm. “It’s really okay.” 

Jack nodded and cleared his throat. 

“So Chanukah you do eight nights of presents, yeah?”

“We don’t, but normally.”

“Oh.”

“My parents did when we were kids and I think they still might for my brother but…I don’t know. I guess they didn’t want to make me feel bad that I couldn’t get a present for Chava every night. I mean, I know that grandparents are supposed to spoil their grandkids but I think it would make me sad, in a selfish kinda way, if they could do that for her even though I can’t.”

“I don’t think that’s selfish.”

“Eh.” David shrugged. “If I wasn’t paranoid about it she could have a better holiday. I know holidays aren’t about gifts but…she’s four and I want her to get the toys she wants.”

“Have you talked to your parents about it?”

“No, we never even talked about it in the first place. I think they just…knew. My siblings too.”

“That’s nice.”

“Yeah. I’m pretty lucky to have them. I’ll get the plates.”

“In the cabinet behind you. So you do one gift?”

“Yeah. My parents give her theirs on the first night and I give her mine on whichever night I’m home. We try to do one at the beginning and one at the end but it hasn’t always worked out that way. It’s not a huge deal, because she didn’t even really understand Chanukah until last year.”

“Mm. What did you get her?”

“Doll house,” David told him with a smile. “I try not to force her into stereotypical girls toys or whatever but if she likes it that’s fine and she loves that kinda thing. My sister got her dolls.”

“That’s really sweet, babe. Here let’s sit.” Jack turned the burner off and David carried the plates to the table. 

“Thanks for making breakfast.” David kissed his cheek. 

“Of course. Do you know what your parents got her?”

“No. They’re good at gift giving so I don’t make them tell me. My siblings and I got my parents tickets to  _ To Kill a Mockingbird.” _

“Seriously? That sounds expensive,” Jack said. David shrugged and took a bite of eggs. He swallowed before he spoke.

“A little, but my coworker Hannah’s niece is a stagehand at the theater and she somehow got me a discount. It’s more than we normally would have spent but they’re obsessed with the book, so…”

“That’s awesome. You’re a really good son.” 

“Thanks. Would you mind telling them that?” he joked. Jack chuckled and pulled him in for a quick kiss. “What about you? Any Christmas plans?” 

“Yeah,” he replied with a nod, “my brothers and I always go to our ma’s house. We get up super early and stay in our pajamas and we all wake up our baby sister together.”

“That’s adorable,” David mewled. “That’s legitimately the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard.” He gave him another kiss. 

“Thanks, baby, we try. The best part of Christmas is seeing my brother-in-law being all grumpy in reindeer pajamas at seven in the morning.” They laughed. “His husband is the brother who’s obsessed with Christmas, right?”

“Yeah, Antonio.”

“What was he worried about the other day? If you don’t mind, that is.”

“Nah. You can always ask me anything, baby. They have a big Christmas party every year on the twenty-sixth. Like  _ huge. _ The first year they did it on the twenty-third but everyone was too hungover for Christmas Eve.” David laughed. 

“What type of Christmas party makes you super hungover?”

“It’s not hard liquor or anything, although there’s usually whiskey around somewhere. It’s wine and champagne but, like, a lot of it. There’s always like fifty people there.”

“Fifty?” David repeated, shocked. 

“I know, it’s insane. Our friend group is huge though - there’s like twenty of us - and they also invite the coworkers they like and people who I have no clue who they are. But it’s always a great time.”

“I can understand why he’s stressed.”

“Oh yeah, big time. It always ends up looking beautiful though.”

“What do they do again?”

“You mean how can they afford a place in New York that can fit fifty people?”

David blushed. 

“I-”

“Babe, I’m just teasing. Sean’s a psychiatrist and Antonio’s a rocket scientist.”

“What?”

“I shit you not.”

“Isn’t he twenty-three?”

“Fucking prodigy. His junior year of high school - when he was four-fucking-teen - he got approached by NASA. They paid for him to go to Harvard and then MIT. He got his Masters at nineteen and started there. He got his PhD a year and a half ago.” 

“Holy shit.” 

“I know.”

“This is the brother who fell out of a tree?” 

“Yep,” he said, popping the p. 

“But he mocked his husband about having a PhD!” David exclaimed, confused.

“Only because he’s constantly being lectured about endangering his health - which he absolutely deserves, by the way.” 

“Christ, Jack.”

“Yeah. You can imagine how fun it is at family gatherings when relatives ask Charlie and me what we’re up to.” 

David laughed. He was happy for Jack’s brother that he was where he was but it sucked a little bit to hear that someone got their PhD when they were younger than him and he had never even taken a single college course (unless APs counted). Plus, didn’t Jack call him a genius recently? There was no way Jack thought he was that smart. He tried not to be self conscious about it because logically he shouldn’t compare himself with a fucking science prodigy but it was hard. 

“So what does he do, specifically?”

Jack sighed the sigh of a long suffering older brother and put his fork down. 

“He’s the Deputy Associate Administrator for Programs in the Aeronautics Research Division.”

“What does that mean?”

“He’s in charge of translating aeronautics research into actually doing shit. Like, designing rockets.” 

“I’m sorry,  _ what _ ? He’s in charge of the people who design rockets? And he’s twenty-three?”

Jack nodded. 

“Not all of them, but yeah, that’s the gist. Frankly, I don’t think anybody fully understands what he does - I definitely don’t. All I know is that people were pissed he got the job.”

“Why?”

“Because the last guy who had it worked at NASA for twenty-seven years before  _ he _ got it.”

“Shit. So he’s a prodigy in the literal sense.”

“Yeah. I mean, he’s an absolute fucking idiot but when it comes to math and science and shit…” Jack shrugged. “He can do anything.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah.”

“Isn’t NASA based in D.C.?”

“They have an office here. He probably should be in D.C. but he refused to leave New York. He goes down there for a few days each month though.”

“I…I’m literally at a loss for words.”

“We all were - him included. When they approached him they did it by coming to the house like out of some movie. Well, actually they called several times and sent a letter but we always thought it was spam. Charlie opened the door and when they said ‘we’re looking for Antonio Higgins,’ Charlie yelled up the stairs ‘Tony, you’re being arrested!’” 

David laughed. 

“That’s awesome.”

“He’ll like you. I was actually wondering…” Jack trailed off nervously and David took his hand. “I was wondering if you wanted to go to the party with me? You don’t have to! Just a thought.” 

David couldn’t resist giving him another kiss. He was just so sweet and kind and thoughtful and amazing and David never wanted to not be around him.

“I’d love to.”

“Really?” Jack looked like an excited puppy. 

“Really. You’re sure they won’t mind?”

“I’m sure. They asked me if I wanted to invite you about a week ago actually, but I was nervous you’d be upset.”

“Jacky, I’ll never be upset by you asking me to do something, okay? I promise. I’m not going to always be able to say yes but I’d rather you ask than not. What time is the party?”

“Six until like…one in the morning, usually,” Jack told him, chuckling. “People leave much earlier than that but our friends hang around until then. Some of them end up asleep on the couch or the floor. But we don’t have to stay that long.”

“And you’re sure you’re okay with me meeting your family so soon?” 

“Of course! I mean, unless you’re uncomfortable with it.”

“No, I’d love to, it’s just…”

Jack squeezed his hand.

“Hey, I get it. It’s different for you. Take your time.”

  
  


As it turned out, David did  _ not _ get to take his time. Sunday afternoon he and Chava went to the grocery store. He was comparing the dates on milk cartons and she was telling him about why purple was a much better color than yellow when his phone rang. 

“Just a second, flower,” he said, eliciting an adorable whine. “Hello?”

“Dave? It’s me.” Jack’s voice sounded a little shaky. 

“Is something wrong?”

“No, everything’s fine. I just…I see you.”

“What?”

“Yeah. I’m here with my brother-in-law. His office is in this area so…anyway, I’m like fifteen feet away by the bread. Turn around.” He did and Jack pointedly did not look at him. “Do you want me to leave?”

“Why?”

“Because you have Ava.” 

“Oh.” He looked at her. Was he okay with Jack meeting his daughter this soon? Or more importantly, his daughter meeting Jack? Surprisingly, yes. Yes, he was okay with it. Some part in the back of his brain told him it was too early but he ignored it. He was sick of being scared to tell her. Maybe Sarah and Katherine and Jack were right; maybe this was all about his own fears and not hers.

“What’s wrong, Daddy?” she asked him in Polish. 

“Nothing, baby girl.” 

“Are you talking to me or to her? I’m assuming her because I don’t know what language that was.” 

David chuckled. 

“Polish. I…I don’t mind if you don’t mind.”

“No! No, I’d love to, I just don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“I’m not. Just…can I use the word f-r-i-e-n-d?”

“Of course, baby. Is it okay that my brother-in-law is here too? I mean, you’ll meet him in a few days anyway but he might come looking for me.”

“Sure. Do you want to come to me or-”

“Yeah that’s fine,” he said, but David didn’t see Jack move. “Sorry, Dave, I’m just-”

“Yeah. It’s okay. Just come here. I promise it’s okay.” 

“Okay.”

The call ended. 

“Who was that, Daddy?” 

Before he could answer Jack approached and with the most adorable fake surprised expression ever said, “David? Hi!”

“Hi Jack. Good to see you. Chava,” he said to her, “this is my friend Jack. Jack, this is Chava. Can you say hi, Chava?”

“Hi Jack,” she said shyly. 

“Hi. I’ve heard so much about you,” Jack told her. He pointed to the box of yogurts she was holding. “Oh, what do you got there?”

“Yogurt. Daddy got me my favorite.”

“Really? That’s pretty awesome. You’ve got a pretty awesome Daddy.” 

She giggled and nodded. 

“What are you doing here, Jack?”

“Sean’s office is a few blocks away and I’m going to his and Tony’s for dinner so I met him there and now we’ve got to pick up groceries and some stuff for Thursday.”

“Already?”

“Just frozens, but yeah, Tony will go crazy if we don’t start preparing soon. I don’t even live there and somehow I get dragged into this every year.”

“Daddy?”

“Yes, flower?” David saw Jack smirk out of the corner of his eye.

“Is Jack the Jack that’s your crush?” Chava asked innocently. 

David stammered for a few seconds, trying to find words and Jack was caught somewhere between shock and laughter.

“Um…yeah. Yeah, he is.”

“Is Daddy your crush too, Jack?” 

“Yeah, he is. Is that okay with you?” 

Chava shrugged.

“I don’t care. Daddy, can we get apple juice?” Chava, in a classic four year old fashion, liked to skip around from subject to subject. It was, apparently, a sign that she processed information quickly. David thought it was the cutest thing on the planet. Jack looked like he had whiplash. 

“Sure, aniołku, we can get apple juice.”

“Do you like apple juice, Jack?”

“You kidding? I love apple juice.” 

Chava was quiet for a minute or two while Jack and David talked. Then, she gasped happily and yelled, “Dr. Conlon!”

Both Jack and David turned towards where she was pointing.

“Chava? David?” 

“Oh, hi, Dr. Conlon. This is-”

“Jack.”

“Uh, yeah. Did I tell you his name?”

Jack groaned. 

“You’ve gotta be kidding me.” 

“What?”

“This is Sean.” He gestured to the man in question. 

“I don’t-”

“Dave, I’d like you to meet my brother-in-law, Sean Conlon.”

“Fuck.”


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> David deals with the Dr. Conlon situation and has a breakdown in his parents’ kitchen.

“Fuck.”

The three of them stood awkwardly for a couple of seconds until Chava asked, “Daddy, what was that word?”

“It was…one of my other languages, Chava.” She seemed to accept that answer and went back to her stuffed animal. “So…”

“So,” Jack echoed. 

Dr. Conlon - or Sean, he guessed - sighed. 

“This is…David, I’m not sure what I’m supposed to say in this situation.”

“You’re not? Isn’t it your job to know what to say to your patients?” Jack asked cheekily and Sean glared. 

“Can we maybe talk about it another time, Dr. Conlon?” David requested, gesturing to his daughter. Jack laughed. “What?”

“Sorry, it’s just ‘Dr. Conlon’ always gets me.” 

“Yeah, it’s hysterical that I’m accomplished. Look, we can talk about it another time but that time has to be soon.”

“How soon?”

“Before the party.” 

David cringed awkwardly. 

“Would you prefer if I didn’t come?” 

“No, of course not. No, Jack will be devastated if you don’t come and I’ve always thought my husband would really like you.” 

David started to process everything that was happening. 

“Wait, you’re married to the guy that fell out of the tree?” he asked. Jack snickered and took David’s hand.

“Yeah, he’s an idiot, but he’s my idiot.”

“I don’t…just…were we to have the conversation now, what would you say to me?” 

Sean put his hands in his pockets and sighed.

“I’d say ‘David, it would be inappropriate for me to continue as your doctor.’”

“Oh.”

David felt hollow momentarily. It wasn’t so much that he needed Dr. Conlon but, yeah, no, okay, he needed Dr. Conlon. No other psychiatrist had ever made him feel as comfortable or been as helpful.

“I’m sorry, David. There’s…even if you and Jack never spoke to each other again I couldn’t do it.” David nodded. “I hope you understand.”

“Yeah. Yeah, of course, it’s fine.”

“Dave,” Jack said, “are you all right?” 

He put on a fake smile and nodded again. 

“Of course.” He saw Jack and Sean exchange a concerned glance. “I’m  _ fine, _ guys, seriously. Can we…look, can we just drop it for now?” 

“Sure. I’ll recommend-”

“You just said we could drop it.” Sean nodded. “Okay, well…okay. So, your Jack’s brother-in-law, then. Want to tell me anything awful about him?” David put on a happy face and decided he would process later. He was sure Sean knew what he was doing.

“Yes.”

“Hey! That ain’t fair,” Jack protested. “If you tell him bad stuff about me then you have to tell me bad stuff about him.”

“Sorry, Jack, doctor-patient confidentiality,” David teased.

“I hate you.”

“No, you don’t, you never shut up about him. It’s really annoying. For the amount of time I’ve spent listening to you describe him I should’ve figured out who he was,” Sean said, making David blush.

“Aw, Spotty, you made him blush!” 

“Spotty?” he questioned.

“I swear to God, Kelly, if you keep calling me-”

“It’s his nickname.”

_ “Childhood  _ nickname and it’s Spot, not Spotty,” Sean clarified. 

“Right, childhood. Except that I still call you that, and Racer still calls you that, and Charlie still calls you that, and Finch still-”

“All right, all right! I get it! You’re an asshole.”

David laughed.

“You’re personality now and your personality in your office are two very different things.”

“What, is he  _ nice  _ in there or something?”

“Yeah, some of us can be emotionally available every once in a while,” Sean said. Jack glared at him. “Now, can we get the stuff we need? You can stay with them and I’ll text you when I’m ready to go, but if I’m not home in an hour your brother is gonna kill me.” 

Jack turned to David. 

“I can go, if you want.” 

David pecked Jack on the cheek.

“Why on earth would I want that?” 

“Daddy, can we go? I’m bored!”

“Nice to meet you, Bored, I’m Jack.”

David rolled his eyes at him.

“What did we say about being impatient, hmm?”

“That only little kids and Uncle Les do it.”

“That’s right. Am I not entertaining enough for you?” 

“You won’t talk to me.”

“I’m talking to you now. What do you want to talk about, aniołku?” She shrugged and went back to her stuffed animal. David sighed. “Yeah, that’s what I thought would happen.” 

Sean left and David found shopping with Jack to be surprisingly easy. Not that he thought it would be hard (he hadn’t really thought about it at all), but he made it better. He was very good at pretending to understand Chava’s babble and he got things for David.  _ “Jack, I’m literally taller than you.” “Just let me have this, all right?” _ It felt…comfortable. David felt an extra butterfly flutter in his stomach (he always had them around Jack) when Jack said something silly and Chava squealed in delight.

“Daddy,” Chava eventually said in Hebrew, “when can we go home? I’m cold.” 

“Chava, it’s rude to exclude Jack from our conversation like that,” David replied in English. “He doesn’t speak Hebrew.” 

“Oh. You don’t?” she asked Jack, looking disappointed. 

“No, sorry. Plain old English. I have one semester of Spanish under my belt but I remember maybe twenty words from it.” 

“Can I hear some Spanish?”

“Sure. Let me think.” Jack turned and looked at David. “Eres muy guapo.”

“What did you say?” she asked. 

“I told your daddy that he’s very handsome.” 

Chava giggled and David blushed, trying to look exasperated rather than extremely endeared. 

When they were done shopping, Jack annoyed Sean by insisting that he at least walk David to the end of the block. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow or Thursday?”

“Yeah. I probably can’t do lunch tomorrow because my boss is going to be rushing everyone to get stuff done before the holiday, but I’ll try.”

Jack smiled. 

“That’s good enough for me,” he whispered because Chava was asleep in David’s arms. “You’re sure you don’t need help?” He gestured to the three bags of groceries he was carrying.

“Nah, I’ve mastered this.”

“Okay.” He kissed David’s cheek. It was soft and lingering. “See you soon.”

“Yeah. Bye.”

David was sitting at the kitchen table at his family’s house when Chava came in.

“Whatcha doing, Daddy?”

“Math,” he answered distractedly. He was always happy to talk to his daughter but in that moment David was using most of his energy holding back tears as he added up bills and tried to prioritize.

“Oh. Can I help? I’m good at math.”

“I know, but this isn’t the same type of math.” 

“What type of math is it?” 

David sighed. 

“Why don’t you go see what Uncle Les is doing? Or play with one of your toys?” 

“I want to be with you.”

“Chava, please,” he said, trying not to sound annoyed. “I need fifteen minutes of silence, okay?”

“But-”

“Now, please.” 

She left the room and David tried his best not to think about what her face looked like. If he had made her cry he would be so sad but he also knew that letting her be around him right now was a terrible idea.

With the missed day of work the other week, he was really going to be cutting it close that month. He had to make rent number one because if he was late one more time his landlord had threatened to evict him, and this time he seemed serious. In fact, he had come home that day to a note in his mailbox telling him that if he didn’t have the payment in full when it was due this month, he would be evicted. The problem was that rent was one of his highest bills and if he prioritized that then he couldn’t pay for much else.

This was the fourth time he was doing the math and he still couldn’t find a way that he could get the money in time. It was all David could do not to cry. He couldn’t recall a time he had ever felt more scared other than the entire pregnancy and the whole first year of Chava’s life. The difference was those were good types of scared and this was the worst David had ever felt. He was going to throw up.

He was about to lose his daughter’s home - the place where she was supposed to grow up - and all because he couldn’t provide for her. He had  _ failed  _ to provide for her. 

His phone rang and he answered it without looking at the caller id. 

“What?” he snapped.

“Umm…okay,” came his boyfriend’s voice through the phone. 

“Fuck, I’m sorry, Jack. I’m just having a…whatever. What’s up?”

“It can wait.”

“No, tell me.”

“Seriously, it’s fine-”

“Can you just fucking tell me?”

He heard Jack exhale loudly. 

“I’m sorry about whatever’s making you feel this way but I don’t think it’s anything I did so please don’t snap at me. I was calling because I miss you, and I know you said Sundays can be hard for you, and I wanted to try and cheer you up.”

He didn’t deserve Jack. He was so tolerant and caring even when David was being an absolute dick. He pinched the bridge of his nose and felt tears of frustration and exhaustion escape his eyes and end up running down his hands.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured. “I’m sorry.”

“That’s okay. What’s going on?”

“Just bills and I was snappy with Chava and like you said, it’s Sunday.”

“I’m sorry, baby. So you’re home then?”

“No, I’m at my family’s place. We try to have Sunday night dinner every week which means we have it about once a month.” Jack chuckled. “But I’m sitting in the kitchen doing bills because I’m at the point in life where I pack up my bills to bring with me.” He laughed but Jack didn’t. “Anyway, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I’ll let you go if you want.”

“I really, really don’t but I should.”

“Yeah. Talk soon. Bye.”

“Bye.”

He pushed aside his guilt to deal with later. He wasn’t trying to be rude, he just needed to figure this out. He only got about five more minutes of silence before he was interrupted again.

“Ah, yes, it’s Math David, the second worst David of them all.”

He didn’t look up.

“What do you want, Saz?” 

“Well, I really want to know why you’re using that big ass calculator from the sixties, but we can deal with that later. Why is Chava upset?”

“I don’t…Sarah, I don’t have time right now! Can you leave me alone?” 

“No.” She sat. “You have a right to be stressed out but nobody has a right to be a dick. What’s going on?”

“What do you think is going on? I don’t need some psychological evaluation from you, I need time to get my fucking bills paid! I get that you don’t know what it’s like to support yourself financially but some of us have to!” Sarah looked hurt but he couldn’t bring himself to care.

“That isn’t fair and I know you don’t mean that.”

“Mean what? It’s true! Look, I’m happy for you but you didn’t have to worry in college! Ima and Aba paid for everything.”

“I'm going to have to pay rent now,” she countered. David put his hands in his hair and tried very hard not to tear it all out. 

“Nothing happens if you’re behind! You went from parents paying to a rich fucking girlfriend!”

“I know you’re not yourself right now, so I’m not going to hold what you’re saying against you, but-”

“Not myself? Just because you don’t like what I’m saying doesn’t mean I’m having a breakdown, Sarah! It’s an objective truth that if you can’t pay your share of the rent it doesn’t mean you’re not making rent.”

Sarah scoffed and rolled her eyes, arms crossed. 

“Please. As if you don’t know that Ima and Aba would pay for you.”

“Fuck off! It’s not the same and you know it. You’re responsible for yourself and that’s it!” He realized how loud he was being and that his family was in the next room so he switched to German. “That’s fucking it! I have a daughter to think about so I don’t see what the big deal is to ask for five minutes to myself! Unlike you, I don’t have a rich girlfriend to look to! No, I have to get by on the shit pay her dad gives me!”

Sarah was fuming. She stood up aggressively.

“You bring her into this one more time and I swear to God-”

“What? What are you going to do?” She didn’t respond. “That’s what I thought. Leave me alone.”

“Fine.” She stomped out of the room but turned back when she reached the doorway. “This is why I didn’t tell you about Katherine and Pulitzer. I knew you would act all mighty and superior and holier than thou like you always do.”

“Excuse me?”

“Don’t deny it. You think because you’re a father you’re more mature than me; that I’m just some stupid kid.”

“No.”

“No?”

“No. Me being a father has nothing to do with the fact that I think you’re immature. Leave me alone.” David wasn’t sure he had ever said something as purposely bitter and cruel as that to Sarah. On the rare occasion that they fought it was loud and angry but they never insulted each other like that on purpose. He looked back down at his paper because he didn’t want to see her face. He knew she was probably about to cry.

Sarah left and he didn’t give himself time to think about it. In fact, the only signs that he was affected at all were the little wet spots on the paper in front of him. David hadn’t thought those actually ever happened outside of movies but here he was. 

He was stressed and anxious and his grip on the pen became progressively tighter and tighter until the plastic cracked and his hands were covered in ink. “Fuck! Fuck.” He went to the sink and tried to scrub it off as best he could. He wasn’t thinking and he went to roll up his sleeves, effectively ruining his shirt. More tears flowed.

“What happened?” his father asked as he approached. 

“What does it look like? My pen exploded.”

“Can I help?”

“How? Just…leave me alone, please.” David took the sponge from the counter and used the rough side to try and scrub some of it off of his skin. He did his best not to look at his father. 

“David, you really-”

“Can I have five fucking minutes alone? Ever?” he yelled. “That’s all I’m asking for. Aren’t I entitled to five fucking minutes?” He could count on his hands the number of times in his life he had yelled at his parents so it wasn’t surprising that his father looked shocked and deeply wounded.

“Okay, David. Okay.” 

“Zayde? Daddy? What’s happening?” Chava asked from the doorway that Sarah had stood in just minutes earlier. David didn’t turn around, fearful of his daughter seeing him crying and ashamed at his outburst. 

“Nothing, króliczku. Let’s give Daddy some alone time, all right?” David didn’t hear a response so he assumed she had nodded. They left. 

It only took three minutes for him to break down, his body wracked with powerful, ugly sobs. He wasn’t even sure why he was crying. He shut the water off and let himself sink to the floor. He didn’t realize someone had their arms around him until they spoke. 

“You’re okay, David,” Les said. “It’s all right.” 

Was he really so messed up that his fourteen-year-old brother had to comfort him during a breakdown like he was a child? That thought made him cry even harder. Les’ hand went to the back of his head and he gently pulled David into his body. He sobbed into his brother’s shirt for at least another five minutes. Les hugged him and whispered to him the whole time.

“David?” he eventually asked. “What’s going on?” Les looked deeply concerned and it made David’s chest constrict. 

“I…I’m about to be evicted.”


	14. Chapter Fourteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first night of Chanukah. Jack’s a sweetheart and Pulitzer isn’t.

“I’m about to be evicted, Les, and I don’t know what to do. I’m a terrible father and brother and son and boyfriend.” 

“No, you’re not,” Les told him, “I promise you’re not. You’ll be okay.”

“No, I won’t.” David felt his point was underscored perfectly by the fact that he was sitting on the kitchen floor crying and covered in ink. 

“Come home, David. Everything will be better if you just come home.”

“But…I’m supposed to be doing this on my own.” Les scoffed. 

“There is no supposed to. Come home.”

“There isn’t enough room.”

“Of course there is. We’ll make the office into a bedroom for Chava and you’ll take your old room.”

“Sarah’s moving out. We’re the exact same age and she has a degree, a long-term partner whom she’s moving in with, she’s going to graduate school and you want me to move back in with my parents?”

“That’s not all true,” Les said after a moment of silence, “she’s three minutes older than you.” David laughed despite himself. “You’re not going to get anywhere comparing yourself to her. I love Sarah and she’s awesome but she’s not the sibling I’m the most impressed by, okay? You’re a single dad who works sixty hours a week and still finds time for his daughter.” 

David let out one more small cry, remembering. 

“I scared her. Sarah and I scared her,” he bemoaned. Les answered with a shrug.

“Maybe a little, but so what? Adults scream and kids get scared. She didn’t think for a second that she was in danger from you if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“Did she hide? When she’s scared she hides.”

“Yeah, well she’s a good Jew.” David pulled away and looked at his brother incredulously.

“What?”

“Yeah. She has really good Jewish instincts. You hear people yelling in German? You hide.” David laughed and put his arm around his brother. 

“Thanks, Les. You’re a great brother and uncle. Sorry to have unloaded on you like that.”

“I’m always here for you.”

“I appreciate that but I can’t just move back in here. Ima and Aba shouldn’t be responsible for-”

“They never shut up about how they wish you would come and live with us again. And why can’t you? Where are you going to go if you’re evicted?” 

“I…I don’t know. Will you- never mind.”

“What?”

“It’s nothing. Forget about it,” he dismissed, standing up and offering Les an ink-stained hand.

“David.”

“It’s not your job and you’re fourteen, I don’t want to-”

_ “David.” _

“Will you help me talk to them about it?” 

Les smiled at him and hugged him again. 

“Of course. I’m really proud of you. You’re taking this surprisingly well.”

“I think I’m still in shock. I’ll freak out later, don’t worry. Plus, I think it’s been in the back of my mind for a while. My pride isn’t worth Chava getting hurt and that’s what’s happening. I…I can’t let my baby girl suffer because of my mistakes.”

“What mistakes, David?”

“Just…being bad at finances or whatever.”

“Being bad at finances and being underpaid are two different things. And you know that if you move back in here it doesn’t mean anything, right? You’re still her father and her primary caregiver.”

“It means I’ve failed,” he amended. “I set out on my own to raise a child and in less than five years I failed.” Les released him. 

“That’s such bullshit.”

“Les-”

“No, it is! The system is rigged against you. It’s meant to keep poor people in poverty and make rich people richer.”

“When did you become so political?”

“I’ve been in this family for fourteen years; something was bound to rub off. Moving back in with your family because you need help shouldn’t be embarrassing when you’re thirty so I don’t know why you think it is at twenty-two.

“Sarah took a semester off to save money. If it helps, think of it like that. You’re just saving money by staying here.”

David sighed. He stopped himself at the last second from putting his head in his hands. 

“Yeah. And you’re sure you wouldn’t care? You were about to get a sibling-free house.”

“Are you kidding? I can’t handle our parents’ undivided attention.  _ Please  _ give them you and a granddaughter to dote on.” David chuckled. “And,” Les added with a shrug, “I miss you. We haven’t lived together since I was ten and I miss my big brother.” His earnest look made David feel like he might cry again. 

“I miss you too, boychik. Let’s…I have to get back to the apartment. Can we talk to them when I get off work tomorrow?” 

“Sure. Talk to Sarah before you leave.” 

“Yeah.” He gave Les one last brief hug and kissed his forehead. “I love you. Thank you for being there for me. And also for being the most emotionally intelligent fourteen-year-old boy I’ve ever met.” 

“Well  _ someone  _ in this family has to have it together,” he joked. “I love you too. I’m going to go find Sarah and send her to you. I’ll get Chava ready to go.”

“You don’t have to-”

“Shut up.”

He left and David exhaled shakily. Was he actually considering this? And the conversation he had just had told him that somewhere in his subconscious he’d been considering it for a long time. He was ashamed, humiliated, embarrassed - any synonym worked - but it didn’t matter because in the end it was probably the only thing he  _ could  _ do.

“Are you done acting like a toddler?” Sarah asked angrily from the doorway.

“Saz…I’m so sorry. There’s no excuse for-” He was interrupted by her attacking him with a hug. “Um…okay?”

“You’re being evicted?”

“Shit, I didn’t want Les to tell anyone.”

“He won’t tell Ima and Aba but he said I should know and you probably wouldn’t tell me yourself. David, why  _ didn’t _ you tell me yourself?” She clung on to him. 

“I’m not sure. I always tell you everything but I was just embarrassed.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re so together and you’re moving on in life and I’m not. I’m about to have to move back into my parents’ house at age twenty-two.”

“You’re a single father, boychik. Even if you weren’t there’d be nothing embarrassing about it,” she soothed. 

“I know that logically but…” David buried his head in her shoulder before saying, practically in a whisper, “I was nervous you would be ashamed of me.” His sister immediately pulled away and placed her hands firmly on his shoulders.

“I would never,  _ ever _ be ashamed of you. You’re my twin and my best friend and the other half of my soul. Nothing you could do or say would make me love you any less or lose respect for you or whatever ridiculous thing you tell yourself, got it?” He nodded. There were tears in his eyes again. “Good.”

“I’m sorry about what I said. I don’t think you’re immature, I was just telling myself I did because it was easier than to be jealous.”

“Jealous?”

He brought her to sit down at the table. Sarah stilled his nervously bouncing leg with her hand and he gave her a flicker of a smile.

“I love Chava more than anything in the world and I would never give her up and I would never regret her but I still wanted to go to college and study abroad and go to grad school and pick a career. You’re getting to do everything we talked about as kids and I’m so, so happy for you and I don’t want you to ever think I’m not. I love hearing about what you’re doing and your achievements and everything but some days when I’m angry at work or I’m exhausted from when I wake up to when I go to sleep or when I see students in Starbucks cramming for midterms I just want to cry because I know I’m never going to get to do that. I know there’s nothing wrong with not going to college but it’s not like I have some special skill or something. I couldn’t ever be an electrician or a plumber or anything else that requires coordination.” He chuckled at himself. “I’m going to be doing jobs I hate for the rest of my life and making almost nothing doing them. And most of the time that’s okay because I have Chava but sometimes I just want both.

“Seeing you happy makes me so happy too but I’m jealous. Please don’t stop talking to me about what you’re doing or school or anything because you’re worried it will upset me. I want to hear about it all. Knowing that you’re doing it is almost as good as doing it myself. It’s selfish, but some days that isn’t quite enough and I’m working on that. I love you and I’m sorry.”

“David…I love you so much and I forgive you. I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. The hand you’ve been dealt by life isn’t fair and nothing breaks my heart more. Having said that, you’re wrong. You shouldn’t rule out the possibility that you could get a job you love or you could go to school someday. And it isn’t selfish of you to have hopes and dreams, neshama, and it hurts me that you think it is especially because you’re always supporting mine and Les’. Do you honestly think you aren’t entitled to your own?”

“I…no, I know I am but it  _ feels  _ selfish even if I know it isn’t. My life is supposed to be about Chava’s hopes and dreams now, not mine.”

“Why does it have to be one or the other?”

“Daddy!” Chava came running into the room in her puffy winter coat and practically jumped into his lap. 

“Sorry,” Les said from behind her. “She got away.” 

“Hi, baby. I’m so sorry about before. I didn’t mean to snap at you or scare you.”

“That’s okay, Daddy. I love you.”

“I love you too. Did you say goodbye to Zayde and Savta?” 

“Yep! And I’ll be back tomorrow, right?”

“Right. Say goodbye to Aunt Sarah and Uncle Les and then we’re going.” 

“Okay.” She reached out and Sarah took her into her lap. “Bye, Aunt Sarah. I love you.”

“I love you too, sweet pea. Make sure you listen to Daddy, okay? He always does what’s best for you.”

Sarah didn’t take her eyes off of him and David suddenly felt nauseous.

David spotted Jack in a corner booth, his face twisted in deep concentration. He smiled and slipped in across from him. 

“Hey.” 

Jack looked up and smiled back at him, closing his sketchbook and putting it aside. 

“Hey, baby. Sorry, I was focused.”

“Don’t be. What were you drawing?” Jack shrugged and David decided not to push. He had quickly learned that Jack didn’t always like to discuss his own art and though he wasn’t sure why, he also knew it wasn’t his business.

“I was happy you texted but I thought you said you couldn’t do lunch today.”

“The office is busy but fuck the office. I’ll be there long past everyone else anyway so they can deal without me for an hour. I wanted to see you and apologize for last night in person.”

“You don’t have to-”

“Yes, I do. You didn’t do anything wrong - in fact, you were being incredibly sweet and thoughtful- and I snapped at you for no reason. I’m sorry.”

“Thank you.” Jack smiled and grabbed his hand to kiss. David laughed. 

“So how’s work?”

“Fine. We’re starting tech in two weeks so ask me again then but right now it’s fine. You?”

“Surprisingly okay.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I always love the week of or the week before Christmas,” he said. Jack laughed. 

“Sure, cause you’re all about Christmas. There’s nothing you love more than celebrating the birth of Jesus.”

David rolled his eyes. 

“It just  _ feels _ different, you know? It’s warm and happy and there’s music playing all the time. There’s decorations everywhere and it’s fun. I came in this morning to find that my coworker decided it would be funny to deck my desk out in blue and silver garland and Chanukah decorations. I’m pretty sure she enlisted an army.” 

It was true. Hannah and some of the people who they worked closely with had gone all out. It was the only thing in their office that was so covered. Pulitzer had walked by and rolled his eyes, which made it even better.

“It’s kinda adorable how excited you look.”

David glared at him and said, “You’re getting coal in your stocking.”

“Yeah, yeah.” 

“Speaking of Christmas, would you mind if I come to the party a little late?”

“Sure.”

“Chava’s bedtime is seven thirty and it’s Chanukah, you know? I want to be there to tuck her in. She’s staying with my parents though so I’m not beholden to any specific time.”

“Of course. Just let me know when you’re on your way.”

“Are you sure?” David didn’t want to upset him. 

“Baby, seriously, it’s fine. I’m just excited you’re coming,” he assured.

David smiled. 

“Me too.” 

They ordered and ate their food, making light conversation. Jack talked about some of the ridiculous freak outs his brother was having about the party. It was a nice distraction from all the stress of his apartment issues.

Jack offered to walk David back to work and flurries appeared as he did. It was perfectly romantic and David was filled with warmth. Two months earlier he never would have guessed he would be in a relationship at this point in his life, let alone with somebody as amazing as Jack.

In front of the building, David reached into his bag and pulled out an envelope. It was standard size but stuffed and thick. The ink on the front was smudged because of how many times he had run his thumb over Jack’s name. He had spent much of his very limited free time in the last week writing a letter to him. David couldn’t afford to get him a Christmas present but Jack deserved to know how much he cared for and appreciated him. The letter expressed that appreciation and care to the best of David’s ability.

“Here,” he said, handing it to him. “It isn’t much - isn’t anything, really - but I wanted you to know what you mean to me.” 

“Dave, I-”

“I’m sorry I couldn’t get you anything real.” 

“Dave, no. This is real. This is…you didn’t have to do this.” Jack sounded a little choked up. 

“Hey, it could be terrible, you haven’t read it yet,” he teased. “Also–” he reached back into his satchel and pulled out a little, yellow net bag and handed it over, “–this.”

Jack laughed. 

“Chocolate coins?”

“You’re dating a Jew now, you get gelt on Chanukah. And you  _ call  _ it gelt, too, none of this goyish ‘chocolate coins’ nonsense, you understand?”

“Yes, sir,” Jack said, still laughing. “Actually, I have something for you too. I wasn’t sure if I should or I would have given it to you during lunch.” He took a neatly wrapped, rectangular present out of his bag and gave it to David, who immediately laughed. 

“Really?” The wrapping paper had crosses all over it and said ‘Keep Christ in Christmas’ over and over again. Jack had a proud smirk on his face and David couldn’t help but put his hand on the back of his boyfriend’s neck and give him a short kiss. “You’re ridiculous.”

“Thank you.”

“You shouldn’t have gotten me something.”

“You got  _ me _ something!”

“I didn’t spend money.”

“Neither did I. Open it.” David did, despite the snowflakes coming down around them and the tourists all over the sidewalk. He gasped when he saw it. “Oh, Jack…”

“Do you like it?” he asked shyly. “I wasn’t sure if it was inappropriate to make or whatever. I was trying to think of what to do and then you sent me that and-”

“Jacky, it’s perfect.” 

After he had returned home yesterday, David had received a text from Jack jokingly asking if he had made it back or if he was splayed out on the ground somewhere, surrounded by groceries. In response, David had sent him a picture of Chava curled up on the couch, asleep. 

David stared at the lifelike recreation of it in his hands, tears in his eyes. It was so moving that Jack would be this thoughtful and kind. Not only had he been okay with the fact that David was a father, but he had embraced it, and David was so grateful. He kissed him again, longer and sweeter. He tasted like peppermint and coffee and David loved it. Recently, he had even found himself putting sweetener in his coffee because it reminded him of kissing Jack. 

“I can’t believe you did this for me. It’s incredible,” he said when they pulled away.

“I’m glad you like it.”

“I  _ love  _ it. Also, holy shit, can you paint. I mean, wow. It took me a second to realize it wasn’t a photograph.”

Jack laughed. 

“It isn’t my best work because I was a bit rushed but I’ll take the compliment anyway.”

“Thank you. I should go in.”

“Yeah. Happy Chanukah, Dave.”

“Merry Christmas, Jack.”

Sunset was at four thirty-two so at four thirty, with Pulitzer occupied in his office and Hannah who knows where, David put on his kippah and FaceTimed his family. Les picked up. 

“I win!” he yelled.

“What?”

“You called me and not any of them, so I win.” 

“Because Ima and Aba are terrible at angling the camera and Sarah’s phone is always about to die. Hi everyone!” They all greeted him.

“Daddy! We’re about to light candles!” Chava told him excitedly.

“I know, aniołku, that’s why I’m calling. I have my candles ready too, see?” He flipped the camera around to show her his menorah, which was sitting on the edge of the desk. His rabbi had gifted it to him when he moved out and he treasured it dearly. David didn’t love the idea of having it at work instead of in his home but he wouldn’t feel right if he didn’t light candles and say the prayer. 

Hannah was terrified he was going to set off the fire alarm but David doubted it. Either way, he almost certainly wasn’t supposed to strike a match in the office but here he was.

“That’s almost definitely sacreligious,” Sarah joked. Their father scoffed. 

“God has more important things to worry about.”

“I didn’t say I cared.”

“Can we get ready please?” Ima asked. “We have one minute.”

“Nothing’s going to happen if we don’t start on time.”

“Well, I’d like to start before someone walks in here and interrupts,” David countered his sister.

At four thirty-two they simultaneously lit their candles and sang the prayer. As was basically tradition, David was burnt by dripping wax as he placed the shamash back into its holder.

“Good job, Chava,” he said, surprised to hear that she knew all the words by heart.

“Thanks! Uncle Les helped me practice.”

“Well, thanks, Uncle Les,” David replied emotionally. He really wanted to be with them right now. Still, he would be for the next three nights and he was grateful. David was working from home the next three days unless there was an emergency, and he was practically bursting with excitement to spend time with Chava. 

Les had promised to talk to their parents with him tomorrow morning and David was dreading it, but he tried to put that part out of his head for the time being.

“When will you be home, Daddy?” 

“Probably late, but I’ll come in and give you a kiss when I get back, okay?”

“Okay.”

“All right, everyone, I have to get back to work. Chag urim sameach.” They said goodbye and he hung up. 

Somebody cleared their throat and David jumped. Pulitzer was standing in the doorway to his office.

“Uh, sir, I…sorry.”

“It’s fine, I just heard a language that wasn’t English and then singing in Hebrew. I wanted to make sure I was in my office and hadn’t accidentally taken some poor rabbi’s. I would’ve felt terrible.” He didn’t sound mad which only made him scarier.

“Sir, it’s…it’s Chanukah, Mr. Pulitzer. I just wanted five minutes with my family to pray.” There was no use in lying now. “I’m sorry if I caused a disturbance.” Pulitzer stared at him for a moment.

“You speak more than one language?” That hadn’t been what he was expecting. 

“Uh, yes, sir. I put it on my resume.”

“I didn’t realize you were fluent; people exaggerate on their resumes all the time.”

“Right. Well, I didn’t.” 

Pulitzer nodded and went back into his office. David breathed a sigh of relief. What a dick. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m very unhappy with this chapter but no matter how much I worked on it I didn’t like it any better so I figured I might as well post it and get it out of the way. Thanks for reading!


	15. Chapter Fifteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three not-so-fun conversations and breakfast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short but relatively plot-heavy chapter.

The next morning, David woke up to Les standing over him. It took his tired brain a second to register but when it did he jumped and almost fell out of bed. 

“Fuck! What the hell, Les?” 

“I came to see if you were awake! It’s not my fault you chose that exact moment to wake up. Come on, Aba’s making pancakes. Everyone else is downstairs already.”

“Wait,” he said before Les could leave. “Are you still okay with-”

“Of course. Don’t be an idiot. Sarah’s gonna play with Chava after breakfast and we can talk to them.” 

David trudged down the stairs after him, still half asleep. He was startled by a weight attaching itself to his legs but he snapped out of it and picked his daughter up.

“Good morning, aniołku.”

“Good morning, Daddy! Happy Chanukah!”

“Happy Chanukah. I heard Zayde’s making pancakes.”

“Yep! Mine have sprinkles in them.”

“That’s awesome! Come on, let’s go eat.”

David was glad to see everyone else was still in pajamas, which meant nobody was planning on getting out of them anytime soon. There was always a cozy kind of feel to a day in pajamas.

He didn’t put Chava down and she didn’t seem to mind. This was the absolute best scene he could think of. They were all in pajamas, he was holding his daughter, his parents were laughing and making breakfast, and his siblings were bickering about something or other. He smiled. Chava put her head down on his shoulder. “Are you sleepy?”

“No, I just want to snuggle with you.”

“You’re so cute it should be illegal,” he said, making her giggle. “I want to snuggle with you too.”

“Good morning, David,” his mother said. “I’m sorry I wasn’t up when you got home last night. How was your day yesterday?”

“It was fine. Pretty good, actually.”

“Oh?” His parents looked surprised. “Any particular reason?”

“Yep. I went out to lunch.”

“With whom?” his father asked.

“My boyfriend.” 

His mother froze and his father dropped the spatula. Sarah leaned on her hand in an attempt to not laugh and to look casual. Les rolled his eyes. 

David had been thinking about broaching the subject with his parents for a few days and he would really rather have one day of big conversations than multiple. Let the interrogation begin.

_ “Boyfriend?” _ his mother repeated. “You have a boyfriend?” 

“Yep,” he replied, popping the ‘p.’

“When did this happen?” his father asked. 

“We had our first date a little over a month ago.”

“All right. Did you…where did you meet?”

“On a subway platform.” 

His father distractedly brought the serving platter of pancakes over to the table and his mother said, “That’s nice. What’s his name?”

“Jack.”

“I know Jack!” Chava said, perking up in his arms. 

“That’s right, you do.”

“She does?” 

“Yes, Aba, we bumped into him at the grocery store.” He looked frustrated and David couldn’t tell if it was because Chava had already met Jack or because Chava knew about Jack before he did.

“I like him. He’s funny.”

“That’s nice,” his mother said again. “Come sit.” 

David reluctantly put Chava down and sat beside her. He served her pancakes after cutting them up and supervised as she took grapes from the bowl. She saw him looking and must have thought he wanted some so she plucked one off a vine and put it in his hand. He chuckled and leaned over to kiss her on the top of her head.

“I’m guessing from your lack of comments that you two knew about this?” his father asked, gesturing between Sarah and Les.

“Yeah.”

“I know everything about David.” 

“I’m sorry, Aba,” David said when he saw that he looked genuinely upset. “I didn’t tell you guys because I wasn’t sure it was going to work out and I didn’t want to get your hopes up. And I  _ did  _ mention that I had a potential relationship.”

“When?”

“When we stayed here a few weeks ago.”

“When you- David, we were focused on a few other things,” his mother said. “I didn’t even register that part. Why do you think you would’ve gotten our hopes up?”

“Because you think I’m l-o-n-e-l-y.” He spelled so Chava didn’t know what he was saying. David glanced over and saw that she was pretty occupied with her food anyway. Neither of his parents responded. “Exactly. I’m telling you now because I really like him and I think he really likes me and he’s quickly becoming very important to me. And please, I can do without the lecture to be careful, okay?”

“Yeah,” Les said, “David never listens to lectures about relationships and protection anyway.” Sarah laughed, David pushed him, their mother gasped, and their father rolled his eyes.

“I thought you would be happy about this.”

His parents exchanged indiscernible looks. 

“We’re not  _ not  _ happy, boychik, we just don’t want you getting hurt, that’s all.”

“Well, you don’t get to tell me to be young one day and tell me not to date the next.”

“That’s not what Ima was saying; don’t purposely misinterpret her.”

“I wasn’t. I’m sorry if you’re upset that I didn’t tell you sooner.”

“No, you have a right to tell us whenever you want.”

“Thank you.”

“Have you spent the night together?”

“Ima!”

“Because I read an article about how how early or late in a relationship you spend the night together can affect-”

“Can we talk about something else?” Les begged. “Like, anything else?”

David would almost have rather been having the previous conversation than the one he was about to have. Once Sarah was upstairs with Chava, David asked everyone else to talk in the living room. Les and David took the couch while their parents took the chairs on either side of it. 

“Is everything okay?” his mother asked.

“Uh, no, not really.” David chuckled humorlessly. “I’m…I’m not sure how to say this.”

“It’s okay, David, take your time,” his father said. He responded with a halfhearted smile. 

“On Friday I’m going to get a notice of eviction.”

“Oh, David…”

“Yeah. There’s no way around it at this point and my landlord has wanted me gone for a while anyway.” He stared at his hands, still slightly blue in some areas, and took a deep breath. “I need help. I can’t do this on my own anymore, I just can’t.” He felt the first sob coming and he bit his fist.

“Boychik, of course we’ll help you. Whatever you need, we’ll help you with it.”

David nodded. 

“Thank you,” he whispered. 

“David should move back in,” Les announced. “It makes the most sense.” 

“David?” his father asked softly. “What do you think?”

“I…I need you guys. Please let me stay - just for a little while.” In a flash, his mother had gotten up and come put her arms around him.

“Of course. Stay as long as you want and need, okay? Stay forever if you’d like.” 

David chuckled darkly through his tears. 

“With the way my finances are looking I might have to. Aba?”

“David, you’re always welcome here. This is your home, okay? Nothing will ever change that.” 

David nodded. His vision was blurry and tears were falling faster now. Les moved over so their father could come sit on David’s other side. His parents held him as he cried and he felt like a child again, but for the first time in a while the idea was appealing.

“I’m sorry,” he sobbed. 

“Why are you sorry?”

“I’m not supposed to do this anymore. I’m supposed to be able to take care of myself.”

“Kochanie, we’re parents. It’s  _ always  _ our job to take care of you.”

“She’s right. And it’s the greatest job we could ask for. We love you so much, David, and we’ll always be here for you.” 

David curled in closer to his parents and let them surround him completely. He was simultaneously so ashamed and so relieved. He wasn’t sure which emotion it was that was making him cry, but he didn’t really care either. He just wanted to be held by his ima and aba, and to be a kid for a few more minutes.

Later that day, it was time to tell Chava. David had considered waiting until closer to when they were actually moving but ultimately decided that the more time she had to adjust to the idea, the better. She was sitting on his lap in the living room calmly, holding her stuffed bunny. Most kids her age always wanted to be doing something, but Chava was okay with just sitting and enjoying her father’s company sometimes. It was one of David’s favorite things to do. He loved to hear about whatever thoughts were running through her mind and to hold her while he did.

“Can I talk to you about something, aniołku?”

“Okay.” She didn’t look away from her bunny but David didn’t mind.

“Do you like it when we stay here at night sometimes?”

“Yep.”

“Okay. How would you feel about…” He wasn’t entirely sure how he wanted to phrase this. “You know how Aunt Sarah is going to live with Katherine?” She nodded. “So you know what moving means?” Another nod. “How would you feel about us moving?”

“Where? With Aunt Sarah?”

“No. We’d be moving here to live with Savta and Zayde and Uncle Les.”

She shifted in his lap and faced him. 

“Why?”

“It’s hard to explain,” he said, pushing some hair out of her face.

“Do we have to?”

“Yeah.” His voice almost cracked. “I’m sorry, baby, but we do.”

She sniffled.

“But you said we’re a team. I thought we were supposed to stay just the two of us.”

“We’ll always be a team, Chava, even if we live with more people. It will always be the two of us, okay?”

“Okay. Can I bring my toys with me?” 

“Of course, baby, you can bring all your stuff. I’m so, so sorry.” He tried not to let it but a tear escaped his eye. 

“Don’t cry, Daddy. Why are you sad?”

“Because I don’t like making  _ you _ sad.”

“That’s okay.” She kissed his cheek. “I love you.” 

“I love you too. Come here.” He squeezed her tight and she rested her head on his shoulder like she had that morning. They stayed in that position for a long time. 


	16. Chapter Sixteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The party.

The doorbell rang and David yelled, “I’ll get it!” He opened the door for Katherine and let her in. “You look gorgeous, as always.” 

She kissed his cheek.

“Thanks. Is Sarah almost ready?”

“She said she’d be ready in five minutes but that was twenty minutes ago. I’d go get her if I were you.”

Katherine sighed and made her way up the stairs. It turned out that Sarah and Katherine also had a Christmas party to attend that night and, like always, Sarah was running behind.

“Daddy, come back and play!” 

“I’m coming, I’m coming, hold your horses.” He sat back down next to Chava on the living room floor. David’s parents had gotten their granddaughter a toy veterinarian’s kit for Chanukah and they were playing vet. She had a lab coat on and a stethoscope around her neck and it was quite possibly the cutest thing he had ever seen (although he always thought that when it came to his daughter). “Just so you know, ten more minutes and then it’s bathtime.” 

She pouted.

“Why?”

“Because you’re dirty and a doctor can’t be dirty. How are you going to make your animals take baths if you can’t?” 

“You’re silly, Daddy.” 

“I know. Come here.” He pulled her in and kissed all over her face as she laughed and squirmed. He stopped when his sister and Katherine came down the stairs. “Wow, Sarah, you look amazing.”

“You’re so pretty, Aunt Sarah!”

“Thank you, sweet pea.” 

Her dress was gold and sparkly, something David would never associate with Sarah, but she looked undeniably beautiful. He hadn’t realized that the party they were going to was so fancy. Sure, Katherine was very dressed up too but she always wore expensive clothing so David hadn’t thought anything of it.

“Have her home by eleven,” Les joked, coming down the hall.

“Yes, sir,” Katherine said. “Good night, Mr. Jacobs.” They both gave Chava hugs and left. 

“Where are Ima and Aba?”

“At the store,” David said.

“I know, I meant why aren’t they back yet?”

“I don’t know, traffic? It hasn’t been that long. Why, do you need them?” 

“Nope, just curious. Do you need an assistant, Dr. Jacobs?” he asked his niece. She giggled and held out the toy shot for him as he sat down. 

“Hey, I thought I was your assistant!”

“You’ve been replaced by someone younger and less qualified. It’s every boomer’s unrealistic nightmare.”

David laughed. It was a stressful time, what with his inevitable eviction and moving back in with his parents, but he couldn’t deny that he was excited to spend more time with his little brother. He enjoyed the three of them being home alone together. Les was an amazing uncle who loved Chava very much and David loved watching them interact.

“All right, well then I’m going to go run your bath, okay, Dr. Jacobs?”

“Okay. Can I have bubbles?”

“What do you think of me? Of course you can have bubbles.”

Sitting on the bathroom floor as the tub filled, his phone buzzed.

**Jack**

**5:51 PM**

_ The party starts in nine minutes and I’m still trying to decide what tie to wear. What color do you like best on me?  _

What are my options?

_ Red green blue or polka dot _

_ Please don’t pick polka dot _

What color is the polka dot one?

_ You’re the worst _

I think you’ll look handsome no matter what 

_ You’re not helpful _

_ I’m asking my brother _

Hey, speaking of how to dress, is it okay with you if I wear a kippah?

_ Of course. Why wouldn’t it be? _

I like to wear one during holidays and I realized you haven’t seen me in one before. I didn’t want you to think it was some anti-Christmas protest.

_ That wouldn’t have crossed my mind _

_ You worry too much _

Really? Nobody’s ever told me that before. What a revelation!

_ :P _

_ Seriously wear it nobody will care or whatever you think _

Okay.

_ Just as a warning… _

_ I look very handsome _

_ Try not to be intimidated _

That definitely won’t be a problem. 

_ Because you’re used to it? _

Sure…

_ You’re still the worst _

_ My brother is now yelling at me to help him so I’ll see you soon bye _

Bye

David smiled at his phone. He was stupidly excited about the party, in part because he wanted to see Jack and in part because he wanted to interact with people his age. He loved Chava desperately and he would have a difficult time naming something he loved more than playing with her but there were only so many times he could play superheroes before it started impacting his daily life. Last week, Hannah had been telling him about an injured bird she had seen on a ledge on the building across from her. Trapped animals were a frequent issue when David and Chava played superheroes and out of instinct he had almost told her to suit up.

He needed to talk to people his age besides the four he normally did. They were great but one was his sister, one was her girlfriend, and when was (well, had been) his psychiatrist. On the bright side, the fourth one was his boyfriend and conversations with him helped to keep David sane when he was listening to “Do You Want to Build a Snowman” for the eighth consecutive time.

He turned off the tap and retrieved Chava. He let her play with the bubbles for a few minutes before insisting on beginning the process of actually getting her clean. 

He was shampooing her hair when she asked him, “Are we going to live with Jack?”

“What? No,” he answered with a startled laugh. “Why do you think that, aniołku?”

“Because Katherine is Aunt Sarah’s girlfriend and they’re going to live together and you said Jack was your boyfriend.”

“Oh. I guess I did.” David hadn’t even processed that he had said that in front of her. “No, we’re not going to live with him.”

“Why not?”

“Well, Aunt Sarah and Katherine have been dating for a much longer time than Jack and I have and they’re in love.”

“Are you in love?”

He took his sudsy hands out of her hair and coughed into his arm, having almost choked on his saliva in shock. The question made sense considering the conversation but David still hadn’t been expecting it. His first instinct was to say that no, he wasn’t in love with Jack, but he wasn’t sure if that would be the right answer. He knew he wasn’t - it was far too early - but now that he thought about it he realized his emotions had moved far past a crush. Was this what it felt like to be falling in love? David really had no way of knowing but he would be willing to bet that it was. So no, he wasn’t in love with Jack yet, but he very well could be soon.

He recovered and cleared his throat. He went back to the shampoo, trying to seem casual. 

“No, I’m not. I might be at some point but not yet.”

“And when you are, we’ll live with him?”

David chuckled. 

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because we won’t. I’m never going to make you live with someone you don’t know.”

“I know Jack.”

“I know, but you just met him. I promise, if that ever happens, it’s going to be a long time from now, okay, flower?”

“Okay. Can you tell me a story?”

“Sure. What story do you want?”

“A new one! Can you make it up?”

“I can try. I’m warning you, my bathtime stories aren’t nearly as good as Zayde’s.”

“That’s all right, Daddy. Ms. Rhodes says as long you try your best you’re doing a good job.”

Up until five minutes ago, David had been worried he was going to have trouble finding the house. He wasn’t sure he had ever been more wrong in his life. The townhouse was decked out in lights and wreaths and garland. It was the most Christmasy house David had ever seen but it somehow still managed to look classy. There was a pleasant buzz of noise from the inside that David was sure would be a lot more overwhelming once he was actually in there.

He was getting nervous and becoming increasingly grateful that he had forgone a coat, his anxiety making him warm. It only occurred to him in that moment that Jack’s mother was going to be there and it took all of his willpower not to turn and run. Instead, he shuffled up the steps and knocked on the door.

“David!” The door opened and a man he didn’t recognize greeted him. He was shorter than David and skinny as could be but he was still intimidating in his neatly tailored black suit and a glass of red wine in his hand. Why was wine suddenly intimidating to him? Christ, he needed a drink.

“Uh, hello?”

“You  _ are  _ David, yeah? I was really just guessing.”

“Oh, uh, yeah. Yes, I’m David.”

“Come in!” He practically pulled David inside.

“Tony,” Sean said, approaching, “it would’ve been nice if you told him who you were.” Thank God, a familiar face. “David, this is my husband, Antonio. Sorry that he’s an idiot.” 

“Oh. No, it’s-”

Antonio grabbed his hand and shook it enthusiastically.

“Nice to meet you, David. I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“You have?”

“My brother never shuts up about you. Where is he? Jack!” he yelled into the crowd and wandered off, presumably to find him. 

“He’s a little drunk, if you can’t tell,” Sean said. “Thanks for coming.”

“Thanks for having me. Sorry if it’s weird.”

“It’s not. Well, it’s a little weird but not in a bad way. Relax, David,” he said in the voice he had used when talking to David in the office, “everything’s fine. We’re happy to have you here.”

“Thanks,” he replied, mouth dry. 

David took a moment to look around. The room to his right had rows of tables covered in food and the room to his left had a roaring fire and one of the biggest Christmas trees David had ever seen, second only to the one in Rockefeller center (second by quite a lot, but still absolutely gigantic).

Looking at all of the people, he felt a little self-conscious in his old gray suit. Most of the men were in black and the ones that weren’t still looked incredibly bougie. The women were mostly in cocktail dresses that looked like they were taken directly out of magazines. David felt like Nick Carraway when he went to Gatsby’s house for the first time.

“Dave!” Jack came up from behind him. David turned around and Jack kissed him in greeting. Sean left them alone. “You look really nice.”

“Me? Look at you!” It was true. Jack looked fucking stunning. He was dressed like most of the other men but he looked about a thousand times more handsome. He smirked at David.

“Thanks, baby. That’s why I went with the green and not the polka dot.”

David laughed. 

“Thanks for inviting me.”

“Course. Do you need a minute or do you want to meet some of my friends? It’s okay if you want to wait.”

“No, I’d love to meet them.” He must have sounded or looked as overwhelmed as he felt because Jack frowned. 

“Okay. Why don’t we get you a drink first?”

“Yeah. Yeah, please.” 

“Actually, one of my friends is behind the bar, so you’ll meet him.”

“There’s a bar? Jack, you should’ve brought me there the second I walked in.” 

Jack laughed, took his hand, and led him over. It was on the other side of the big room with the fireplace but luckily nobody stopped them on the way.

“Ike! My boyfriend needs to get some alcohol in his system, so get to it.” The man behind the bar smiled and rolled his eyes. He offered David his hand. 

“You must be David then. I’m Ike.”

“Very nice to meet you.”

“What can I get you?” 

“Just a glass of white, please?” 

“Sure. Jack, you want something?”

“Nah, I’ve had enough for now. Maybe later.”

“Romeo’s taking over for me soon, so you’ll have to ask him. Good luck with that.” 

Jack groaned and David gave him a confused look. 

“Romeo flirts with everything that moves,” Jack explained. “If he’s in charge of the drinks there’s no way I’ll be able to get anything without having to watch him hit on you.”

David laughed.

“If  _ you  _ think someone flirts too much it must be a sight to see.”

“Yeah, well, if it’s you he’s flirting with I can’t say I blame him.” 

David blushed. Ike handed him his glass and he thanked him before letting Jack lead him to a group of his friends.

“Fellas, this is David. Don’t scare him off.”

“David!”

“You’re the boyfriend!”

“Hi!”

There were a borderline ridiculous amount of people in the circle but they all seemed very friendly. Charlie was there too, so at least he didn’t have to be meeting everyone for the first time.

“I’m sorry in advance,” he said after they had all introduced themselves, “I’m terrible with names and there are a lot of you. It might take me a little while.” It didn’t help that most of them went by rather in unusual nicknames. 

“Don’t worry about it,” Specs said. “It’s been twelve years and we still get it wrong sometimes.”

“Wow, so you’ve all been friends since childhood?”

“Yep,” Jack said. “Met most of these losers in middle school and we’ve been a group ever since. Actually, we’re still missing one. Anyone know where Ace is?”

“The kitchen, I think.”

“What? Who let her go near a stove? Dave, you want to go meet her?” 

“Sure. So who’s this?” he asked as Jack took him to the kitchen. 

“Another one of my friends. She’s probably my best friend, actually. Full disclosure: we dated in college.”

“Okay.” David wasn’t one to get jealous. Why would he be with someone he didn’t trust? 

Jack pushed the swinging door open and he heard laughter. 

“Hey, Ace! This is-”

“David?” 

Standing in front of him was his sister. His fucking sister. The universe must have thought it was being hysterical.

“Sarah, you know him?”

David groaned and dragged his hand over his face slowly. 

_ “This  _ is the Jack you’re dating? Jack Kelly?”

“Clearly.”

“I’m still confused,” Jack said and Sarah rolled her eyes. 

“Jack, I told you I have a twin sister named Sarah.” 

“I- wait- what?” He looked back and forth between them. Katherine was doing that thing she did where she put her fingertips on her nose and half covered her smile in an attempt to hide her amusement. “Oh.”

“How did you not realize? You knew my twin brother is David.”

“Not this David! And your first names aren’t exactly unusual,” he argued.

“We have the same last name!”

“Hindsight is twenty twenty, okay?”

“So it didn’t occur to you that your friend Sarah who has a twin brother named David and a little brother named Les might be connected to your boyfriend David who has a twin sister named Sarah and a little brother named Les? You can’t argue that Les is common.”

“In my defense, I knew his brother was named Les, I just didn’t know your brother’s name.”

“No, why would you? It’s not like we’ve been friends for a year and a half.”

“Oh my God, Jack,” David said. “You’re ridiculous.”

“Hey, neither of you realized either!”

“I didn’t know your boyfriend’s name and it wasn’t that weird for me to think that in a city of millions of people I could have a friend named Jack and my brother could have a separate boyfriend named Jack.”

“That’s…fair. So I suppose I don’t need to introduce either of you to him?” 

Katherine snorted. David groaned and downed the rest of his wine in one go.

“Well…at least you guys approve, right?”

“You’re the worst,” Sarah said. 

“Wait, I just realized something,” said Katherine.

“What?” 

“David…we’ve slept with the same person.”

“Fuck, Katherine, I didn’t need that mental image!”

“Yeah, neither did I but if I had to have it so do you.”

“Why did  _ I  _ have to have it?” Sarah objected. “What did  _ I _ do?” 

Jack laughed and gestured between the twins. 

“You guys have slept with people who have slept with each other.”

“Why would you say that? Fuck you, Kelly.” Jack just smiled and gave him a kiss. “You’re lucky you’re pretty.”

“I know. Why don’t I get you another glass of wine before I get myself in even more trouble?”

“Yeah, that’s probably a good idea.” He handed Jack his empty glass and watched him leave the room. Katherine, Sarah, and David all stared at each other for a moment before they burst out laughing. After a minute Sarah enveloped him in a hug. 

“Oh, boychik, I’m so happy for you. Jack’s a great guy and he’s clearly infatuated with you.”

“I’m infatuated with him too.”

“I’ve seen him with every girlfriend and boyfriend he’s ever had,” Katherine said, “including myself. He’s never looked at anyone else the way he looks at you.” Sarah went back to her girlfriend and kissed her cheek.

“Really? That seems…unlikely. We’ve only been together for a month.”

“I know, but I’ve seen you together for less than two minutes and it’s obvious.”

“Here you go.” Jack came back in and handed him his glass.

“Thanks.”

“So…ready to go meet my ma?”

David put on a false smile.

“Of course.”

“Babe, I’m not an idiot. Don’t worry, she’s gonna love you.” 

He sighed and quickly drank about half of his glass (he almost choked but it was worth it) and handed it to Sarah. 

“Here. I’m not meeting her with a drink.”

“More for me.”

“Have fun, boys.”

Jack held his hand and tried to reassure him as they made their way back to the main area. 

“That’s her over by the fireplace with Tony and Charlie.”

“Okay. Not to objectify her or anything but your mother’s gorgeous.”

Jack chuckled. 

“I know. No wonder we don’t share dna, right?” he joked.

“I don’t know. You’re pretty gorgeous too.”

“Sap.”

“Flirt.”

“Hey Ma.” Jack’s mother smiled at them. “I want you to meet David.”

“David! I’ve heard so much about you.”

“It’s nice to meet you, ma’am.” He stuck out his hand. Instead of taking it, she hugged him. David awkwardly returned it.

“It’s nice to meet you too but none of that ma’am stuff, okay?”

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, sweetheart. It’s nice to see Jack’s with a polite boy like you. Maybe you’ll rub off on him and he’ll get some manners.”

“Don’t count on it, Ma.”

“Yeah, Charlie’s the nice one,” Tony said, “don’t mess with our roles.”

“Your roles?” Jack’s mother asked. “What are your roles?”

“I’m the genius brother and Charlie’s the good person brother.”

“What am I?”

“The third brother.” 

Jack scowled at him and David laughed.

“You think that’s funny? Why don’t you date one of them instead?”

“One of them’s married and one of them’s tragically straight, otherwise I would.” Jack frowned some more so David kissed his cheek. “I’m only teasing.” 

“How can you frown when you’ve got a handsome boy like that holding your hand?”

David blushed. 

“Thank you, Ms. Larkin.”

“Call me Medda. Now listen, I know it’s your night out but I absolutely have to see pictures of your daughter. Sorry if that’s an inconvenience,” she joked. 

“Not at all. I’ll always show her off.”

“What’s her name again?”

“Ava.”

“That’s lovely. Jack, I thought you said you couldn’t pronounce it. You can’t pronounce Ava?”

David chuckled.

“Her name’s actually Chava but most people call her Ava because it’s easier.” He took out his phone to find pictures.

“Chava’s a beautiful name,” Medda said. “Now let me see her.”

“Sean says she’s a sweetheart,” Tony told her. “I’m hoping it’ll help convince him we should have kids.”

“He  _ wants _ to have kids.”

“Not like Racer does, Crutch. You know he wants a thousand of them and Spot only wants one or two.”

“I do not! Seven isn’t that many, right, David?”

“I’m sorry, but the thought of seven children makes me nauseous. I love kids but I didn’t sleep through the night for almost two years after Chava was born. I think I’d have a breakdown if you told me I was having six more.”

“Not all at once!”

“Come on, Race, we all know you just want nine of you so you can have a baseball team,” Charlie teased.

“We’d kick ass.” 

Medda let David show her several pictures of Chava and she remarked on how cute she was. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Jack’s sly smile. David was happy he was happy. It was a relief that Medda liked him (or at least seemed to like him). He knew that he was very close with his mother and David had been nervous that Jack might not want to be with him anymore if she didn’t approve.

For the next few hours, he mingled with Jack’s friends and tried his best to make a good impression. They were clearly protective of Jack and it was important to David that they trusted him. Despite the nerves, he found himself having a lot of fun. It was really nice to talk to other adults and not have to worry about anything. Jack’s arm was around his waist, he was pleasantly buzzed, and the atmosphere was warm and inviting.

Around eleven, someone started playing something soft and romantic on the piano and suddenly the middle of the main room became a space for couples to dance.

“Shall we?” Jack asked.

“I don’t really know how to dance.”

“That’s okay. It’s mostly just swaying anyhow.” 

“Okay then.” He let Jack pull him close and hold one of his hands, the other settling on his waist. David put his free hand on Jack’s shoulder. “Why do you get to lead?”

“You said you don’t know how to dance.”

“And you said it was just swaying.” 

Jack kissed his cheek and whispered, “Thank you for coming.”

“Of course. I was so happy you invited me.”

“I know it’s hard for you to go out at night and I know you’re making an effort.”

“Jacky, I’m enjoying myself, I promise. I’m having a really great time.”

“Yeah?” His voice was unsteady. 

“Yeah. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“Jack…”

“I’m grateful for you. I…the letter you wrote.”

“What about it?” Jack had already spent at least twenty minutes on the phone gushing about it the other day. “Did I say something wrong?”

“No! No, you didn’t. I was just thinking about what you said about how I’ve helped you.” He spun David before continuing. “I want you to know that you’ve really helped me too. You make me a better person.”

“You’re a pretty great person all on your own.”

“Thanks. You’re the first person I’ve been with that hasn’t made me feel stupid.”

“What? You’re not stupid, Jacky. Who told you that?”

“Nobody, but…it’s not always about saying it, you know? Everyone else, they’ve always kinda talked down to me. I didn’t even realize how bad it was until I started going out with you.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m not naive. I know I’m not very book smart-”

“Jack-”

“I’m not saying I’m stupid, I’m just not brilliant. That’s okay though, I’ve got other skills. Sometimes I don’t get stuff but you never assume I won’t. Other people tried to explain stuff to me without me asking. They did it to be nice, but it made me feel shitty especially when they were right and I actually did need it explained. And when I ask you you don’t explain stuff like I’m a toddler.”

“Jack…I don’t think you’re not smart and it makes me sad that you think that. You’re one of the smartest people I know,” he said genuinely. “You always give me great advice and make me feel better and-”

“That’s not book smarts. Seriously, it doesn’t upset me much, okay? I’m fine with the smarts I have. My point is that you don’t treat me like an idiot. Even though you’re crazy smart and even when I don’t know stuff, I don’t feel stupid around you. And you don’t tell me that art’s a waste of time, either.”

“What? Why would anybody think that? You’re amazing!” 

Jack kissed his cheek again.

“Thanks, baby.” He spun David again. “People think that I’m never gonna get anywhere and that I should just stop. And the people that don’t tell me to stop just see it as a hobby. You talk about it like it’s my career.”

“It is.”

“I know. The others weren’t trying to be mean, they just didn’t get it. Katherine encouraged me with the art but she made me feel stupid, so…”

“Really? That doesn’t seem like her.”

Jack shrugged. 

“She doesn’t act like that as my friend and she didn’t before we started dating. I think she just kinda felt responsible for me and so she treated me like a confused puppy that needed help.”

“I’m sorry. I’m sure that hurts.”

“We talked it out years ago so I don’t feel that way anymore. Anyway, the point is you make me feel good about myself and this is the first time someone I’m seeing has done that.” 

“I’m sorry that you haven’t felt that way before. You should feel good about yourself because you’re great.” 

Jack smiled and kissed him.

“You’re great too.”

“You make me feel good about myself too. I know I kinda said that in the letter but it bears repeating.”

“I’m glad.”

The music ended and people clapped for the pianist but Jack and David kept looking at each other. 

“I am too.”

David didn’t get back to his parents’ house until almost one. Jack and Sean and Tony had offered to let him stay the night seeing as basically all of their friends were but David wanted to get back to Chava and he had to be at work in the morning anyway. He wasn’t looking forward to dealing with Pulitzer and a hangover but it was what it was.

He changed quietly and brushed his teeth. Usually the dark circles under his eyes bothered him but as he looked in the bathroom mirror he smiled around his toothbrush. He looked exhausted, yes, but he looked exhausted because he had gone out and had fun.

Disregarding the fact that it wasn’t good for either of them, David allowed himself to get into bed with Chava and hold her close. She shifted a little and cracked her eyes open.

“Daddy?”

“Shh. Go back to sleep, flower.”

“Okay. Love you.”

“I love you too.”

He kissed her forehead and fell asleep, happier than he could remember being in a very long time. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this! It was definitely one of my favorite chapters to write so far.


	17. Chapter Seventeen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The notice arrives and Jack helps David pack.

Friday was stressful. David was anxious about the notice he was sure would be waiting for him when he got home. It was inevitable and he knew what was going to happen but it still made him feel queasy. He also hadn’t told Jack yet and he was a little worried about that too. It was embarrassing to have to admit to his boyfriend that he was moving back in with his parents. David was sure Jack wouldn’t mind though.

When he got home at seven, it was waiting for him on the door. It was just a piece of paper with legalese and “NOTICE OF EVICTION” in a bold font. The word eviction was red and it oddly made David want to laugh. Usually when he got letters from his landlord they were hard to read because the ink was so light. His printer was old, he had said on several occasions. The idea that he went to the library or Kinkos or borrowed a friend’s computer or something for the express purpose of kicking him out was laughable, in David’s opinion.

“Daddy,” Chava said, “why are we standing here?” He was holding her one his side with one arm, her head on his shoulder. 

“Just a second, flower,” he replied absentmindedly.

David had the bizarre urge to take out his phone and snap a picture. It seemed like a noteworthy enough moment in his life; something he’d show people in a photo album in his old age.

And despite its significance in his life, the notice itself existed in a rather insignificant way. It was crooked and hung with a single piece of scotch tape that was riddled with air bubbles; his landlord hadn’t even bothered to smooth it down with his nail. For some reason that bothered David almost more than the note itself. 

No use thinking about it.

He unlocked the door, placed his fingers gently on the mezuzah then kissed them, held out Chava to do so, and ripped the notice down. It was just like any other time he came home except for how it was nothing like any other time came home. He shut the door with maybe a little more force than was necessary and turned the lock and latched it forcefully. Normally something as life-wrecking as this would call for David to spend the next half hour reading and rereading it but he just threw it down on the kitchen counter with the rest of the mail and went about his evening.

He read through it only after he was in pajamas and Chava was asleep. “Dear tenant,” it began, which pissed him off because it meant that there was a generic template. How many people had his landlord forced out this way? How many people sat down one night and had their lives ruined this way? David was lucky: he had a family to go to who could help him and lots of other people didn’t. 

“Dear tenant, you are hereby being notified to vacate the premises detailed above at the end date of your lease. Due to (a) violation(s) of the terms of your lease, your lease will be terminated within seven days of the delivery of this notice to you. If you fail to perform or otherwise comply, your landlord will institute legal proceedings to recover rent and possession of said premises which would result in a judgement against you including costs and necessary disbursements together with possible statutory damages as allowed by law for such unlawful detention.”

Well, shit. 

He thought about all this as he lay on the couch and stared at the ceiling. It was midnight and he was tired but couldn’t fall asleep.

He had to figure out what it would look like to live at home again. His parents had offered to clear out the office and turn it into a bedroom for Chava but David had no idea how long they would be staying there and if it was only for a few months or a year it seemed like a big hassle to do that. Maybe they would change his and Sarah’s old bedroom around a little so it could be Chava’s and David could put the cot in the office or sleep on the couch (there would be a spare bed but nowhere to put it so he couldn’t sleep there).

Sarah was moving this coming week and he would be helping with that so that limited his time to pack. David’s plan was to get as much of it done as he could this weekend. The problem was that they would still need some of their stuff out for the next week.

David tried to put all of it out of his mind as he finally drifted off to sleep. There was plenty of time for panic in the morning.

At eleven o’clock the next morning, David was boxing glasses, dishes, and silverware in the kitchen while Chava played in her room. He had music playing quietly and he was still in pajamas. Chava had wanted to be too, so she was, and she was very excited at the prospect of a pajama day. It was snowing out and he promised her he would make hot chocolate later.

His phone rang and it was Jack. He turned off the music and answered. 

“Hi, honey,” David greeted. 

“Hey, baby.”

“What’s up?”

“Nothing, I just wanted to hear your voice.”

“Really?” 

“It’s a hot voice.”

David laughed.

“Can voices be hot? Flirt.”

“Sap. What are you up to?”

“Packing up my kitchen.” As he said it, he was stacking bowls from largest to smallest and trying to get them to fit. 

“Uh, okay. Why?” 

David sighed.

“I’m being evicted.”

“What? Oh my god, are you okay? Wait, no, that’s a stupid question.”

“I’ve known it was gonna happen for about a week now. Sorry I didn’t tell you earlier, I just couldn’t bring myself to do it before I actually got the notice and that was last night.”

“Fuck. Are you…do you have someplace to stay?”

“We’re moving back in with my parents for a while because I’m super cool,” he joked in an attempt to hide his embarrassment.

“Dave, there’s nothing wrong with that. I live in a place my ma owns even if she don’t live here with me.”

“Yeah.”

“I’m so sorry, baby. Is there anything I can do?”

“That’s okay, thanks though.”

“When do you have to move out?”

“By Friday and with Sarah and Kath moving it’s going to be a crazy week.”

“I’m helping them too.”

“Oh my god.” David temporarily stopped taking dishes down from the cabinet. He couldn’t see it but he was sure there was a horrified expression on his face. 

“What?”

“You’re gonna meet my parents. Wait, you haven’t met them before, have you?” He really hoped not. However much he was dreading it, David wanted to be the one to introduce his boyfriend to his parents.

“No. Do you…do you want me not to? I’ll tell Kath I can’t if you’re-”

“No! No, it’s fine, Jacky, I just didn’t realize. Are you sure you’re comfortable with it?”

“Yeah, as long as you are.”

“Yeah.” He continued packing. “So what are you up to?”

“I was painting but I got frustrated.”

“Why?”

“Just wasn’t inspired I guess. That sounds stupid.”

“It doesn’t. I’m sorry, that sucks.”

“Eh, it happens.” Jack casually told him. “Part of the process. How’s Chanukah?”

“It’s good. My parents got Chava a vet kit so she’s been giving her stuffed animals check ups all week.”

“That’s adorable.”

“It really is. Sarah and I are giving her the dolls and the dollhouse tomorrow and she’s going to get to spend the day with my parents on Monday so she’ll be happy.”

“That’s great.”

“Yeah.” 

“Dave?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you want help? I’m not doing anything today and it sounds like you’re not gonna have much time to pack this week.”

“Wait, seriously?” 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to-”

“No! I’m just surprised. Packing isn’t exactly a romantic date.”

“You’re my boyfriend; not all the time we spend together has to be a date,” he said softly.

David smiled. He could never have imagined someone as kind and caring as Jack wanting to be with him but here he was.

“Are you sure? I can do it myself.”

“But you don’t have to.”

“Uh, okay. Yeah, that’s…thank you, Jacky, that’s really nice of you.” 

“Of course. Text me the address. And you’re cool with me spending time there when Chava’s there?”

“Yeah. She knows you're my boyfriend and that was my only hesitation before. She likes you a lot, by the way.”

“Really?”

“She thinks you’re funny.”

“I like her a lot too. Okay, I’ll be over soon. Have you had lunch yet?”

“It’s eleven o’clock.”

“I’m bringing pizza.” 

“You don’t have to-”

“Uh, excuse me, Dave, if I want pizza, I’m gonna have pizza,” he said in a teasing manner. “See you soon.”

“Bye.” He hung up and, for the first time in his life, felt happy at the prospect of spending a day packing - the most boring and frustrating thing in the world. “Chava?” he called. She came out of her room. “You having fun in there?”

She nodded.

“Pickles has a cold but I gave him medicine.”

“Good job. How do you feel about Jack coming over?”

“Okay! Will he play vet with me?”

“I’m sure he’d love to but he’s coming to help me pack. Sorry, flower.”

“That’s okay. Can I go back to playing?”

“Sure.”

Jack knocked on the door less than an hour later. His jeans and loose button down were covered in paint and for some reason it was ridiculously attractive.

“Hey, Dave.”

“Hi. Come on in. Thank you for coming and helping.” 

“Duh.” He leaned in to kiss David but seemed to think better of it. David appreciated his consideration but didn’t care and closed the gap. He felt his stress melt away.

“Hi.”

“Hi.” Jack put the pizza down on the counter as David closed and locked the door.

He tried not to feel self-conscious about his apartment but it was hard. Suddenly the cracks in the ceiling and the chipping paint became a lot more noticeable and his old dresser in the living room more prominent. Jack didn’t notice or if he did, he didn’t comment. 

“Chava, come say hi to Jack!” To his surprise (as well as Jack’s) she came running out of her room, screaming his name, and jumped into his hold. Jack barely caught her in time, shocked as he was. David’s heart melted.

“Hi Ava.”

“Hi! Daddy said you’re helping him.”

“I’m gonna try.” He started to put Chava down but she squirmed unhappily and he pulled her back up. “Are you helping Daddy too?”

“Yep!”

“She’s been very helpful. She’s picking out a few toys to keep out so we can put the others in boxes and bring them to Zayde and Savta’s, right?” 

“Yes.” She squirmed again and Jack put her down. “Is that pizza? Can I have some?”

“You’ll have to ask your daddy.”

She turned to him with her bottom lip stuck out and her hands clasped. David chuckled.

“Of course, aniołku.”

David was pretty quiet while they ate. He wanted to just sit and enjoy Jack interacting with Chava. He acted extremely interested in everything she had to say and answered all the random four-year-old questions she had from favorite color to third favorite fruit (blue and green grapes, apparently). 

After lunch, she went back to playing in her room and Jack helped him in the kitchen. He let Jack play his own music and he put a playlist on shuffle. David laughed as he danced around to seventies rock. There was lots of AC/DC, Kansas, and Ramones.

“You’re a music geek, aren’t you?”

“And proud of it. If you don’t like the boss we’re gonna have problems in our relationship.”

“The fact that you unironically call Bruce Springsteen the boss is what’s going to cause problems.”

“It’s called showing respect. By the way, just so you know, you’re a freak.”

“What? Why?” 

Jack gestured to the cabinet he was clearing out. 

“All of your tupperware has tops! And there are no extra tops either! You’re the only person on earth who has that.”

David grinned. 

“You’re ridiculous.”

“I’m worried for your sanity.”

“You’re crazy.”

“Yeah, crazy for you.”

David snorted and rolled his eyes but pulled Jack into a hug, their foreheads touching. He exhaled happily and closed his eyes, content. Jack’s hold was warm and comforting and he never wanted to leave it. 

“I love you.”

Time stopped. 

David pulled away the second he said it. He wasn’t sure what had possessed him but he knew he’d fucked up. He had said it too early and Jack was going to be uncomfortable. Fuck! He was an idiot. Wasn’t he the one saying he wasn’t in love with him just two days ago?

But it wasn’t a lie. He had never felt anything more true. He was in love with Jack Kelly after only five weeks. Was that scientifically possible? Whatever. He _was_ in love. People always said that when you knew you knew and while he had thought it was cliched and stupid, he now knew it to be the truth. He was in love for the first time in his life and he had just blown it. 

Jack looked shocked. David was backed up against the counter but he was standing in the same position and his mouth was half open.

“Shit, Jack, I’m so sorry. Ignore me. Please, can we just forget that I said that?” A tear fell. “I’m not- Please don’t leave. I shouldn’t have- fuck, just forget about it, yeah?”

Jack didn’t answer for a second and David was beginning to panic. He saw Jack’s Adam’s apple bob and he began speaking but David couldn’t hear it. His panic took over. 

He was underwater and as he sank deeper the pressure per square inch increased drastically and his head felt like it was being crushed. Someone placed a cinderblock on his chest and he heaved a breath in shock but there was no oxygen and his lungs filled with water.

David only realized his eyes had shut when he opened them. Everything was dark around him. He saw a figure in the distance or maybe right in front of him but he couldn’t make out who or what it was. Somebody was calling his name but David couldn’t answer. He felt a hand on his shoulder and he jerked back. There was more noise and he covered his ears. 

How long could he survive underwater? How long until he broke the surface? He tried to swim up but found he couldn’t move at all. He stayed like that for seconds or hours - he wasn’t sure which. 

Gradually and all at once he felt air fill his lungs and he drank it in greedily. David came back to himself and realized he was on the floor, his head and back against a cabinet. Jack was crouching in front of him with his cellphone to his ear. He looked panicked.

“Jack?”

“Thank god. Dave, are you all right? Yeah, he’s talking,” he said into the phone.

“Wh- who are you talking to?”

“Your sister, baby. Are you okay?” David took a minute to take account of himself and then nodded. “Good. Okay, great.” Jack smiled weakly. “What? Yeah, bye. Thanks.” He put his phone down and settled on his knees. Jack reached out but then pulled his hands back. “Can I touch you?”

“Yeah.” David put his hand out for Jack to hold. It made him a little uncomfortable but Jack looked reassured. “I’m sorry.”

“What? Baby, you didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I scared you.”

“That’s okay. Sarah told me you have panic attacks?”

David nodded.

“I should’ve told you.”

“There’s no should’ve.”

“But you look like you’re gonna pass out.”

“You _sound_ like you’re gonna pass out.” Jack got up and brought him a glass of water and then took his hand again.

“Thanks.”

“I’m sorry that I couldn’t help.”

“Nothing helps, Jacky, it just needs to run its course. When it happens just give me space and make sure Chava doesn’t see.” It occurred to him that telling him that may be pointless considering there was a decent chance Jack was going to break up with him. David tried to push the thought away; he didn’t want to spiral again.

“Okay. I…I’m sorry I didn’t respond sooner. If I had maybe you wouldn’t have panicked.”

David groaned and leaned his head back against the cabinet with a thump.

“Please forget I said anything.”

“Why?”

“Because I know it’s too early and I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

“When I brought you to my ma’s theater what did we say? Who cares about too fast or too slow? Our relationship is ours.”

“I still made you uncomfortable, don’t deny it. I saw your face.”

“No, baby, I wasn’t uncomfortable!” Jack said quickly. “I was shocked. I was trying to breathe again so I could tell you that I love you too.” 

David sat up and whipped his head around to meet Jack’s eyes. 

“What did you just say?”

“I said ‘I love you too.’”

“You do?”

“Of course I do! Dave, I’m so in love with you it’s insane.”

_“Why?”_ he asked incredulously.

“Why? Because you’re you. I love you because you’re kind and giving and smart and sweet and funny and gorgeous and amazing and strong. And I love you because you make me feel good about myself and like I’m special. I…fuck, Dave, I don’t know how to describe it, okay? You’re better at words than me. But…people always say love is complicated and maybe that’s true for everyone else but it’s bullshit for me. Loving you is the simplest thing in the world. I would lasso the fucking moon for you if it made you smile. There’s nothing - _nothing_ \- you could do that would change my mind. I know I’ve only known you for five weeks and there are so many things I don’t know about you yet but I know that I love you, and what else matters?” 

David couldn’t make sense of what he was feeling. It was like every positive emotion he had ever had wrapped together. He didn’t know what to do with it. Jack tentatively used the pad of his thumb to wipe away a tear.

David put his hand over Jack’s, pressing it to his cheek. Jack took the signal for what it was and kissed him. It was slower and sweeter than their average kiss. He would describe it as sensual except it was entirely innocent, even when Jack lightly caught his lower lip between his teeth for a second. He put his other hand on the back of Jack’s neck.

It seemed to David that he and Jack switched roles when they kissed. Jack was one to take things as they came, go with the flow, and be spontaneous. When he kissed, he did so with intent. He kissed strategically. He moved his mouth in ways that he knew would make himself and his partner feel good. He was still spontaneous, yes, and obviously enjoyed every second of it, but he was in control. 

David was one to plan ahead, calculate, and panic when things happened that he wasn’t ready for. When he kissed, he let all that go. He kissed languidly and with abandon. He let himself feel like he had all the time in the world and would be there forever. For once, he didn’t have to control everything.

David always had to be responsible and prepared. It was nice to give someone else the reins for a little while. What little Jack had revealed to him about his childhood led David to believe decisions had been made for him his whole life and he had never known what was going to happen to him next. When he kissed someone it was his choice and it allowed him to do the things he wanted. It worked perfectly for them both and this kiss was no exception.

Jack ended it and wiped David’s face again. “I love you,” he whispered.

“I love you too. So much. I love being with you.”

“I’m glad to hear it–” he kissed David again “–because you’re stuck with me.”


	18. Chapter Eighteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sarah and Katherine move. Jack reveals a little bit about his childhood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry this took so long.

“Where does this go?”

“I don’t know! Just put it in a box Les,” Sarah ordered.

Les rolled his eyes. “No shit.”

“Stop cursing,” David said absentmindedly. “How long until they get here?”

“Like fifteen minutes! That’s why I’m rushing!”

“You should have been packed days ago.”

“That’s very helpful. Truly, thank you. Should I not move out? I’m not sure I can live without your guidance.” Les stuck his tongue out as he left to bring another box downstairs.

“Sarah, it’s going to be fine. We’re almost done.” 

“I know! I know…I’m just…”

“Yeah.” David went to her and hugged her. “This is going to be great and if it’s not you can just come back home. It’s what I’m doing.”

She chuckled humorlessly. “Yeah.” Sarah definitely needed the hug. “We’ll get emotional later, right now, let’s finish with this.”

Fifteen minutes later, they were watching as a red pickup truck parallel parked in front of the house. Les ran inside to get their parents and David tried very hard not to have an anxiety attack. He met Jack as he got out of the driver’s seat. “Hi.”

“Hey, baby.” He gave David a short kiss. “Are your parents outside yet?

“No.”

“Good.” He went back to kissing David, who laughed and stopped him.

“Not that I wouldn’t rather be doing that, but…”

“It’s what your sister’s doing right now.”

David ran around to the other side. “Hey! Don’t make me get the hose.”

Katherine sneered. “Screw you, Jacobs.”

“Wrong Jacobs! This one’s mine.”

“Jack!”

“What? Am I wrong?” Jack kissed his cheek and his protests were turned to halfhearted grumbles. “That’s what I thought.”

They all turned when Mayer and Esther stepped outside and made their way down the steps.

“Ima, Aba, this is Jack,” David introduced, “my boyfriend.”

Jack offered his hand to both of them. “It’s a pleasure to meet you Mrs. Jacobs, Mr. Jacobs.”

“You as well, Jack. We’ve heard so much about you.” 

“Yeah, sorry about that,” Sarah joked. “I didn’t realize Katherine’s dumb best friend would be trying to impress my parents one day.” David blushed but luckily Jack laughed.

“You’ll have to come have dinner sometime. I’m sorry we’re meeting on such a crazy day.”

“That’s all right, Mrs. Jacobs. So how can I help?”

They spent the next thirty minutes loading boxes onto the bed of the truck. It would have been faster if Esther and Mayer stopped getting emotional every two minutes but it got done. It was only after their old bedroom was half empty that David and Sarah stood alone in it, hugging.

“It’s bizarre. We’ve shared rooms in two different countries and three different houses - hell, we shared a  _ bed _ in two of them - and now it’s just over.”

“It isn’t over,” David said quietly. “We haven’t shared a room in four years but that doesn’t mean we’re not still twins and best friends.”

“Yeah, but…I don’t know, maybe it’s different for you because you didn’t sleep in it these last few years but it feels different now that I won’t be here, even if you will. You will be, right? You’re going to let Ima and Aba convert the office?”

“I don’t know, it doesn’t seem-”

“David.”

He sighed and pulled back to look at her face. “Does it mean that much to you?”

She nodded. “Yes.” Sarah looked like she might cry so David kissed her forehead.

“Okay. I promise I’ll stay in here.”

“Thank you.” She hugged him again. “Your first night not living here.”

“What about it?”

“Was it hard?”

“Possibly the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It might be easier for you because you have Katherine but it might be awful. And guess what? That’s okay, neshama. There’s no one way you should feel.”

“Right. I love you so much, David.”

“I love you too.”

They stood hugging for as long as they could, tears flowing, until Les knocked on the door and said it was time to go. Then they pulled him into the hug too and it took another five minutes.

Outside, Katherine and Jack were arguing over the keys. David went to settle it while Sarah talked to their overly emotional parents. “What’s happening?”

“I was entrusted with this truck and I’m not letting her drive it.”

“Don’t use words like ‘entrusted,’ Jack, you sound like an idiot.” He stuck his tongue out. “Very mature. There are two seats and I’m driving to my new home with my girlfriend.” 

Jack huffed and threw her the keys. “Fine, but if you crash, you’re the one telling Blink.” He finally paid attention to David. “How you doing, baby?”

“I’m okay. I’ll process later but for now I’m fine. Tired.”

“From moving all those boxes?”

“Just in general. I haven’t gotten much sleep the last few nights. I’ve had lots to do for work and Chava gets up like a thousand times a night to pee and doesn’t know the meaning of the word tiptoe.” Jack chuckled and David leaned against him. “Mmm, your shirt is soft.”

“Is it your pillow now or something?”

“You’re my pillow now.”

“Do you think we should touch less? I don’t want to bother your parents.”

“They won’t care unless you do.”

“You kidding? I’ll never say no to touching you.”

“I’m not sure if that’s sweet or gross.”

“Who says it can’t be both?”

“David!” Les shouted. “Take your boy toy and get in the car!”

“Leshem Noah Jacobs!” Esther yelled.

“What? It’s accurate!”

“I’m sorry, Jack.”

“That’s all right, Mrs. Jacobs. David’s embarrassed so it’s worth it.”

“You’re really mean for someone who’s meant to love me.”

The five of them loaded into the minivan to follow Sarah and Katherine. David dragged Jack to the back row so he could lean against him some more and doze. Now that they had actually met him, David had no qualms about being affectionate with Jack in front of his parents. It was a stressful time, he was exhausted, and if he had twenty minutes to lie on his boyfriend he was damn well going to lie on his boyfriend. Jack didn’t seem to mind. He wrapped an arm around David’s waist and kissed the top of his head.

Les pretended to gag. “Gross.”

“Please. If Sally Abott were here you’d want to do the same thing,” David mumbled into Jack’s shirt.

“I don’t like her like that.”

“Yes, you do.” He ignored Les’ protests and nuzzled into the crook of his boyfriend’s neck.

“Are you all right back there, Jack?” Esther asked. “I know David can be a bit of a koala.”

David felt the vibrations in Jack’s chest as he laughed. It was oddly comforting. “I’m more than happy to be his tree. He needs all the sleep he can get.”

“Not asleep,” David grumbled.

“Well, why not? Close your eyes and sleep, dummy.”

“I like him, David,” Mayer said. “He’s a keeper.”

“Yeah. He is.”

David hadn’t seen the apartment until now. It was big. Bigger than any two grad students should reasonably be able to afford; then again, Katherine was a Pultizer. In New York, however, big still meant tiny and even though the girls hadn’t taken a lot of stuff, it was crowded with all the boxes. They wanted to get as much unpacking done as they could that day and David couldn’t blame them; he would never have been able to sleep if his apartment had been this disorganized. Everyone offered to stay and help. Katherine and Sarah were thankful and promised them pizza in exchange for manual labor.

“Where does this go, Ace?” Jack asked, holding up a fancy, jade colored lamp. “And why are you middle aged?”

“A lamp makes me middle aged?”

“Yeah. Who has lamps anymore?”

“You’re ridiculous. You don’t have lamps?”

“No! I use lights like a normal person,” he said. 

“Oh my God. David, make him stop being annoying.”

“I’m stuck on the lamp thing. Do people not use lamps anymore?” His question was serious but he was grinning ear to ear. Jack came over to where he was unpacking books and organizing them on the shelf. He wrapped his arms around David from behind and rested his head on David’s shoulder.

“Lamps are for people who wear glasses to read and live in cardigans.”

“I live in cardigans and I wear glasses to read.”

“You have reading glasses?”

“No, I have regular glasses, which means I also wear them to read.”

“How come I’ve never seen them?”

“I wear contacts. I didn’t bring my glasses when I stayed overnight because they’re embarrassing.”

“Oh my god, I have to see them.”

“They’re stupid.”

“No, they’re not,” Katherine said. “I think they make you look hot.”

“What? She’s seen them and I haven’t?” He moved away and placed a hand on his heart as if he was offended. “I feel betrayed.” David rolled his eyes, eliciting a smirk.

“I’ll wear them next time I spend the night. Happy?”

“Yep.” He kissed him on the nose. “I’ve never seen you in a cardigan either.”

“I wore them a lot in high school but most of the ones I had were ruined by spit up or overflowing diapers or any number of things that accompany parenthood. I never got new ones.”

“But…does this mean you like lamps?”

“Shut up and get back to work.”

“Yes sir!”

He reached for a book and David slapped his hand away. “Don’t.”

“Wh-”

“You’ll mess it up.”

Mayer came into the room carrying a box. “Are you trying to put books away, Jack? I wouldn’t. David is very particular about how he organizes them.”

“They’re not even his books.” David growled at him and he threw his hands up defensively. “Hey, I’ll leave them alone! I know how to pick my battles. Need any help, Mr. Jacobs?” 

“Mayer’s fine. You want to go help Les with some of the stuff outside? He’s refusing my help but he’s definitely going to drop something.”

Jack saluted and ran off. David was fully focused on the books and jumped when Mayer put a hand on his shoulder. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you.”

“What’s up?”

“Do you really like Jack?” David stared blankly for a moment, trying to figure out how serious he was being. His father tilted his head in anticipation. 

“Why?” David asked nervously. “Do you not like him?” He couldn’t think of anything about Jack that his parents would disapprove of. 

“No! No, I like him very much and so does Ima. I just wanted to make sure.”

“Why would you think I didn’t?”

“It’s not that, boychik, but you…I don’t know how to phrase this without upsetting you.”

David looked around and noticed Sarah and Katherine had left the room at some point. He found himself wishing they hadn’t.

“You can say it.”

“You’ve been single for a long time, David, and Ima and I are worried that you might be rushing into a relationship for the sake of it. It has nothing to do with Jack. We like him a lot-”

“No.” David moved back, away from his father’s hand. “I’m not rushing into anything. I didn’t think I even wanted a relationship but…I love Jack, Aba. I know you probably think it’s too fast,” he guessed based on his father’s eyes, “but it’s not. I love him and he loves me. Isn’t that enough for you? You married Ima when you were twenty-one! Is it so strange that I’m in love at twenty-two? Sarah is.”

“I had been with your mother for a long time already, but that isn’t my point. David, I don’t have any problem with it. If you’re happy then of course that’s enough for me. It’s my job to make sure you’re happy, yes? I wasn’t trying to be rude, I was just doing my job.”

David nodded grudgingly. “Okay. Sorry, I didn’t mean to jump on you like that.”

“You didn’t. I’m very glad you’re secure in your feelings for him.”

“Thanks.” He blushed, though he wasn’t sure why. He looked down and ran his middle and pointer finger lightly up and down the spine of the book he was holding.

“And you know that if you ever need any advice I’m here for you, yes? So is Ima.”

“I know. Thanks. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Jack and Les came inside and their conversation ended. David was actually feeling pretty good about it. He had been defensive at first because he thought Mayer was attacking his relationship but it was reassuring to hear that his parents liked Jack and that they were only trying to look out for him.

Around four they had Sarah and Katherine mostly unpacked.

“Why don’t you get Chava?” Esther suggested. “We can have an early dinner around five; I think everyone’s very hungry.”

“Sure. I’m going to take the car, all right?”

“Of course. Take Jack with you.” David smiled and kissed her cheek.

He found his boyfriend bickering with Katherine about how the medicine cabinet in the bathroom should be organized.

“Do you want to come with me to pick Chava up from daycare?”

“Yes!” Katherine exclaimed on his behalf. “Please take him away from me.” 

“You don’t appreciate my organizational expertise.”

“That’s the least Jack Kelly thing I’ve ever heard you say. It’s like you were possessed by Crutchie for a moment.”

“Well, what’s the rule? Always listen to Crutchie.”

“Get the fuck away from me.”

David took his hand and pulled him out the door.

“You care a lot more about how things are organized than I thought you would,” he commented as they got into the car. There was a Mickey Mouse stuffed animal and a sippy cup on the floor by the passenger's seat. David really needed to start taking things out of his parents’ car when he got out. “You can just throw that in the back if you want.”

“I design sets for a living.” Jack picked up the toy but instead of putting it behind him he sat it in his lap. David was pretty sure it had been subconscious and he didn’t dare say anything for risk of it stopping. It was adorable. “When things aren’t organized practically it makes me twitch.” 

“Mm.” He pulled onto the road quietly, staring more at the dust on the dashboard than at the road itself. He thought the silence was comfortable but after a minute or two he noticed that Jack seemed tense. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, fine. Hey, do you think Chava’s going to be okay with me coming to get her with you?”

“Is that why you’re nervous? She’ll be happy to see you, honey. Does it make you uncomfortable? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to put pressure on you.”

Jack shook his head. “You didn’t. I’m not uncomfortable.”

“Then what are you worried about?”

“It’s embarrassing,” he admitted. David briefly put a hand on his knee when traffic stopped. Jack didn’t seem to notice.

“You don’t have anything to be embarrassed about with me.”

“Yeah. Okay. I read an article about dating someone with kids because-”

“You did? Have you been anxious about it?” David was surprised. Jack hadn’t struck him as the type of person to nervously obsess over stuff like that. David found himself becoming anxious over the prospect that him being a dad made Jack uncomfortable.

“I just don’t want to mess up. You hear stories about kids hating their parents’ boyfriend or girlfriend, you know? All the evil step-parent stuff. And I’m not saying I think of myself as her step-parent! Obviously I don’t, I’m-”

“Relax. I didn’t think you were saying that.”

“Okay, good. I’m just saying that you hear about it, is all.”

“You’re watching too many Disney movies.”

“Dave-”

“She likes you, Jacky, I promise. Do you think if she didn’t I’d still be dating you? I’m not saying- Look, she might be upset about it at some point because most kids are, but she likes you as a person.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive. She keeps asking to play with you.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. You know I don’t expect you to be perfect, right? Kids are hard. If you say something you shouldn't, that's normal; I do it all the time.”

“I know. I worry because…” he trailed off.

David gave him a few seconds to stare off into space before pressing. “Because what, Jacky?”

“Hmm? Sorry, I zoned out. Because I had a lot of crappy adults around when I was a kid and I don’t want to mess any other kids up.

“The first time I ever saw  _ romance–”  _ he put air quotes around the word “–it was my foster mother’s boyfriend and he was shitty - not that she was so great either.” He clearly noticed David’s concern. “It wasn’t anything like you’re thinking, Dave. Nah, that all came later.” He let out a sarcastic, breathless laugh and David barley stopped himself from asking him to elaborate. “It was just regular crappiness, you know? He was always telling me to bring him a beer from the fridge or find him a lighter in the kitchen, that kinda stuff.”

David’s mouth was incredibly dry.

“How old were you?” he asked shyly. “If you don’t mind me asking.”

“Six,” Jack answered casually. “And, like, I’d never do that, obviously, but I don’t want to mess up some other way. If you haven’t noticed by now, I have a bit of a temper; I’m worried I’ll get annoyed and snap at her or something. I promise I’ll try not to, I swear, Dave.”

“I know. I trust you.”

“That’s what makes me nervous. I don’t want to break your trust.”

“Honey, you’d never do that. I’m not saying I won’t be furious if you yell at Chava, because I will be, but it doesn’t mean I don’t trust you. I love you.”

“I love you too. Thanks for letting me talk about it.”

“Are you kidding? I want you to feel like you can tell me anything. If something’s bothering you, I want to know.”

“Thanks. Same for you.”

“Do you want to–” David cleared his throat awkwardly “–do you want to talk more about it? About him, I mean? Or any of it.”

“Not really but I probably should.”

“Oh, no, you don’t have to tell-”

“Nah. You’re my boyfriend and you should know some of this shit. It…it’s not fun but it’s not fair to you if you don’t know.”

“Why? Jack, your past is your business.”

He shook his head vehemently. “No. I…I’ve done some stuff I ain’t proud of.”

“If you want to tell me then I want to know, but if not-”

“Dave, please, just let me. It’ll be easier if you just let me.” David nodded. “Thanks. I’m not gonna be able to tell you all of it right now, but…yeah, anyway. Uh…I guess I can just start with him. To be honest, I don’t even remember his or my foster mom’s name. I was only with her for like three months.

“She was fine. We weren’t close or anything but I don’t remember her being mean. He was…I don’t know what he was. Wasn’t even close to the worst of it, but he’s the first one I can really remember. It wasn’t much of anything except yelling and name calling, and even then it was only cause he was drunk. One time he got mad at me about something or other and he threw his empty bottle at me. Cut me right here.” Jack ran a finger diagonally along the edge of his left eyebrow. “Only a couple of inches. She didn’t have any ice packs so she gave me a cold beer to hold against it. Ain’t that ironic? After that she sent me away and I went somewhere else.” He shrugged. “I think that was it.” 

David felt like he was going to throw up. Jack was talking so casually about being harmed by an adult at age six. He didn’t dare think about what it could mean that Jack didn’t think much of it. He tried his best to focus and not let his mind wander.

“Did you…did he get in trouble?” He cursed himself internally. “Sorry, I won’t ask questions.”

“You can ask whatever you want, sweetheart, I don’t mind. But nah, I don’t think so. I kinda remember her yelling at him but I might’ve made it up.” Jack chuckled. “It’s funny; I used to miss them. The next few houses all I wanted was to go back to them.” David didn’t think it was very funny at all.

“What were the next few houses like?” He shrugged and David didn’t press.

“The thing I wanted you to know…I met Crutchie when we was seven and nine. It wasn’t a great house and he got in trouble a lot.”

“He did? But he’s so-”

“Yeah, but that didn’t matter to this guy. He couldn’t do all the chores he wanted him to and there was only so much I could help when I had mine to do too. Anyway, I, uh…well, I ended up stealing food. I couldn’t watch him be hungry all the time, you know?” He sounded apologetic. “I tried sneaking it to him sometimes but I wasn’t so great at it back then.”

“The man you were staying with didn’t give him food?” he asked, appalled. 

“He didn’t  _ starve _ him or nothing. He ate every day but it wasn’t enough. He was losing weight and he didn’t have weight to lose, so I stole and I got caught after a while. I did two months in juvie.”

“What? You went to  _ juvie?” _

“Yeah. Sorry.” 

“No, don’t be sorry! I’m not upset with you, I’m upset that that happened to you,” he promised. “You were a child, Jack, and you were doing what you had to.” He nodded but didn’t meet David’s eyes. “I’m surprised that you got sent to juvie for shoplifting.” 

“They knew someone had been doing it for a while, they just didn’t catch me until then. It wasn’t a one-off kinda thing. I went a couple times, to tell the truth.”

“Why?”

“Shoplifting again when I was eleven, breaking and entering when I was twelve, and…dealing when I was thirteen.” Jack turned his head away and looked out the window. “I knew it was wrong, I swear, but I didn’t have any other options.”

“Oh.” David couldn’t imagine what it was like to be in that situation. He didn’t any details so he wasn’t sure exactly what that situation was but he knew it was bad. Did Jack actually think he would judge him for that? For doing what he had to do to survive? “You-”

“I know it’s a lot.” He inhaled sharply. “I thought you should know the kinda person you’re with.”

“Jack, listen to me. You’re not any ‘kinda person’ because of what you had to do as a kid. You’re still a wonderful, kind, amazing person and I love you.”

“I love you too,” Jack said, finally looking at him.

“I’m proud of you.”

“What? Why?”

“Are you serious? Honey, you had a tougher childhood than I can even begin to imagine and you’re a college graduate with a successful career. More importantly, you’re a good person.”

“College isn’t everything.”

“That’s not what I’m saying. Stop trying to comfort me when I’m trying to comfort you.” Jack chuckled sadly. “You’ve got a lot to be proud of.”

“I wouldn’t have been able to do anything if it wasn’t for Medda.”

“So? Just because she gave you opportunities doesn’t mean your achievements aren’t yours.” David found a spot right outside Chava’s daycare and parked. “I’m proud of you and you should be too.” He leaned over and kissed Jack lovingly. “Thank you for telling me all that.”

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“Being you. Can we be done talking about it for now? I know there’s a lot of-”

“Of course. Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” he said confidently. “Let’s get Chava.” 

David nodded and got out of the car. Right as he pulled open the door to the daycare he realized something and stopped. “What?” Jack asked. 

“You said her full name.”

“Have been for days, thanks for noticing,” he teased. “I practiced.”

“You  _ practiced?” _

“Your sister helped me. Come on, you’re letting heat out.” David followed him inside, a light, warm feeling in his stomach.

He was so in love with Jack. Not only did he trust him enough to talk about something that hurt him today, but he had apparently put time and effort into something that meant a lot to David. He sincerely doubted there was anyone in the world he could have been happier with. He was still learning about Jack and how to have a mature, successful relationship but every day felt a little bit easier because he knew he had him to turn to.

Before he could even tell the woman at the front desk that they were there for Chava, his daughter came running to the gate of the play area yelling for Jack and requesting to be picked up. David thought he might melt at the sight of the two of them together. 

“What am I, chopped liver?” he asked after he had signed her out. He rubbed his daughter’s back. “Hi, flower. Are you ready to see Aunt Sarah’s new apartment?”

“Yeah! Can Jack come?”

“Hmm.” He tapped his chin as if deeply in thought. “I don’t really know if I want him there.”

“Hey! I’m delightful!” 

“Daddy, yesterday you said you love Jack. Don’t you want to be with people you love?”

He took his daughter from Jack despite both of them protesting and kissed her all over her face until she laughed.

“Yes. I love you and I want to be with you, see?”

“I love you too, Daddy.”

“Oh, thank goodness. For a second there I was worried you were going to try and stay with Jack forever,” he joked. Chava quickly threw her arms around his neck and buried her face in the crook of his neck. David smiled and put one hand on the back of her head. “I’m only joking, flower.”

“I want to stay with you forever.”

“Good. I want that too.”


	19. Chapter Nineteen

Saying goodbye to his apartment wasn’t nearly as difficult as he thought it would be. Chava had a little trouble but once they got to her grandparents’ house she was basically fine. David felt oddly numb about the whole thing. That was the place he had started raising his daughter, so shouldn’t it have been harder?

“There is no should or shouldn’t be, baby,” Jack told him over the phone. “You’re not done raising her just because you don’t live there anymore.”

“I know. Is it bad that the only thing that made me emotional was putting the couch on the street? I fucking hated that thing.”

Jack chuckled. “That kinda stuff doesn’t always make sense but that don’t make it bad. How’s Chava?”

“Fine, I think.” He found a pen in his pocket and fiddled it in between his fingers. “It’s weird.”

“Why?”

“She’s usually pretty sentimental. Maybe she just hasn’t processed it yet. I’m not going to look a gift horse in the mouth though.”

“What did you decide about her room?”

“I promised Sarah I would take our old room so we’re changing the office around. For now she’s staying in my room and I’m staying on the couch.” He heard Jack sigh. “It’s only temporary! And just because I don’t want her to get used to sharing a room with me.”

“All right. I should go; I’m babysitting my sister tonight.”

“Have fun. I love you.” Being able to say that whenever he wanted made him feel a little giddy. He subconsciously doodled a heart on his hand like a middle schooler, cursed internally when he noticed, and blushed even though there was nobody around. 

“I love you too.”

Once Chava was down for the night, David decided to take a shower. When he got out, he almost had a heart attack. Les was waiting for him right outside the bathroom door, staring at his watch.

“Fuck!”

Les hit the little button on the side and it made a beeping sound. “Four minutes and sixteen seconds.”

“What? Les, what the hell are you doing?” Instead of answering, his brother reached forward and grabbed his hair. “Stop!” He swatted him away.

“As I suspected, cold.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You were in the bathroom for four minutes and sixteen seconds and your hair is wet and cold.”

“Excellent observations. Can you move so I can go get dressed? I’m freezing.”

“Yeah, because you took a cold shower.”

“So?”

_ “So,  _ you live here now and you don’t have to take short, cold showers. You don’t have to worry about how long you’re taking or if there will be enough hot water left for Chava. So unless you were trying to get rid of a Jack-related issue, there’s no reason you should be taking cold showers.”

“Les!”

“Actually, you could take long, hot ones and get rid of it the other way.”

“Les!”

“Yelling my name doesn’t change anything.”

David’s face was hot and he knew he was blushing like mad. “Can you not talk about those things?”

“I’m fourteen. Aren’t I supposed to come to my older brother with questions?” he joked, pretending to be innocent. 

“You can come to me with questions, not talk to me about  _ my-  _ you know what? No, I’m not having this discussion with you. Move, I’m going to get dressed.” He gently pushed his brother out of the way.

“Whatever. My point is you can take a hot shower!” he called after him. “You’re not alone anymore!”

That cut like a knife. He cried silently as he changed, trying not to wake Chava. He was still crying when he collapsed on the couch and pulled his blankets over himself. Why did that hurt to hear? Wasn’t it a good thing? A  _ very _ good thing?

But he was embarrassed. Embarrassed that he thought he could make it on his own, embarrassed that he couldn’t, embarrassed that he was living at home again. Most of all, he was embarrassed that he had denied himself help for so long. Chava could have been so much happier if she had been here this whole time.

The selfish part of him was worried that now that she  _ was _ here, she would start viewing his parents as hers. He was her father and he wanted to be all she needed. He wanted her to be close to her grandparents, yes, but he also wanted to be the one she went to when she needed advice or a hug or someone to kiss her knee when she fell. He wanted to be the one to hold her after nightmares and that she cried for when he was gone too long.

Living here would be great in a lot of ways but David wanted it to be like it had always been: Daddy and Chava against the world.

“Jacobs.”

David looked up and Pulitzer was standing in front of his desk. He hadn’t noticed him come in. He would stand but he was too tired and worn out from a long day.

“Sorry, sir. What are you doing here?”

“I forgot my wallet. What are  _ you _ doing here? It’s almost nine o’clock.”

“Is it?” He checked his watch. “I’ll be gone soon; I’m finishing up.”

“What’s taking you so long?” He was frustrated and David couldn’t have given less of a shit. He simply returned to his paperwork.

“I’m not taking any longer than usual.”

“That’s ridiculous.”

Fed up, David threw his pen down. “I don’t know what you want from me. At minimum, you give me two days worth of work every day and expect it all to be done when you come in the next morning. If you leave at six, I’m here until at least eight and then I go home and do more paperwork. I’m sorry I can’t do it faster, but I don’t get any time to eat so around five my hands start to shake.”

A week ago, David would never have done that. He took so much shit from his boss and never said a word. Right now he wasn’t sure what he had been so scared of. The worst that would happen was he would be fired. Before, he had had eviction to worry about but the wages he got hadn’t been able to save him from it anyway.

If he got fired his parents would support him until he found a new job. That was just about the last thing he wanted but he was physically and mentally exhausted. If he wanted anything to change then he had to stand up for himself. It was what was best for him and what was best for Chava.

“Can I get back to work now? I want to get home and tuck my daughter in.”

Pultizer didn’t seem sure of what to do or say. David had never seen him frozen before and he had to admit, it was rather entertaining.

Pulitzer cleared his throat awkwardly. “You can finish that in the morning if you want.” 

“Great, thanks.” He snapped the folder shut and threw it haphazardly in a drawer. He grabbed his jacket, threw it on and put the strap of his bag across his body all while Pulitzer stayed in exactly the same position. “Hope you find your wallet,” he said as the elevator closed.

“I’m home!” he called as he entered. Chava came stomping down the stairs.

“Daddy!” She jumped into his arms and he held her close.

“Hi, baby. How’re you doing? How was your day?”

“Good! How was yours?”

He chuckled and kissed her nose. “Mine was good too but now it’s even better because you’re with me.” Chava giggled and put her head on his shoulder. “Hi, Ima.”

His mother was standing just outside the kitchen at the end of the hall and smiling warmly. “Hi, David. You look awfully happy.”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” He walked towards her. “I’ve got my beautiful daughter and my beautiful mother with me.” He kissed her cheek. “How was your day?”

“Not as good as yours, it would seem. Are you hungry?”

“Starving,” he replied. Chava poked his cheek. “Are there leftovers?”

“Aba made arayes. I’ll heat one up for you.”

“Thanks, Ima. I’m going to get this one in pajamas.”

“Daddy, no!”

“You don’t have to go to bed yet but you’ve got to get ready. I’m going to get in pajamas too. Come on.”

Chava babbled while they changed and David enjoyed every second of it. She insisted on him carrying her back downstairs and he was more than happy to comply, especially when she kissed his cheek. It was the moments like this that David lived for.

Sitting at the table, eating a hot dinner, his daughter and mother next to him - he wanted it to last forever. He realized there had been a lot more of those moments lately. Those moments that seemed perfect and special and completely ordinary. Those moments were what life was supposed to be.

After he ate, it was almost bedtime for Chava. David said she could have five more minutes and she spent it on the couch in his lap. He was just about to bring her upstairs when his phone rang.

“That says Jack,” Chava read, “right?”

“Yeah, good job. He’s FaceTiming. Do you want to say hi?”

“Yes!”

“Okay. One minute, that’s it.” He swiped it to answer. “Hi, Jack. Someone wants to say hi.” He tilted the screen so his daughter was in frame.

“Chava!”

“Jack!”

“Just the girl I wanted to see. I really only called your dad to talk to you.” She giggled. “How are you, sweetheart?”

“Good. Daddy told me you’re his boyfriend.”

“I am,” Jack confirmed. “I’m super lucky.” David wished Jack was there so he could kiss him.

“Yeah. Daddy’s awesome.”

“I think so too.”

“Okay, bedtime,” he announced.

“No! I want to talk to Jack!” Chava complained.

“It’s almost my bedtime too,” Jack said. “I’m sleepy.”

“Do you want Daddy to read you a story?” she asked innocently. “He reads me a story at bedtime.”

“Ooo, yes please. What’s the story?”

David picked Chava up with one arm and held the phone with his opposite hand as they went upstairs.

“I don’t know. What’s the story tonight, Chava?”

The phone sat next to Chava on the pillow while David read to them. Even though Jack wasn’t actually there, it felt domestic. It also felt familiar in a way that it shouldn’t have. David had never experienced anything like it before so it didn’t make any sense.

Afterwards, David lay down on the couch under his blankets and rested his head on the pillow.

“I’m sorry about that. I hope I didn’t keep you.”

“I was calling to see you, Dave. That was perfect. Thanks for letting me be involved. Hope I didn’t intrude or nothing.”

“You didn’t. I was happy to include you. You made Chava feel really cool, so thank you.”

“She thinks I’m cool?”

“I know, isn’t that weird?” Jack stuck his tongue out. “Well now it makes sense that you were eager to spend time with a four-year-old: you are one.”

“You’re hysterical. Do you want to sleep or-”

“I want to keep talking to you if you’re up for it.”

“Always.”

David told him all about what he had said to Pulitzer and about how he didn’t really care what happened because of it, even if he should. Jack was giddy the whole time and kept telling David how proud he was. They spoke about the news for way too long and about something stupid Race has done for longer. 

“You’re exhausted, baby,” Jack said around eleven. David nodded sleepily.

“You know, ever since I stayed that night at your place I’ve been missing touch. I don’t know how to describe it but now that I know what it’s like to…cuddle, I guess? Now that I know what that’s like I’m always missing it until it happens again. Is that weird?”

“No. We’ve been over this, you’re touch starved.”

“Mm.”

“I wish I could hold you right now,” Jack whispered.

David felt a sense of warmth and fondness wash over him. He was so in love and so happy. “I wish that too.”

“Come over this weekend.”

“I should help Chava adjust to living here. Next weekend, okay? If that works for you.”

“That’s fine. Can I at least take you out?”

“No.”

“Why not?” Jack asked with a frown.

“Because you always take me out. Let  _ me _ take  _ you _ out.”

“So tell me again how this isn’t illegal?”

David rolled his eyes. “I haven’t given back my key yet because I wanted to do this. That’s why I wanted to do it today instead of this weekend. I’ll slide it under his door when we leave.”

“What if someone sees us?” Jack asked anxiously, letting David drag him by the hand. 

“They won’t care even if they do know I moved it out because we all hate the landlord.” He used his id to let himself in the building. “Come on, where’s your sense of adventure?”

“I feel like we swapped brains or something.” David laughed. “I’m serious! You’re being…I don’t know.”

“Not panicky?”

“Yeah, that’s what I was going for.”

He shrugged. “I don’t really have anything to lose. We’re not doing anything illegal.” He pulled Jack into the rickety old elevator and kissed him as it ascended. “Relax,” he whispered into his mouth.

“Mm.”

Jack groaned when they had to get out and David couldn’t help but giggle. He led him up a flight of stairs. Opening the door, David was happy to find it wasn’t too windy despite the height of the building and that everything was where he had left it.

“So?”

Jack’s eyes were wide. “You did all this for us?”

“For you, but yeah.”

David couldn’t afford to bring Jack out to a fancy restaurant like he deserved, so he had done his best to create something special for them on the rooftop. He had a picnic laid out with lots of blankets and pillows to lounge on. There were about a dozen candles scattered around that David thought would be a little more romantic than lanterns. 

“Baby…”

“It’s not a big deal,” he said self-consciously. “You did something like this for our third date and I didn’t have to change a stage around.” He had, however, spent about two hours on his hands and knees with a bucket and sponge, scrubbing the filthy cement clean.

“It’s a big deal to me. Thank you.” He kissed him and 

David somehow ended up with his back against the wall. He moved away.

“At least wait until we’re sitting down, dumbass. And don’t you want to eat?”

“I’d rather kiss you but food sounds good.”

“I’m a terrible cook so I apologize in advance.” He reached into the box and pulled out tupperware. “I only set up about twenty minutes ago so this should still be hot.”

“What is it?”

“It’s musakhan. It’s a chicken dish. I wasn’t sure what to make and I know you like chicken, so…anyway, you can tell me if you don’t like it.”

“I’m sure it’ll be great,” Jack said.

“I hope.” He laid it out on the platter. “It’s on pita bread so you basically just pull it apart and-”

“We eat with our hands?” Jack perked up and David had to laugh.

“You’re a child. Yes, we eat with our hands. Do you like it?” he asked once Jack had taken a bite. 

“It’s delicious. What type of food is it?”

“Palestinian. The only food I really know how to make is Palestinian food.”

“Why? I mean, not that there’s anything wrong with that but I figured you’d know Polish food before something else.”

“Chava’s mother.” David took a deep breath and steeled himself for the conversation. He was ready to have it and it was part of why he had made what he had made. Jack looked like he was trying to act casual but was failing miserably. It both relaxed David and made him more nervous.

It wasn’t that he thought Jack would care. There wasn’t actually anything that bad about the story but David hadn’t spoken about to anyone but Spot it in a long time.

“She Palestinian, then?”

“She was half Palestinian, half Polish. Still is, presumably.” Amused with himself, he exhaled out of his nose. “She taught me how to cook some Palestinian meals and since then those are the only thing I’ve tried to learn.”

“So it’s your favorite, then?”

“Not really. I like it a lot, but I really only learn more because I want to give Chava a connection to her heritage. Plus, I don’t want to put what she taught me to waste.” He took a bite, mostly to avoid having to speak anymore. Making it for the first time was one of his fondest memories of her.

“Do you mind if I ask you about-”

“You can always ask me about anything.”

“How’d you meet?”

“We went to high school together. She asked me out at the end of junior year because she had a huge falling out with her boyfriend and they were both trying to make the other one jealous by dating someone else.”

“Did you know that?”

“What, that she was using me? Yeah, but I was using her. I was desperate for a way to get people to think I was straight so that this group of guys would stop beating me up all the time.” Jack reached for his hand and he let him take it. “It’s all right, I’m fine.”

“Mm. Did it work?”

“Kinda. They still thought I was gay but they didn’t hurt me because she was super popular and they didn’t want to upset her.”

They ate in comfortable silence after that. David allowed himself to not think about anything but lying there next to Jack. He cuddled up to him once they had put the food away.

“What happened?” David knew right away what Jack meant. He took another deep breath and exhaled slowly.

“She decided she couldn’t do it. It wasn’t that I’m gay or anything. I came out to her a few weeks before we knew she was pregnant.”

“I’m sorry. That must have been hard.”

“It wasn’t, really. I mean, it’s always scary to come out but I knew that she already kinda knew. She told me as soon as she knew about the pregnancy, that she was keeping it, and that she’d like me to be involved but that I didn’t have to be if I didn’t want to be.”

“Did you think about not being involved?”

“Not for a second. I wouldn’t judge someone who did but no. I was terrified but I said I wanted to be part of it. I went over to her house and she held my hand against her lower stomach. Even though all that it was was a few cells I knew right then and there that I would never love anybody or anything more.” Jack traced a finger on his shoulder and he shivered. “We were going to raise her together. It wasn’t meant to be a thing where one of us came around on the weekend. We were going to move in together.”

“Really? Even though you weren’t together?”

“We were still friends and planning on raising a kid together. I was going to move into her parents’ house until we could save up and move out.”

He needed a moment before he pushed forward. Jack kissed his hand and shifted so they were resting on the pillows more. He gazed up at the hazy night sky, wishing the stars were visible. 

“Two weeks before Chava was born - although she was about a month premature so we didn’t know that at the time - she told me she couldn’t do it. Kids weren’t a part of what she wanted and she wasn’t going to be able to be a parent.”

“Were you angry?”

“No. I knew that she told me as soon as she realized and that she had had every intention of raising her with me but…some people just aren’t meant to be parents, and that’s okay. I’m happy she told me then instead of later.”

“So you only had two weeks to-”

“Yeah, and honestly we still had a great two weeks together even though she felt guilty. Chava and I stayed with my parents for a few months and then we came here.” He pointed down.

“Do you ever miss her?”

“Yeah, sometimes,” he admitted. “Mostly for Chava but…she was my best friend, you know? She told me she would contact me if she wanted to see her but that she wouldn’t be ready right away. I figured I’d have to wait six months at most and maybe that was naive, but…”

“Obviously I wasn’t involved but I don’t think it was naive. You love Chava more than anything and so it’s probably hard to get that she wouldn’t be able to see her daughter. You wouldn’t want to go even a day without seeing her, right?”

David pushed himself up and kissed Jack. He responded right away and one hand gripped David’s hair. David was still getting used to kissing and this was really only the third time they had made out, so he was still a little worried about how good or bad he was. Jack must have sensed them or maybe just his general anxiety because he released David’s lips.

“Why are you tense, baby?” he whispered into the darkness.

“I’m nervous.”

“About what?”

“I want to make you feel as good as you make me feel when we kiss.”

“I don’t know what you’re feeling but what I’m feeling is pretty great.” He kissed him again. “Mm, yeah like that. That was pretty great.” David smiled goofily. “Seriously, Dave, if there was something wrong I would tell you, I promise.”

“Okay.” He lowered himself and kept most of his body attached to Jack’s. His chin rested on Jack’s chest so he could still see his eyes. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” He ran a hand through David’s hair. “Do you want to keep talking about her or no?”

“I’d rather tell you and get it over with. I want you to know. The night before Chava’s first birthday I called her.” He closed his eyes for a moment in an attempt to not get too emotionally.

“What happened?” Jack whispered.

“A guy picked up. At first I thought it was a new boyfriend or a roommate but he said he had just gotten a new number about six months earlier. She changed her number.”

“Oh, baby…” Jack held him closer. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay,” he mumbled. “If Chava wants I’ll try to find her someday but right now I have to respect that it’s not what she wants.”

“How do you-”

“My number hasn’t changed.” He gave Jack a forced smile when he saw his concern. He rested a hand on his face and stroked his cheek. “It’s okay. I’m happy and so is Chava. Hopefully she is too.”

“I know, I just don’t like you going through pain.”

“You’re sweet. Let’s talk about happier things, all right? I wanted you to know because sometimes I can’t stop thinking about it.”

“If you-”

“Happier things? Please?”

Jack bit his lip and nodded. “Sure.”

“Oh!” David turned over and reached for the cooler. It dragged across the blanket and he had to flounder to lay it flat again. Jack laughed at his efforts. “I figured since I didn’t get to kiss you at midnight this morning, I could find another cliche to romance you with.” He said the word romance dramatically to be silly and make himself feel less awkward. David took the cling wrap off the frosty bowl and lay it down next to him.

“Chocolate covered strawberries? Oh my god, Dave, you’re hysterical.”

“Hey!”

“No, I meant it in a good way. It was very sweet of you and I love those. Move them over here so I can reach them too.”

“No.”

“No?”

“If we’re doing this we’re going all the way.” Jack waggled his eyebrows and earned himself a playful slap to the arm. David picked up a strawberry and held it to Jack’s lips. Jack looked at him with such adoration that his breath hitched.

It was a lot less messy than he thought it would be and surprisingly romantic. David had always thought the whole feeding each other thing was silly and had done it mostly as a joke, but he ended up enjoying it. It was intimate in a different way than they had been before and it made him feel closer to Jack.

“I love you,” his boyfriend said again later. “You’re ridiculous and crazy and brilliant and I love you.”

“I love you too. For all those reasons and more.”

“I can’t believe you did that.”

“Why not?” He pushed the empty bowl aside and settled back into Jack. “I can be romantic.”

“I know that, baby, I know, but a month ago you wouldn’t have asked me for a hug and we just spent the last fifteen minutes feeding each other strawberries. It’s surprising.”

“Mm. I thought it would be weird but it was nice, right?”

“Very nice. I’m never going to be able to eat a strawberry by myself again,” he joked.

They lay together for another hour or so before they decided they were pushing their luck on the rooftop and should go. Jack had borrowed Crutchie’s car and offered to drive David home. He had the radio on a low volume. David lightly dozed and listened to Jack softly sing along.

Jack insisted on walking him to the door for what he considered a proper good night kiss, and they got a little caught up in themselves. So much so, in fact, that it took the front door swinging all the way open for him to notice and jump away from Jack.

“Aba!” He was standing in the doorway with Chava in his arms. Her eyes were red and she had tear tracks on her face.

“Evening, boys. Would you like to come in Jack?”

David opened the screen door and took Chava from his father. She immediately started sobbing. 

“What’s going on, flower? Why are you still awake?”

“Uh, thank you, sir, but I should go.”

“I insist.” It was clearly not a suggestion anymore so Jack nodded and followed David inside apologetically.

“Chava, talk to me.” She kept crying into his shoulder.

“She’s been up for about an hour. She said she had a nightmare,” his father said, rubbing her back. 

“You should have called me, Aba, but thank you for looking after her.” He swayed with her a little as she sobbed some more. “Shh, it’s okay. I’m here, I’ve got you.” He looked at Jack and mouthed “Sorry.”

“Jack, why don’t you come sit with me while David gets Chava to sleep, hmm?”

“Yes, sir,” Jack replied and looked as nervous as David was when he came in late to find Pulitzer in a bad mood. There was nothing David could do besides leave him to his fate and deal with his daughter.

He brought her to bed and sat down with her in his lap.

“What’s wrong, Chava?” 

“I had a nightmare.” She was still crying but more quietly now.

“What happened?”

“I don’t remember.” 

“That can be scary sometimes.” She nodded. “I’m sorry that happened. I promise that-”

“Where were you, Daddy? You weren’t here!”

“I was out, flower. Sometimes grownups go out at night, but I would never go out if there was nobody home to watch you, I promise.”

“I wanted you here.”

“I know, sweetheart, but I’m here now,” he soothed and kissed the crown of her head. She wiggled, clearly trying to get closer to him. It was impossible at that angle so David stood and let her wrap around him, her head on his shoulder again. “Everything’s okay.”

He shushed and soothed and swayed around for almost twenty minutes. When he was convinced she was asleep and about to put her down she shifted. “What were you doing with Jack, Daddy?” David whined internally. It wasn’t fair and he had really been hoping she had been too caught up in crying to notice them.

“We were kissing.”

“It didn’t look like kissing.” She sat up in his arms and stared him down with sleepy eyes. 

“Sometimes people kiss…differently.” 

“But he had his hands on your butt.”

David almost choked on his own saliva. 

“Well…I almost fell, he was probably just trying to catch me.” Thankfully, the answer satisfied her. “It’s time to sleep now, Chava.”

“Will you sing to me, Daddy?”

“Of course.” He lay her down on the bed and tucked her in. David made sure she had her favorite teddy bear in her grasp. “What song would you like, flower?”

“Laila Tov.”

“Okay. Close your eyes and try to sleep. I’m here.”


	20. Chapter Twenty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a rough one. I’m sorry.

David temporarily forwent changing so he could save Jack from his father. As he crept into the kitchen and heard voices, the more mischievous side of him made him stop just outside the doorway and listen.

“I’m not trying to interrogate you, Jack,” his father said, “I’m only asking questions because I’m David’s father and it’s my job to look out for him.”

“I know. I don’t even mind you asking, it's just surprising at ten o’clock at night to be brought inside and sat down like this.”

“I saw an opportunity and I took it.”

What were they talking about? David sincerely hoped that it wasn’t some sort of shovel talk.

“Fair enough, I guess.”

“So do you?”

“I’m sorry, sir, but I can’t talk to you about this before I talk to Dave. We’ve only been dating for a little while and-”

“You misunderstand me, Jack. I don’t mean if you want to have kids of your own–” David’s breath hitched. “–I mean Chava. I know you’re fine with David being a father but I want to make sure you understand that they’re a package deal.”

“I do,” Jack promised, nodding emphatically.

“Because if you neglect my granddaughter or make her feel unloved in any way shape or form, you and I are going to have problems. Do you understand?”

“Yes, sir.”

It occurred to him that even though Mayer hadn’t given Jack the shovel talk about him, he had basically done it for Chava. It was sweet, in a way. 

“Good. I was just checking, no need to worry if you really understand. I can see how good you are for David.”

“I am?” He sounded surprised.

“You don’t think so?”

“I want to be and I know he’s good for me, but I wasn’t sure if I was good for him or not.”

“Why?” Mayer asked.

“Your son is too good for me, sir. I had a sense of it then but I know now for sure that him agreeing to go on a date with me was the luckiest moment of my life.”

David’s heart swelled. He had never heard anything so flattering and to know that Jack felt that way was a gift. It started to feel a little wrong to be spying.

“He’s the greatest person I know, you know? He’s kind and sweet and smart and thoughtful and handsome and just so…good. Christ, I’ve never met someone as good as he is.”

“You make him happy, Jack. Obviously Chava makes him happy too but I haven’t seen him just  _ be _ happy in a very long time, and never like this. Do you understand what I’m saying? He carries himself differently. He’s learning to accept help too and I think you’re a part of that. Thank you for showing him how loved he is.”

“I don’t think I’ll ever be able to do that. I love him so much that I can’t describe it.”

Mayer smiled and went to the fridge and got two bottles. Jack’s eyes were wide and scared, like he thought he had said something wrong, so David took pity on him and made his presence known.

“She’s asleep,” he said. “What are we talking about?”

“We were just about to have a beer. Would you like one, boychik?”

“God, yes.” He pushed down his embarrassment at being called “boychik” in front of Jack. It was really only used for young boys but his parents still used it for him. He generally liked it but he wasn’t sure how he felt about it around his boyfriend.

“Thank you,” Jack said quietly. David squeezed his knee under the table, trying to comfort him.

“She’s asleep, David?”

“Yeah. She’s going to be a mess in the morning but for now she’s fine. Thanks for watching her.”

“Of course. Did you boys have a nice time? It seemed like you did.”

They both blushed and David wouldn’t have been surprised if Jack became ill.

“Aba!”

“What? You were just going to pretend I didn’t see it? Good luck explaining that to Chava when she asks.”

“She already did.”

“She did?” Jack asked, startled.

“Yeah, but I just told her the truth. She knows what kissing is so I said sometimes people kiss differently.” Jack groaned and dropped his head to the table. David rubbed his back, laughing at his expense.

“I’ll leave you boys alone,” Mayer said, putting his bottle in the sink to deal with in the morning. “Good night.” 

“Good night, Aba.”

“Good night, sir.”

“You know you don’t have to call him sir,” David said once he heard the faint sound of his parents’ bedroom door closing. “We’re not a particularly formal household.”

“Dave, he’s terrifying.” David put a hand on his cheek and drew him in for a short kiss. “What was that for?”

“I heard what you said before. About me. About Chava.”

“Oh. You were listening?”

“Sorry.” David cringed. He knew he had to be honest about it but he felt like a crappy person for eavesdropping. “I know I shouldn’t have listened.”

“No, that’s okay. Everything I said was true.”

“Not that you’re too good for me.”

“Well, agree to disagree.”

“Fine. Do you want a bottle opener?” He gestured to Jack’s unopened beer. I think it’s a screw off.”

“Uh, actually–” He cleared his throat. “–I can’t.” He pushed it away, and his eyes were filled with pain as he did so.

“You can’t? Is everything okay?”

“Dave…fuck, I should have told you this earlier.”

David took his hand. It was shaking the slightest bit. 

“Hey, it’s okay. You’re not obligated to tell me anything but you can.”

“Thanks. I know.” He looked David in the eyes. It was as if Jack was trying to memorize his face in detail. Like it was his last chance. “I’m a recovering alcoholic.”

David wasn’t sure how he was supposed to react but his first thought was that he was angry; not with his boyfriend but with the world. Didn’t Jack deserve a break? Sweet, kind, incredible Jack. Why did he have to face so much hardship and experience so much pain?

David leaned over and kissed his cheek, feather light.

“Okay. Whatever you need, you tell me.” He got up and took the beers. He put Jack’s back in the fridge and poured his down the sink.

“Dave, you don’t have to-”

“Jack.” He stopped his protests with a single word. David moved his chair closer to Jack’s when he went back. “Thank you for telling me that. If you don’t want to, you don’t have to tell me anything else.”

“I had my first drink at fifteen,” he began. “I was fine, for the most part. I shouldn’t have been drinking then anyway but I was offered something and I was so alone, Dave. I had been with Medda for six months and I still felt like the other shoe was going to drop and could never turn my brain off.” David squeezed his hand. “It wasn’t a regular thing until seventeen. I almost flunked out of college twice. I got good at hiding it and I went to class drunk all the time.

“The summer before my junior year, Spot showed up at the house one night and banged on my bedroom door. I literally had a bottle in my hand when I opened it.” He laughed self-deprecatingly. “I wasn’t even trying to hide it. He yanked it out of my hand and told me to pack a bag and get in the car.”

“Rehab?”

“Yeah. It didn’t work the first time. Or the second. I graduated a semester late because I had to take one off to go for a third time. Anyway…” He wiped below his eyes. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. I’m proud of you.”

“For what?” Jack was incredulous and it broke David’s heart a little.

“For telling me and for overcoming it. That must have been so hard.”

“I haven’t overcome  _ anything. _ It’s easier now but there are days when it’s all I can think about. I’m never not going to be an alcoholic, Dave.” His voice wavered. “If you sign up for me, that comes with it. I’m sorry.”

“Shh.” David pulled him into his side. “You don’t have to be sorry about that. It doesn’t bother me.”

“It doesn’t?”

“Well, it bothers me that you’re in pain and that you have to deal with that but it doesn’t make me love you any less or want to be with you any less. I’m sorry if I ever gave the impression that-”

“You didn’t,” Jack said without hesitation. “I didn’t tell you ’cause I was embarrassed not ’cause of anything you did.”

The legs of David’s chair were slightly uneven. His father and mother had been offering to fix it since he was fourteen, but David liked it. He rocked when he was nervous or overexcited. He rocked to help himself keep quiet. Les had sometimes complained about the noise it made but he hadn’t in years. It was odd to be in a position where he needed to rock but couldn’t. He didn’t want to be disrespectful to Jack and he didn’t want it to seem like he didn’t care.

His backup was to grip the fabric part of the chair but both of his hands were occupied. He didn’t have anything to do about his nerves and he tried to push through.

“Can I ask a question?”

“Anything.”

“When we had the picnic in the theater you brought wine and I could’ve sworn you drank at the Christmas party.”

“I didn’t have any of the wine at the theater and my friends were bartending at the party. They give me virgin everything so that I don’t feel like I’m the odd one out.”

“What about when I stayed the night? We had wine.”

“You had wine, I had grape juice.”

“Well, I’m glad I didn’t open the bottle tonight but why would you bring any that time?”

Jack shrugged. “For you.”

“Oh, honey. Please don’t do that on my account again. You’re so strong for doing it but please don’t. I won’t drink around you,” he promised.

“No! No, this is part of why I didn’t tell you. I don’t want you to feel like you can’t drink.”

“Okay, okay.” David could tell Jack was getting worked up and he didn’t want to make him more upset than he already was. “I’ll make you a deal: I’ll drink if I want to when there are people around but when it’s just us I’m not going to.”

“I don’t want to take that away from you.”

“I…Jack, I don’t want to be insensitive when I say this but it’s not that big a deal for me not to drink.” Jack cringed slightly. “I know. I’m sorry.”

“That’s okay.”

“I have no idea what it’s like for you but I know it’s hard in a way I’ll never be able to comprehend. I’m never going to make it any harder for you than it has to be. I’ll do everything in my power not to, okay?”

“It makes me uncomfortable when people don’t drink around me on purpose.”

David supposed he could understand that. He hated the idea of being pitied at all or feeling coddled and it must have been so much harder for Jack. At the same time, he wasn’t ever going to risk hurting him, especially when it would be easy for him to just not drink. That made him feel guilty.

“I know, but sometimes you have to accept help.”

Jack snorted. “Hypocrite.”

“Yeah, but I’m learning, aren’t I? I’ve been better.”

“Yeah. I’m proud of you.”

“Thanks, but this isn’t about me. Let me help you in this way, all right?”

“Won’t you miss it?”

“I’ll have it at parties and stuff.”

“But I know you like a drink sometimes after a long day.” He said it so casually, as if it wasn’t the most selfless thought anyone had ever had. David didn’t answer at first, too caught up in his love and concern for his boyfriend. He used the quiet hum of the dishwasher running to keep himself grounded. 

“Jack, listen to me. I  _ like _ drinks but I  _ love _ you. It’s not even a choice, sweetheart.”

“Thank you.” He kissed David’s hand. “I love you so much.”

“I love you so much.” He went in to kiss him but Jack put a hand on his chest, stopping it before it began.

“I’m sorry, but…shit, I’m sorry, Dave, but I really can’t kiss you after you’ve had a drink until you brush your teeth. I did it that one time and it was hard and I can’t do it again. I’m really sorry.” For some reason, that seemed to set him off more than anything and he ended up gripping the back of David’s shirt as he hugged him fiercely.

“Shh, you’re okay. It’s okay. I don’t mind at all.”

He should have been thinking of comforting Jack as he cried, and to a certain extent he did (he whispered sweet nothings in his ear), but he was mostly thinking about the fridge. There were a few beers and ciders in it. The Jacobs weren’t big on alcohol but the adults enjoyed the occasional drink, and they always had wine on Shabbat and for holidays.

Considering he had brought David wine on their third date, it was unlikely that he couldn’t be around it altogether, but was it something David needed to consider talking to his parents about? If Jack was going to be over often maybe they shouldn’t keep more than just the wine for Shabbat in the house. Or was that condescending? He had a lot he needed to figure out.

And what about in the future if they lived together? Would David never be able to celebrate traditionally because he couldn’t have wine in the house? That was jumping ahead. Way ahead. Until that moment, David hadn’t even thought seriously about the idea of ever living with Jack. Chava had mentioned it but it didn’t seem likely at the time. Now, only a week later, it did.

Regardless, it was a pretty selfish train of thought, especially considering he didn’t actually care that much. He was spiraling and that’s why he was thinking about it. David silently did some of his breathing exercises and thought about what Spot would say.

“It’s all right, baby. I love you and I’m here for you.”

It didn’t take Jack long to collect himself. He was apologetic when he did and David had to stop himself from kissing him as reassurance. Instead, he held his hand and stroked it with his thumb.

“Does Charlie need his car in the morning?” he asked.

“What? No, why?”

“Why don’t you stay here for the night?”

“No,” Jack answered quickly, “I don’t want to impose on your parents.”

“It’s not imposing. They won’t care.” It was just like Jack to think of that first. “It’s my house too. If you don’t want to stay, that’s fine but-”

“No. No, I want to stay.”

David smiled. “Okay. Why don’t I get you some pajamas, hmm?”

“Thanks.” He must have seen David’s nervous look because he said, “You can trust me alone down here.”

“I know! I wasn’t thinking that.” He could feel his face turning red.

“You were, but it’s fine. Don’t blame you.”

David awkwardly went to the bedroom. He tried to move as quickly as he possibly could without it seeming like he was moving as quickly as he possibly could. He changed and then brushed his teeth more thoroughly than was probably necessary. David was very serious about dental hygiene in the first place, but even for him it was a lot. Jack was coming out of the bathroom when he came back downstairs. David tried not to be relieved.

“Here. I tried to find stuff that’s big on me but I’m also taller than you so…”

“I’m sure it’s fine. Thanks, Dave.” He was being reserved and not just because he was tired. David waited for him to set the clothes down and then took both of his hands.

“Hey. You don’t have to be embarrassed. I don’t view you any differently than I did before, all right?” 

“Yeah. All right. I love you.”

“I love you too. Now let me watch you change,” he joked as lightly as he could manage. Jack chuckled and David took it as a win.

Before Jack joined him on the couch, he went to his abandoned coat and retrieved his wallet. His hands were clammy as he took something out and placed it in David’s hand. It was round and cool like metal. Too big to be a coin but too small to be much else. 

“What’s this?” It was too dark for him to make out what it said.

“It’s my chip. Four years.”

“Oh.”

“I’ve never actually shown it to anyone but my brothers. I mean, it’s not a secret, I’ve just never felt the need to.”

“Jack…thank you for trusting me. I’m honored.” He meant it. There were so many reasons (probably more than David knew) for Jack not to trust people, but he trusted David. He hadn’t needed to tell him anything, but he had anyway. David would spend the rest of his life trying to deserve that trust.

“It’s no big deal,” Jack lied. “It’s just a stupid chip.”

“It is  _ not _ stupid. Don’t belittle your achievements like that. You fight so hard every day and I’m so, so proud of you. This is a symbol of that and the fact that you’re showing it to me and letting me hold it is very meaningful to me.”

“Yeah. It’s…yeah.” David put it in Jack’s palm and curled his fingers around it. “You’re…”

“I’m what?”

“I don’t know. I was gonna say perfect but I know you’d say nobody’s perfect.”

“That’s true.”

“You’re as close to perfect as someone can get then.”

David smiled and willed himself not to cry. There had been enough tears that night and he needed to get Jack to relax and sleep. Jack returned it and put the chip back in his wallet. David watched him get up and carefully put the wallet back in his coat. Besides for art, Jack’s movements were usually a lot less cautious than that. It obviously meant a lot to him. Whether he would admit it or not, David knew he was proud of himself.

“Davey, did you…” he trailed off. “I want to kiss you.”

“I brushed my teeth, I promise.”

“Thanks.”

It was slow and warm and probably the most important kiss they’d ever had. David tried to communicate his love and affection for Jack through it, but he knew a kiss could never do that justice. It took him a second to register that Jack was crying.

“It’s okay, honey.” He kissed his cheek lovingly. “Lie down.” He lay down behind Jack and wrapped his arms around him. “I love you very much and I’m very proud of you. Thank you for talking to me about this.”

“I love you very much too.”

“Is there anything I can do to make you feel a little better?”

Jack turned around so that they were facing each other and kissed him again.

“Can we sleep like this? I want to see your face.”

“Of course. Try to sleep now, okay? We both have work in the morning.”

Jack nodded and closed his eyes. “Okay. Thank you.”

“Thank  _ you. _ Sleep.”


	21. Twenty-One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pure, unadulterated fluff.

“Daddy? Daddy, wake up.”

“Hmm? Chava, stop.” His daughter was poking him in the cheek over and over again. He cracked his eyes open and saw her confused face.

“Daddy, why is Jack here?”

Oh. Right. That.

“He was too tired to go home last night so he stayed here,” he whispered. “What are you doing up?” It couldn’t have been later than six.

“I couldn’t sleep. Can I have breakfast?”

“This second? Can’t Daddy sleep for a few more minutes?” She pouted. “Fine. Go get a hair tie because otherwise you’re going to get food in your hair.” She nodded and made her way back up the stairs like a herd of elephants. He grimaced.

David figured he should wake Jack. He didn’t want him to have to wake up alone after the previous night. “Jack.” No answer. “Jacky, it’s time to wake up, baby.” Jack groaned. “Come on.”

“Why?”

“Because Chava decided it’s time for breakfast. You can go back to sleep if you want; I didn’t want you to wake up alone.”

“Mm.” He opened his eyes. “Good morning, gorgeous.” David rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, okay.”

“I’m serious! Come here.”

“Chava’s going to be down any second,” he said.

“So kiss me while you can.”

He did, and while he had planned to leave it as a peck, Jack deepened it. It felt like he really needed it and David was more than happy to oblige. He only pulled away when he heard Chava on the stairs. Jack pouted, not dissimilarly to how she had a few moments earlier.

“Daddy, you said you would make breakfast!” she whined.

“I said I was going to but I have to get up first. Be patient. I haven’t even gotten a hug from you this morning.” He sat up and held out his arms. He had to pull her up and over Jack to get her into his lap. “There we go.”

“Hi, Daddy.”

“Hi, Chava.” He kissed her forehead. “How’d you sleep, flower?”

“Well. I had a dream where you and Aunt Sarah went to the zoo with me.”

“Ooo that’s a good dream.”

“Yeah. Hi, Jack.” She waved to him shyly as he sat up and joined the land of the living. He rubbed his eyes.

“Hi, Chava. Thanks for letting me have a sleepover with your dad.”

“I didn’t know.” She turned back to David. “Can we please have breakfast now?”

“All right. What do you want?”

“Waffles?”

“How did I know you were going to say that?” He hoisted her onto his hip as he stood. She squealed happily. He shushed her, half laughing. “You’re going to wake Zayde and Savta and Uncle Les. Uncle Les is really grumpy in the mornings, isn’t he?”

“Yes. He says mean words.” 

“To you?”

“No, because he says I’m his favorite.”

Jack helped David with the batter and they occupied Chava at the kitchen table with a coloring book.

“Well?” Jack whispered. 

“Well what?”

“The word. You asked her how she slept and she said ‘well.’”

“Why wouldn’t she?” David asked. “That’s correct.”

“Because four-year-olds don't normally say that. Most  _ adults _ don’t say that.”

David looked at Jack and frowned.

“What’s your point?”

“My point is that you’re such a nerd. Your four-year-old speaks like a college professor.”

“If you think only college professors use proper grammar then- mmph.” Jack kissed him. It was a quick and not particularly well-coordinated kiss but a kiss nonetheless. “Jack!” he hissed.

“What? She’s not paying attention.” David glanced over and his daughter was focused intently on coloring in Big Bird. “Sorry,” Jack said, quieter now.

“No, that’s okay, honey. I was surprised but I guess there’s nothing wrong with an innocent kiss like that in front of her.”

“Are you sure?” His boyfriend’s smile was so wide that, had they been alone, he would have kissed him within an inch of his life.

“I’m sure.” To prove his point he grabbed the front of Jack’s (his) sweatshirt and kissed him again. “Now go wash your hands. You have raw egg all over them.”

“Sir, yes, sir.”

Eating breakfast in pajamas with his daughter and his boyfriend was so lovely that David completely forgot about the rest of the household. He was too busy listening to Jack tell Chava about the primary colors.

Then, his parents walked into the room. They stopped and their faces were unreadable. 

“Ima, Aba.” Jack ceased talking immediately, much to Chava’s chagrin. “Good morning.”

“Good morning, David. Good morning, everyone.”

“Jack and Daddy had a sleepover!” Chava told her grandparents, making his boyfriend blush.

“That’s nice,” Esther said and Mayer nodded in agreement.

“I’m sorry, ma’am, sir. It was late and David didn’t want me to-”

“You’re welcome here any time, Jack,” his father assured. He turned to his son. “Any food left?”

“Uh, yeah, there’s a plate by the stove.” He and Jack stared at each other as David’s parents got food.

“Jack, why are you wearing Daddy’s clothes?”

Jack glanced down at himself as if he didn’t know what he was wearing. David groaned quietly.

“He lent them to me because I didn’t have anything to wear.”

“Why not?”

“Enough questions, Chava,” David ordered. “Eat your breakfast please.”

David was regretting sitting across from Jack instead of next to him. He looked like he could use a hand to hold and, to be honest, David could too. “I love you,” he mouthed.

“I love you too,” he whispered in return. Hearing it made his stomach feel warm and bubbly, and David longed to go back to lying with him on the couch.

Jack left after breakfast and it was three days before David saw him again. Maybe there was something wrong with him for being miserable after only three days apart, maybe there wasn’t. Maybe it was simply a sign of how much he loved Jack.

At work, Pulitzer had been more subdued. On Friday, he had even told David to go home when he was leaving. Hannah knew something was up so he told her what happened and a few hours later there was a cupcake on his desk because, according to her, positive reinforcement is how she could get people to do what she wanted. He had rolled his eyes (though he still ate it).

On Monday, Jack showed up at his office at noon to take him to lunch. He could have waited outside but David appreciated him coming in. It was sweet and it gave him two or three extra minutes with him.

“Jack!” He tried not to sound too excited when his boyfriend stepped out of the elevator but he couldn’t help it.

“Dave!” he mocked lovingly.

“Jack?” Hannah said.

“Good to see you, Hannah. You been taking care of Davey for me?”

“He’s a handful,” she joked. 

“Davey can take care of himself, thanks very much,” David said. “Hannah, I’m going to lunch.”

“Have fun, boys. David, don’t forget, you’ve got that meeting at one fifteen.”

David groaned.

“Can’t you do it? I went last time.”

“They specifically requested you.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“That’s probably a good idea.”

Instead of getting lunch, they got pretzels and walked around Central Park, then sat on a bench after a while and David brought his head to rest on Jack’s shoulder.

“What’s that meeting Hannah was talking about?”

“Ugh. HR wants to see me. I’m sure it’s about some annoying complaint someone lodged against me and Hannah. It happens all the time.”

“Why?”

“Anytime someone gets reprimanded by Mr. Pulitzer for something they did wrong, there’s a fifty-fifty chance they’ll report me and Hannah because they think we’re badmouthing them to him.”

“That’s stupid.”

“I know. Honestly, if I had that power I would be using it for more important things.” Jack chuckled. “I’ve missed you these past few days,” he told him.

“Yeah? I’ve missed you too. Are you still spending the night this weekend?”

“Mm,” he confirmed sleepily. Jack’s hand came to rest on his back, moving in soothing circles.

“You need to get some sleep, baby.”

“I’m fine, you’re just incredibly comfortable.”

Jack chuckled. “Sure. Hey, would you want to come to my ma’s house for dinner Friday night? Then we can go back to mine. I know it isn’t what you probably had in mind, but-”

“I’d love to.” He was already nervous, but he was also genuinely excited. He had already met Jack’s mother and brothers, and he was very good with kids. Besides, it meant a lot to be asked. “If I had more energy, I would kiss you.”

“So you admit you’re tired?”

“Whatever. What should I bring?” he asked.

“Nothing.”

“Jack, I’m not showing up to your mother’s house empty handed.”

“Hold my hand and you won’t be.”

David snorted and forced himself to sit up.

“You’re a menace and I’m bringing something.”

Jack kissed him.

“Okay. I love you.”

“I love you too. What time is it?”

“Quarter to. We got a few minutes.” He guided David’s head back to his shoulder. He stroked his hair and David sat in peace, eyes closed. “You know,” Jack said after a minute, “this is really forward and I shouldn’t say it but…Dave, I’ve had a lot of relationships…it’s sorta embarrassing how many,” he said with a nervous chuckle. “I had one that lasted two years and…what I’m trying to say is that it’s been less than two months and I feel more for you than I’ve ever felt for any of them. I love you more than I loved any of them.”

David sat up again and stared at him in awe.

“Sorry if that makes you uncomfortable or something.”

“It doesn’t. It makes me feel honored and grateful. I’ve never been in love before but I have a feeling that even if I had, nothing would have ever been like this.

“I’ve learned a lot in the past weeks. Part of it is definitely because I ran out of options but part of it is you. You’re helping me realize that I can take care of others and myself at the same time. I think I always knew that logically but it’s easier to ignore it.” He looked at their interlocked fingers. “I know it isn’t healthy to rely on someone else for your happiness, but you make me so, so happy and I wouldn’t have been able to realize any of this without you, so…thanks. That isn’t an adequate show of my appreciation but nothing could be.”

Jack kissed him dotingly, one hand on his cheek. It was comfortable and familiar, something David had never thought a kiss would feel like. He didn’t feel butterflies but that was okay. He didn’t like it any less than he did their other kisses.

Sarah had once told him that the way she knew that Katherine was different was that not everything they did together made her feel giddy. Their relationship had become more comfortable and more understanding over time, and moments together didn’t all need to be passionate or romantic. Sometimes it was about sitting on the couch together and watching a movie. Sometimes it was about developing routines without noticing, and ending up cooking silently in the kitchen, moving seamlessly around each other.

The kiss felt like that. It felt real and tender and so, so full of love. It didn’t mean that there wouldn’t be kisses filled with fireworks or moments filled with nervous excitement, but not all of them had to be that. Sometimes it was about a cold, splintering bench in Central Park and having to pull apart when their noses awkwardly bumped together one too many times.

“You’re making an effort to take care of yourself and that’s about you. I’m here to support and help however I can but don’t ignore your accomplishments. I’m proud of you, baby.” He kissed his nose carefully. “Can I walk you back to work?”

“Please do.”


	22. Chapter Twenty-Two

Going to HR meetings ranked in David’s top ten list of things he hated about his job. Considering the fact that he hated almost every aspect of his job, that said a lot. The people there hated him, the office was dark and depressing, and he always had to defend himself or Hannah against ridiculous claims.

On this particular occasion, he didn’t have to wait for an hour like he normally did, and was shown into someone’s office almost immediately.

“Mr. Jacobs, have a seat.”

He waited patiently as the woman shuffled papers around, muttering to herself about the file she was looking for. “Ah!” she exclaimed when she finally found it. “Here it is.”

In front of David, she placed a thick packet. A scan of the front page revealed a bunch of legalese.

“I’m sorry, what is this?”

“Did Mr. Pulitzer not tell you?” She sighed. “Sorry about that. It’s the contract he’s offering.”

David stared at her blankly. The information wouldn’t process.

“What do you mean?”

“A contract, Mr. Jacobs. It’s a more permanent way of–”

“I– no, sorry, I know what it means, I just don’t…Mr. Pulitzer’s offering this? He said that?”

She nodded.

“Right,” he said slowly. “Okay. So…I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

She smiled sympathetically.

“That’s all right. I understand that this can be overwhelming, but I promise it’s not too complicated. It’s for three years at a rate of twenty-two-thousand nine-hundred per year with an option for raise negation at the end of each fiscal year. You would be put on the company insurance if you’d like and–”

“Would it cover my daughter?”

“No, no beneficiaries. You’d–”

“But– Sorry to interrupt again, but my coworker’s daughter. She’s, well, she’s covered under her father’s insurance but my coworker said she was given the option to be covered under the company insurance. Is that not true anymore?”

“No, it’s still true but it’s based on time. You’ve been here for less than a year. I’m sure when it’s time for a new contract it could be negotiated. If you’d like, I can set up an appointment for you to speak with someone who knows more about the insurance policies.”

Pulitzer was a bastard. Did he think offering him a contract earlier than expected meant that David would be an idiot about it? The man ran a multibillion dollar company and he wouldn’t give his assistant’s daughter health insurance? Bullshit.

David was sick of being treated like shit by his boss and in that moment, he made a decision.

“Now, there’s a nondisclosure agreement but that’s pretty standard. If you want to–”

“Do I have time to think about it?” he asked, interrupting once more.

She looked startled.

“Uh, yes, of course. If you want to talk it over with–”

“Great, thanks. Can I take this copy?”

She nodded. He thanked her and left.

In the office, he dropped the packet on Hannah’s desk.

“He’s offering me a contract.”

She beamed.

“That’s great!”

“No, it’s an awful contract. Look, Hannah–” He bit his lip. “There’s something I’m going to do but I wanted to talk to you before anyone else.” He inhaled shakily. “I can’t do this anymore. I can’t spend day after day taking his abuse and for practically nothing.”

Her understanding gaze made him want to cry.

“You’re going to quit?”

He nodded.

“I don’t want to ask my parents to support me but I’d rather take on two or three minimum wage jobs than…Hannah, I love you and there’s nothing I want more than to keep working with you every day but I’m going to burn out sooner than later if I keep going like this. You’re my best friend and I want to…I want to be here with you but I can’t.”

She came around to his side and hugged him.

“Not working together isn’t going to change that. I’ll miss you every day but this isn’t good for you anymore. It never was.” She pulled back and put her hands on either side of her face. “I love you. You’re my best friend and I’m so proud of you. We’ll still see each other.”

He nodded.

“Yeah. Yeah, of course.”

“You’re meeting me for lunch at least once a week and you don’t have a say in it.”

He laughed wetly.

“I’d love to.”

“Good. Are you going to do it now?”

“I’m going to call my parents and my sister first but yeah. I don’t think I’ll have the courage to again.”

She kissed his cheek lovingly as he pulled out his phone to dial his family. They were supportive like he knew they would be. It made him a little bit more nervous for some reason but he couldn’t back down now. He had one more thing to do before he went in.

He opened his messages.

**Jack**

**1:27 PM**

You’re about to be really proud of me.

Hannah wished him luck. He entered without knocking, feeling slighted giddy about it. He was about to burn a bridge, but it was a bridge that he needed to burn or else he might have been tempted to come crawling back.

“Jacobs! What the hell are you doing?”

David threw the contract down on his desk.

“How dumb do you think I am?”

“Excuse me? Watch your tone!” he barked. 

“You made almost a hundred million dollars last year and you’re offering this? This contract that would barely keep me above the poverty line? And you’re not covering my daughter? You’re an awful person.”

“Jacobs! How dare you–”

“No! It’s my turn to talk,” he spat.

Pulitzer was obviously taken aback.

“Do you know how many labor laws you’ve broken in the course of my employment? I ignored them all because I needed this job to save me from eviction but guess what? I got evicted anyway.”

David resisted the urge to kick the desk. He didn’t want to be immature about it and he knew if he broke it, Pulitzer would make him pay for it. 

“I’ve spent the better part of a year making reservations at the most expensive restaurants in New York and booking first class flights for you and then going home and sleeping on a couch. I’ve worked through holidays, weekends, nights. I’ve gotten up early, stayed late, and gotten yelled at for being lazy.

“No more. Lign in drerd un bakn beygl, Joe. I quit.”

“Jacobs! Jacobs!”

He ignored Pulitzer yelling after him as he left the office, walking as confidently as he could. He stuffed the things he needed into his bag and marched out. He would come back for the rest another time.

David was walking down the street and crying. It wasn’t violent or anything, just tears. They weren’t tears of sadness or anger or even joy, they were tears of relief. He was petrified of not having a job and of not knowing what was coming next but he felt freer than he had in a long time. He laughed happily and knew he looked crazy but didn’t care.

He had to call Jack. He wasn’t sure why but he needed to speak to him.

“Hello?”

“It’s me.”

“Davey, what was that text about?”

“I quit my job.”

“You what?”

“I quit. I couldn’t take it anymore, Jacky. I quit.”

He walked in the direction of Chava’s daycare and told Jack all about the contract and how he was feeling and what he had said to Pulitzer. Jack interjected with an encouraging comment every so often. 

It was a cold and windy walk but David thought the weather was perfect. The day was perfect. He was excited and giddy and terrified and he really wanted to see Chava.

“I’m so proud of you, baby. That’s incredible.”

“I know. I’m nervous about what comes next but I’m trying not to think about it right now. I’m going to pick up Chava from daycare and take her for ice cream.”

“Good.” David could hear Jack's smile through the phone. “I love you.”

“I love you too. Sorry to keep you from work.”

“You kidding? Keep me from work anytime.”

“All right. Can I talk to you tonight?”

“I’d be sad if you didn’t, doll.”

David laughed.

“Doll?”

“What? Do you hate it?”

“No, it’s cute. I had no idea you viewed me the way a misogynistic fifties businessman would view his young, blonde secretary.”

“Shut up.” Jack did a poor imitation of pretending to be offended. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

To say Chava was excited to see him would have been an understatement. His daughter squealed in delight when she saw him. She jumped into his arms and refused to be put down.

“Why are you here?”

“Because I wanted to see my baby girl. I  _ always _ want to see my baby girl but today I could, so here I am.”

“Are you taking me home?” she asked as he signed her out with one hand.

“Hmm. We could do that.”

“Or?”

“I’m in the mood for ice cream. What about you?”

She squealed happily again.

Watching her get ice cream all over her face while she blabbered quite possibly gave him a better feeling than quitting had. Chava told him a story she learned in school. She definitely butchered it but she looked so happy as she told it. 

David cleaned her face off to the best of his ability. She tried to squirm away but he gave her a stern look and she surrendered. It felt so normal and domestic. It felt like everything David had been missing for the past nine months. For longer than that. 

He had been missing his child grow up and he couldn’t do that anymore. It wasn’t like he had had much of a choice before, but now he did. David understood better than anyone that not being available didn’t mean a parent loved their child any less, but for his own sake as well as hers, he needed a respite from what had been happening. He needed some time to be with her and only her.

Two months ago, David’s mind would have been running nonstop with worries and ideas about what job he could get or if he could get one. He would have been out of his mind with anxiety and probably shaking on a floor in a dark room somewhere. Oddly enough, the only thoughts running through his head were about things he could do with Chava over the next few days and weeks.

“Can we do this every day?” she asked as he carried her home.

“Get ice cream? No. Sorry, flower, but it isn’t good for you.”

“But it’s yummy.”

“That’s true.”

“Can we do  _ this _ every day? Can you come see me?”

He tried not to feel guilty. Chava just didn’t understand and he knew that, but it was hard to explain to a child why her daddy had to work all the time and never be home.

“Not every day, but I’m going to be at a new work soon. Until then I’ll pick you up from school.”

“That makes me feel happy.”

“That makes me feel happy too.”

“Ms. Rhodes is teaching us to say feeling words more.”

“Yeah? That’s good. It’s always a good idea to talk about how you’re feeling, especially with me. You can  _ always _ tell me how you’re feeling. You know that, right, flower?”

She nodded.

“Yup. You can always tell me how you’re feeling too, Daddy.”

He chuckled.

“Thank you, aniołku. Right now I’m feeling grateful. Do you know what grateful means?”

She nodded.

“It’s like thankful.”

He put a hand on the back of her head and kissed her forehead firmly.

“You’re so smart, Chava. Yes, it does. I’m feeling grateful for you.”

“Why?”

“Because you make me happy and because you’re so thoughtful and kind. You’re my favorite person in the world.”

“You’re my favorite person too, Daddy.” She put her head down and her arms around his neck. “Can we snuggle when we get home?”

David refused to believe that any child could ever come close to being as amazing as his child was. There was no conceivable way she could be any greater. 

“Of course we can, flower. We can even put on our pjs if you want.”

“Yeah! I love you, Daddy.”

“I love you, too, Chava.”

It was a perfect day. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I was writing this I thought David was a little ooc and then I realized that that was sorta the point.
> 
> Lign in drerd un bakn beygl (transliterated Yiddish) - Literally means “May you lie in the ground and bake bagels.” Basically, you should burn in hell for all eternity and bake bagels that you may never eat.


	23. Chapter Twenty-Three

“Are you afraid of heights or something?”

“No, I’m afraid of falling.”

Jack rolled his eyes.

“That’s just an obnoxious way of saying you’re afraid of heights.”

“I don’t kiss people who call me obnoxious.”

“I take it back. Come on, I gotcha.”

When Jack had suggested David meet him at the theater for an early lunch, this wasn’t what he had pictured. Jack was practically dragging him towards the center of the catwalk.

“Why can’t we eat at a table like normal people?”

“Normal is boring.”

“If I fall and die, Sarah’s going to kill you.”

“I’ll try to catch you and probably be dead too. Sit down.”

David held onto the metal bar in front of him for dear life. Jack was wearing a shiteating grin as he handed him a thermos.

“Does your mother let you sit up here?”

“Let’s a strong word but she stopped trying to stop me years ago. Oh, come on–” He pecked David’s cheek. “–lighten up a little, will you?”

“No! You’ve met me, right?”

Jack frowned.

“I thought we were joking around. Are you really scared? We can go down.”

“It’s…I am a little nervous but it’s fine.”

“Dave, I don’t want you making yourself uncomfortable for me.” He took the thermos out of David’s hand and put it back in the bag. “I’m sorry, baby. Let’s go down.”

“Are you sure?” David asked hesitantly. “I don’t want to disappoint you.”

“Are you gonna stay for lunch?”

“Of course.”

“Then I’m not disappointed. I wanted to bring you here for you to enjoy, but if you’re not enjoying it, then I’m happy eating like ‘normal people’ do.”

David breathed a sigh of relief.

“Thank you.”

“Sure. Next time tell me you’re being serious, okay? I’m bad at guessing that kind of stuff.” He stood and offered David his hand.

“To be honest I’m not so thrilled about climbing back down either.”

“I’ll keep you safe.”

David held it together for all of two seconds before he bursted out laughing.

“I’m sorry, but you sound like you’re from some sort of terrible romcom or superhero movie.”

Jack smiled.

“Made you laugh, didn’t it? Seriously, I won’t let you fall.”

“Thanks. I’ll let you fall if it comes down to it.”

“Love you too.”

Climbing down was nervewracking but Jack hadn’t been lying. He went down ahead of David and made sure he was steady the whole time. On the ground, he kissed him in a show of appreciation.

“Thanks, honey.”

“Of course.” He took David’s hand yet again. “Come on, let’s go find someplace where my coworkers won’t bother us.” 

Jack led him to a rehearsal space in the basement that was unoccupied. They sat on top of a table in the corner and ate.

“Did you make this?”

“Don’t be impressed. It’s tomato soup from a can, not a gourmet meal.”

“You’re always talking about how you can’t cook, though. I appreciate the effort.” 

“Mm. Care to show your appreciation?”

“I’ll be sure to write a letter to the soup company when I’ve got the time.”

Jack knocked against his side.

“You think you’re real funny, don’t you, Jacobs?”

“Maybe.”

“You’re lucky you’re pretty.”

David finished more quickly than Jack and hopped down. He wandered around the room, looking at the random props scattered around and the discarded sheet music.

“Have you ever been in one of the shows?”

“What? No. I’m not an actor.”

He stood and stretched. 

“You’re a good singer.”

“When have you heard me sing?”

David went and leaned against him, a hand on his chest.

“In the car the other night, dumby.”

“I thought you were asleep.”

“You thought wrong. You should sing more.”

He should. He had a beautiful voice and David wanted to hear it as often as possible. It was just one of the little things he was picking up about Jack and his habits as their relationship progressed. He had also learned that Jack hated raisins, loved smoothies, confused the words pickle and cucumber, and could recite Lou Gehrig’s farewell address.

“I haven’t gotten to hear you sing yet,” Jack threw back. 

“Oh well.”

Their lips touched, just barely, but enough to leave David wanting more. He exhaled happily and brought his hands up from Jack’s waist to his shoulder blades, his fingertips dancing just below his neck.

“Fuck it,” Jack whispered. “I’m ahead of schedule and bored out of my mind. I’m taking the afternoon off.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, if you want to spend some more time with me. I get it if you just want to see Chava though.”

“Can I see both of you? Would you mind if she joins us?”

“Course not, but I don’t want to invite myself–”

“You aren’t,” he promised. “I’d love to spend more time with you.”

“Will she care?”

“She’s been asking for a playdate with you for days.”

“Seriously? That’s adorable.” It was also adorable how happy it made Jack, in David’s opinion. 

“I know. Are you sure you want to spend your time off wrangling a four-year-old?”

“If it’s your four-year-old, then sure. What are we doing?”

“Going to the park? She’ll have lots of energy and I’d love for her to run around and get it out.”

“Does she take naps?”

“I wish. No, not unless she’s really tired. Why?”

“Just curious. I wanted to know if you get a break.”

David chuckled and shook his head fondly.

“Parents don’t get breaks. I don’t mind, most of the time.”

“Most of the time?”

“I’d be lying if I said there weren’t times when I wanted to rip my hair out or times when I would give a limb for two hours of uninterrupted sleep, but it’s so worth it. It’s more than worth it.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I’m just sorry it means I’m always tired when we’re together.”

“That’s okay. Lying in bed with you is a pretty great way to spend time. Hey, so, changing the topic, I didn’t realize you don’t like heights. Any particular reason?”

David shrugged.

“I don’t think so. Actually, it used to be much worse. I felt nauseous if I even went above the fifteenth floor of a building.”

“What changed?”

“I realized there are things a lot scarier than skyscrapers.”

It was a nice change to be able to stand outside with the other parents who were waiting to pick up their children from school. Part of him was a little nervous that Jack was there but the bigger part of him was excited to make some of the more conservative parents angry.

“I’m sorry in advance for any comments they make,” David whispered as they approached.

“Don’t worry about it. I know you don’t need my protection or nothing but if you want me to step in just squeeze my hand, okay? I don’t want to overstep.”

“Okay. You’re amazing.”

“I know.”

“Feel free to piss them off as much as you want.”

Jack smirked and David felt an arm around his waist. 

Chava’s friends’ parents greeted him politely and most of the others gave him cold looks. One of the mothers, Cassidy, if David remembered correctly, crossed her arms and sneered.

“Who’s this? Not a relative, I presume?”

“No, this is my boyfriend, Jack.”

“Boyfriend? And you think it’s appropriate to bring him to a school?”

Apparently they weren’t wasting any time pretending to be polite. Some other parents slowly gravitated towards her. David was happy to note that all of Chava’s friends’ parents looked uncomfortable or upset.

“Um, yes? I’m sorry, are children not allowed to see people now? Because then none of us should be here.”

“These children are too young to learn about this!” a father protested. 

“And by this, you mean love?”

“I mean adult relationships and dating.”

“You’re all married, what’s the difference? That I’m gay? Believe it or not, kids don’t care. My daughter certainly doesn’t.”

“It’s inappropriate. Perversion shouldn’t be flaunted, Mr. Jacobs.”

“Hey! Don’t be so rude!” Elizabeth, Lily’s mother, interjected. “You’re such a bigot, Cassidy.”

“He’s flaunting an inappropriate relationship in front of children!”

“I’m really not. You–”

That was when the door opened and Ms. Rhodes came out, followed by the children.

“Daddy! Jack!” Chava came running for them, as per usual. David scooped her up and kissed her all over her face. She laughed gleefully. “Hi, Daddy.”

“Hi, flower. How was school?”

“Good. We drew butterflies. Hi, Jack!”

“Hi, Chava. Can I hang out with you and your Daddy today?”

She nodded enthusiastically.

“Is that a nice treat, aniołku?”

“Yep!”

She started talking to Jack about something but David didn’t hear it anymore, because he was too busy staring in shock at the person crouching a few yards in front of him. He put Chava down and she went to say goodbye to her friends.

“Jack,” he whispered urgently, not facing him. David didn’t dare take his eyes off the man for a single second. “Jack.”

“What’s wrong?”

“That guy talking to the little girl in purple, he’s one of the kids who used to beat me up every week in high school.”

He hadn’t aged at all. He was still the broad-shouldered, muscular, six foot six guy who had taken turns kicking and hitting David with his buddies while one of them held his arms behind his back until he collapsed on the ground and they had easier access.

“What?” Jack sounded furious. “Dave, let me–”

“No. No, please don’t. He’s the student teacher in Chava’s class. Just…”

“What can I do for you, baby?” 

“Just keep holding my hand, please.”

Finally, he noticed David and stood. He had an awkward smile on his face as he walked over.

“David Jacobs! It’s good to see you,” he said, putting his hand out.

David shook it reluctantly.

“Brayden.”

He looked at Jack.

“Oh. This is Jack. My boyfriend.” 

Jack shook his hand aggressively.

“I’ve heard about you,” he said, causing Brayden to blanch.

“Chava says you’re married now?”

“Yeah.” He smiled as he spoke. It was how David knew he looked when he spoke about Jack. “Amber, actually. Do you remember her? Amber Richards? I took her name.”

“The girl who nicknamed me David Gaycobs in middle school? Vaguely. How is she?”

“Uh…fine. So what’s new with you, David? You look the same! I mean that in a good way. I don’t know if you’ve seen Eric Miles lately but he’s aged quickly.”

David smiled tightly.

“Yeah, no, I look basically the same. Same hairline, same weight, same scar on my leg from the surgery I had to have when you pushed me down a flight of stairs. You look great. New shampoo?”

He looked mortified.

“About all that…I’m really sorry, David. I was a stupid kid and I regret it. I promise that I’ve changed. I hope it hasn’t affected you too much.”

David chuckled.

“No. I only have the occasional nightmare about being beaten so hard I can’t breathe.” Saying it made him nervous. He didn't think Brayden would hurt him, but standing up for himself was only a skill he had recently reacquired and he didn’t like doing it much.

Maybe he should have been more forgiving but he had no reason to be. He had tried to be the bigger person but David thought there was something inherently ridiculous about the notion that everyone should be forgiven. In any case, not enough time had passed.

Some people thought it was best not to let the people who hurt you know that they had affected you, but David disagreed. Why should he be embarrassed that it affected him? And why should he absolve Brayden of his guilt?

“I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you like that. I…I know I was a bully but it wasn’t meant to hurt you emotionally.”

“You didn’t mean to hurt me emotionally? I didn’t get that from that time you stole my notebooks and carved slurs into the covers. Or that time you wrote a graphic letter to my teacher, signed my name, and hung it up all over the school. Or that time you gave me a chocolate penis on Valentine’s Day. Or all those times you beat me up and called me slurs. My bad.”

Jack’s grip on his hand was getting gradually tighter. He hadn’t ever told Jack about any of those things and now he was regretting it. He wanted to assure Jack that he was okay but he couldn’t do it in front of Brayden.

“Those weren’t all me, but I  _ am _ sorry for them.”

“Oh, right, some of them you just laughed along as your friends.” He sighed. “I’m not trying to be petty, Brayden, and my daughter likes you, but you and your friends made me miserable for years. You can’t expect me to suddenly be okay with you. I appreciate you apologizing, though. It means a lot.”

Brayden nodded and stuck his hands in his pockets.

“That’s more than fair. You’re a good guy, David. Most people would have told me to fuck off.”

“I don’t think what you did makes you a bad person forever. People aren’t two-dimensional and I don’t know what your life is like. That’s not an excuse for what you did but I believe you when you say you’ve changed. Like I said, Chava likes you a lot.”

Brayden smiled.

“Thanks. You’ve got a great daughter. She’s brilliant.”

“Takes after her father,” Jack said. He kissed David’s cheek and instead of feeling embarrassed, David felt proud.

“Thanks for staying. You really didn’t have to,” David said softly. Chava was finally asleep and David curled up with Jack on the couch.

“I wasn’t going to leave without talking to you about before. Are you okay?”

“I think so.” He ran his fingers through Jack’s hair. “I don’t actually feel that much. Is that strange?”

“I don’t think there’s a normal for this stuff, baby.”

“Mm. I guess not.”

He lay there and enjoyed Jack’s steady breathing and the warmth. He thought he was asleep after a while, but then he spoke again, his eyes still closed.

“Do you want to talk about high school?”

“Not really. Is that okay? It isn’t you, I’m just not in the mood to talk about it. I promise we can eventually.”

Jack kissed his neck. 

“Whatever you need, baby. I don’t want to leave you alone but I was…”

“What?”

“Never mind. Do you want me to stay?”

“Jacky. Do you know you do this thing where you start talking before you realize what you’re going to say and then you stop in the middle of the sentence?”

“Yes. It’s charming.”

David scoffed.

“I was thinking of going to a meeting tonight.”

“Oh.” That hadn’t been what he was expecting. “Well, I’m proud of you.”

He was. Jack had revealed that he didn’t go to meetings a lot and when he did it was only because he was having more trouble than usual. His sponsor had apparently been encouraging him to go more often for years but Jack never did. “Are you…are you feeling like you want to have a drink a lot?”

“Yeah, but that’s called being an alcoholic,” he joked darkly. “Nah, it’s nothing in particular but I have the motivation so I figure I should. At least it’ll keep my sponsor off my back for a while, huh?”

“I’m really proud of you, baby. I know it isn’t my place to be, but–”

Jack kissed him and stood.

“Thank you. Call me if you need anything, okay?”

“You too. Jacky, are you sure you’re–”

“I promise. I swear on my honor as a Boy Scout.”

David laughed.

“Were you a Boy Scout?”

“You kidding? Do the Boy Scouts seem like a thing I’d like?”

“That’s why I was surprised.”

“Sorry, baby. If we’re stuck in the wilderness I can’t protect you.”

“I’d never go into the wilderness without Sarah or Katherine so they can protect me.”

“Traitor.”

“I still love you, though.”

“Yeah, yeah.” As soon as he left, the door swung back open, startling David. “Love you, too.”


	24. Chapter Twenty-Four

“Baby, you have to relax,” Jack said to David as they drove to his mother’s house. “She’s not gonna care if you mess something up, okay? She’s gonna be really fucking happy that you try at all.”

“But what if I accidentally say something offensive?” David argued. “It’s happened before.”

Jack sighed and reached across the center console to take one of his constantly moving hands.

“You’re not gonna. Why are you nervous? She’s seven, Dave. She’s not worried about who her brother is dating as long he’s nice and doesn’t say anything when she sneaks extra pieces of candy. Okay?”

David deflated and slumped back in his seat.

“Okay.” He felt eyes on him. “Eyes on the road and both hands on the steering wheel, Kelly. I’m not going to be late to your mother’s house because you’re not paying attention and get us into an accident.”

“I’m a very good driver.”

“And I’m a very good passenger. Eyes ahead.”

David's grip on Jack’s hand was like a vice. He needed grounding and in this case that unfortunately meant that his boyfriend had to tolerate having his hand squeezed tighter than what was probably safe. He apologized for it but Jack told him not to worry.

On the front stoop, Jack stopped him from knocking and pulled him into a hug.

“You’re going to be okay. Thanks for coming.”

“Thanks for inviting me. Sorry I’m so anxious. I think I need my medication adjusted but I haven’t found a new doctor yet and meeting new people makes me anxious anyway and–”

“Shh. It’s not a problem. I wish you didn’t feel that way, but for you, not for me. I get that you’re nervous. If you’re uncomfortable, say the word and we’ll leave.”

“I’m not going to–”

“But it’s an option. I won’t mind. We can say one of us has a bad headache.” 

“Thank you. I love you.”

“I love you too. Want to–”

Jack was cut off when the door swung open, startling them apart.

“Ooo, am I interrupting something? Don’t let me stop the romance.”

“Fuck off, Racer. Hi.”

“Hi. Come inside, Smalls is dying to see you because I’m not good enough for her.” He yelled the second half of the sentence back into the house and Jack rolled his eyes.

“She can’t hear you, dumbass. Move outta the way.”

“Good to see you, Race.”

“You too. It’s been what, two weeks? I’m surprised you’re still tolerating my brother.”

David laughed.

“I’m hanging in there.”

Medda greeted him like they had known each other for years, and Charlie and Sean acted similarly (David had known Sean for about a year, but it was different). Jack’s little sister, Smalls, was sitting in Charlie’s lap having a very excited conversation with him. Her hands were moving too fast for David to have any idea what she was saying, which only served to make him more nervous.

Jack gestured to him and Smalls looked over. He couldn’t help but feel like he was being analyzed and that he was about to be tested. It was pathetic how worried he was about making a good impression on a seven-year-old. Then again, Jack loved his sister dearly and talked about her all the time. David wanted her approval. David  _ needed _ her approval.

Smalls looked at him and signed something way too quickly for him to keep up with. He glanced nervously at Jack.

“She introduced herself. I’ll tell her to go slower.”

“No, it’s okay, I don’t want her to have to–”

“She won’t mind.”

Jack must have told her because she introduced herself again, slower this time. David smiled and introduced himself as well, terrified that he was going to mess something up.

“You sign?” Race asked.

“No, not really. I’m trying to learn but it’s slow going.”

Jack scoffed and rolled his eyes.

“By ‘slow going’ he means I started teaching him the basics two weeks ago and he’s upset that he isn’t fluent yet.”

“I didn’t expect to be fluent! I just wish I was better at it.”

“Last Tuesday, you forgot how to say you’re welcome; yesterday, you signed the words ‘hydraulic lift.’ You’re fine.”

Medda laughed and playfully swatted her son’s arm.

“Leave him alone, don’t make fun of him.”

“I’m not! I’m saying his expectations are too high. He’s basically a language savant so he thinks it should come easily to him. Right, Dave?”

David blushed.

“I’m not a savant, I just speak a few languages.”

Jack snorted.

“Right, a few.”

“Take a seat, boys,” Medda said. “You speak multiple languages, David?”

“I grew up speaking a few. It’s not a big deal, Jack’s just being polite.”

“Six. He speaks six languages.”

David blushed again and had to tolerate Jack bragging about him for the next few hours. As somebody who hadn’t been complimented almost ever by anybody he wasn’t related to up until two months ago, it was excruciating. He didn’t like being talked about like that.

He really enjoyed Jack’s family and he thought he did a good job of hiding how uncomfortable he was. He let his guard down when they got into the car, though.

He huffed and said, “I really wish you hadn’t done that.”

The cold, offseason drizzle and fog was definitely affecting his mood but David couldn’t squash down his frustration.

Jack turned the keys in the ignition and glanced at him quizzically.

“Done what?”

“Talked about me like that. You made me out to be some…I don’t know, genius or something.”

“You are.”

“I’m  _ not. _ And even if I was, it’s weird for you to talk about me so much for so long. It probably made your family uncomfortable.”

David noticed that Jack’s jaw was clenched. They pulled onto the road and Jack had to stop looking at him when they spoke. David was relieved.

“It didn’t. I’m sorry I made you uncomfortable, but I don’t know what you expected.” 

“I expected you to act normally.”

The hands on the wheel clenched tighter.

“I did. You’ve met most of them before but tonight was about introducing you to my family.”

“Exactly! And you spent half the time talking me up like–”

“Jesus Christ, Dave! That’s what you do when you bring someone home for the first time. I knew Sarah already and your parents heard about me so it’s different, but that’s how it normally goes! Person A brings home person B and brags about them to their family! I want them to get to know you and nothing I said wasn’t true!”

“It was awkward!”

“I promise you’re the only one who thinks that.”

“I don’t like it when people talk about me like that!” he countered.

“What, positively?”

“Yes! No! I don’t know! It’s weird that you would think all those things about me.”

Jack laughed and it was biting.

“It’s weird that I would think positively about the man I’m in love with? That I want to spend my life with? Yeah, my mistake. How can you not–”

“What did you say?”

“What?”

“What did you just say?” David was petrified. He wasn’t sure if it was because of what Jack had said or because he was nervous he had misheard it, but either way, he was petrified.

“Which part?”

“You want to spend your life with me?”

The anger seemed to leave Jack’s body all at once. 

“Fuck. Um, yes?” He was blushing. David had never seen it that bad before. 

“Is that a question or an answer?” 

“An answer? An answer. Can we ignore it? I know it’s way too soon to be talking about that.”

“It’s…yeah, but I don’t mind that you feel that way. I’m pleased.”

“Pleased?”

“Yes. I don’t know how my future looks and I try not to think about it but I see you in it. You’ve changed my life so quickly and I don’t see a way it could ever change back. I’m not saying I know for sure what’s going to happen but I do know that I love you more than enough to want that.”

“Hypothetically, how do you feel about marriage? Not yet!” he added hastily. “I’m not– this isn’t me asking or nothing, but while we’re having this weird talk it might be a good time to ask if it’s something you’d ever want? Not me specifically, just marriage.” 

David shrugged.

“I mean, yeah, but I haven’t thought about it in a long time. It just…I don’t know.”

“It’s okay if you don’t want to. I can deal.” He smiled, but David could tell it was forced and Jack, surprisingly, looked like he was trying not to cry.

“Hey, no! No, honey, I used ‘I don’t know’ as a filler, like um or uh. Marriage is something I’ve always wanted, but once Chava was born, I didn’t think it would happen for me.”

“Oh. Okay. That’s…fuck, Dave, I’m sorry. I really fucked up this whole conversation, didn’t I?” He laughed wetly. “We’ve been together for two months and I’m asking you about marriage.”

“It’s important to know what we each want our future to look like, right? I’d rather discuss it sooner than later, unless you don’t want to.”

Jack shook his head. “No, I do. Why didn’t you think it was going to happen for you?”

“Because I’m a father and most people wouldn’t think I’m worth it.”

“Why not?”

He shrugged again. “Some people don’t want kids, some people want their own. Mostly because I’m sorta average?”

“Davey–”

“I don’t mean that in a bad way. I don’t think I’m ugly or boring or anything but I don’t think I’m particularly handsome or fun either.” 

Jack had his elbow on the ledge of the car window. When they got to a stoplight, he rested his head in that hand. David thought he looked overwhelmed and frustrated. Also like he was in a dramatic earlier two-thousands music video. 

“I’ve told you about some of my past relationships?” he asked after the light turned green.

“You’ve told me you had them.”

“It’s not that I didn’t love some of the people I was with, because I did, but I’ve never felt a connection like I feel with you. I know I told you that already but I want you to hear it again. You, David Jacobs, are handsome and fun and there’s nothing average about you. Do you think I’m average?”

“No! Not at all. I think you’re amazing.”

“Then why would I think you’re average? If we’re going off of this insane logic, why would someone you think is amazing want to be with someone you think is average?”

“I got lucky, I guess,” he joked. His boyfriend clearly didn’t find it funny. “I don’t know, Jack. I haven’t analyzed it like that.”

“The answer is you’re not average and you’re a dumbass if you think you’re average. I’m really fucking in love with you and I wish you could see that.”

“I do!” He placed both hands on Jack’s arm. “I do see that, honey, I swear. I’m really fucking in love with you too.”

Jack was sad. It was written on his face. David wished that he hadn’t been the cause of it or that, at the very least, he could stop it.

“I know it’s not the discussion we’re having, but you have gotta work on your self-esteem, baby.”

“My self-esteem is fine.”

“You don't see how amazing you are.”

David let go and went back to looking out the window.

“Point is, is marriage something you want a ways down the road?”

“Yes. With you,” David said confidently. Jack had been asking so surely that was what he meant. It had to be.

Jack breathed a sigh of relief. “Good. Great. Yeah, good. Fantastic.”

David laughed.

“But is it good?”

“Shut up.”

For the next fifteen minutes, he let the steady motion of the car drag him to edges of sleep. The sound of the windshield wipers was soothing in a bizarre way. Two more seconds and he would have been out, but then Jack spoke.

“I’m sorry I made you uncomfortable tonight.”

“Don’t be,” he replied groggily. “You were right. I’d want to talk you up to my parents too if our situations were reversed. I reacted that way because I don’t like getting complimented.”

“I know. That’s what I was saying about your self-esteem.”

“Mm. I’m sorry I snapped and overreacted.”

“It’s okay. At least we got that huge, awkward talk out of the way for now.”

“That’s true.” He yawned. “Out of curiosity, you weren’t talking about, like…super soon, were you?”

“No! No. I’m not intending on proposing, but I’m intending on intending on proposing.”

David smiled sleepily. “Mm. Not if I beat you to it.”

“I’d like to see you try.”

“It’s on, Kelly.”


	25. Chapter Twenty-Five

Generally speaking, it was hard for David to go to the store with Chava. He wanted to get in and get out, but having another person there (especially a four-year-old) made things more complicated. That day, however, David would have given almost anything to be at the store with  _ just Chava. _ Instead, he was stuck with Sarah, Katherine, Jack, and Chava, which made for a chaotic mess. He had no idea why he had agreed to this, but there he was, at Target with four other people.

Sarah was sitting in a cart and every once in a while Katherine would jump on the back and fly them down the aisle. Jack had done it for Chava a couple of times. At first, David had glared, but she clearly loved it so he gave in.

“You’re grumpy today,” Katherine said when he cursed under his breath because they were out of something he needed.

“I’m not  _ grumpy, _ I’m stressed.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know, maybe because I quit my job without having a new one lined up? And the economy sucks and I haven’t found a new one?”

“It’s only been a week.”

“Yeah, and I spend hours looking online every day and I haven’t even gotten offered an interview yet.” He quickly glanced over to make sure Chava was still being entertained by Jack at the other end of the aisle.

“You’ll find something, boychik,” Sarah said.

“Maybe. I might have to go back to waiting tables for a while.”

Sarah frowned. “Ima and Aba will–”

“Ima and Aba are being incredibly generous but I’d like to move out sometime in the next  _ decade _ so I need a job. I’d also like to be able to buy my daughter the things she wants and needs without asking my parents for money.”

Jack and Chava were coming to their end of the aisle. He quickly added, “I’d like to be able to buy him something and take him out for Valentine’s Day, too.”

“Daddy, can I get ice cream?”

“No, sorry, flower. Not today.”

She pouted. “Jack got ice cream.”

“Jack’s an adult. When you’re an adult you can get all the ice cream you want.” 

“Jack’s not an adult!” she argued. “He’s a boy. He’s your boyfriend.”

The adults laughed and she pouted some more.

“I’m sorry, aniołku, I didn’t mean to laugh, but you’re very cute. That’s just a word. You can be an adult and be a boyfriend.”

“Oh. But I can’t have ice cream?”

“Nope.”

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Sarah and Katherine whispering to each other. Then, Sarah jumped out of the cart.

“It’s our turn with the little girl,” she said, taking her out of the seat and putting her into the one in their cart. “You can have her back later.”

“What? Sarah, no.”

“Chava do you want to go with your fun Aunt Sarah for a little while?”

She nodded.

“See?”

He huffed. “Fine. Be careful, please.” 

“When aren’t we?”

He was going to respond but they started walking away and Jack took his hand so that was that.

“Hi.”

“Hi. Was their plan for the purpose of stealing my daughter or giving us time alone?”

“I think a little of both.”

“Mm. Thanks for being so good with her.”

“I’m glad she likes me. She  _ does _ like me, right?”

“How many times do I have to tell you she does before you believe me? Yes, she likes you, Jack.”

Jack threw his hands up. “All right, all right.” He started pushing the cart. David was forced to let go of his hand but he really didn’t want to. “You wanna get in the cart?”

“Are you serious? I’m an adult.”

“So’s your sister.”

“Only technically,” he joked.

“Come on, have a little fun, Davey.” Which is how he ended up in a shopping cart in the middle of Target as his boyfriend stopped at different places to get things from his list and from David’s. “What’s next?”

“I need mouthwash.”

“Oh my god, I can’t believe I’m dating a mouthwash person.”

“You don’t use mouthwash?”

“No. Do you floss too?”

“Every night.”

“Of course you do.”

“What?” he asked indignantly. “What’s wrong with that?”

“Nothing, you’re just really cute.”

“Oh, so caring about my dental hygiene makes me cute now?”

“Saying things like that makes you cute. A lot of things make you cute.”

David was so, so in love.

He listened to Jack complain about someone at work as they shopped and even that was endearing. He made David laugh, and when he did, a smile broke out on Jack’s face and all the frustration about the coworker disappeared. David’s stress about job hunting melted away too.

“What mouthwash do you want?”

“I don’t know, I have to look.”

Jack rolled his eyes.

“Help me out of here. I need to compare.”

He snorted. “Nerd.”

“For your information,” David said, taking Jack’s hand as he struggled not to fall, “I’m proud to be a nerd.”

“I know. Never said it was a bad thing, baby.”

David took his time going through the bottles and reading the ingredients. Jack sighed dramatically every thirty seconds or so.

“Dave,” he groaned, “it’s been four minutes. It’s mouthwash. Don’t you have a brand you normally get or something?”

“Yeah, but I’m switching.”

“Why?”

David shrugged, feeling a little embarrassed. “I’m getting an alcohol-free one.”

He avoided eye contact for fear he had upset Jack. He continued his search, crouched down in order to see the lowest two shelves. Instead of saying anything, Jack crouched down next to him and brought one of David’s hands to his lips.

“You don’t have to do that. I don't think that’ll be a problem for me.”

“Have you tried it before?”

“No.”

“Then why risk it?” he asked. “Look, I don’t want to overstep, I just want to make it even the slightest bit easier where I can. If I don’t use mouthwash, my mouth feels dirty, but I’m not going to take the chance with something that could harm you. I know it’s different for everyone but google said some people couldn’t use mouthwash with alcohol in it and–” Jack kissed him. It was awkward because of the angle they were at and short because they were in public, but David loved it.

“I love you,” Jack whispered.

“I love you, too.”

“You’re not overstepping. I don’t want you obsessing, though. You don’t have to change anything.”

“I don’t mind.”

Ever since the other parents at Chava’s school had been lectured about what they said in front of their kids, she had been having a much easier time there. Though things hadn’t gotten better in terms of how they treated David, it did let him act without fear of it backfiring on Chava. He was ashamed to admit it, but David had been annoying those parents on purpose.

For example, on Monday morning, he made a point of speaking to Chava exclusively in Hebrew at dropoff. He got a few glares and even more “I’m very scared of this man speaking a semitic language but I don’t want it to seem like I think he’s a terrorist even though I do” side-eyes.

He told Chava silly jokes to make her laugh and kept her in his arms. Despite the stress of the last week, spending more time with his daughter had been fantastic. He felt like a new person. He had more energy and was less prone to anger.

Once they were let inside, Chava took great pleasure in telling him all about the things she was going to draw that day. He listened attentively, taking mental note so that when she showed him her drawings later, he would know what they were supposed to be without having to ask.

“Good morning, Mr. Richards,” she said, reverting back to English.

“Good morning, Ava. Good morning, David.”

David gave a terse nod in reply. It was stupid, but the childish part of him was still nervous around the man. It was already easier to be around him than it had been the other day, but he hadn’t seen Brayden since high school and it brought back a lot of difficult memories for him. Jack has made him feel a little better on the phone the previous evening, making fun of his name.

“He  _ would _ be a Brayden,” he’d said. “It’s a name for privileged assholes.”

But it was better, certainly. People changed and he knew he would never do anything to his daughter. David was trying to let go of his fears and that was a good place to start. 

He kissed Chava’s cheek and set her down.

“Be good, flower. I’ll see you in a few hours.”

“Love you, Daddy.”

“Love you too, Chava.”

He wasn’t leaving the school like he normally would have. Instead, he was on his way to meet with Ms. Rhodes and Mr. Carson. Brayden was covering the class so that Ms. Rhodes could be there and that same, small part of David didn’t want to leave his daughter alone with him.

“Mr. Jacobs? You can come in,” Ms. Rhodes told him when he arrived in the main office.

Mr. Carson, who he knew didn’t like him, was already inside, waiting.

“Good to see you again, Mr. Jacobs,” he lied.

“You as well. I’m sorry, but I still don’t fully understand what we’re meeting about. I know you had wanted to discuss Chava’s future, but we aren’t in this district anymore and she won’t be here next year.”

“She’s still my student,” Ms. Rhodes said, “and I have a responsibility towards her.”

“We want to recommend an alternative path of education for Ava. How do you feel about the idea of Chava skipping kindergarten?”

“What? Why? Doesn’t she need it? Isn’t she going to learn things she needs to know?”

“There’s nothing significant in the kindergarten curriculum — or, at least, in our kindergarten curriculum — that she would need the year to complete. There would be a few things to go over with her in the summer, but she’s on a first grade reading level, she knows her numbers and letters well, she can provide rhyming words, and she can write upper- and lowercase letters. Frankly, if she keeps reading through the summer she’ll probably be a little bored even in first grade.”

David wasn’t sure what to say. He knew his daughter was smart — very smart — but the idea of her skipping a year of school was overwhelming. It meant one less year he would have with her before she went off to college. That was the first thought he’d had when they’d said it and he knew it was selfish.

“Hot chocolate,” David said as he sat down on the floor of his room, “and popcorn.”

Jack chuckled. “Thanks.”

“I don't want to say these things are panaceas, because I know that would be insensitive, but…”

“They come close?”

“Yeah. Okay, set designer, what’s first?”

“The instructions.”

David threw a piece of popcorn at his face.

“Hey! What’s that for?”

“I expected you to be one of those guys who says they have a better way to do it and then you’d impress me with your skills,” he joked.

Jack waggled his eyebrows. “I don’t impress you with my other skills?”

“There’s a whole bowl of popcorn here and I will dump it on your head.”

He rolled his eyes. “Whatever. How’d you do Chava’s room?”

“I  _ can _ do it by myself but this is more fun.”

“And you’re trying to distract me.”

David moved over and sat by Jack’s side. He took his hand. Jack leaned into his side.

“I would’ve invited you anyway, but yes. Hopefully this can help a little. I know there’s really nothing I can do, but–”

“It’s okay. You’re here, that’s what matters.”

David was close to tears but he didn’t want to upset Jack, so he did his best to keep them in.

“I love you, Dave. Thank you.”

“Of course. I love you, too.”

“Duh, look at me.” Jack’s attempt to lighten the mood was appreciated and they moved on.

“This is insane,” David said after half an hour. “It’s an evil store and I’m never going back. This is impossible.”

“IKEA? It’s a bed, Dave, it’s not impossible.”

“Exactly! It’s a bed! It shouldn’t be this complicated!”

Jack laughed.

“How did you get so good at this stuff?”

“It’s instructions on a page. No offense, baby, but that ain’t that hard.”

David pouted petulantly, mostly to entertain Jack. 

“’Sides, my brother is literally a rocket scientist. I couldn’t live with myself if I couldn't even put a bed together.”

He was joking but David could sense some reality behind the humor.

“Well, you’ve impressed me,” he said. “Race is great, but you’re better.” 

Jack smiled and moved to kiss him. “You’re sweet.”

He shrugged. “It’s true. How are you feeling?”

“Shitty. Antsy. Like I might die if I don’t have a beer. You know, the usual.”

His grief must have shown on his face. 

“Not really, Dave, I only feel this way sometimes. I was kidding.”

“Okay.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You’re allowed to deal with it how you want,” he said. 

“I know that sort of dark humor makes people uncomfortable sometimes.”

“Jacky, I’m Jewish. We  _ invented _ joking about our pain as a defense mechanism.”

Jack laughed, which brought a smile to both their faces. 

“Okay. Thanks for distracting me.”

“Any time.”

“Distract me some more. How was your meeting at the school?”

David sighed. “They want Chava to skip kindergarten.”

“What? Really?”

He nodded. “Yeah. She’s not going to get much out of it, according to them.”

Jack frowned.

“What?”

“Don’t seem like you agree.”

“I don't  _ disagree.” _

“But you don’t want it.”

“I don’t want to lose a year. I don’t want her leaving for college at seventeen. Preferably, she’d stay with me forever.”

“Can’t say I blame you. What does she think?”

“We haven’t talked about it. We went right from school to lunch with Hannah so I didn’t get a chance to.”

“Well, Whatever you decide, I’m sure it’ll be okay.”

“I don’t know…”

“You’re a good parent, Dave. Tied with my ma for the best I know.”

David smiled.

“Whatever you decide will be fine.”

“Thanks. It’s just hard to imagine.”

“I know.”

“It’s weird to think she’s so successful when her dad doesn’t even have a job. I’m not saying I’m not happy she is! I just wish for her…”

“I know. I wish it for you and for her, but you’ll be okay, baby. You’ve got your parents.”

“It’s hard to make myself rely on them.”

“I know, but you can.” He put down the piece of bed he was holding and took David’s hand. “Look, there ain’t nothing wrong with relying on others.”

“I know, I know. I’m working on it.”

“I know you are. I’m proud of you.”

“And I want to have money to buy things for Chava and to take you out.”

“I don’t mind paying for dates for a while and we can do things that don’t cost money.”

“But  _ I _ mind. You deserve fancy restaurants and flowers and other romantic things.”

“But I  _ want _ you. Everything else is just extra. I want you.”

David leaned against him and sighed. “You’re amazing, Jacky.”

He snorted.

“I’m serious! A few months ago, I couldn’t have imagined being so happy. Chava is the light of my life and she makes me happy, don’t get me wrong, but I wasn't happy in life in general. Now I can’t imagine life without you. I quit my awful job and I moved back in with my parents — which I can, by some miracle, see as a sorta positive thing — and I’m taking better care of myself.”

“That isn’t all me, baby. You’ve done so much and I’m so proud of you, even if I don’t have the right to be.”

He shook his head. You do. I’m scared.”

Jack wrapped his arms around him.

“What are you scared of?”

“That something’s going to fall apart. Either with getting a job or Chava’s school or living at home or, or, or you’ll break up with me and I’ll never see you again.”

“Hey. Listen to me: I’m never gonna leave you. Ever. You’re the love of my life, Davey.”

David sat up, shocked. Of course Jack was the love of his life, he knew that even if he was the first person he’d ever been in love with. He loved him more than life itself and he never wanted to be apart from him. It was somewhat surprising to hear that Jack felt similarly, if not the same, though.

“I am?”

“What? Course you are. What about what we talked about on the way home from my ma’s last weekend? Did you not think I meant it?”

He looked crushed.

“No! I mean, yes! No, I didn’t think you didn’t mean it. That’s what I’m trying to say. I just figured I should be prepared for the possibility that you’ll fall out of love with me.”

Jack kissed his temple. “Never. I’m never going to stop loving you David Jacobs. Hell or high water, okay?”

“Hell or high water.”

They sat together for a while, completely ignoring the bed. Jack kept his arms around David and David kept his head on Jack’s shoulder. It must have been fifteen minutes and then somebody came bounding up the stairs.

“Daddy! Jack! Are you almost done? Can we play soon?”

They laughed.

“Come here, aniołku.”

She obediently sat down on his lap. He hugged her close.

“We’ll play soon, okay?”

“Okay. Can I help you?”

He looked to Jack to make sure he was okay with her being around while he didn’t feel well. He smiled.

“Of course. Thank you for offering. You’re a good girl.”

“I know.” She got up and went over to the pile of pieces, examining them like she was a health and safety inspector.

“Hey, flower? You know I love you, right?”

“Mmhm.” She nodded. “I love you, too, Daddy. I love you, Jack.”

Jack looked like he might cry and he wasn't alone. David restrained himself from jumping up and squeezing her tight. 

At that moment, David didn’t think he’d ever been happier. Even though he was sitting on the floor, building furniture — one of his least favorite things to do in the world — he was doing it with his daughter and with the love of his life.

Later, Sarah was coming over with Katherine and they were going to have a Jacobs siblings family movie night, plus Jack and Katherine. His parents would be asleep, sure, but all of his favorite people in the world would be under one roof.

“I love you, too, Chava.”

David thought about how lucky he was to have met Jack. How lucky he was to have met Chava’s mother. How lucky he was to have such a caring family and a boyfriend with a welcoming group of friends. He was all around lucky.

He had spent so long lamenting his faults and failures that the drastic change over the last few months was overwhelming. He’d be fine, though; he always would be. He had people who loved him and would take care of him no matter what, just as he would take care of them.

Jack squeezed his hand.

“You okay, baby?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” he asked. “I have the two of you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue will be up later today!


	26. Epilogue

“Two years ago, my brother was an idiot. Still is, in fact. But on this particular morning, he was more of an idiot than usual.”

David laughed with everyone else.

Sarah looked beautiful under the makeshift spotlight. He was glad to have the attention off of him and on her for a few minutes.

“David has lived in New York since he was nine. He’s taken the subway thousands — literally thousands — of times, but for whatever reason, he forgot to tilt his head up a few degrees and look at the board to see when the next train was arriving. Luckily, a handsome stranger was there to help.” She paused for a second. “And to flirt.”

People laughed again.

“David fell for Jack instantly. And why wouldn’t he? Well, I can think of many, many reasons, but Jack used a Tennessee Williams quote and that was it for my brother.

“That night, he told me about the cute guy he’d met on a subway platform. I hadn’t seen David have a crush since high school and he certainly never pursued dating before then, but here he was, waiting for a guy to text him.

“And he did. Jack fell just as hard for my brother. Within a month, he’d introduced David to his family and a few days later they said ‘I love you for the first time.’

“Most importantly, Jack had Chava’s seal of approval from day one. Those of you who know me know how protective I am of my niece, and there isn’t anyone I would rather have as her step-father.”

She turned slightly so she was facing their table.

“I tell this story instead of stories about David and what he means to me because there are no words that can adequately express that. There’s nothing more important to me than him. He’s my best friend in the world.

“Neshama is a Hebrew word meaning soul. It’s often used as a term of endearment for a loved one you’re very close with. When David and I use it for each other, we mean it literally. I believe that David is quite literally half of my soul and I know he believes the same about me.”

Tears rolled down David’s cheeks. Sarah’s too.

“David, I love you. You’ve been through a lot in life and always persevered. No one will ever deserve you, but Jack comes the closest. Jack, I love you, too. I don’t have to tell you to be good to him because I know you already are.

“If you’d all raise a glass to Mr. and Mr. Jacobs-Kelly. I’ve spoken enough, so all I’ll say is I love you one more time. L’chaim.”

“L’chaim!” people repeated.

“Thank you.”

David got up and embraced his sister.

“Neshama.”

“Neshama.”

“I love you, too, Sarah. Thank you. That was beautiful.”

“Anything for you.” She kissed his cheek.

David watched his husband — his  _ husband _ — and his sister hug. He said something he couldn’t hear and Sarah laughed.

“My speech made more people cry than your brothers’. Race owes me fifty bucks.”

“Only fair.”

“Jacky?” David said.

“Hmm?”

“Come dance with me again?”

“Of course.”

Dancing together was something they had found out they loved when they’d started practicing for the wedding. Now, they did it often, late at night in their kitchen, listening to soft music and trying not to wake Chava.

“Where’s your brother?” Jack asked idly. “Haven’t seen him in a while.”

“I think he’s flirting with Finch’s little sister.”

“Bleh. Gross.”

David laughed. “You’re such a child. I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

David closed his eyes as they swayed to the music.

“You know, I’d never thought about it before, but you  _ are _ an idiot.”

“Hey!”

“You could’ve just looked at the board.”

“Would you have liked me to?” He raised an eyebrow.

“Course not. I’m thankful you were an idiot.”

“Shut up and kiss me, Mr. Jacobs-Kelly. I love you, but you talk too much. Not that it’s not a nice voice.”

They danced for a while longer and Chava joined them. They took turns with her dancing on their feet. God, David was so thankful he hadn’t looked at that board. If he had, he never would’ve been there, at his wedding, dancing with his husband and his daughter, content. More than content.

His life was messy and complicated for a long time. It still was, to some extent. Now, though, it was a good messy and complicated.

“What’s going on in that head of yours?” Jack asked as they strode towards the elevator, hand in hand.

“Nothing. You, Chava, my siblings. I don’t know, everything.”

“Mm. Me too. You look real pretty when you think, did you know that? Then again, you always look pretty.”

David kissed him to shut him up.

“Flirt.”

“Sap.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! There will most likely be some shorter stories and oneshots in this universe. I’ve been working on this since May and I’m amazed by the support I’ve gotten in the short time since I started posting it. I appreciate everyone’s comments deeply. I cannot express my gratitude enough. Thank you.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Please let me know what you think. Feel free to come say hi/send me prompts on tumblr (@JewishDavidJacobs).


End file.
